"Why are you being so romantically enigmatic today?" She resorted to an old stance, advance and charge rather than retreat. The few times she'd let him act like this with her, she'd regretted it.

He met this challenge rather than recoiled. "I've waited a year. I believe now with all my being that Angelique will not return, not to burden us, not to harm us. I think I've waited long enough, one year + a few hundred more to be sure of it-"

"You're now saying you've lived this hermitic-like existence this last year, declared yourself all for the sake of being free of her?"

Barnabas' hand fell. "It's not that she was my only love Julia as I so foolishly said but there was a time I did bear affection for her, inconvenient affection. And I used her, set her aside when I saw that Josette returned my feelings; a more appropriate, profitable match. Not that my Father liked it any better. But not acknowledging that I did use Angelique, that she wasn't used to that as most servant girls were, that led to all of my woes. Dismissing her humanity, her rights, believing in to my own innate superiority that was my downfall. With other men I felt equal no matter their station but not women. Equality amongst the sexes was not something that I believed in nor understood, as it was with most men in my time. As we now know, Angelique was a woman who transcended time, so it was an affront to her that I could not have understood, not until now. Penance was required after I finally acknowledged and understood that."

Julia rested against the tree unwillingly seeing another comparison between herself and Angelique. Determined, headstrong, blindly devoted to one man who wanted anyone else but demanding of his respect if nothing else. "Am I a servant girl to you? Is that why I can be so callously used?" The slight nod, shameful closing of his eyes and deep breath testified to a true if unwelcome sentiment. "I don't like the thoughts I've had, thoughts about how Angelique and I have more in common than not-"

He shook his head. "You are not like her-"

"But I am, I would not be pushed aside by you, I manipulated you in the beginning, toyed with you, demanded your loyalty, resorted to trickery when I didn't get it-"

His hands came to rest gently on her shoulders. "You haven't harmed others for the sake of punishing me, not **even** Angelique. Oh you wanted to, I remember the night you held a pistol wanting to end it all but it was not done, you understood reason, logic, charity. Our relationship has changed both of us, for the better I think."

"True." She avoided his gaze, focusing on the marred white of his shirt, debris from the tree falling.

"I would not dare take credit for your evolution but I have born witness to it."

Julia smirked. "But I take full credit for yours." She pushed at him in a playful manner. When all this honesty was about, she let more of herself break through, the playful side that had gone into seclusion eons ago under another tree.

"Deservedly so." Barnabas picked a fallen leaf from its nesting spot in her hair. "But you are not like Angelique, you've stayed at my side without asking or demanding anything. You should not burden yourself with that comparison."

She gestured to the brown patchy soil beneath the tree, barren of grass, lined with the veins of the tree's root structure and fallen leaves yet to return completely to the soil. "So, you know what I've felt. What have you surmised as to why I sit here."

His arms went to either side of her, holding them to the tree. "You are in mourning."

"Astute." She lifted her chin, allowed his penetrating gaze.

"If it is for the reason I believe, you mourn wrongly." No words from her but a tilt of the head, arch of the brow told him, 'say more.' "You are here to exercise yourself as you said a few minutes ago of the feelings you have for me. You think they are fruitless and pathetic, you believe wrongly that they are not returned."

She swallowed. "Wrongly?"

"It's no wonder, I've done little in the last year to demonstrate what it is I truly feel, what I truly want from this life."

Julia squirmed, trying to dislodge his footing so she could move outside the corral of his arms. The depth of emotion in his eyes, the weight of his body too close to hers was unbearable. He didn't know what he did to her, how she misinterpreted him. "You've led me on before, saying false or rather misleading things-"

He repositioned himself, his footing stronger. There would be no release. "I never wanted to see you alone Julia." Her jaw clenched, her eyes pressed shut remembering a night long ago when she'd said 'I don't want to be alone, you know that'. She rued those words spoken out loud to him, even now she blushed at the admission. "It pains you even now to reveal your feelings to me, to let me see vulnerabilities in you-Julia," He let go of the tree, grabbing her arms. "Let me see you, you've seen everything of me, all my strengths, weaknesses, my hatred, my love, my foolish longings, let me see yours."

"Why! So you can use them!?" She pushed at his chest but he remained solid, unmovable.

"No, so we can be equal before God and each other." Barnabas gently placed his hands on her cheeks, holding her still. "You can't be ashamed to love me any more, give in to it. I so want to love you but I can't love a woman who won't allow herself to show love, who is afraid of my touch-"

Julia's hands pulled on his forearms. "When was there an occasion when I didn't show you every day that I cared, that I loved you? I fought for you, for your family-stop being a hypocrite!" They struggled; he to contain her, she to be free. "Love, you only understand one part of it, don't you, this part-" Julia lunged against him, wrapping her arms about his neck, pulling his mouth to her own. She forced her way again into his life, wrenching apart his jaw with her mouth and hands, pushing, pulling, sucking. His response was fierce, pining her against the tree, gasping for air as she took what it was she wanted, giving what he required. He put forth no resistance, pulling on her whilst forcing her against the tree, parting the fabric of her blouse, pulling his lips away only to burying himself against the skin of her neck, her breasts. They gasped, falling together to the blanket, rolling onto it only to move off of it onto the dirt and twigs then returning to its noticeable comfort. Neither formed or heeded any words that might've normally cautioned them. Julia's hands bared his chest, loosened a belt buckle, pulled on his zipper. He reciprocated. They twisted, pulled, gripped one another writhing upon the ground, panting for air, for each other, clawing their way into one another. 

Chapter 6