by Nancybe

It was going to be a wonderful Christmas. For the first time in so long, she was going to have a happy Christmas. It had been so many years since she had really celebrated any special occasion, even her birthday. Especially since she had come to Collinwood, it had been like being on one of those tv shows where they never seemed to acknowledge holidays. But this year would be different. This year, they were happy and safeand could enjoy Christmas, and she was going to make sure that it was aspecial one.

Julia Hoffman Collins stood in the drawing room of the Old House admiring the enormous tree that Willie had helped her and Barnabas erect. It really is stunning , she thought, if I do say so myself. She had trimmed it with old fashioned ornaments in keeping with the traditions of the house and what she thought would please her husband. She had laughed out loud when he had cursed after pricking himself while stringing popcorn and cranberries to hang on the tree.

"This is hard, Julia," Barnabas had complained. "Can't we buy this stuff somewhere?" "No, Barnabas , we can't. It has to be strung fresh so that it will last. Doesn't it make the room smell wonderful?" He had grumbled a reply which made her laugh again. He wasn't used to all this domesticity.

Truth be told, Julia was not accustomed to domesticity, either, but she was determined to do this Christmas thing right. She had sent cards to all their family and friends, bought tons of gifts, and had even baked Christmas cookies. She had also decorated the Old House from stem to stern with wreaths and garland and candles. She would not settle for anything artificial; everything had to be real. She just wished she could put real candles on the tree the way it had been done in the old days, but she and Barnabas had agreed that they were not willing to chance burning down the house for the sake of tradition.

Julia had intended to start planning the menu for the Christmas Eve party she and Barnabas were hosting, but she found herself lost in thought as she gazed at the tree. I cannot believe how happy we finally are, she thought with a smile. After all the turmoil, the tragedy, the pain we have lived through. Thank goodness it has worked out for us. I love Barnabas so much and I always will. I have never loved anyone the way I love him. In fact, in comparison, I don't think I have ever really loved anyone else. Julia stopped thinking to herself with a frown. Well, that's not quite true. There was Martin….

She had not thought about Martin in a long time. It was just too painful, and she usually managed to forget that she had ever known him. But today, the tide of memories could not be stemmed, and they flooded back to her with crystal clarity. Memories of her first husband….




No one at Collinwood knew that Julia had ever been married before, certainly not her current husband. She didn't talk about it, and after all , it had been over 20 years ago. Julia had met Martin Kennedy in medical school. He was a striking man, not handsome exactly, but attractive with a commanding presence. He was taller than Barnabas but with a slighter build and had light hair and blue eyes. They had had a rather whirlwind romance (probably due to the pressures of med school, Julia thought now), and had married while still in school. Martin was funny and smart, so much more intellectually suited to Julia than the other men she knew. He was not threatened by her intelligence or by her ambitions, and he was entirely supportive of her career goals. They had studied together , laughed and cried together about the strss they were under and had been blissfully happy. And then Julia had gotten pregnant.

They had talked of having a family, but their discussions were always vague and referred to the distant future. But the best laid plans of mice and newlywed medical students oft go astray, and Julia found herself dealing with morning sickness and mood swings along with her studies. Now that pregnancy was not a nebulous future event, but a reality, Julia was very pleased to be having a baby. She was not sure how she was going to handle everything, but she was certain that it would work out. She and Martin loved each other and would make great parents, she was positive of that.

Julia's pregnancy proved to be a difficult one. Martin was solicitous and seemed happy about the baby, but Julia thought she sensed a change in him. He seemed a little distant to her, different from when it had just been the two of them. One day, when they were talking about the baby, Martin blurted out that he thought Julia should quit medical school and stay home to care for their child. Julia was furious.

"Martin, how can you say that? You know how hard I have worked for this! And I'm good at it! Why are you saying this now when you have always been so supportive of my goals?"

"We weren't having a baby before, Julia. Things have changed."

He statement proved to be prophetic for their relationship. Things HAD changed. Julia felt betrayed by his attitude and his unwillingness to discuss any kind of compromise. To make matters worse, her pregnancy had begun to deteriorate along with her marriage. Julia found herself in labor much too early and the doctors could do nothing to prevent the premature delivery of her baby. Julia gave birth to a live baby girl, but the infant was very ill and died after three days.

Julia was devastated by the loss of her child, but Martin was inconsolable. She tried to reach out to him to give and gain comfort from him, but he would not share his grief with her. Julia knew from her study and work in psychiatry that many marriages break up after the loss of a child and found herself in the same situation and unable to resolve it. Martin had never said so in words, but Julia believed that he blamed her for their daughter's death. She found that they had lost of all their common ground, and she sadly divorced him and left him behind. Twenty years later, Julia had no idea whether Martin Kennedy, the father of her only child, was alive or dead.




Julia found that there were tears streaming down her cheeks. Damn! she thought, I never wanted to think about that again. Here I am ruining my mood when I was so happy!

She looked at the tree through eyes blurred with tears, and it seemed as if the tree lights were shimmering. She blinked away her tears to clear her vision. When she opened her eyes again, the air in front of her appeared to waver and change. As she stared in amazement, a young girl took shape in front of the tree. She appeared to be seven or eight years of age and was dressed in a dazzling gold dress. Her face was lit by a smile, and a sprinkling of freckles across her nose made her look even more real to Julia.

"Who are you?" Julia asked the little girl standing before her. Julia was surprised at this apparition but was long past being frightened by supernatural occurrences at the Old House.

"I am your guardian angel. You had been so happy and then turned so sad, and it being Christmas and all, that I thought it was time to introduce myself."
"Guardian angel? I haven't thought about guardian angels since I was a little girl and my father taught me a prayer to say. I - I guess I didn't believe in them - you - anymore."

"But here I am, so you can start believing again!"

"Well, I guess I can - should. But why haven't you appeared to me before this?"

"You have kept me quite busy the last few years, you know. You have had quite the adventures! They tease me in Heaven that I should get some kind of special medal after all you and I have been through together - vampires, ghost, witches, werewolves! And I thought we would never get away from that awful Gerard and back to this time! It was exhausting."

Julia looked at the angel in surprise. "You mean you have been with me through all of that? You have helped me and protected me all this time?"

"Yes, I have been at your side all this time. Sometimes I have made myself known to your enemies to scare them away , and at other times I have led your friends, like Barnabas , to you ."

"Well, I guess I have kept you busy. But I don't understand why I would have a little girl like you as my guardian angel when the demands have been so great."

"I have not always been your guardian angel. There was another before me."

"Oh, who was she, and what happened to her?"

"His name was James-"

"James! But as a child I always assumed that my guardian angel was female-"

"No, his name was James. You know, all you have to do is ask your guardian angel their name and if you listen hard enough, they will tell you. Anyway, I requested to become your angel and my request was granted," the little angel said with a smile.

Julia looked at her intently. "But why would you request to be MY angel? What is so special about me?"

The little girl smiled more shyly and lowered her head a little. "Because I wanted to protect you, Mother."

Julia felt her knees buckling underneath her. Had she heard this little angel right? Or was this all some kind of dream brought on by her memories of Martin and losing her baby? She grabbed onto the nearest chair for support and tried to calm herself. She looked closely at the little girl and realized that she had seemed familiar to her since she had appeared. She has my freckles and green eyes! Julia thought with a start, and yet, I see Martin , too. "Leah?" Julia said hesitantly, her voice breaking.

"Yes, Mother, it is me," the angel said with a beautiful smile. "I wanted to be with you and help you even though we could not be together as we should have been."

Julia could hardly see her daughter through her tears. She wanted to gather her up and hold her so tightly and never let her go. It had been so many years since she had held her baby. "Oh, Leah, I can't believe it's really you! But you look to be about eight years old - you were only a baby when you died-"

"But I could hardly help you as a baby, could I?" Leah the angel laughed. "They let me grow up a little bit before I became a guardian angel."

Julia could not believe that her daughter was actually standing before her, talking to her. Yet she had been with her for so long, helping her and Julia didn't even know it. And then a horrible thought occurred to Julia. "You have been with me all this time? Then you know all things I have done…."

"Don't worry, Mother. Those things you did to help Barnabas are in the past. Both you and he have made up for your sins. You are sorry and have been forgiven. And the beautiful thing is that once your sins are forgiven , they are forgotten by the Lord. I must go now, Mother, but I will always be with you until we can truly be together."

Julia did not want her little angel to go, but she knew that the time had come. "Leah, can I ask you a question? Do you see the future?"

Leah smiled and shook her head. "No, that is not one of my abilities. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I just wondered if you knew if, well, if I could have another baby?" Julia asked hesitantly.

"Oh, Mother, I would just love to have a little brother or sister! I can't tell you that for sure, but," she stopped and giggled, "weren't you just a little sick to you stomach the other morning?"

Julia realized that she HAD felt rather nauseous lately. Oh, could she really be? "Thank you , Leah, for everything! I love you!"
"And I love you, Mother! Merry Christmas!" She blew Julia a kiss, and with that she disappeared.

"Merry Christmas, my angel," Julia whispered through her tears. She jumped as she felt her husband's hand fall on her shoulder.

"Are you alright, Julia?" Barnabas asked putting his arms around her.

"Everything is perfect, Barnabas," she answered. Taking his hand, she led him over to the tree. " I want to tell you a story, Barnabas. Do you believe in angels….?"

Julia had been right. It was going to be a wonderful Christmas.

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