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| Confession by |
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The vampire watched
his victim - and cousin - Carolyn Stoddard as she
walked from the drawing room and left the Old
House. He listen with his inner senses until she
was about to enter the woods between his home and
Collinwood, then turned away to stare into the
fire. Her words echoed in his mind. "Barnabas, that was very cruel of you. She really loves you. You shouldn't have done that. Couldn't you have thought of some other way?" Collins closed his eyes and tried to think of his plans for Julia Hoffman, but Carolyn's words stayed in his mind and would not be banished. All he had done was tell Hoffman what she wanted to hear; "confess" to her he had changed, realized he cared for her, and really did want her help. He knew her well and she had believed him with an ease he found almost laughable. Then why did Carolyn's words haunt him so? Why did he keep thinking about what she had said, and, in the back of his mind, know she was right? Had he changed? Had he developed that conscious he'd told Julia he now possessed? No. He was using her own weakness against her, as any enemy would do to thwart an opponent. That she had believed him was her own downfall. And yet... could he be sure she really had believed him? A small part of him did regret the necessity of leading Julia on, of pretending to want her help. He did not completely relish what he would soon do to Doctor Julia Hoffman, but knew it to be necessary to his own survival. Hoffman had betrayed him by trying to turn Victoria Winters against him. Hoffman would get nothing she did not deserve. Still... he would miss her - a little - when she was gone. He had almost come to welcome her presence in his life, to admire her independence, and to enjoy the time they spent together. * * * * * The memory of that night replayed itself through Barnabas' mind for at least the dozenth time. He sat beside Julia's bed, watching her, wishing he could do more, cursing himself for not keeping her safe. His memory reached back to encompass the next night as well. It was the night he had tried to drive Julia insane by making her believe Dave Woodard's ghost was haunting her. But Julia proved stronger than he anticipated. She not only survived his torment, but rallied above it, turning the tables on him with the news his sister, Sarah, had appeared to her and talked with her. Barnabas came very close to killing Julia that night, and easily would have had not Julia's words ultimately given him what he desired most at that time: a chance to see and talk with Sarah again. The ghost of his long dead little sister appeared, preventing Barnabas from killing Julia, and reminding him of a lesson he had taught her when she was learning to read and write; reminding him that he must be good and promising she would not come to him again so long as he was evil. Ironically that night had begun a change for Barnabas Collins - in his life and in his relationship with Julia Hoffman. Now, months later, he could fully accept that Carolyn's admonishing his treatment of Julia as intentionally, deliberately and extremely cruel had been accurate. He could now accept the knowledge that Julia had indeed loved him, even when he was most hurtful to her. He clearly recalled how Julia had shown him compassion, felt and understood his pain at seeing Sarah, only to lose her again, minutes after he had tried to kill Julia. She had not turned on him, even when he told her she meant very little to him. Had it been true then? No, not as true as he'd made himself believe all those months ago. It certainly wasn't true now, as he sat beside Julia, fearful of losing her. She meant everything to him. Barnabas could also now accept those feelings were mutual and had been for a very long time. He'd not been able to admit it until now, and now could be too late. Julia was near death - because of him. Barnabas took Julia's hand and pressed it to his lips, holding it there as he watched her pale face, listened to her strained breathing. He wanted nothing more than for Julia to open her eyes and smile at him. But she would not, unless he did something to help her, to save her. Gingerly Barnabas allowed his gaze to settle on Julia's neck, and the fang marks that marred it. Roxanne, under Angelique's control, had done this to Julia. It was Angelique's revenge for his feelings toward Roxanne, and Angelique's jealousy of the relationship Julia shared with him. Angelique did not believe he and Julia were nothing more than dear, devoted friends. Perhaps she was right; perhaps Angelique clearly saw what he had denied for so long. That Julia loved him was obvious. That he loved Julia was perhaps equally obvious - to everyone but himself and Julia. It was up to him to save Julia. Barnabas closed his eyes a moment, then opened them again to study Julia's face once more. He knew what to do. His dear Roxanne would have to be destroyed. He would have to find some way to give her the peace of death he had been denied, and remove her as a pawn in this game Angelique played. As for Angelique, Barnabas would deal with her later. He had to save Julia and he had to give Roxanne her final rest. He and Angelique had been at odds for so long that a little while longer would not matter. Hearing Flora Collins on the stairs, bringing the items he had requested be used to protect Julia when he was away from her, Barnabas reached out and touched Julia's hair. He stood and bent over her, leaning down to place a tender kiss on her nearly cold lips. "I love you, Julia. No matter what comes of this, know that will never change. I love you." Barnabas lingered a moment, and smiled when he felt her hand grip his. It was a weak, barely perceptible squeeze of his hand, but it was not a reflex action. He bent close and kissed her again, whispering near her ear. "I love you, Julia. We will be together." Her eyes fluttered open briefly and she smiled weakly. Barnabas had the sensation of his heart skipping a beat. She had heard, understood, and believed this time. And this time, he truly meant his confession of love for Julia Hoffman. * * * * * * * * * * Terry S. Bowers May 10, 1999 -------------------- |