Jareth (Registered User) Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse thread: Total recall **Note: I’m not sure how you guys imagine it, but I imagine that, in Coffeehouse, everyone is proportional to human size (Ex. Foxglove would be 5’3”, Zipper would be 1’2”, etc.)** Things in the Coffeehouse had been pretty quiet for quite some time. Original characters would come in every now and then to relax, authors would come to think, and every so often, when not fighting crime, the Rangers would show up as well, to hang out. Things had become pretty boring in there, until one fateful day… “Dale!” Chip shouted, bonking Dale on the head. “What do you think you’re doing?” “What does it look like I’m doing?” Dale retorted, rubbing his head. “Shoving Playdough into the cracks of the table you’re sitting at.” Chip said crossing his arms. Dale looked down at the long crack that traveled down the middle of his table. It should’ve been dark, but due to Playdough, it was now pink. “Do you realize how long it takes to clean out those things?” Chip asked disdainfully. “It’s bad enough when coffee spills in them, but *Playdough*… Why *are* you doing that anyways?” “Well,” Dale responded, standing up. “The cracks are so dull, and stuff always gets stuck in them; so I stuffed ‘em with Playdough. That way, they look nice, *and* nothing gets stuck in them.” Chip slapped his hand over his face in frustration. “You wanna help, Chip?” Dale asked, offering him the Playdough. “Gladly.” Chip said wryly, snatching the Playdough from Dale’s hand, and beginning to walk away, towards a nearby trashcan. “Hey!” Dale protested, “My Playdough!” “Sorry, Dale.” Said Chip, “But there’s no way I’m staying here extra late to clean up your mess.” “You can’t just take my dough!” Dale protested, chasing after him. “Actually, I can.” Chip said, reaching into his bomber jacket. From the depths of his jacket, he produced a large, two-inch thick, red book, bearing the RR logo. Casually, Chip proceeded to open the book to the middle. “*ahem*” He said, clearing his throat, “According to page two hundred and fifty of the official Rescue Rangers rulebook, rule two thousand, nine hundred, and fifty-two, article seven; and I quote. “If one or more members posses an item potentially dangerous to the current mission, the leader may confiscate that item.” Dale starred blankly “…Did you have that in your jacket the entire time?” Chip ignored Dale’s question and continued. “The mission: Relax at the Coffeehouse without messing it up, the threat: Your Playdough. Therefore,” Chip said walking up to the trashcan. “This goes in here.” With that, Chip proceeded to drop the Playdough. Dale watched as his Playdough fell into the trash. “Since when was this a mission?!” He fumed. “According to rule fifty-nine, article one: everything that we do as a group, is considered a mission.” Dale gave Chip a nasty look. “If you don’t believe me, look it up.” Chip offered, tossing Dale the large book. “*oof*” Dale grunted, almost dropping the book. He watched as Chip walked into the back, out of sight. With nothing else to do, Dale brought his book back to his Playdough-ridden table, set it down, opened it, and began to skim through it. “There’s gotta be some rule allowing Playdough— Whoa.” Dale said to himself. “There’s a rule against dropping peanut butter from high places... Weird.” Jareth sat not too far away, watching as Dale began to leaf through the book, mumbling about Playdough. “What’s he doing?” Purifying Light asked, walking up and sitting in Jareth’s lap. “That’s the Rescue Ranger Rule Book.” Jareth explained, “He’s trying to find a rule that permits the possession of Playdough.” Purifying light paused for a moment. “…Yeah, that sounds about right.” Meanwhile, Dale was not having ANY luck. The closest thing he had found to his “Playdough exception rule”, was a rule allowing dough to be used as a method of bondage. “This is hopeless!” He fumed, kicking the table, and inadvertently stubbing his little toe “*Owwww! My foot!” he yelled. “My foot my foot my—” Dale stopped in mid-howl, as a small rule at the bottom of his current page caught his attention. A small smile began to form on his face. “…Yeah, I could do that.” FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER “DaaAAale!” chip groaned, walking up to him. The wall was covered in scribbles; which was fitting, as Dale had a magic marker in his hand. “What are you doing now?” “Drawing a self portrait.” Dale answered nonchalantly. “Marker.” Chip sighed, extending his hand outwards. “No.” Dale answered simply, turning around. “*sigh. Dale, You have to. Remember the rule?” “Yep.” Dale said, turning around. “If one or more members posses an item potentially dangerous to the current mission, the leader may confiscate that item.” “-And I’m the leader.” Chip finished, “So give me the marker.” “No you’re not.” Dale said, capping his marker. “…Excuse me?” Chip asked, not quite sure how to respond. “Hey guys, what’s up?” Gadget asked, approaching Chip. “Yeah, you too aint fight’n again, ah ya?” Monty asked, also approaching the scene, Zipper close behind. “Gadget,” Chip sighed, “Can you please explain to this bozo that I’m the leader.” “But you’re not— anymore.” Dale said, crossing his arms. “What?” Chip asked. “According to sub-rule 273, article 3; the leader of the Rescue Rangers may be recalled, if the following criteria is met. 1.) Twenty percent of the group must vote to recall him, and 2.) That twenty percent must provide a dollar of their own money to fund the recall.” Dale reached into his pocket, pulling out a dollar bill. I voted, and according to Jareth, 20% of 5, is one!” Chip stared blankly. “You have no power over me.” Dale said triumphantly. “Lemme see that!” Chip said, grabbing the book off the table and beginning to read the highlighted paragraph. “Well Chip?” Asked Gadget. Chip put down the book and sighed. “Yes, it’s true.” “Oh boy oh boy!” Dale exclaimed. “I nominate myself as the new leader!” “Oh god.” Chip groaned, setting the book back down on the table. Zipper thought about what this would mean; absolute anarchy! Quickly, he buzzed over to the book, looking over the recall rule. Suddenly, Zipper made a “Hey!” Noise. What is it pally? Monty asked, walking up to the book. Zipper pointed eagerly, at a small, un-highlighted part of the paragraph. “Hey,” Came Foxglove’s voice, as she approached the Rangers “What’s going on?” “Oh, nothin much Foxy.” Dale said nonchalantly, rubbing the back of his hand on his shirt. “…Except that I’m the new leader of the Rescue Rangers!” “Ooh,” Foxglove said, her ears standing up with interest. “Does that mean that you can make today, hug a bat day?” She added coyly “Yeah, maybe.” Dale said, oblivious to Foxglove’s advances. “But as my first order of business, there will be a new team uniform, which will be colored with—” “Actually.” Monty said, pointing at the un-highlighted section. “Accordin to this, you can’t just make yourself the new leadah. Ya gotta get elected.” “*phew” Chip said, wiping his brow. “This’ll be easier than running unopposed.” “Not quite.” Interjected Monty. According to this, *you* can’t run. None of us can.” “What?!” exclaimed Chip “Who wrote this stupid thing?!” “You did.” Gadget said, causing Chip to blush with embarrassment. “Eh heh heh, oh yeah.” “But Monty,” Asked Dale, “If WE can’t run, who can? ONE of us has to be the leader, right?” “Acoordn’ ta this: The newly appointed leader must derive from a different party, meanin’…” Monty looked up at the customers of the Coffeehouse, who had been listening intently for quite some time now. “…One ‘O them.” Upon hearing this, authors and original characters alike began to talk amongst themselves. A chance of becoming the leader of the rescue rangers? It was like a dream come true. Foxglove sighed dreamily “If I was the leader, *I* could make it ‘hug a bat day’!” And now, my fellow rangerphiles, the point of this Coffeehouse thread. Now that Chip has been recalled, YOU, or one of your original characters, have a shot at becoming the new leader of the rescue rangers (Ala, the California recall election). The rules for this thread are simple: Make a post under this, of either an original character, or yourself, giving a campaign speech. Even if you don’t want to run, feel free to write a joke campaign speech. If there is enough interest in this, than on Friday, I will post the outcome, and the end to this story… However, if there is not, than there will be a horrible penalty. If I do NOT get AT LEAST four posts under this… I will write it. I will write a fanfic, called: “In the shadow of the demon’s eye”; A Mary-sue ‘fic to end all Mary-sue ‘fics. I will do this by systematically going through the Mary-sue litmus test, and trying to get the highest score possible. The story will be written like a butchered movie script, with music cues, and SFX cues, and everything. If I get the feeling that the fic’s becoming enjoyable, I’ll mess it up. The main character will even be named Jareth! OH, THE HORROR!!! ………So basically, please participate. :) or else ------------------------------------------- CD (Registered User) Who wants to be a Rescue Rangers leader? Seeing a chance to cause a little bit of havoc, Mercy raised her hand. "I could be governor- erm, leader. I was a president for seven days, didn't do to bad. If I'm elected, I won't end crime. I don't like being a hypocrit. What I will do is order Chip to love me. And leave the others to do as they see fit. Finally, under my lead we shall rid the world of weapons of mass destruction!" She proclaimed and bowed. CD aplauded, and hoped others would do as well or he'd look like a fool. ---------- Good day and I bet a bunch of people will pop up with complaints about Mercy during the voting process. ------------------------------------------- Jareth (Registered User) Darien “I feel that I would be a valuable asset to the Rescue rangers. Being an alpha male, I’ve much experience with leadership and discipline. Not to mention, my ability to be in seven places at once would allow me to keep track of the Rodents- err, Rangers, at all times, no matter where they are. I believe firmly in disciplining those who oppose my leadership, and will be more than happy to eat anyone who disobeys my orders.” At hearing this, the Rangers shifted around nervously in their seats. “So DON’T do the criminal underworld a favor, and vote for me.” “Okay,” Sparky said, motioning to the left, “next up, is—” “I mean seriously,” Darien continued “The villains they face are like nothing to me.” “Okay,” Sparky said, trying to cut in. “Like Fat Cat; I’d tear through him like tissue paper.” “Your turn is up.” “And don’t even get me started on Rat Capone—“ ZAP! “*yelp!” “Please,” Sparky said, blowing on his smoking fingers, let the next candidate speak.” “Why you— If I didn’t need your vote…” Darien said nothing more, and walked calmly back to his seat. ------------------------------------------- Winston (Registered User) Winston's bid for power... A human in a plain green t-shirt and jeans walked up to the microphone. He had long hair and a thin beard, the result of having not shaved in several days. "Oh... Excuse me." He mumbled. "If I'm going to campaign for leader of the Rescue Rangers, I guess I'd better be in my Rangerverse form." He grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and wrote something briefly. When he tossed the pad back down on an empty table, his human form had been replaced by that of an anthropomorphic grey squirrel. "That's better." He said. "Now, then... Hi, I'm Winston deLeon. My policy is complete honesty, so here's what you can expect from me if I'm chosen as the leader of the Rangers." He began. "If elected, I promise to spend all day, every day, slacking off and screwing around. Hmm..." Winston thought to himself for a moment. "Maybe I shouldn't say 'day', because I'm mostly a night owl anyway. In fact, if the sun's up, I'll more than likely be sleeping... I don't seem to really get going until it goes down. I mean, sure, I go to college classes during the day, but I'm not sure you can really consider the state I'm in 'awake'... Ermm, but I'm digressing. What was I talking about?" For a moment, Winston tried to remember. "Oh, right!" He exclaimed as it came back to him. "The slacking thing. Yeah, I'm pretty lazy. In fact, I'm supposed to be doing homework right now, but look what I'm doing instead." At that point, Winston reached into his pocket, pulled out a yo-yo, and proceeded to stand around playing with it for some time. Murmurs of confusion ran through the crowd. Finally, a question was fielded. "Do you have any real qualifications for this job?" Someone asked. "Nope. Not one." Winston answered without looking away from his yo-yo. Suddenly, the string snapped and it rolled away out of sight. "Oh well." Winston mumbled with a shrug. "Um... well, I forgot what the rest of my speech was going to be about, so we'll just get this over with. Any other questions?" He asked, turning and facing the crowd once more. "Are you actually running, or is this just a joke?" Someone else asked. "I assure you..." Winston began, mustering up as much dignity as he could, "that my name won't even be on the ballot, so this is most certainly a joke. Gotta do my part to kill Jareth's threatened Mary-Sue fic before it gets off the ground, after all..." "Actually, anyone who gives a speech is automatically put on the ballot." Sparky said. "Oh... Then oddly enough, I guess it's not a joke." Winston corrected himself. "Alright, next question. Yes, you there..." He pointed to someone towards the back of the room. "Jade?" A female mouse with long brown hair and a grey long-sleeved shirt looked up in surprise as she was pointed to. "But I didn't have a question." She said, puzzled. "Oh, come on. You're my character, you've gotta have a question." Winston said. "Nope. Sorry." She said simply. "Oh. Well, that's okay. By the way, how's the... umm... 'secret project' coming along?" Winston asked. "Pretty good." Jade grinned, giving a brief thumbs up. At that point, Sparky interrupted. "If you're finished, we'll move on to the next candidate..." He said. "Okay, fine with me." Winston agreed. "Just remember, everyone... A vote for me is a vote for warranty-voiding hardware hacks... So under no circumstances should I be elected!" He descended from the microphone, leaving everyone thoroughly confused. -------------------------------------------- Jareth (Registered User) Jamba Jamba approached the microphone and began to talk in the eerily calm tone he often used. “Hello, my name is Jamba.” He said calmly. “Although I’ve no experience in politics, I believe that, if elected leader, I would become quite a valuable member of the team. Being the size I am, I could act as a ‘living airplane’, saving the Rangers a great deal of money on batteries.” Jamba paused to think. “Also, with the speed I move*, I would be able to get them out of the tightest of situations. “Don’t you live in Madagascar?” Came a voice from the audience. “In the rainforest, yes.” Jamba replied. “So how would you get from there to… um… the city where the Rangers live?” Asked the voice. “I fly quite fast**.” Jamba responded. “Fast enough to commute daily?” A slight chuckle emitted from the crowd. “Yes.” Jamba said calmly, the chuckling abruptly ceasing. “*Ahem*” Sparky grunted. “Oh, right,” Jamba said sheepishly. “So vote for me... And Mercy eats babies.” With that, Jamba stepped down, satisfied with himself. *See: The Return of Winifred **Again, see: The Return of Winifred ---------------------------------------------- Kat (Registered User) Comments from the Peanut Gallery "I'm not sure how you guys imagine it, but I imagine that, in Coffeehouse, everyone is proportional to human size" Heh, The Boz & I figured everyone was proportional to -mouse- size while inside the Coffeehouse...but it doesn't really matter as long as everything is in the same scale. ***** Grace Gigabyte watched with interest as several fictives nominated themselves. Widget Bernouli quit sipping her cappucino long enough to ask the brown-eyed mouse, "Think they have any idea of what they're getting themselves into?" Grace smirked and replied, "Not a clue...this could get interesting, y'know." Widget put down her cup. "Perhaps..." The blue-eyed mouse then picked up a set of schematics and began studying them. Grace grinned mischeviously. "Mind if I nominate you?" Widget lowered the blueprints and glared at her distant cousin. "Don't you -DARE-, Grace!" The brown-eyed mouse chuckled. "Just kidding, cuz. How 'bout I nominate Leviathan instead?" Widget rolled her eyes. "Don't encourge him, Gracie." "Aw, you're no fun, Widget." "Knowing your idea of 'fun', I shall take that as a compliment." With that, Widget resumed her examination of the blueprints. -------------------------------------------- Karl (Registered User) This is my big chance! Karl stepped up to the microphone, then looked out at the crowd and swallowed hard. "Though I would much rather hang from a climbing harness 400 feet up the side of a radio tower than speak in public, I feel this is important. Vitally important!" Pointing at Foxglove, he proclaimed "I nominate Foxglove! According to Disney canon, she is not actually an official Rescue Ranger - and therefore is an outsider! She can be elected as the leader!" (I hope!) He then stumbled back to his table, where he was congratulated by Gertie the badger and Hawnurra the cougar, each in their own special way. Between Gertie's endless flood of words and Hawnurra's slap-on-the-back, Karl found himself unable to finish his drink. -------------------------------------------- Obi-Wan Maplewood (Registered User) I am running for Governator, err, Ranger leader "Greetings, Rangers and Rangerphiles," remarked a chipmunk dress in Jedi robes after stepping up to the podium. "My name is Obi-Wan Maplewood, and I'm..." "Now WAIT just a minute there, Mister Obi-Wan," interrupted Monty. "You've got the same last name as Chipper 'ere, you're a Jedi, and you using a member's UserName. Sounds like a bleein' Mary Sue if ya ask me!" "I am not a Mary Sue - and I can prove it!" Obi-Wan then proceeded to give Gadget a wild, passionate kiss. *POW!!!* "SeE! i'M nOt A mArY sUe..." Obi-Wan remarked shakily as he recovered from Gadget's punch. "Anyway," the Jedi chipmunk continued, rubbing his face," If elected I promise to protect all the Pros [C+G fans] from the wrath of Julie Bihn's Magic Sword™. I also promise to uncover the truth about Gadget's mother, Lawhinie, why Chip and Dale seem to act so weird on 'House of Mouse,' and just what color Gadget's hair is! Also, if elected, I shall do my best to make Tammy realize that her one true love is not Chip, but Winston deLeon, and on a similar note, I will try to get Clarice to go out with CD. Remember - a vote for Obi-Wan is a vote-" "-for Jar-Jar!" said Dale exictedly. "-for truth and goodness." Obi-Wan concluded, ignoring Oakmont's interjection. -------------------------------------------- Ronnie Rabbit (Registered User) Rabbits are for Running! A smallish orange bunny, dressed to the nines, trots up behind the podium. A top hat (big enough to cover his ears!), a black cane, and a pocketwatch either perfectly complete a stylish black outfit. *Looks like a jack o' lantern,* everyone in the coffeehouse thinks. Except Foxglove, who being a member of the 'mistakenly associated with Halloween' subculture is aware of such stereotypings and fights to avoid them. "An important point is being overlooked in these speeches!" Ronnie Rabbit intones solemnly. "The only opinion that counts is- the Ranger's!" he points dramatically at the group. They all looks slightly startled, except Gadget, who as usual when forced to sit for long periods of time has completely zoned out, her mind on a knotty knot problem she's sure is not a problem at all. "It's the Rescue Rangers we all care about, good or evil. And more importantly," he grins, "if you don't make them happy they'll just recall you as leader, and we'll be right back here again. So I'll be using the campaign method that's been sadly overlooked until now-" A dramatic pause. "Outright Bribery!" "Dale- mandatory horror movie night. Foxglove... mandatory horror movie night." Foxglove beamed, a thought balloon appearing over her head showing her squealing in 'terror' and cuddling close into Dale's lap. Dale eyes it with some concern, battling inside his head to determine if weekly movies were worth it.... awww, sure! "Monty- ah. It would be really obvious to say cheese here, wouldn't it?" Ronnie said, as Monterey Jack's moustache drooped. "...so that's exactly what I'm going to say! I guarantee no cheese diets while I'm in charge, and I'll personally run the cheese collection rounds once a week!" "Zipper... every fifth case, all responsibility will be delegated entirely to you, giving you a chance to show your abilities, talents, and personality." The fly promptly fainted, falling into Gadget's lap, startling her from her reverie. "Um... when you're up to the stress." "Gadget, I will /personally/ listen to /every/ explanation you ever make for its full duration, and-" the rabbit inhaled deeply- "v-volunteer for all required invention tests." Gadget blinked rapidly several times, then beamed. The rabbit just looked pale, but struggled to continue. "And, of course- Chip. In return for allowing me to be elected..." The rabbit paused dramatically. "...Dale won't be leader of the Rescue Rangers." "HEY!" Dale cried out, struggling to extrciate himself from Foxglove (who was still trailing a thought balloon. Gadget caught sight of it, blinked rapidly again, and blushing, quickly looked away to busy herself reviving Zipper. As an argument broke out between Chip and Dale, Chip extolling the virtues of Dale not being leader while Dale (in Foxglove's unyielding grip) argued the opposite, Ronnie Rabbit finished up his speech. "Remember: a vote for me is a vote for-" *BONK*- "um, happy Rescue Rangers! Thank you!" --------------------------------- pupspals (Registered User) my turn! I walk up to a podum & clear my throat. "Rangers, I ask you to vote me as your new leader. I've been a fan of you guys since the Disney Afternoon days. I have seen (& own) every episode, read every comic book, every Disney Adventures comic, both Secret Casebooks, and have even read some fanfics. I am quite aware of your adventures & your way of doing things. In fact, I recently suggested to a fanfic author to not steal or borrow a surgical tool, but to repair a discarded one (see acorn cafe board for details). I have seen your Disney on Ice Show & wear Ranger T-shirts with pride around school and remind them all of who you guys are! I have also seen Chip & Dale's classic Disney shorts, own several classic comics, am aware of your nephews Zip & Zap, and have on video your shorts of Mickey's Mouseworks, House of Mouse, Mickey's Christmas Carol, & Once Upon a Christmas." Gadget looks over at Chip & Dale. "You guys were in classic Disney cartoons?" Monty stares at them, "Then you blokes would be older then me!" Chip & Dale whistle in the corner like they're not listening to them while Zipper Tisks. Foxglove looks starstruck at Dale & asks for his autograph which he gives her. "I would continue your tradition! Keep your adventures going! And you guys are well aware of the indirect finacing you are recieving though my collecting your merchandice. Rangers, I ask you to make me your leader (or at least a member)!! Thank you!" I step away from the podium & rush to class because I'm going to be late giving this speech. :-} As the papers fly as I run out the door a brown & white dog w/ black ears & a red nose walks up to the podium. "Ummm... She had more to say than that! Well, I remember what she was going to say! Since she is my pal (pup's pal, get it?) I'll finish her speech for her. She forgot to say that her computer is customized, well... as customized as it can get since she's a PC user who owns a mac laptop (long story), with ranger stuff! Wallpapers that rotate & icons! She shows it off to everyone she knows! She's even created a website that helps those poor ignorant people who can't tell the difference between Chip & Dale how to tell the difference!" "A worthy cause!" Dale exclaims. "What about the difference between us and those *shudder* other chipmunks? I've had that problem before!" Chip asks. Pup thinks about it, "I'm not sure about that... She's actually had no problem with that but corrected people who thought that the Tiny Toons were the Chipmunks." Chip & Dale look at each other in surprise, "Weird!!" Pup continues, "Also she wanted to mention a certain thing to each of you: *ahem* Gadget: She doesn't wear makeup or dresses either! well... unless she has to for a concert she's performing in, but even then she doesn't like it! She says 'wait a sec' all the time & also loves technology, & though she probably won't understand all of your explanations, she's definitely interested in anything you can teach her! Dale: She loves comics and movies and tv shows like you do! She'd have no problem staying up late to watch the late, late, late show with you. She's also a huge fan of chocolate. ... This wasn't in her speech, but I remember when she was in elementary school and her friends would play rescue rangers, she would always play you! See, all her friends would fight over who got to play Gadget...." Gadget blushes. "... so she would call dibs on you. Then once Gadget was figured out and they started to fight over who would play you..." Chip stand up, "But I'm the leader!!" Dale smiles, "Not anymore! continue, Pup" Pup continues, "Well, everyone would be mad that she already claimed you. Chip: She loves mystery stories too & would love to read your Sherluck Jones books with you. Monty: She's very interested in you stories! I would actually like to hear them! But maybe just e-mail them to her so she could read them around her homework... Zipper: She promises to write you in every fanfic she writes! ... although I do recall some drawings she did where you weren't in them... Ummm... There was something else... Oh yeah! She can help you with special stakeouts in Fat Cat's casino because she can play the drum set & many other percussion instruments. Also she can help you with any cases in the artic or in an ice rink because she's a figure skater. She even has all her single jumps! Anyway, she'd love to be your leader!" Pup still stands at the podium even though he's done with the speech. Gadget asks, "Is there something else, Pup?" Pup blushes for a second then walks up to Gadget. "Well... actually... (deep breath) Can I have your autograph?!! All of you!!! I'm a huge fan too!!! " They all sign Pup's autograph book which is already filled with many other cartoon stars. When Dale signs he says, "What an autograph hound!" ---------------------------------------------- Jareth (Registered User) Wednesday, November 12, 2003 THE VOTES ARE IN... After what seemed like ages, the votes had finally been cast and counted. The candidates: Darien, Mercy, Winston, Jamba, Obi-Wan Maplewood, Ronnie Rabbit, and Pupspals. The inhabitants of the coffeehouse watched as Chip took the podium. In his hand, he held a computer printout with the results on it. “*Ahem,” he said, clearing his throat, “Before I announce the winner, I’d like to point out, that out of the dozens of people here, only seven voted; all of which I can only assume, were the seven candidates voting for themselves.” Chip paused, sighing. “Come on people, this is our future!” He shouted in frustration. “Why didn’t anyone vote?!” “I couldn’t understand the ballots!” Came a voice from the audience. Again, Chip sighed. “Well, it’s too late now. I just hope that if we find out that we had a complete tie, and have a redo, you’ll ALL vote… Now then, the poll results” Chip continued, calming down “Pupspals received… One vote.” Chip paused to sigh. “Mercy received… one vote. Jamba received… one vote. Obi-Wan Maplewood received… surprise; one vote. Winston received… Zero votes. Ro— Wait a minute!” Chip exclaimed, rechecking the printout to make sure he hadn’t misread. “Winston didn’t vote for himself?!” “Sure.” Came Winston’s voice. “Weren’t you listening to my speech?” “Then that means…” Chip said, a touch of excitement in his voice, reading the next candidate. “Ronnie Rabbit… two votes!” “We have a winner!” cheered Dale. “…Yeah.” Chip said, sounding less than enthusiastic. He was still not thrilled about being recalled, but at least a good candidate had won. “Wait.” Came Darien’s voice. “What about me?” “…What about you?” Asked Chip. “You didn’t read my results.” Darien said calmly. “Did you vote for yourself?” Asked Chip. “Just read it off.” Darien said disdainfully. “Fine,” Chip said, looking at the last name on the ballot “Darien… seven votes— WHAT?!” Murmurs began to arise throughout the coffeehouse. Had Darien cheated? “How did you get seven votes?” Chip prodded. “There weren’t even that many voters!” “Ah but you forget.” Darien said calmly, “I have the ability to split myself into SEVEN different foxes. I simply split, voted for myself seven times, and reformed.” “You can’t do that… Can he?” Chip asked, glancing nervously over to Gadget. Gadget picked up the Rescue Ranger Rule Book and began to leaf through it. “Don’t tell me I actually put a rule in for that too.” Chip muttered to no one in particular. “I’m afraid he can.” Gadget sighed. “What?!” The rangers all asked at once. “According to sub-rule 274, article 1; an individual with multiple bodies is entitled to multiple votes.” At this point, Gadget dropped the book (Zipper quickly picking it up and whisking it off to a nearby table) and stared blankly at Chip. “Golly Chip… Why did you put THAT rule in there?” “Yeah,” Chimed Dale “What were you on when you wrote this thing?” “Hey!” Shouted Chip. “You’re the one who recalled me. Now we’re going to have to sleep with one eye open from now on!” “Relax pallys.” Monty said reassuringly. “We can always recall him, roight?” “Oh I would love to see you try.” Darien said menacingly. The Rangers gulped. Now what? “Now,” Began Darien “as the new leader, I order you to salt yourselves… Except for the fly; I don’t do that.” “Wait!” came Zipper’s voice. The Rangers turned, only to see Zipper carrying the gargantuan book over to them. “Whatcha got there Zipper?” Monty asked, taking the book. Zipper frantically pointed to a small paragraph at the bottom of the page. “Hmmmm.” Monty hummed. “What is it Monty?” The rangers all asked in unison. “Acord’n ta this, predator’s can’t be elected.” “So that means…” Chip began. “Darien isn’t in charge after all!” “Fine.” Darien said, turning away “I’ll get my meals elsewhere.” “So does that mean Ronnie Rabbit is in charge?” Asked Gadget. “Nope.” Answered Monty. “He didn’t win.” “Then who’s in charge?” They all demanded, now becoming frustrated. Monty read from the book: “‘If no winner is found, then the original leader retakes his or her position.’ Guess that means you Chipah.” “*Whew.” Chip sighed in relief. The nightmare was over. The moral of this story is a simple one: VOTE!!! (A paid advertisement from the golden acorn awards) “Wait wait wait.” Came Chip’s voice. “If everyone had voted, I wouldn’t be the leader anymore.” “Oh, okay. Than the moral of this story is a simple one: DON’T VOTE!!! (A paid advertisement from the Voter Apathy Party of America) “Wait,” Came Gadget’s voice. “If nobody had voted, then we would have been locked in a never-ending redo loop.” “*sigh, Okay. Than the moral of this story is a simple one: LET A MUNK HAVE HIS DOUGH. (A paid advertisement from the Playdough Company) “Everyone okay with that?” … “Good.”