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New Beginnings--A Valentine's Day story Julia Hoffman scanned her appointment book for the next two days. Nothing out of the ordinary--good, she thought. She was about to close the book and tidy up her desk when she noticed the date--February 13. "Damn," she muttered as she leaned back against her chair with a sigh. Another Valentine's Day about to rear its ugly head. Trying to remain objective, she told herself it was irrational for her to dread this day so. After all, it was just another day--except that it was filled with flowers, candy, intimate dinners, and romantic evenings. Closing her eyes, she recalled enduring the onslaught of Valentine's Day stories and plans told by her staff each year. It was worse than Christmas, for goodness sake! She had gotten quite good at listening politely, smiling, and even interjecting comments at appropriate times. It seemed to be a role she was destined to play, the middle aged spinster doctor, vicariously living Valentine's Day through the experiences of others. It wouldn't have been so bad, had she not had someone who filled her waking hours with his intoxicating presence, and haunted her dreams with unfulfilled passion. There had been many times Julia had regretted the day she met Barnabas Collins, and Valentine's Day was definitely one of them. Looking back, she chuckled, recalling the first time she explained this particular modern day tradition to him. He had looked both amused and haughty as he commented, "A whole day devoted to lovers, simply because someone has arbitrarily deemed it so. It appears to be a frivolous waste of both time and money. I shall never understand it." Julia had to agree with him, the tradition did seem rather silly. It would be just fine with HER to do away with the frivolity of Valentine's Day. To Julia, it was just another unwelcome reminder of one more year spent alone. She'd come to accept the fact that she would always love Barnabas. She'd also recently come to believe that he would never return her feelings. So, being the practical woman she was, she reasoned that having his friendship was better than having nothing of him at all. She'd begun to stop expecting anything more. "One more day and it'll be over for another year," she told herself. Gathering a few files to look over that evening, she took one last look at her office. Satisfied that all was in order, she left for home. Tempted as she always was to stop at the Old House before going to Collinwood, she started to turn her car into the drive. Then, remembering she had already stopped in two nights in a row, she changed her mind. Not wanting to appear too eager or presumptuous, she reluctantly turned back toward the great house. The evening proceeded uneventfully for her, with Mrs. Johnson's dinner tasting unusually palatable. Companionable conversation with Elizabeth followed dinner, before she excused herself for the night. Spreading her files out on the desk, she began to read, but found she could not concentrate. Attempting to write in her journal yielded similar results. Deciding she must be tired, she slipped off her robe and climbed into bed. Closing her eyes did nothing to clear her mind, and she soon found herself turning on the light and pacing the floor. Then, stopping at the desk, she sat down, knowing what she had to do. Reaching for a new piece of paper, she picked up her pen and began to write. ~~~*~~~ (Reaching for a new piece of paper, she picked up her pen and began writing.) My Dearest Barnabas, I feel compelled to write to you, although I never intend for you to read this. It is the eve of Valentine's Day, and I am once again faced with the prospect of spending this day for lovers alone. I know it is difficult for you to understand this tradition, having just been introduced to it a few short years ago. I, on the other hand, have grown up with it; and its symbolism and customs have become engrained in me. Valentine's Day is a day to express your love and appreciation to the person who brings meaning and joy to your life. It is a day to tell them, be it through gifts, words, or actions how much you love them--how glad you are that they are a part of your life. For me, dear Barnabas, that person is you. I have never told you how merely seeing you brightens my day, the touch of your hand causes my pulse to race, how your pain becomes my own. All that we have been through together, the good and the bad, I would gladly do again--for your sake. I have often dreamed of telling you these things, and in my dreams you take me in your arms and whisper your love in return. While these dreams remain very precious to me, I am not deluded into believing they can ever become a reality. We are friends, dear friends, and for that I am grateful. I hope to always share that part of your life. And so, my feelings will continue to go unspoken. My days and nights will continue to be filled with restless anticipation until I see you again. For it is only then that my soul can find peace. So, my darling, whether you know it or not, I send you my love on this Valentine's Day; and my thanks for being that one person in my life who makes me feel complete, if only for the briefest of time. All my love, Julia
Putting down the pen, she felt relief begin to wash over her. The words, unspoken for so long, had finally been said. They had needed to be said for the sake of the woman who wrote them. Mixed with the relief she now felt came sadness, for she believed the words would never be read. Not knowing what else to do with it, she placed the letter in the front of one of her files. Julia then found she was tired after all. Now unburdened, she lay her head on the pillow, and found more restful sleep than she'd had in weeks.
At the Old House that evening, Barnabas Collins sat in his drawing room reading, and occasionally looking at the clock on the mantle. He'd expected Julia to stop by this evening. She'd come the previous two days, and he'd been sure she would come tonight. But she hadn't. As the hour grew later and Barnabas realized that Julia wasn't coming, he retired to his study to work on some financial records. After ten minutes he stood up, for too many mistakes had been made from lack of concentration. He felt irritable, anxious, and disappointed. Disappointed, he knew, because Julia had not come. He tried to shake off the feeling. After all, she had never said she was coming tonight. Neither had he asked her to, he reminded himself. There was nothing formal between them, spoken or written, to bind them to each other in any way. But in reality there was a bond between them. An unspoken bond, forged out of adversity, mutual trust, understanding, and acceptance. It was that bond that gave Barnabas the ability to cope with the hell he had lived through, as well as the struggles he now faced in this time. There was no one person Barnabas Collins had ever trusted more than Julia. She knew his darkest secrets, certainly had seen him at his worst; and amazingly accepted him anyway, just as he was. He had no doubt that she alone had saved his sanity and given him a chance at a new life. Barnabas could only guess at the personal sacrifices Julia had made on his behalf. He knew, of course, of her feelings for him. In the past he had tried to manipulate her and exploit those feelings for his own gain. She had forgiven him for that, somehow, and continued to offer him as much of herself as he would allow. Yet he knew she wanted more. And now, he realized, so did he. Forced now to confront his own feelings, he came upon the reason he had resisted doing so before. He was afraid. Afraid of losing the security of that precious bond of trust and unconditional acceptance that Julia offered him. Afraid that somehow any change in their relationship might jeopardize that which he had come to depend so heavily upon. Afraid that new expectations might be placed on him which he would be unable to fulfill. As he continued to reflect, Barnabas found that his longing for her this night proved greater than his fears and insecurities. The time had come for him to be honest with himself as well as Julia. Knowing that tomorrow was Valentine's Day, he smiled, and began to make plans. ~~~*~~~ Julia awoke early the next morning feeling refreshed. She took an early breakfast, chatted amiably with Mrs. Johnson, and headed off to Wyndcliffe. Glancing at the Old House as she left the drive, she toyed with the idea (for a fleeting moment) of leaving the letter she'd written to Barnabas the night before. But her good sense stopped her, and she continued on her way. The day proved to be a particularly busy one, with more than its share of emergencies. Julia was tired, but also grateful that the pace of the day had precluded her from listening to too many Valentine's Day plans from the staff. It was already getting dark when Julia made her way back to her office. She paused to smell the bouquet of flowers that her secretary had received from her boyfriend. She had already gone for the day, but had left her boss a note regarding some unfinished business. Turning with a sigh, Julia decided to grab a sandwich from the kitchen and catch up on some paperwork. Julia never would have guessed that a mystery was brewing at Collinwood, and that she was at the center of it. Earlier that afternoon, a dozen long stem roses had been delivered for her, along with a mysterious sealed note. It took all the willpower that Elizabeth and Carolyn had not to open it to ascertain the identity of Julia's secret admirer. "It has to be Barnabas," Elizabeth had stated assuredly. "He doesn't always show it outwardly, but I'm sure he's very fond of Julia." "Perhaps he is," Carolyn giggled, "but my money's on Professor Stokes. I've seen the way he looks at her when he thinks no one is looking." Intrigued, she continued, "Or perhaps its neither one of them. Maybe it's someone she knows from Wyndcliffe." "Well, whomever they are from, I think I'd better have Mrs. Johnson bring them up to Julia's room, before our curiosity gets the better of us," Elizabeth said with a rare smile.
Barnabas had expected Julia to get his note along with the flowers, and meet him at the Old House. He had the table elegantly set for two, with a rare bottle of wine waiting to be opened, and a catered meal in the kitchen. He was confident Julia would be along soon. His anxiety grew as the time passed without any sign of her. Finally, a little before 8:30, he could take it no longer and set off for Collinwood. Upon arriving, he was puzzled to find that Julia had not yet come in. Surely, she couldn't still be at Wyndcliffe. Excusing himself, he tried to telephone her, but was not able to get through. Some kind of line down outside of town, the operator had informed him. Trying to appear casual, he said goodbye to his cousins and started back to the Old House. After he had left, Elizabeth inwardly gloated, knowing she had been right about the identity of the origin of Julia's gifts. Instead of turning down the path to the Old House, Barnabas went instead to his car. He needed to see Julia tonight. Hoping she was still at Wyndcliffe, he began the long drive, alert to any car resembling hers along the way. When he arrived, he was relieved to see Julia's car still in the parking lot, and the light on in her office. As he approached the front door, Barnabas was stopped by the security guard, who smiled when he recognized him. There were definitely some advantages to being a Collins from Collinsport, he decided. After exchanging pleasantries with the guard, he continued on to Julia's office. The outer door was closed, but not locked. Julia's office door was ajar, with a faint light coming from inside. He opened the door slowly, expecting to see Julia at her desk. When he did not, his eyes were drawn to the corner of the room. There was the source of the light. A small reading lamp had been turned on next to the sofa, where Julia lay, apparently fallen asleep while reading some of her charts. He approached slowly, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her body as she slept. Not wanting to startle her, Barnabas sat down in the chair next to the sofa and just watched her for several minutes. Smiling, he decided to pick up some of the files that had fallen on the floor before waking her. As he was putting the papers back into a pile, one piece caught his eye, looking out of place from the rest. Picking it up, he saw his name on it in Julia's handwriting. Knowing he probably shouldn't look at it, but too curious to put it down, he began to read Julia's letter. My dearest Barnabas, (it began) ~~~*~~~ When Barnabas had finished reading, he carefully took out his handkerchief and wiped the corners of his eyes, which had begun to moisten. Replacing the letter inside the top file, he turned his attention to Julia. She had not stirred since his arrival. Kneeling down beside her, he tenderly touched her cheek, softly calling her name. As she opened her eyes she was visibly startled by Barnabas' unexpected presence, as she struggled to gain her bearings. Glancing at the clock she sat up, rubbing her face for a moment. "Barnabas, what are you doing here? And at this hour?", she inquired, still somewhat disoriented. With a small smile he replied simply, "Looking for you." Her pulse began to quicken with alarm as she asked, "What's the matter? Has anything happened?" Julia was accustomed to Barnabas searching her out only in emergency situations. Seeing her reaction he replied quickly, "Nothing is the matter, Julia, except for the fact that you never got my dinner invitation." Julia noted with puzzlement the sparkle in his dark eyes. Not knowing how to respond to his last statement, she opened her mouth to question him, but he spoke first. "Come with me, Julia. I have dinner waiting for us at the Old House. I'll explain on the way." She still was somewhat mystified by his attitude, but agreed. Barnabas waited as she put away her files and closed up her office. Then, agreeing to take his car, she accepted his offer to drive her back in the morning. The drive back to the Old House was filled with her weary conversation about the events of the day, then Barnabas' explanation of the flowers and his dinner invitation. As he spoke, he was still touched by the words she had written for him, but never meant for him to see. He decided not to reveal to her, at least yet, that he had indeed read them. Julia's voice interrupted his thoughts. "But Barnabas, you've never given me flowers before. Why..." "Perhaps I should have," came his reply, with a sideways glance that made her heart pound.
Julia was stunned to see the elegant table setting when she entered the drawing room. She blushed as Barnabas escorted her to her seat and pushed in the chair. Next, he opened the wine and filled both their glasses. He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, excusing himself to warm their meal. When he returned, he proposed a toast. "To new beginnings," he said softly. As they drank, Julia noticed that he did not take his eyes from her face. Beginning to feel the hope she had tried so hard to abandon, she wondered if this was not a dream. The dinner was spectacular, and Julia ate more than she normally would. When she had put down her napkin and taken her last sip of wine, she looked at him with a satisfied smile. "Barnabas, that was absolutely superb. I can't remember when I've had a more delightful time." Pausing for a moment, she continued, "I have to admit I'm a bit baffled, though. Why tonight?" As if on cue, Barnabas put down his napkin and stood up. Reaching for her hand, he pulled her up to face him. "Why, it's Valentine's Day, of course," he answered in his rich voice. Julia swallowed hard, trying to stop the flush that had begun to warm her face and neck. "It seems, my dear," he began, "that we have been together for a long time. We know each other so well, yet we remain so far apart." Studying her expression, he could see the struggle within her. A slight quiver in her lip gave the first sign that her control was wavering. He gently took her hands in his, then brought them to his lips, never taking his eyes from hers. She gasped aloud as he then opened one of her hands, and slowly began to kiss each one of her fingers. Before she knew it, Julia found herself held tightly in his embrace, his breath in her ear, his heart pounding wildly against her own. All she could manage to say was his name, over and over, as she caressed his back with her trembling hands. He pulled back a moment before he kissed her, and managed to whisper "Happy Valentine's Day, darling," before they became locked in a passionate lovers kiss which neither wished to break.
When Julia did not return to Collinwood that night, Elizabeth Collins Stoddard looked out the window toward the Old House, and smiled. She alone would understand why, in the coming years, Valentine's Day would hold such a special meaning for the occupants of the old mansion. THE END |