Decisions

Terry S. Bowers
August 3, 2000

Exhausted, Julia Hoffman waited in the Old House drawing room, still needing and wanting to talk with Barnabas. Earlier she had desperately needed to talk with him, but so much had happened this night, so much had changed that what she'd wanted to tell him, what she'd needed to share with him was really no longer relevant. Still, just being able to discuss what had happened would help.

Hearing the front door opened, Julia turned toward the foyer, relieved to see Barnabas was back from seeing Carolyn safely to Collinwood. After he'd rescued his cousin from the Leviathan alter, he'd brought Carolyn to her at the Old House, anxious and concerned about not only her physical well being, but her mental state as well. Julia had done what she could, then urged Barnabas to see Carolyn home. Now he was back and she was anxious to hear what had happened.

He entered the room and crossed to where Julia stood by the fireplace. His eyes were filled with relief, as well as gentle concern for her.

"Barnabas?"

"Carolyn seems to be fine, Julia. She remembers nothing after Nicholas Blair joined her at the carriage house."

Julia nodded and released a slight sigh.

"I thought that would be the case. I did what I could for her to... soften the trance he placed on her, weakened it, but not knowing if he placed any booby traps -- suggestions that would cause Carolyn harm if anyone tried to tamper with his trance or if anyone but he tried to remove it, I didn't dare try to completely negate it. With the box destroyed and the need for Carolyn to be a 'willing' participant eliminated, I suspect the affects of the hypnosis will wear off very soon. She may never remember what went on at that alter."

"That would be just as well. How is Quentin?"

"Weak, but all right. He's resting, Maggie is sitting with him."

"You should be resting as well, Julia. You look exhausted... Earlier you said you needed to talk with me, but with all that has happened this night..."

Barnabas had taken Julia's elbow and led her over to the chair by the fireplace. She gladly sat, closing her eyes in relief. It did feel good to be off her feet. Slowly she nodded and opened her eyes to meet Barnabas' gaze.

"So much has happened tonight, that it really is no longer important."

He stepped closer and captured her gaze.

"You were concerned, therefore it does matter."

Julia smiled weakly in appreciation of his concern and began by telling him what happened in her room, her abduction by the zombies, seeing Jeb in his true form, his proposition, and finally Nicholas Blair releasing her from the agreement she'd made with Jeb. Barnabas frowned and knelt before Julia.

"Are you all right? Jeb didn't harm you, or Blair either?"

"No. Both tried to threaten, frighten and intimidate me, but neither harmed me. I was concerned that Jeb wouldn't honor his promise to leave you alone when Blair cancelled his agreement with me, but in light of what he asked you to do tonight, I don't think he's likely to make any trouble."

"Nor do I... Julia, are you certain you are all right? Most people who see Jeb in his true form... do not survive."

She took a deep breath as she stood, pacing away from Barnabas and the chair. She didn't like to remember it; Jeb in his true form was one of the most hideous, ugly, evil things she had ever seen. Barnabas moved to intercept her, grasping her gently by the shoulders and meeting her gaze.

"Julia, forgive me, I did not mean to remind you."

"It's all right, Barnabas. I'm not likely to forget that experience any time soon."

He nodded his understanding, visions of Jeb's true form permanently engraved on his mind's eye as well. Then she smiled sadly and nodded.

"Yes, I seem to be... unimpaired, although I can easily understand how a person could die of shock from seeing that, or lose their mind as a result. I think only the fact Jeb needed my help kept him from... unleashing his full potential."

Barnabas again nodded, then glanced away, toward the window. He pulled back from Julia slightly and his eyes narrowed.

"Barnabas?"

"The need for blood, Julia."

"How strong is it?"

"I will be able to resist... for a time, but..."

"I'll prepare an injection immediately, although I did not have time to determine what is wrong with the serum."

"No, I think I will be all right until... until tomorrow. It will be dawn soon, and..."

He let his voice trail off, not needing to state what they both knew.

"Barnabas, did you find Megan?"

He shook his head as he looked away, eyes downcast in shame.

"No."

Julia knew how he felt about Megan Todd, about his shame and guilt over feeding from her and making her as he was - a vampire. Julia stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on his arm.

"We will find her, Barnabas."

"Julia, could you... could you treat her as you are treating me?"

She chewed her bottom lip briefly as she considered, then slowly shook her head.

"I don't know if I can, Barnabas. Until I discover what is wrong with the serum, why it is affecting you as it is, I don't think I should try to treat anyone else. There is something else you should consider, Barnabas."

"What is that?"

"That she may not... wish to be human again."

"I have tried not to think of that, Julia. Megan was always so... eager. She came to me even when I did not summon her; she knew my needs better than I did. That last night... I tried to send her away, force her to leave me alone, but she would not. She deliberately... made herself available so I could not resist."

"I'll reserve making a decision until I see her, talk with her, but... it doesn't sound as though she would want to escape her condition."

Barnabas dejectedly agreed. He again looked at Julia, the worry and concern returning to his eyes when he saw the exhaustion and fatigue reflected on her features.

"Julia, you need to rest. Allow me to see you upstairs and..."

"No, Barnabas, I'll be all right. Someone needs to be with you during the day."

"My coffin is well hidden, I will be in no danger. The threat from Jeb is, for the moment anyway, settled, and Nicholas Blair enjoys a good confrontation too much to strike while I... rest. We can make no decisions, no plans this night, Julia. Rest, re-gather your strength, your reserves. Tomorrow night we will begin again."

"I need to work on the serum today."

Barnabas shook his head in exasperated amusement as he again took Julia by the shoulders and met her gaze.

"You have learned from me very well, Julia. Your... stubborn determination is admirable, but for the moment misplaced. Please, get some rest. Do this for me."

Julia smiled wryly as she released a deep breath, shaking her head gently.

"That isn't fair, Barnabas. You know I can refuse you... very little."

"I never claimed this was to be fair, Julia."

Julia understood. They would ignore it, not discuss it, pretend it didn't matter even though both knew it mattered a great deal. Someday they could - and would - discuss it, but not now. Slowly Julia exhaled and raised her hands to place them on Barnabas' arms, his hands still resting on her shoulders.

"Very well, Barnabas. I'll get some rest."

"Come, I'll see you upstairs."

Together they turned and started up the stairs. Julia expected Barnabas to take her to Josette's room, or one of the other guest rooms, and was surprised when hr led her to his own room. She met Barnabas' gaze with curious eyes.

"We have many decisions facing us, Julia, but they need not be made this night. I cannot stay with you. I feel dawn nearing. Rest well, Julia, and I will see you at dusk."

Barnabas allowed his fingers to gently brush across the back of Julia's hand, their gazes locked. He opened the door to his room for her, then turned and was gone as the cock crowed in the distance.

"Goodnight, Barnabas."

Julia watched the empty hallway for a long moment, then turned, stepped into Barnabas' room and closed the door behind her.

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