MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE OLD HOUSE

     As 1971 draws to a close, Julia and I would like to wish all of you a very Merry and Joyous Christmas season. As is usual for Collinwood, this has been a very eventful year, and if you will bear with me, I would like to take a moment to provide you with an update on our activities.

     Many of you may be aware that Julia and I sojourned to the past, the year 1840 to be exact, in an effort to rid Collinwood of a very unpleasant ghost. I am pleased to report that we were successful in our quest and returned to the present to find the estate peaceful and calm. This serenity was not to last, however, Collinwood being Collinwood, but I will relate all of that to you in a moment.

     I, unfortunately, returned from 1840 suffering from the delusion that my one true love had been Angelique, and I am afraid that for a good period of time, I was quite inconsolable over her death. My dear Julia exhibited the utmost patience with me, but alas, I was determined to wallow in my grief. This condition continued until a new doctor, a Marcus Welby, moved to Collinsport and attempted to woo Julia away from me. Welby is a kindly gentleman and almost succeeded in winning Julia’s heart until I came to my senses. I finally realized my true feelings for Julia and admitted that through all of these years, she was always on my mind. I was fortunate that Julia forgave me for my transgressions and graciously agreed to be my wife. We were married in the gazebo on a glorious day in the late spring, and my bride had never looked lovelier. And I now believe that my misguided feelings for Angelique were the result of yet another dream curse that she inflicted upon me in 1840.

     Julia and I honeymooned in the Pacific (I felt it unwise for me to visit the islands in the Atlantic Ocean), but I am afraid I must report that our trip was less than idyllic. We made the mistake of taking what was advertised as a "3 hour tour" of the Hawaiian Islands. The first mate, a lout named Gilligan who made Willie appear scholarly, and his skipper were totally inept when the weather started getting rough. The tiny ship we were aboard was tossed, and we took ground upon the shore of an uncharted desert isle. We were stranded there as castaways for what seemed like years until we were finally rescued by a division of the Hawaiian State Police called Hawaii Five-O.

     Following our honeymoon, Julia and I were surprised by some very good news. We are pleased to announce that we will soon become parents for the very first time! The baby is expected in early spring, and Willie and I have spent the autumn preparing for the youngest Collins’ arrival. This has, of course, meant that the Old House has been subjected to the necessities of the 20^th century including electricity, telephone service and plumbing. I must admit that I have adjusted quickly to these conveniences although I doubt I shall ever become accustomed to the music that Willie blasts incessantly from his stereo. I cannot abide his favorite recording artists, The Stones That Gather No Moss or some such group, which to my horror sing a song called "Sympathy for the Devil." I must admit, however, that I can identify with another of their songs entitled "You Can’t Always Get What You Want." In addition to the installment of the aforementioned modern conveniences, we have been converting one of the bedrooms into a nursery. For some reason, the carpenters we hired have not made much headway on the job and are constantly underfoot. I’m afraid I cannot recommend the Monroe "Brothers," Alf and Ralph (a woman oddly enough), to any of you who may be considering home improvements.

     In the meantime, we were quite concerned that our past actions might come to light and put us in jeopardy when a strange police detective arrived in Collinsport to investigate the rather unusual goings on here over the past few years. This man, whose name was Columbo, was extremely odd. He always appeared in a wrinkled overcoat and was constantly at my heels, asking question after question. Fortunately, an old lawyer friend of Julia’s from Los Angeles, a fellow named Mason, agreed to help us, and he succeeded in diverting Columbo from the truth of what had really happened at Collinwood. Mason was accompanied by his very lovely secretary, a Miss Della Street. It was obvious that the two of them were very much in love but that Mason was denying his feelings for her. With Julia’s prodding, I managed to show the lawyer the error of his ways, and now Miss Street will soon become Mrs. Mason. Apparently Julia felt I had some experience in this area from which Mason could benefit.

     Although we both dreaded it, Julia and I knew that Angelique would certainly make another appearance in our lives, and sure enough, she appeared on our doorstep on All Hallow’s Eve. We were prepared for her, however; Stokes had contacted an astronaut friend of his in Florida who had sent us a special bottle used to house genies and other imps. With a little trickery, we were able to cork Angelique in the bottle so that I would no longer have to dream of her with her light blonde hair. She did manage to escape once with the help of her until now unknown sister, Serena, but Julia called in a former colleague of hers, a Dr. Bombay, who assisted us in recapturing the witch. My first wife now sits in her bottle in a spot on the mantel where we can keep her under surveillance at all times.

Just recently, yet another former acquaintance of Julia’s from the medical profession paid us a visit. Dr. Richard Kimble was looking for help in proving that he did not kill his wife and thought that perhaps Julia could be of assistance to him. He abruptly disappeared, however, when a Lt. Gerard came snooping around. We were very pleased to see the Lieutenant on his way, as the man was much too inquisitive about things in general.

     Collinwood appears to be peaceful at the moment, and Julia and I are eagerly looking forward to the holiday season and to the new addition to our family. Our lives would be absolutely perfect if we could only rid ourselves of a very strange man named Mr. Serling who keeps popping up out of the shadows talking about the twilight. I imagine, however, that Collinwood will always be host to some sort of manifestations. I can only hope that it is never subjected to the attentions of any teenage vampire slayers.

Best Wishes for a Blessed Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!

Your Friends,

Barnabas and Julia Collins