Empty Room

 

Terry S. Bowers

October 5, 2000

Hands resting on the knobs to the doors to the parallel time room, Julia closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. It was getting so she dreaded coming here, dreaded seeing the room changed, its occupants ignorant of how much she wanted - needed - to hear even a small mention of Barnabas Collins. She was not ready to give up hope that news of Barnabas would eventually come, but each day she found it more and more difficult to remain optimistic.

Opening her eyes, Julia turned the knobs and pushed against the doors. They swung inward, revealing the room native to this stream of time. Julia wrapped her arms around herself, prepared to step inside. She paused when she heard footsteps behind her and glanced over her shoulder.

"Elizabeth."

"Julia. Should you come here so often?"

"I have to, Elizabeth. I keep hoping I will somehow learn something about Barnabas."

She stepped into the room, glad of her coat. It was chilly in the parallel time room. Elizabeth followed her in and looked around. She'd been there before, but not often. It did not hold the fascination for her that it seemed to hold for Roger, or the draw it held for Julia.

Aware Elizabeth followed her, Julia slowly walked around the room, as if seeking the one spot where she could feel Barnabas' presence most strongly. She could not find it and turned to face Elizabeth as the Collins matriarch shivered slightly, glad she had not shed her coat when she came in from her walk.

"I couldn't believe it when Roger tried to explain the time parallel to me."

"You must believe him."

Julia slipped her hands into her coat pockets, her gaze constantly scanning the room, looking for what she wasn't just sure, but hoping against hope to see it.

"I don't even like being here, knowing the way Barnabas disappeared in this room. Perhaps we should just close it completely."

"No, you can't. This is Barnabas' only chance of coming back to us."

Elizabeth suppressed a shudder, feeling very uncomfortable in the room.

"Let's go, Julia. It isn't doing either of us any good to be standing here."

"Not yet. I feel closer to Barnabas here."

"Please, Julia."

"You go ahead. I'll be down soon."

"I don't like leaving you here alone."

"If I thought I could join him, I'd stay here forever."

Julia knew her voice reflected a devotion Elizabeth would not comprehend; her eyes reflecting a light that she could not explain, but Julia couldn't care. How could she explain to Elizabeth that, although Barnabas was so far away from her, she felt his need for blood through their link. It wasn't an overwhelming, all consuming need; she didn't feel an inexplicable, agonizing compulsion to be with Barnabas at all costs, but she still felt his need, felt the desire to go to him, to help him, to provide what he needed. She could never explain that to Elizabeth. She could only do her best to meet Barnabas' needs. For the moment, it meant being as close to him as she could get; it meant staying in this room until his need passed or was met.

"Julia..."

Elizabeth's tone was one of exasperation, as if she thought Julia too old and too sensible to be mooning over Barnabas or any other man. She couldn't know what forces controlled Julia, or that Julia was not able to fully determine her own actions. Elizabeth would never know that, although Barnabas' pull on Julia was extremely weak, they were still connected and Julia would not have resisted even if she had wanted to.

Elizabeth glanced at Julia, then slowly walked from the room, going through the back room to take the side door into the hallway.

Julia took note of Elizabeth's departure, but did not acknowledge it. She slowly looked around the room, walking over toward the open double doors, unaware of the fact she was being observed by the Quentin Collins of the concurrent time band.

"Barnabas... Barnabas, can you hear me?"

Julia stopped in front of the open doors, her gaze distant, as if trying to see past the invisible barrier that separated her from the other stream of time; the barrier that kept her apart from Barnabas.

"Barnabas, are you standing in the hallway in that other time, watching me; unable to make me see you or hear you? Or has your curse, that terrible curse been discovered? Oh, if only I knew, if only I knew..."

Julia had raised her hands to either cheek and slowly drew her hands down them, to press her hands together as if in prayer under her chin, then lace them together. She closed her eyes and once again silently sent Barnabas her request that he come home. This time there was no answering reply that Barnabas missed her.

Julia gasped softly and opened her eyes, dropping her hands to her sides. She'd felt a change in the room, hoping and fearing that the barriers had weakened and permitted her to enter parallel time, but the room was unchanged. To the parallel time Quentin, however, whose attention had been diverted behind him when Hoffman, his housekeeper, answered his shout, the room had flickered and been replaced by the well furnished, well lit room he knew so well.

Julia stood quietly in the empty room, wishing she understood this weak connection she had with Barnabas more completely, wondering if it would always be a part of her or if, over time, when Barnabas did not taste her blood again, it would slowly fade away to nothing. She rather hoped not. She found it comforting to be connected to Barnabas, even in this limited way.

Moving slowly about the room, Julia glanced upward, concentrating on Barnabas. Trying to understand why she felt Barnabas' blood needs, fearing his needs were not being adequately met. She could do nothing about it, but oh how she wanted to.

Sighing, Julia closed her eyes and shook her head. She was beginning to fear she would never be able to do anything to ease Barnabas' need for blood. Her analysis of the serum revealed no reason for it not to work. The ingredients were not at fault, and the serum worked perfectly, in theory, but when she tested it on samples of Barnabas' blood, it failed miserably. Julia suspected Barnabas' physiology had been slightly altered when he was held by the Leviathans, when he was converted to their cause. She couldn't be certain until she did some additional tests on Barnabas; until she had the use of a complete laboratory with more sophisticated equipment and more advanced technology than she currently had access to. For now it really didn't matter. Whether the problem was with the serum or due to some change in Barnabas himself, Julia wasn't able to help him if she couldn't be with him. And she wanted to be with him - needed to be with him.

Julia took a deep breath, knowing it was the vampiric link making her think such things so strongly. Again she walked slowly about the room, peering into the shadows, unaware she was now being observed by one of the twin Stokes sisters of parallel time.

"Barnabas..."

Julia walked slowly to the end of the room furthest from the double doors and the ornate windows. She leaned against the inner wall and studied the empty space that, in another time, was the seeming center of activity in the house.

"I'm sorry, Barnabas. I wish I could do more. I wish I could find some way to help you. I wish... Just come home, Barnabas."

She glanced around the room and shook her head. She felt as empty and unwanted as this room. Julia knew it was ridiculous, that she had never valued her own worth or measured her own self esteem by whether she had a man in her life or not, but something about the link to Barnabas, and her inability to help him seemed to be feeding these empty feelings she was experiencing. She would not allow it to control her life, she would not allow it to consume her reason for living.

Taking a deep breath, Julia straightened, gave herself a mental shake, then left the room by the same back way Elizabeth Collins Stoddard had taken. Julia knew she would make many more trips to this room, knew the others would worry about her, and knew, until Barnabas was back where he belonged, she could not be content. She would continue to feel as empty as this room, whether she liked it or not.