by Annie

December 23, 1998
Atlanta, Georgia

The holiday season is an awful time to be traveling, Julia thought as she sat in the crowded airport terminal. She had been in Atlanta for a three day medical conference. Although Julia no longer maintained an extensive medical practice, she continued to serve as a 'country doctor' for many of the  townspeople in Collinsport, and she attended several continuing medical education conferences each year to keep her medical license current.

Following the conference, she had stayed on in Atlanta four more days to visit with Dave Woodard and his wife, Laura. Even though she and Dave corresponded regularly, she missed spending time with her old friend, and had enjoyed their visit. She liked spending time with Laura as well, and she hoped that the Woodards would accept her invitation to come and stay with she and Barnabas in Maine next summer.

While in Atlanta, she had spoken on the telephone daily with Barnabas, but despite their daily talks, she was homesick and anxious to return to Collinsport. And tomorrow, as Barnabas had reminded her that morning, was their 25th anniversary. Although as far as the family was concerned, their wedding anniversary was December 31st. The family was planning to hold a celebration in their honor on that date, as they had done every year since they were legally married on the 31st.

Julia glanced at her watch. It was 4:40 PM. Her flight had already been delayed for two hours. Although it was mild and sunny in Atlanta, there was a snowstorm in the midwest. In addition to the heavy holiday air traffic, the storm, which was moving eastward from the great lakes region, had delayed many flights, hers included. She hoped that her flight would take off tonight and get her to Portland before the storm settled in over the east coast.

To distract herself, Julia decided to go to the bar to have a cigarette. Despite many efforts to stop, she continued her life-long smoking habit. She stood and gathered up her wool coat and her large black leather carry on bag. At 65 years old, Julia continued to make a striking presence. Her hair remained a fine auburn, although at this point in her life she made no pretense that the color was natural. Never one to fuss over her appearance, it was her one nod to vanity. She had dressed for the cold New England  weather that she was returning to. Wearing a long black knit skirt, short black boots, and a soft ivory sweater, she drew admiring glances from fellow stranded passengers as she made her way through the terminal.

Julia found a table in the crowded bar and ordered coffee. The airport was garishly decorated for the holiday season, and Christmas Muzak played relentlessly over the public address system. Surrounded by business people, families with babies, college students, and the endless luggage and packages belonging to her fellow travelers, she longed to get out of Atlanta as soon as possible and return to the peacefulness of Maine, and most of all, to her Barnabas. Sighing, she reached into her bag for her cigarettes, and her hand closed around a small box. She smiled to herself as she thought about the pocket watch contained in that box. Laura Woodard loved antiquing, and had invited Julia to accompany her one afternoon. As soon as she had spied the platinum watch in the antique shop, Julia knew that it was the perfect present for Barnabas. Made around the turn of the century, the initial "C" was engraved in flowing script on the watch's cover plate. She had immediately taken the watch to a jewelry store to have it further engraved, "December 24".

Laura had found Julia's choice of engraving unusual, and had commented, "The 24th? Why not the 25th, for Christmas, or the 31st, for your anniversary? "But Julia had offer Laura no explanation.

As Julia was finishing her second cup of coffee, her flight was called. "Thank God", she thought to herself. She reached into her bag for her cell phone and dialed home. Willie answered, and she told him of her delay in Atlanta and her best guess as to the time that she would be landing in Portland. "OK Julia, I'll let Barnabas know", said Willie, "we're s'posed to be gettin' a big storm up here, so you have a safe trip home. Merry Christmas, Julia".

"Thanks, Willie, Merry Christmas to you", Julia answered. With that, she gathered up her things, left a five dollar bill on the table for the waitress' tip, "after all, it's Christmas" , she thought, and made her way  back through the crowded terminal toward her gate.

The plane, of course, was full, and Julia was glad that Barnabas had insisted that she fly first-class. Barnabas had never failed to give her the best, she thought, always concerned about her comfort, her happiness. Her love for him had grown every year since they had been together, something that she would not have thought possible, loving him as intensely as she did when they first made their marriage vows.

Julia settled into her seat and looked out the window. It was getting dark. As the flight readied for take off, Julia realized that the seat next to her was vacant. "Now that's a Christmas miracle", she thought, chuckling to herself.

Following an uneventful take off, the plane climbed into the night sky. The cabin was lit softly and the only sound was the humming of the aircraft's engines, which Julia found to be a peaceful respite from the chaos in the airport now far behind her. Julia took a pale green cashmere shawl out of her bag, wrapped it around her shoulders, put on her wire-rimmed reading glasses, and settled in with The New England Journal of Medicine. 

The aircraft was flying into Dulles International airspace when it suddenly began to bounce, causing the journal that Julia had been reading to fly off of her lap. Concerned murmurs rose from the passengers. The pilot's well-trained voice filled the cabin and assured them that everything was fine, that they were merely headed into some turbulence as a result of the approaching storm.

What the pilot did not tell his passengers was that the approaching storm had grown into a full tilt nor'easter, bearing 75 mph headwinds, and moving rapidly eastward, perpendicular to their flight path up the coast.

The flight attendants busied themselves checking rows of passengers, ensuring that all were belted into their seats. Julia looked out the window of the plane into the blackness, seeing only her own reflection looking back. Her aristocratic bone structure had remained unchanged through the years, but in the dim light of the cabin, and no doubt accentuated by her unease about flying into a storm, her face looked tense; pale skin stretched taut over sharp bones.

The plane continued to be buffeted by turbulent airstreams, fighting to stay on course. Julia's anxiety began to well up as the flight attendants stowed carry on bags, coats, and other miscellaneous passenger belongings in the overhead compartments. Having lived in coastal New England for most of her adult life, Julia began to wonder just how severe this storm really was, and if the plane would make an unscheduled landing. She found herself torn between her instinct to get out of the storm by landing at Philadelphia or La Guardia, and her desire to reach Portland tonight, to be home, to be with Barnabas for Christmas.

Julia closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat, willing herself to relax. Her thoughts turned to Barnabas, and to a very special Christmas 25 years ago.

* * *

December 31, 1973
Collinsport, Maine

Barnabas and Julia's wedding ceremony took place at Collinwood on New Year's Eve. Julia had wished for a simple ceremony. Despite being a first-time bride, she was, after all, a forty year old bride and she felt that her wedding should have a certain dignity, a certain simplicity. And it had been a quiet, simple ceremony, held at sunset in the drawing room of Collinwood, witnessed by the entire Collins family and several close friends, including Dave and Laura Woodard. The room was lit by candles and decorated with simple swags of balsam.

Julia wore a long ivory skirt and softly fitted jacket, the lapels of which were delicately embroidered with fine seed pearls. She wore her chin-length auburn hair in soft curls about her face. She carried pale pink roses, her favorite flower, and her late mother's prayer book. She wore the diamond and emerald teardrop earrings that had belonged to Naomi Collins, which had been Barnabas' wedding present to her. She also wore her wedding ring. She had, in fact, been wearing her ring for a number of days now. When asked about this by puzzled family members, all she had said was that she couldn't bear to take it off.

Carolyn Collins had looked beautiful in a dark blue dress of duchesse satin. Elizabeth Collins Stoddard had lent Carolyn her sapphire necklace and earrings for the occasion. Elizabeth herself had worn a green velvet jacked and long taffeta skirt.

Roger Collins had escorted Julia down the main staircase and into the drawing room of the great house. Julia remembered how Roger had soothed her nerves, telling her how beautiful she looked, and what a fine member of the Collins family she would be.

As Julia entered the drawing room on Roger's arm, her nervousness vanished and she had barely been aware of the assembled group of family and friends. She saw only Barnabas, standing by the fireplace, dressed in a dark blue suit, his dark eyes shining, eyes full of love, looking only at her. As she approached him, he reached out his hand for her, and together they stood, hand in hand.

The vicar of the Episcopalian chapel in Collinsport had officiated at the traditional ceremony. When the time came for Barnabas to place the wedding ring on her finger, he had merely taken her hand and kissed it tenderly.

Following the ceremony, they gathered in the dining room for dinner, and the halls of Collinwood had been alive with celebration and laughter until dawn. In the drawing room, they danced to records played on the old phonograph. Young David Collins had been assigned the duty of selecting and playing the  records, a task which he had assumed happily. Julia remembered how Barnabas held her in his arms as they danced to 'The Way You Look Tonight', how he sang the words softly in her ear. Barnabas had made a point of asking David to play this song for them, and Julia had been both surprised and deeply touched by this romantic gesture.

Julia smiled as she recalled the good-natured joking from the family over the fact that she and Barnabas had stayed up until dawn, spending what everyone assumed was their wedding night in the company of family and friends.

Yes, it was a lovely wedding, Julia thought, but our real wedding had been so much more beautiful.

* * *

December 24, 1973
Collinsport, Maine

December 24, 1973, saw another nor'easter crash into the Maine seacoast. Her wedding only a week away, Julia had her things sent from Wyndcliff to the Old House, where she would soon be living. Barnabas had gone into town with Roger to attend a Christmas party for the employees of the Collins cannery. That afternoon, as the snow fell outside, Julia was alone in the Old House, unpacking her books and placing them on library shelves that Willie had cleared away for this purpose. Several of these boxes can be stored in the attic, thought Julia, but Willie had left yesterday to spend the Christmas  holiday with his brother in Ogunquit, so the boxes would have to stay on the floor until his return.

Although the house was chilly, she had dressed in a gray wool midi-skirt and a wildly oversized blue shetland wool sweater that belonged to Barnabas, which she at some point had borrowed and, finding it so warm and comfortable, had 'forgotten' to return. Under the green Wellington boots that she had worn to the Old House she had on thick wool socks and cotton tights. Padding around on the old heart pine floor in her warm socks, she continued working in the chilly house in comfort.

As she unpacked, she found herself leafing through books that she had not picked up in a long time, some, in fact, that she had forgotten she owned. Leafing through books soon gave way to reading books. Julia became absorbed in this activity, oblivious to time passing; to her, an afternoon surrounded  by her books was heaven.

Julia looked up at the grandfather clock and saw that it was after four. Barnabas should have returned by now, she thought to herself. She went to the window, and saw that the snow was falling heavily and had accumulated substantially through the afternoon. Strong gusts of wind caused the snow to billow and flurry, causing moments of white out conditions. Julia could hear the faint sound of the waves crashing into the cliffs beyond the Old House. Julia became concerned, having experienced such storms before, she knew that visibility would be extremely poor once darkness set in. Where was Barnabas? Shouldn't he have returned by now?

As the clock ticked off the minutes, and the flat gray light of the day faded away, her concern began to grow to alarm. At last, she heard the sound of the door opening in the main entrance of the house.

"Barnabas?" Julia called out. "Barnabas?" she called again as she hurried to the foyer. Arriving in the foyer, she saw Barnabas, snow clinging to his coat, his hat, his boots. 

"Barnabas! I was beginning to get worried, with the storm, and I thought....well, I didn't know what to think".

"Julia, it's snowing so hard, Roger and I had a difficult time getting back here from town", said Barnabas.

"Where is Roger?", Julia asked.

"Roger and I drove to Collinwood from town, and I walked back here. At times I could barely make my way. As storms go, Julia, this is a bad one".

"Well, you're here now. You made it safely back. You made it safely back to me", said Julia as she went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"And a better reason to brave a nor'easter, I cannot imagine", replied Barnabas as he held her in his arms.

"Barnabas, come in by the fire and get warm. I'll get you some brandy". As Julia broke away from his embrace, she noticed him looking at her, taking in the sweater, skirt, and wool socks, an outfit which, admittedly, she had assembled for practical reasons only. As he smiled that half-smile she had come to know so well, Julia raised her hand in a gesture of warning, "Don't!", she said.

"My dear, as long as you are comfortable", replied a smiling Barnabas, as he followed her into the drawing room.

Julia poured two glasses of brandy while Barnabas busied himself placing logs on the fire.

"Here you are", said Julia, handing a glass to Barnabas.

The clock struck six. "It's Christmas eve", said Barnabas, "Julia, it doesn't look like we will be joining the family tonight, I don't think it's wise to try to go back outside".

"I have to agree with you, Barnabas, I can't imagine that we'll be able to make it to Collinwood in this storm". As an afterthought, Julia added, "Barnabas, I can't even give you your Christmas present, it's up at Collinwood".

Barnabas responded, tenderly, "Julia, being here with you, knowing that soon you will be my wife, is the greatest present I could ask for. I could want nothing more".

With that they embraced, standing by the warmth of the fire.

Finally Julia spoke, "Barnabas, I'll see what I can do about dinner".

Julia busied herself in the Old House kitchen, preparing as best she could from the provisions on hand what would have to pass for Christmas eve dinner.

Carrying a tray into the drawing room, she saw that Barnabas had retrieved a battery operated radio from Willie's room, as well as a bottle of wine from the wine cellar.

"Barnabas, I'm afraid that sandwiches will have to do for dinner", said Julia.

"And I've found some wine suitable for a celebration", smiled Barnabas.

They sat in front of the fire, ate sandwiches and sipped wine. As much as they missed spending the holiday eve with the family in the great house, they felt completely contented in each other's company. They had come to know each other so well in the past six years, had come to rely upon each other so much, that Julia sometimes could not recall what her life had been like before Barnabas.

As a result of the storm, the only radio station that they could receive at all was from Bangor. For some reason, understood only by the native folk of Maine, the Bangor station was playing, not Christmas carols, but light jazz. The two sat next to each other in front of the fire, staying warm, listening to the logs crackling in the fireplace, the wind howling outside of the windows, and the radio playing in the background.

Following a weather report which told them that the storm was expected to continue to drop snow on the eastern seaboard until well into Christmas day, a Jerome Kern song began to play:

"Someday, when I'm aw'fly low,
when the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight....."

Barnabas stood up, holding his arms out to Julia. "May I have this dance?" he asked. He helped Julia to her feet, took her into his arms, and they began to dance slowly in the firelight.

"...Oh, but you're lovely,
With your smile so warm,
And your cheek so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
Just the way you look tonight....
With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart,
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart.
Lovely....never, never change,
Keep that breathless charm,
Won't you please arrange it
'Cause I love you,
Just the way you look tonight....." **

As they danced, Barnabas looked deep into Julia's eyes. "Julia, I know what we can give each other for Christmas"

"What, Barnabas?"

Barnabas hesitated, then spoke, "Julia, I want to marry you".

"Barnabas, I want to marry you too, I want that with all my heart".

"Tonight, Julia. I want to marry you tonight".

"But Barnabas, how can we, the storm....we'll never get to Collinwood..."

"No, my darling, I want us to make our vows to each other tonight, here, just us".

Julia was silent for a moment, then spoke, "Yes. Yes, I will marry you tonight".

"Julia, my dearest Julia, I have something for you", said Barnabas. With that, he walked over to the desk, opened a small drawer and retrieved something. Returning to Julia's side, he placed a gold ring in her hand.

"Read the inscription", he whispered.

Julia held the gold band to the firelight and read, "Never without you".

She looked up at Barnabas, her eyes shining, her voice full of love, "Oh Barnabas!".

Barnabas took her hands in his and they stood, face to face, in silence.

Finally Barnabas spoke, "My dearest Julia, I have loved you for so long. I will always love you. I promise you that I will honor you and care for you for the rest of my days. I want to spend my life with you, with only you. Never leave me, stay with me forever".

Julia looked into Barnabas' eyes. When she spoke, her voice was soft and clear, "Barnabas, I waited so long for love to come into my life. Then we met and I realized it was you. It was always you. I love you with all my heart, and I will stay with you forever".

Barnabas gently slipped the ring on Julia's finger, "Julia, I take you as my wife, to love and to honor, for all of my days".

Julia took Barnabas' hands in hers. "Barnabas, I take you as my husband, to love and honor for all of my days".

They looked into each other's eyes for a long moment, then kissed tenderly. At that moment, they had become husband and wife.

* * *

December 23, 1998
somewhere off the coast of New England

Julia was suddenly thrown sideways as the plan pitched and began to roll onto it's right wing. Before she could understand what was happening, she was thrown backward against her seat as the aircraft began to rocket downward. Her thoughts came in disconnected bursts. "this is wrong. this is too steep. too fast". Julia's body felt weightless, pinned against the seat as the plane continued it's free fall."No", she cried out, "No, Barnabas, help me!" She heard screams from the other passengers. There was another violent jolt, as the plane began now to pitch to the left, still losing altitude, plummeting, closing the gap between the aircraft and the black ocean beneath 
them. 

Julia sensed the plane straining as the G forces threatened to rip the skin of the aircraft open. As she became aware of a woman sobbing somewhere behind her, Julia's brain screamed a single thought, "Barnabas, I don't want to leave you now!"

Julia felt the G forces easing, the plane began to slow it's descent and the wings began to level. She blinked, unbelievingly, trying to make sense of what had just happened to her.

As panic spread through the aircraft like a wildfire, the pilot's voice spoke over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have caught some wind shear back there, but we're under control now. We'll be landing in Portland, Maine, in approximately 20 minutes. We can expect some more turbulence, it's quite a storm out there, but we expect to land safely".

Relief washed over the passengers like a wave. Julia took long, deliberate breaths, unconsciously twisting her wedding ring. "Everything will be alright" she told herself, "I'm almost home".

The turbulence continued throughout the final twenty minutes of their flight, but the bouncing and jostling of the plane seemed mild in comparison to what they had gone through back there. Finally, finally, they began the final approach to Portland. It was just after midnight when the aircraft rolled to a stop on the snowy tarmac.

Barnabas stood in the Portland terminal, watching as ghostly, shaken passengers disembarked. Suddenly he saw Julia. Her eyes met his, and she walked directly toward him, as he rushed forward to meet her. Without saying a word, she dropped her bag on the ground and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Julia, my darling, what happened?" Barnabas asked, his arms closing 
protectively around her.

Julia stood for a long moment, her face buried against his coat, holding onto him, not being able to imagine ever letting go.Finally she spoke, "I love you, Barnabas. Happy anniversary, my love".

 the end 

**The Way You Look Tonight
Copyright 1936 PolyGram International Publishing, Inc.
Music by Jerome Kern Words by Dorothy Fields