Trust

Terry S. Bowers
August 1, 2000

Stopping her car at the end of the driveway, Julia Hoffman flipped on her turn signal, checked to be sure there was no cross traffic, then sat there, her gloved hands gripping the steering wheel. A storm raged in the distance, never quite close enough to drop the threatened rain, but close enough to provide a spectacular light and sound display. Julia closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat, exhaling deeply.

She shook her head, replaying the conversation she'd had with Barnabas less than an hour ago. For some reason, at his mention of Megan Todd and the 'talk' he'd had with her, Julia felt her jealousy suddenly flare and it reflected in her tone of voice, her question. She'd demanded to know what 'else' Barnabas had with Megan. His evasive reply, followed by his confession that the serum was affecting him differently this time and he craved blood confirmed for Julia what she'd feared. Barnabas had given in to his need for blood and Megan was the source, even though he would not admit it, would not tell her.

Julia wondered how far it had gone between Barnabas and Megan; how many times he'd attacked her. Julia worried it might already be too late for Megan and wondered why Barnabas had not told her of his need for blood until now, had not told her the serum was not working as it had before. As she sat there, her turn signal blinking, the storm growing ever nearer, Julia realized what she'd felt earlier was not truly jealousy, but also a mixture of fear, anger and concern. Julia was angry with Barnabas for not telling her about his reaction to the serum injections, and alarmed that he had not told her, wondering he felt he could not - or should not - tell her. She was concerned that her fears were about to be proven, that for some reason Barnabas was not reacting to the serum as he had in the past, not through any fault with the serum formula, but for a reason she as yet had not discovered. And yes, she was jealous - that Barnabas turned to Megan for his needs instead of coming to her, telling her and allowing her to help him. Instead he'd kept it from her, as if it were some shameful secret or some kind of... betrayal, deceiving her as if he no longer trusted her. That thought, that possibility hurt Julia more deeply than any of the other options could. She did not understand this sudden need of secrecy on Barnabas' part, but she would. She would somehow find out why Barnabas had kept this from her. He knew she could help him, knew she would never betray him and yet...

Shaking her head, Julia opened her eyes and glanced around her. She would find some way to get to the bottom of this before dawn. One way or another she would find out why Barnabas had not trusted her. Checking the traffic again, Julia eased her car from the driveway and headed into Collinsport. She had specifically asked the pharmacy to stay open until she arrived and had already kept them waiting too long.

Megan Todd was dead. Julia's earlier fears had been confirmed when she arrived at the Old House in time to see Barnabas release his fangs from her neck and catch Megan as she fell after he'd fed from her. She admitted to Barnabas she knew he had not attacked Megan by choice, but that did not change the fact Megan had died as a result of his need for blood. Nor did it change the fact she would not stay 'dead' for long. They both knew what had to be done: find a stake and a hammer with which to destroy Megan before she rose as a vampire. Barnabas had led her to the cellar where Julia surveyed the tools on Willie's work bench for a suitable hammer or mallet while Barnabas fashioned a stake from a scrap of wood.

Julia selected a hammer she felt would do the job and laid it aside, then turned to face Barnabas as he concentrated on his task. She watched him a moment, then stepped closer to him.

"Barnabas, why didn't you tell me about your need for blood, about the serum affecting you differently before this? Surely you knew I could and would help."

Collins paused in his task to study his hands and the work they were doing. He could feel Julia standing close to him, observing him and he shifted uneasily.

"I... do not know."

"Yes you do, Barnabas. Tell me."

Julia's voice was gentle and caring, a bit strained, but far from the harsh anger he deserved. He'd been right, she was hiding her personal feelings behind her professional persona. She moved around to stand in front of him and he felt her warm hands cover his cold ones. Slowly he looked up to meet her gaze. Julia's eyes were as gentle and caring as her voice, although she could not completely hide the hurt that was reflected there. Her concern and worry were genuine.

"Tell me, Barnabas."

"I don't know, Julia. I knew it was wrong, knew I could not keep it from you for long, and knew that by keeping it from you I was only harming myself and making your task more difficult. I knew you would help me and understand and not... condemn me for what I could not control, could not resist, but I also felt that... by not telling you immediately, after the first time, I was... betraying you,... being -- unfaithful to you. I did not want to see the hurt and pain in your eyes when you realized that."

He felt Julia squeeze his hands tightly as she swallowed hard, blinking the tears away. He did not break eyes contact.

"I trust you with everything that I am, Julia, with everything that we both hope I can be again, but in this... I could not confide in you and I do not know why. The need for secrecy, for keeping this from you was nearly as strong as the need for blood."

Julia had felt her heart skip a beat when Barnabas admitted to feeling unfaithful to her in regards to this whole situation. Once again she knew their relationship was far different than it had ever been before, and they both knew bonds stronger than friendship or loyalty were the reason. But as always, this was not the time to explore this new aspect of their relationship. Julia swallowed hard and maintained eye contact with Barnabas, her hands wrapping around his just a little more tightly.

"Barnabas, you can tell me anything. Never be afraid to share with me."

"I know that, Julia, but.. I couldn't."

He shook his head, finally looking away.

"Were you afraid I'd be disappointed or angry?"

"No... Yes. I... feared you would be... disappointed that I... went to Megan to sate my needs rather than coming to you for the proper help. I knew it to be wrong at the time, yet I could not help it. I am sorry, Julia. Please, forgive me."

Julia smiled slowly and nodded as Barnabas looked at her again.

"This is not your fault, Barnabas, you are simply... following your instincts."

"Perhaps, but... it went deeper than that."

"I think I understand, Barnabas, and I will try to find out why. There has to be a reason the serum is not as effective as before, and I will find out why, but you must promise not to keep anything from me, Barnabas. Even something small and insignificant could be a clue. This does not need to happen again, there are other ways of meeting your blood needs, ways that do not include the necessity of finding another victim."

Barnabas nodded. Julia briefly wondered that were she to offer her blood to Barnabas, as she had so long ago, if he would accept. Probably not. He would still refuse, but his reasons would be vastly different than the ones he gave last time.

"Thank you, Julia. I give you my word... We had best see to Megan. The stake is ready."

Julia retrieved the mallet from the work bench and handed it to Barnabas. He nodded as he hefted it, testing the weight. Barnabas left the workshop area, dreading what he had to do but knowing he had no choice. Julia followed. He was about to climb the stairs when she placed her hand on his arm. Barnabas turned to face her.

"I will always be here for you, Barnabas. That will never change."

Another pang of guilt washed over Barnabas when he thought again that he'd been unfaithful to Julia, then realized with relief that this time, at least, he had not pushed her too far. She once again forgave him.

"I do know it, Julia, and you have no idea how grateful I am for your... steadfast loyalty in addition to... so much else that you give me."

She just nodded and smiled, then followed Barnabas up the stairs. He wanted her to stay in the cellar, claiming he had not need her and that he had already put her through so much. Julia was touched that he did not want her to witness the grizzly scene of his destroying Megan, but could not allow him to endure it alone. She insisted she was not doing anything she was being forced to do. Barnabas accepted silently and together they entered the drawing room.

They were too late. The chair in which Megan's body had rested was empty. She'd already risen. They had a new vampire to contend with, and a new set of problems only just beginning.

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