Differences

Terry S. Bowers
July 24, 2000

Damn! She hated this. She hated what had been done to Barnabas, what it forced him to do - what it forced her to do; the way she was about to disrupt another person's life and pull him back into something they had all hoped they would never have to do again, never have to face again.

Julia Hoffman sat back in her chair and reviewed her notes. When Barnabas was cured and in the past, in 1897, after the rest of the family moved back to Collinwood once Quentin's ghost no longer haunted the great mansion, Julia had told Willie to take some much deserved time off. He took a month, then asked her for a job at Wyndecliffe, which she gladly gave him. She was sure Barnabas would not mind, and perhaps be pleased that Willie was moving on with his life. In fact, Barnabas had not even asked about Willie while he was under the Leviathan influence, perhaps glad of one less thing to concern him, one less person to be wary of, but now... Now that the Leviathans had cursed Barnabas to be a vampire again, Barnabas needed Willie back - she needed Willie back. As much as she wanted to, Julia could not guard Barnabas every day, nor could Quentin. Willie would have to come back and assume the duties he'd performed before. She knew he wouldn't like it, but neither did Barnabas, or Quentin or herself.

Julia hated it. She had traced Willie just so far, but then lost him. She knew she would have to go look for him herself, and although Quentin could be trusted to watch over Barnabas during the day, she did not want to leave him. She feared something would happen, something would go wrong if she left Barnabas, was terrified Jeb would find where his coffin was hidden if she left Barnabas, but she had no choice. Julia also knew she was the only person who had any hope of convincing Willie to return.

Shaking her head, Julia released a heavy sigh and closed her eyes. She hated that Barnabas was once again a vampire and hated that she had to resume the injections. Hating the situation, the circumstances, did little good and only served to frustrate her. Julia was doing everything she could to make the situation and circumstances better. This had to include going to look for Willie.

"Oh, Barnabas..."

The one thing she did not hate about this whole, intolerable situation was that things between herself and Barnabas were so different than before. They were friends now, they trusted and relied on each other, confided in and consulted each other. Barnabas was willing to accept her medical decisions rather than question and challenge and fight them at every opportunity. He understood there were risks and unknown factors involved, and gratefully allowed her the freedom she needed to adjust to those variables.

Also different was Barnabas' treatment of her. She was no longer 'Doctor Hoffman', but Julia, his friend, his protector... at times his champion and his conscience. That changed relationship made things so much easier. He accepted and welcomed her help, turning to her for advise and strength when he had none of his own. Although she had no proof, although Barnabas had done or said nothing to support her belief, Julia thought more than just his attitude toward her had changed. Something in his manner, in his tone of voice,... the look in his eyes gave her hope that, when she was successful and Barnabas was once again human, he might one day confirm her suspicions. Julia knew it would never happen so long as he was a vampire, but afterward...

Hearing the creak of the cellar door, Julia put her notes away and rose from the chair. She watched the entrance to the drawing room, an affectionate smile coming to her face when Barnabas walked into the room. An answering smile touched his sad, gaunt features as he closed the distance between them. His cold fingers gently brushed across the back of Julia's hand as their gazes met.

"Julia. I am glad you are here."

It had become his standard greeting to her after he rose, but it was not spoken by rote or as part of a meaningless ritual. His expression told Julia he meant every word of it, and she briefly allowed her fingers to caress his.

"Good evening, Barnabas. How are you feeling?"

This too was her standard reply, but Julia asked the question with more than professional curiosity. Again Barnabas' expression told her that he understood, even though they could not speak of it.

"About the same."

Julia nodded, the switched to 'doctor mode' as she slipped her hands into the pockets of her dress.

"I'm hoping that will change soon, Barnabas. I've made some slight alterations to the serum. If you react as I expect, you'll soon notice a marked improvement."

"How soon will that be, Julia?"

"Several more days. I still have some clinical trials to run."

Barnabas nodded. He disliked the waiting, but also knew he could not rush the treatments or force Julia to accelerate the schedule. She'd made that very clear to him the night she resumed the injections, and he was no longer quite so impatient. He hated each night he rose as a vampire, but no longer had the desire, the need, to manipulate, bully, frighten and intimidate Julia as he had once done. He welcomed - cherished - her presence in his life, and would do absolutely nothing to harm her.

Barnabas met Julia's gaze, almost afraid to ask if she'd been able to locate Willie Loomis yet. He knew Willie had to come back, had to assume his previous duties, but Barnabas also knew he would miss Julia's presence in the house everyday, would miss the... security he felt knowing she was there to guard him. Perhaps it was absurd, for during the day he was aware of nothing, could not sense his own surroundings unless danger was present, but he still felt better - more at ease... safer... each morning when dawn arrived and he knew Julia would be there with him during the day.

"Have you been able to find Willie Loomis yet?"

"... Yes and no. I know where he was as recently as a week ago, but I'm getting no reply when I try to call. I'm going to have to go find him, Barnabas."

Momentary panic crossed Barnabas' face at the thought of being without Julia for even a brief while, but he controlled it and nodded. Julia would not leave if there were any other alternative. He knew Quentin could be trusted to guard him during the day, and that should have settled his fears completely, but it did not.

It was odd, he realized, his dependence on Julia. He did not like thinking of himself in that way, and yet... it was true. He relied on Julia for so much; not simply for protection during the day. Anyone properly under his vampire control could protect him. Julia was more than that. She was a constant in his life and the thought of suddenly being without her... he would simply have to find some way to adjust, to cope. He knew Julia would be gone no longer than was absolutely necessary. Again Barnabas nodded.

"When will you leave, Julia?"

"In the morning. I have some lab work I need to do, and..."

"Is it vital, Julia?"

"It is important, Barnabas."

"Would it do any harm if you were to postpone it, for a little while?"

"No, probably not, but why?"

"I...rather hoped... we might spend this night...together."

Julia felt herself begin to blush, her heart to beat a little faster. From just the look on Barnabas' face she knew he did not mean with her bent over her lab journals and microscope while he looked on. She knew Barnabas was worried about her, living at Collinwood among those who were 'the enemy' - Elizabeth, Amy, David, Mrs. Johnson... If spending time with Barnabas now, before she left, would help put his concerns to rest, she would gladly do so, not that she needed a reason or excuse to spend time with Barnabas. Julia nodded.

"That would be very nice, Barnabas."

He smiled gratefully, a bit relieved, and glanced at the mantle clock. It was still early. He was not certain what he and Julia would do this night, but they never seemed to have trouble passing time when they were together. He was certain it would be no different tonight, except that he wanted to do more with her than simply sit by the fire and discuss the current crisis. In fact, he didn't want to discuss the current crisis at all.

"Let me give you the injection now, Barnabas, then we can do whatever you have planned."

"All right."

Barnabas removed his suit jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeve as he sat in the chair. While Julia prepared the injection, he considered how they might pass this night together.

Tired, but having enjoyed her night spent with Barnabas, Julia saw him to the cellar door just before dawn. He opened the door, then turned to face her, meeting her gaze, his concern for her welfare once again evident in his eyes.

"Promise me you will rest before you leave to find Willie. You are exhausted, Julia."

"I promise, Barnabas. Quentin will be here at noon to relieve me, and I'll nap until then. I'll be back as quickly as I can."

Barnabas nodded, gently touched her hand, then turned and was gone. Julia closed the cellar door behind him, waiting until she heard him reach the bottom of the stairs before turning away.

She walked to the drawing room and seated herself in Barnabas' favorite chair. She was exhausted, but could not sleep immediately, her memories of the night just past still fresh in her mind.

She and Barnabas had done nothing special or out of the ordinary, but that had not detracted from the uniqueness of the time they were together. They had gone for a long walk along the beach, most often silent but enjoying the simple fact they were with each other. Barnabas had not done or said anything to lead her on or give her any false hopes, but Julia could not shake the feeling that she and Barnabas had reached a turning point in their relationship. She wasn't quite sure what it was or where it would eventually lead, but she did know they could never go back.

Their friendship, devotion and loyalty to each other was stronger, more intense than it had ever been before. The Leviathans had intended to drive them apart, but instead they had done just the opposite. For that Julia was grateful. For everything else... she would do her very best to overcome what the Leviathans had done to Barnabas, do her very best to undermine their plans for everyone else, especially Carolyn.

Things were very different between herself and Barnabas now. Julia smiled and allowed herself to drift into a light sleep. She liked the differences.

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