She stood beside the grave, eyes resting on the dry ground, and the headstone that marked the grave. Thank God it wasn't his grave, although it easily could be. Perhaps not literally, for the grave marked the final resting place of Victoria Winters, who was hanged as a witch in 1796, but if Barnabas were not extremely careful, there was every chance he would not return as he expected to. And if he did return, what would be his condition; would he be human, as when he'd left, or would he again be a vampire, as he'd been in 1796?

Julia Hoffman took a deep, shuddering breath and reached out a trembling hand to touch Victoria Winters' headstone. She stood right where she stood now, and watched while Barnabas summoned the spirit of Peter Bradford to help him; to take him into the past so he could save Vicki from hanging. Julia had not really believed Peter would help Barnabas. Bradford knew of Barnabas' feelings for Vicki and resented them, not liking the fact Collins was also in love with her, but perhaps Bradford was desperate enough to keep Vicki alive that he would accept help from almost anyone - including Barnabas. Now Julia wasn't as certain as she had been, for she had watched as Barnabas faded away, leaving her alone in the cemetery. She could only hope Barnabas had indeed been taken to the past, and that he would be safe there.

Julia took another deep breath to calm her fears and tried to push the concern for Barnabas that she felt growing with each moment aside so she could think clearly. Hoffman laughed derisively at herself. She hadn't truly been thinking clearly where Barnabas was concerned for months. If she had, she would never have gotten involved in so many things. If she had been thinking clearly, she would have cut her losses and beat a hasty retreat back to Wyndecliffe when the experiments to make Barnabas human failed. However by then it was too late. She was too emotionally involved with Barnabas, one sided though it was, to just walk away. Julia knew she could never leave now. She was too involved, she knew too much, and she loved Barnabas too much to forget the past months and go back to her life, her practice as if nothing had happened; as if she and Barnabas had never met.

Doctor Hoffman shook her head, her thoughts again returning to Barnabas' safety in 1796. She knew he would rely on Ben Stokes for help, and perhaps Barnabas' foreknowledge of events would be an advantage, but there were so many uncontrollable factors that could intervene, and make the situation worse. She had tried to make Barnabas aware of this, but he would not listen. He was so focused on preventing Vicki's death by going into the past to change the events of that night that he would not listen to her. Not that Barnabas ever really did listen to her when she was opposed to his plans. Sometimes Julia wondered why she wasted the breath. But she knew the answer to that; because she loved Barnabas and she would do anything she could to protect him, from the world, from supernatural forces and, futile as it sometimes was, from himself.

Stepping around the gravestone so she could read the inscription, Julia wondered, not for the first time, what it was about herself that Barnabas didn't find desirable or attractive or whatever criteria he used to assess a woman in a romantic way. He knew she cared deeply for him, and there was some affection for her on his part, but it wasn't love. Julia also wondered if Barnabas would put himself into the same kind of danger for her as he was doing for Victoria. Would he travel through time, risk the vampire curse, and risk being unable to return to the present if she were in danger in 1796 rather than Vicki Winters? Julia knew the answer was probably no. Barnabas would do all he could to help her, but most likely would not endanger himself as he was doing for Vicki. And yet... Julia knew Barnabas had been very worried for her, and had endangered himself, risked his safety for her when she was a victim of the vampire Tom Jennings. The relief in Barnabas' eyes and the tenderness in his touch when he came to Josette's room to see her after Jennings was destroyed had been genuine and heartfelt. Still Julia had to wonder if his concern had been primarily for her, or for the experiment and ultimately, Vicki, who was to have been Adam's first victim had the experiment to create his mate failed. It always seemed to come back to Victoria Winters.

More than anyone else, Julia knew pursuing this line of thought was useless. There was no explaining or understanding what attracted one person to another, what caused a person to fall in love with someone. She herself was a prime example. Julia couldn't explain why she was in love with Barnabas, but she was and she knew it wasn't going to change any time soon, perhaps never. Julia realized she could be in love with Barnabas Collins for the rest of her life and he would never return that love, or even acknowledge its existence. It didn't matter. Julia was willing to accept that possibility, willing to continue helping and protecting Barnabas as needed, no matter what form that help or protection took. She couldn't explain that either. It's just the way it was.

Taking a last look at the headstone, Julia closed her eyes and listened to the sounds around her. She swallowed hard and balled her fists in concentration.

"Spirit of Peter Bradford, hear me. Let Barnabas Collins come to no harm. Let him do what he feels he must in 1796, let him help Victoria Winters and you to live and be happy together. I implore you to let him come back to the present when he is finished. He must come back... Barnabas, you must come back to the present... to me. You must."

Julia opened her eyes, looked around, and reluctantly left the graveside. She hoped Barnabas would somehow hear her plea, and heed it. Perhaps, if he knew how much she wanted and needed him in the present, it would make a difference. Perhaps not, but she had tried, and she would not give up hope of his safe return to her. She would do whatever she could to make certain that happened, that Barnabas did come back to her, because she would not allow that burial plot to become Barnabas' grave as well.

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Terry S. Bowers

December 11, 1999