____Happy Mother's Day by Mary-Lynn______

Rated G/PG

Julia watched out the window as the sun rose steadily in the sky, tinting her snow-white hair red again with its rays. Mother's Day and every year the abundant commercials that had played over the last few weeks on radio, or loomed bigger than life on billboards, made her to be unable to ignore the day. And so it became a day that always forced her to reflect upon the past, even more so in these last few years that Barnabas was gone. Death had split them apart in a way that Angelique never could.

They had never had children. She had been pregnant once. Without thought her hand strayed to the flatness of her stomach, remembering the round moving life that was once inside so many years ago. That was when Barnabas built a cabin for them far enough away from the Old House to be a getaway for the whole family, or a romantic trysting place for just the two of them for when the children would be older, or even a house to retire to when the next generation would be passed the keys and care taking of the family home. What cruel irony that they should have had the ACCIDENT, she always thought of that crash of metal and shattering of glass and loss of all their dreams in capitol letters, on their way home from their first trip together there on Mother's day. Barnabas had consoled her, "There will be other children to love, Julia." But there weren't any. At first they had hoped, and then eventually they had to accept that for them life would be a world of two, and no more. Each had always smiled at the other and claimed that it was better this way. Julia would site the reasons of age and the traces of his curse in his blood, and Barnabas would talk of never having to explain about their paternal grandparents, and just what those daily shots of his were for. But each felt it, perhaps more keenly for the other than for themselves. At sunrise on Mother's Day they would pack a picnic basket, and rain or shine go somewhere quiet and secret, but never back to the cabin, and there they would spend the day, loving and being loved, and for a while would forget the child shaped ache in their hearts.

But that small ache had been nothing compared to the empty hurt she now had. She had lived in a world of two, but only existed in this world of one.

Last Mother's day Julia had gone to the cabin by herself. She had dreamed about it every night for more than a week, real dreams where she and Barnabas were there together and happy, and she had gone hoping for a miracle. But she found only memories. She had wept, hot tears and racking sobs, and in some way had felt better for it, but she had no intention of doing that again, and upon coming home had put it up for sale.

Julia turned from the window, catching sight of herself in the mirror that Barnabas had bought for her as a wedding gift. She blinked twice, something tickled at her memory. An old woman standing in the mirror in a blue dress. She moved toward the mirror shaking as she saw something shadowy in its depths that had nothing to do with the reflection of herself and the room behind her. It was a reflection in time. She could see herself in the depths of the glass as she had been almost 30 years ago. She remembered that dress, she had hated it because in her pregnant condition it made her skin look blotchy and her stomach huge. Remember Julia, she had to remember something important. She closed her eyes. This had happened before, only she had been young and looking, unknowingly, into the future. No it had happened many times before, but that was impossible. Or was it? She had stood there before. The Julia of the past looked into the mirror and their eyes locked. Time was short, and the words would be few. Suddenly she could hear echoes. "Don't go." "Cabin is Death." "Brakes bad." And the last, "Accident." None of those had ever been right.

She thought back to that day at the cabin. They had spent the day planning and dreaming, and then they had argued about something so small that she couldn't even remember it. And then she knew what to tell herself. As the Julia in the mirror put her fingers on the surface, Julia lifted her pale and veined hands and they touched. "Say yes" was all she said, and then the image faded.

Julia stepped away from the mirror shaking. The woman in the mirror was familiar. She reminded her of her great aunt, thin and fragile looking. She searched the mirror carefully, but all she saw was herself and the dress. Ugh. A pregnant woman should never wear red, at least this pregnant woman.

"Are you ready yet?" Barnabas voice came from the doorway.

Julia shook her head. "In a minute, I've got to change this dress. I look awful."

Barnabas came up behind her and in the mirror she watched as he put his arms around her and kissed the back of her neck. "You look beautiful. Have I told you that?"

Julia smiled at the reflection of the man she loved. For a moment she thought she should tell him of the woman in the mirror, but he had been so protective of her, and so worried that Angelique might take revenge upon their happiness, that she didn't have the heart to disturb this happy moment.
"So many times that I'm beginning to believe you."

The day that started so hopeful was now a mess. Barnabas was being so unreasonable about the wallpaper. She gave the sample one last look before putting her purse over her shoulder. It would not look like they had thrown their dinner at the wall. He came into the room and she turned away from him. The only thing she wanted now was to go home and to her own bed. She ignored him as she went out and got into the car. It didn't make her feel any better that in her shape he was able to turn off the lights and lock the cabin door and still beat her to open her door for her. As she went to step in, she saw a suitcase in the back seat and stopped.

Barnabas raised his eyebrows. His voice was soft in her ear, and hands gentle as the rested a moment on her waist. "Can't we forget the wallpaper and...christen the cabin? I've packed your favorite nightgown." As she said nothing he continued. "Or maybe I should say my favorite nightgown, for you look so beautiful in it. I've heard that the stars are particularly bright here at night."

Julia shook her head and got into the car. She looked at the cabin. She had seen Barnabas sneak the suitcase into the car this morning, had even looked to see what he had packed, adding their toothbrushes, and called Wyndcliffe to say she would be away for a few days. She looked ahead as Barnabas put the car into gear. Why didn't she say yes?

Suddenly she remembered the words of the woman in the mirror. "Say yes." Something about that woman made her want to believe that she meant only good for her.

"Yes!"

Barnabas stepped on the brakes, and turned to Julia. "Are you all right?"

Julia looked into his eyes, full of concern and love, and felt soft and warm inside. "You were right, the wallpaper is terrible." She grinned and touched the tip of her tongue to her upper lip, and invitation he could seldom resist. "Let's go back in and discuss it. Even if it takes...all...night."

The stars were bright, and they sat beneath them wrapped together in a blanket. "We'll come every year. On Mother's day." And then they left the stars for the warmth of a feather bed and of loving arms.

Julia looked away from the mirror, the illusion of her younger self disappearing. Did she really see into the past? She shook her head. Couldn't be. That terrible dress. Whenever she thought about pregnancy she thought of it. Got it when she was pregnant with Jeremy, or maybe it was with Emily.

"Are you ready yet?" Barnabas voice came from the doorway.

She turned to him. He was much stronger these days. She shivered at how she had almost lost him a couple of years ago, and would have if it wasn't for the marrow transplant he had gotten from Jeremy. "I'm almost ready. Are the children going to meet us at the cabin?"

"Yes." Barnabas sighed. "I almost wish it was just the two of us going this time. We have hardly been alone the last week while they've been here."

He crossed the room and put his arms around her, and together they looked into the mirror, faces that had grown alike over the years of facing the world together. As they watched the glass changed and then the image was of Barnabas alone, younger, his face troubled. Julia noticed the red rosebud and sprig of baby's breath in the lapel of his tux. Their wedding day. She looked at him, staring down at the wedding band in his hand. Barnabas' voice was barely audible in her ear, "I had forgotten..." He pulled her close. "Did I ever tell you why I was late to our wedding?"

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