by Nancybe

Julia turned on the new set and groaned to see that all that was on at this time of day was soap operas. As if I need to watch OTHER people's problems, she thought. I certainly have enough of my own.

She turned the channels trying to find something of interest. She stopped, intrigued by the haunting music emanating from the set. I wonder what this show is about, she mused. It looked different from the other dramas where the women sat around the kitchen tables in their housedresses fretting about the latest small town gossip. The sets had a Gothic feel to them, and the conversation was unusual to say the least.

"Finally!" Julia said aloud. "Something pertinent to MY life! Maybe I'll get some tips on how to deal with what goes on around Collinwood," she chuckled. She settled back to watch the show but found herself unable to concentrate on it. I guess I'm just not used to sitting around, she thought grimly, as she arose from the chair to switch off the set. As she did so, she felt an odd whoosh of air blow past her. Startled, she looked carefully at the tv to see if something had gone wrong with it.

Seeing nothing out of order, she shrugged her shoulders and turned away. That was when she thought she might faint for one of the few times in her life.

"Hello, Julia," a very familiar voice said to her. "What's the matter, honey? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

Julia's hand flew to her mouth to stifle the shriek that was building in her throat. It wasn't possible! She had killed this woman, she knew that she had. It had been horrible, but she had had to do it to protect Barnabas. But here she was, Hoffman, standing before her, obviously alive and well. VERY well, from the looks of her. She was dressed in a beautiful royal blue silk suit with a colorful scarf around her neck, and her hair and make-up looked as if she had just exited a beauty parlor. Hair and make-up? Hoffman? Julia was so confused taking in all this contradictory information that she was afraid her brain would short-circuit. How could this gorgeous creature be Hoffman?

"Maybe you'd better sit down, hon," the woman said in an amused voice. "You don't look so well. In fact, that's the reason I'm here."

Julia's eyes grew even larger as she regarded this woman who looked so much like her. She was slowly beginning to process the fact that she could not possibly be Hoffman. In addition to the differences in attire, she could never imagine Hoffman calling anyone "hon." So who in the world was this woman who looked so much like Julia herself? She didn't know, but she was not about to make herself vulnerable by sitting down. Gathering all her strength and wits about her, Julia looked the woman in the eye. Finding her voice with difficulty, she croaked, "Who are you?"

"Why, I'm YOU, honey!" the woman laughed. Don't you recognize me? No, of course, you wouldn't, would you? Acknowledging my existence would negate your own. Well, we'll just have to work around that, won't we, if we are to accomplish what needs to be accomplished? And my, we do have a lot of work to do!"

Julia's confusion was growing by the moment, but surprisingly, she found that her initial fear of this woman was rapidly draining away. She felt an odd kinship with her, as if she were a friend instead of an enemy. "Would you please tell me what you are talking about?" Julia pleaded. "What is your name? What do you want with me?"

"My name isn't important. What is important is that I feel that you are at least a part of me and that I can't bear to see you unhappy anymore. I've come to help you, Julia, to show you what you need to do to get what you want. I am at least partly responsible for making you who you are. It's time for you to get a life! Now don't ask me where I came from or how I know any of this. It's not important, and you probably wouldn't believe me anyway-"

"You forget that I have lived at Collinwood for four years. There is little that I would not believe at this point. If you know me as well as you claim to-"

"You're right, honey, there is little that you wouldn't believe, but I'm afraid that this truth would do you in…. Let's just say that I am from an alternate universe, okay? I know all about you, everything that makes you tick." The woman looked at Julia and raised one of her eyebrows. She could feel Julia's mind swirling with this information and trying to process it into a logical explanation, but she knew she was losing her. It was time to get her attention and fast.

"I've come to help you resolve the situation with Barnabas, Julia." Try as she might, Julia could not hide the expression of surprise that these words evoked from her. She had always shied away from discussing her true feelings about Barnabas with anyone, no less a stranger. And along with the surprise came fear, as well as an odd feeling of hope. What could this person know about her and Barnabas? But then, she had said that she knew everything about Julia. Who in the world was she, and what did she want?

The stranger smiled in satisfaction as she saw that her statement had hit home with Julia. She had her attention now.

"You can't go on this way, you know. This is eating you up inside. You need to love him or leave him -"

Julia drew herself up with all the dignity she possessed. "I'm sure that this is none of your business, whoever you are - "

"Look, I'm here to help you, sister. Do you want to go on like this forever? You deserve better than that, Julia. Now, why don't you listen to what I have to say before you jump all over me? What can it hurt to listen? If you've learned as much as you claim you have in the past few years, you know that you have to be open-minded, am I right?"

"Well, yes, I suppose you're right. It can't hurt to just listen," Julia said reluctantly. The woman was charismatic, Julia had to admit, and she was beginning to win her over.

"Okay, good. I'm going to lay it all on the line. Don't bother protesting because that won't get us anywhere. You are in love with Barnabas Collins. You have been for years. You have made every form of sacrifice imaginable, and some unimaginable, for him and have literally laid your life down for him. He has done the same for you. This makes you suspect and hope against hope that he feels the same way for you, but he has never admitted it to you. You desperately want to make a life with him and are willing to do anything to make it happen. But you don't know how to go about finding out if he really feels the way that you think he does, and he does not appear to be taking any steps in your direction. Now, am I right?"

Julia winced at this graphic but entirely accurate description of her situation with Barnabas. Why was it so much more painful to hear it all said out loud? Did it somehow make the pain more real?

"Yes, you have summed it up quite, uh, nicely," she muttered. It hurt to hear the truth from this stranger, and yet it was strangely liberating as well. To have it taken out of the dark shadows and dusted off for others to look at made it so real. But it also somehow made it more manageable, maybe even solvable, if this woman had really come for the reason that she had said.

"Good," the woman said matter-of-factly. "You have to confront this situation, Julia. You have to tell him HE'S THE ONE."

"Easier said than done," Julia answered with a grimace.

"Hmm. Sounds like a song," the stranger said with a grin. " But it's the only solution, and you know it. You've only been avoiding it."

"But what if he rejects me?" Julia said desperately.

"Then screw him!" came the answer.

"I beg you pardon?" Julia exclaimed.

" I mean that in both senses of the word. If he rejects you, then screw him! He isn't worth it. It's time for you to move on. You've given him enough of yourself and your life. If he can't give you anything in return, you have to make a life without him."

"But I don't want a life without him! Why do you think I have waited around here all this time?"

"Hell, woman, I know you love him! And if you aren't willing to give up easily, then SCREW him! You know, SEDUCE him!"

Julia looked at her in shock. Not that she didn't want to "screw" him, but she didn't have the first idea how to go about the seduction of Barnabas Collins.

The woman regarded her with sympathy and understanding. "You don't have the first idea of how to set about this, do you, honey? I didn't think so. I'll tell you a secret. I have it on good authority that Barnabas does love you. But you have to stop acting like his doctor and best friend, for Pete's sake, and act like a woman! Not that being a woman and a doctor are mutually exclusive, mind you. In fact, I'm damned proud of your being a doctor and a woman! But you have to work on Barnabas' other sensibilities. He's an old-fashioned man, you know."

"Yes, I am painfully aware of that fact," Julia said with not a little irony. "Alright, I accept your proposition. Now what do I do about it?" "Well, first, we need to do something about those clothes, and your make-up, and oh, that hair! When's the last time you treated yourself to a make-over, honey?"

"Well, I don't exactly have time to be sitting around at the beauty parlor very often," Julia answered sarcastically. "Plus, they don't even have some of those services in past centuries, you know."

"Sorry, you're right, of course. Come along, we'll go into town for a complete makeover that'll knock Barnabas' socks off!"

"Yes, but…." Julia began hesitantly. The stranger looked at her questioningly. "I'm just not sure what to do after that-"

The woman put her hands on her hips and gave Julia an exasperated look. "It's like riding a bicycle - you never forget how! Don't be such a bore, Julia."

"I didn't mean that part," Julia said blushing hotly. "I mean after I have his attention-"

"Oh, I get you. This is what we'll do. We'll dress exactly alike, and I'll show you what to do. Then I'll let you take over."

Julia looked skeptical and hopeful at the same time as they set off on their mission.

The two women returned to the Old House looking like twin sisters. Peeking around the corner of the drawing room, they observed Barnabas studying the new television with a scowl.

"You stay here and watch how it's done," the stranger whispered. "Then I'll make an excuse to leave the room, and you can take my place."

Julia nodded and watched nervously as her new friend sauntered into the drawing room. "Hello, Barnabas, " "Julia" drawled in a seductive voice, moving up closely behind him.

"Oh, hello," Barnabas began, turning away from the television to look at her. He found himself face to face with a beautiful stranger whose enormous green eyes threatened to swallow him alive.

"Julia?" he asked, feeling his pulse begin to quicken inexplicably.

"Why, Barnabas, you sound surprised to see me!" the woman murmured, advancing closer to him.

Julia watched from the doorway as Barnabas' face began to mirror the emotions inside him. She was amazed to see him responding to "her" as she had always wanted him to - as a woman. She held her breath as the man and woman in front of the fireplace began to find their way to each other. Just as Barnabas took "her" in his arms, she realized that it wasn't HER in there at all! Desperate to switch places with the other woman, Julia went to the front door and began to make soft knocking sounds to attract the stranger's attention.

"Oh, Barnabas, I thought I heard someone at the door. I'll be right back, darling, " the woman said, extricating herself from his tight embrace.

The stranger joined Julia in the foyer and whispered, "He's all yours, honey."

"I didn't think you were ever going to leave," Julia said to her accusingly.

"Sorry about that, but he is AWFULLY handsome!" the woman said with a throaty laugh. "Good luck, Julia, and remember to loosen up!"

Julia gave the woman a quick hug. "Thank you so much, whoever you are."

The stranger smiled and gave Julia a gentle push in to the drawing room. She watched in satisfaction as Barnabas swept Julia into his arms for a passionate kiss.

The two thespians smiled at each other as they realized they were both reaching for the same cup of coffee.

"Oh, sorry," the actor said with a smile.

"What's the matter?" the actress asked. "You look like you just got hit by a truck."

"That's the way I feel. I just had the strangest experience."

"What happened?" she asked, thinking that his experience couldn't possibly hold a candle to the one that SHE had just had.

"Well, I was in my dressing room thinking about how nice it would be to be able to give Barnabas advice. He's always so miserable. All of a sudden, I found myself on the drawing room set." He leaned closer to her and whispered in a low voice, "And here comes the really strange part. I seemed to be having a conversation with- " He hesitated. "With Barnabas!" he finished with a sheepish expression.

"With Barnabas!"

"I know it sounds crazy, but I swear that's what happened! I was trying to help him figure out his relationship with Julia."

"And what happened?" the actress asked anxiously, feeling herself beginning to pale.

"Well, while we were talking, we heard Julia come in. I had him hide so he could watch how he should interact with her, and one thing led to another…" He broke off as he watched the blood drain from the actress' face. "Are you alright?" he asked in alarm.

"Then what happened?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"She left the room for a moment, and Barnabas and I changed places. Then I found myself back here. Are you sure you're alright?"

"You know, I think we both have been working too hard. Let's talk about something else!"

THE END.

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