By Nancybe

She stood in the doorway taking in every last detail of the room for she knew that it was probably the last time she would ever see it - this room that for a brief time long, long ago had been home to the innocent hopes and dreams of a young woman from another place. More recently, it had also held the hopes and dreams of this woman, no longer young in body, but still from another place. This woman had come from a place called Loneliness to stay in this room. Such a lovely, delicate, feminine room - a special room that had made her feel lovely and feminine, too - like a woman - and it had been so long since she had felt that way.

But despite its frills and lace, its daintiness, its underlying floral scent, this room had brought no solace, no happiness to those who had dwelled in it. Perhaps the room itself was cursed, for the young woman of hopes and dreams who had come to this room had not seen them fulfilled. Instead, her journey here had ended in death and destruction, and she at last had been driven away from these beautiful walls. Now this woman would leave it too, leave in despair, driven away by the same one who had greeted then lost that young woman from the exotic, far away land so many sad years ago.

She moved into the room and stood with shoulders bent before the barren fireplace. The rays of the sun filtered softly through the lace curtains warming the air. There was no need of flames to warm her, and the fireplace stood cold and empty without even a flickering ember to give the appearance of life. Two lazy teardrops trickled down her cheeks as she realized that the last wistful ember in her heart had finally died as well; she now felt as cold and empty as this hearth that had once blazed with hope.

She started and turned when she thought she heard a wrenching sob come from behind her, but there was no one there to have issued it. The atmosphere of the room grew heavy and seemed to weigh upon her weary shoulders. It was as if the walls themselves were permeated with sadness. But that is just silliness, she thought to herself. The sob must have come from your own breast and you didn’t even realize it.

Hastily wiping away the tears, she crossed to the bed and lightly ran her hand over the lacy spread. Abruptly, she grasped the fabric tightly in one closed fist and uttered a curse to herself. She would not do this! It only made leaving that much harder.

Setting her back with determination, her eyes glittering like hardened diamonds, she resolutely pulled out her suitcases and laid them on the bed. She began to methodically place the items that belonged to her neatly inside. Routine, she told herself as she went about her packing in a deliberate manner. Routine. Keep your mind on the routine and off of what this really means. It is the only way you are going to get through this.

She heard a noise behind her, a very human noise this time. She did not turn around, afraid of what she might see and what she might hear. No, not “what” but “who,” her mind nudged her.

“Julia, I’ve been looking for you,” the familiar baritone said from the doorway.

She forced her hands to move faster, faster in their work. She must get out of here before it was too late, before she changed her mind. She knew the danger in turning, in seeing his face, in listening to his alluring voice.

Perplexed by her refusal to answer or even look at him, Barnabas walked over to the bed and saw for the first time what she was doing. “Julia, what are you doing?” he asked in alarm.

“I’m packing, Barnabas, or couldn’t you tell?” She had tried to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, but at the moment it was the only weapon that she felt she had.

“I can see that you are packing, Julia, but I want to know why,” he said struggling to keep his voice calm.

“I’m leaving, Barnabas. It’s time for me to be moving on. Surely, you knew this day would come. Or did you?” Funny how bitter she could sound. She had never thought of herself as a bitter person, but all of her words came out tainted with anger instead of with the hurt that was really gripping her heart.

“Julia, I don’t understand,” he said slowly. A sickening sense of fear was taking hold of his insides, crawling through his belly, insinuating itself into his frozen mind, and making his throat go dry.

“It’s really very simple, Barnabas, if you would take the time to think about it and see it from my point of view. Of course, you never did try to see anything from my point of view,” she said almost under her breath. He cringed inwardly at her tone but kept silent hoping that she would say something that made sense, something that sounded like the Julia that he knew.

“I no longer have a reason to stay. I came here to help Maggie. I stayed to cure you and to help you solve mysteries for the Collins family. Maggie is fine, you’re cured, and the mysteries appear to be solved for the moment I can’t go on being Nancy Drew forever, Barnabas. I’ve been Elizabeth’s guest for over four years now. I’m sure she would like to have her room back.’’

“That’s not true, Julia!” he said more loudly than he had intended. “You aren’t just a guest, you’re a member of the family!”

“No, I am NOT a member of the family, Barnabas,” she said emphatically. But oh how she had wanted to be! But now that she knew she never would be, she had known that she had to get away from here before she went crazy and had to admit herself to her own hospital. “I am just a friend and erstwhile sister,” she continued, the bitterness creeping back into her tight voice.

“No, not just a friend to me, Julia,” he said desperately. “You are my best friend.”

“Well, even best friends don’t just go on living together for years, Barnabas. It’s not normal. Of course, when have things at Collinwood ever been normal?” She smiled grimly, turning to look at him for the first time.

Barnabas was horrified by the hardened set of her jaw and the haunted look in her normally bright eyes. There was a deadness in those eyes as if the fire that usually lit them had burned out leaving only cold lifeless ashes, and he struggled not to shudder as he looked into them.

Julia broke away from his gaze and continued with her packing. “If this is what you want, Julia,” he said quietly, shrugging his shoulders in helplessness.

She gave him a silent nod without looking at him, not trusting her voice at that moment.

Barnabas crossed slowly to the door, his wounded pride winning a narrow victory over his heavy heart. He had never left her behind even when she had begged him to, and now she was going, leaving him! But he halted at the threshold when he heard his name spoken in an agonized whisper, “Barnabas….” He spun quickly on his heal, hope filling him. She wasn’t going to really do this. She was calling him back to tell him that she had changed her mind. She wouldn’t really leave him, she would never leave him. His mouth turned up in a slight smile as he turned to her, but her name quickly died on his lips as he saw that it could not have been she who had spoken for her back was still turned to him and she was still engaged in deliberately filling her suitcases. He frowned in confusion and disappointment that quickly turned to anger. What was going on? Why was Julia acting so strangely? And how dare she plan on leaving without telling him!

Letting his temper guide him, he turned back to the doorway and took a step forward only to feel his progress impeded by something or someone he could not see. It felt as if unseen hands pressed against his chest so that he could not or would not leave this room. He tried to fight the force that held him but stopped when another whisper seemed to caress his face. “Look at her, Barnabas. Look at her in this room.” The sound was so soft that he could not be sure that it wasn’t just the breeze rustling through the curtains, but he felt the overwhelming urge to do as he was commanded. He turned around and looked back at Julia, looked at her for what seemed to be the first time. He then looked around the room, Josette’s room, and then back to Julia as part of the room. She looked so right here, as if she belonged in this room, as if she was a part of it and it was a part of her.

His eyes traveled to the mantel, and he could still picture the portrait of his lovely Josette that had hung on that wall for so long. He thought of Josette and of love lost, of foolish choices, and of dreams shattered and the pieces blown to the wind, lost forever. How this room had defined his life! he thought sadly. His gaze found Julia again and he noticed how the sunlight accented the coppery glint to her hair, how gracefully she moved as she went about her task, how her dress hugged her slim waist. And he knew. He finally knew. And he wasn’t going to let it happen all over again. He wasn’t going to let this woman leave this room never to return.

He silently walked up behind her and reached over to stop her from closing her suitcase.

“Barnabas, what are you doing?” she asked with anger as she whirled to face him.

“Don’t leave me, Julia,” he said with a note of pleading in his voice.

She looked at him as if he had gone mad. “Why, Barnabas? You don’t need me anymore - not to protect you or to help you with your relationships with your pretty young things.” She looked away when she saw him flinch at her words, but she had said this much - she might as well say all of it. “Vicki may be gone, but because of our interference in 1840, Maggie never went to Wyndcliffe. There’s no reason you can’t pursue her by yourself,” she finished bitterly.

“Julia,” he said, his voice soft and low, “I don’t need you for those reasons.” He moved closer to her, and his proximity began to melt the glacier she had formed between them since he had entered the room.

“Then why do you want me to stay?” she challenged, holding her breath.

“Because I need to love you, Julia. Not as a sister, not as my friend - but as my wife.”

Her hazel eyes opened wide as her mind finally began to accept the gentle expression on his dear face, the searching look in his deep eyes and the meaning of his sweet words. Without another word, he gathered her into his strong arms and pressed his mouth against her warm and trembling lips. She pressed her lithe body against him as their union progressed from that of a lovers’ first kiss to something much deeper and more satisfying. Julia wondered what the singing could be that seemed to float around her on wings and realized with surprise that it was the singing of her heart. Her heart and mind had kept that song in such a tightly held grip for so very long that she had almost no longer recognized it. But now it seemed to soar through her with such ecstasy that she knew she would never be able to cage it again.

Barnabas released her, picked up the suitcases and began to head for the door.

“Barnabas, where are you taking those?” Julia asked in surprise with a trace of alarm in her voice.

He stopped in the doorway and turned to regard her with a mischievous smile. “To our bedroom,” he answered. He shifted the suitcases under one arm and held out his hand to her. Julia flushed warmly at his implication and took his hand with a shy glance.

Empty once again, the room seemed to let out a sigh of relief, a sigh filled with happiness and of love finally fulfilled. The lace curtains rippled merrily as the scent of jasmine drifted lazily out of the open window taking with it all the sorrows of a time now past.