Safety

Terry S. Bowers

October 10, 2000

Had he not been in such distress, so wary of not only Loomis and his wife but the crosses they carried to keep him under control, Barnabas Collins would have marveled at the number of things that, even with his limited knowledge of and exposure to parallel time, were similar to his own time. The secret room behind the drawing room bookcase was oh so familiar, and it was there Loomis planned to hold Barnabas now that his coffin had been discovered in the cellar. The old, abandoned, and unwanted contents were different, but the room was the same.

Barnabas reluctantly did as he was told, listening as Will and Carolyn debated, argued, tried not to let their fear and panic show. He sat on the old wooden chair, in part because his strength was low, in part to give Loomis the feeling he was in control, even though Barnabas could see, with each passing moment, ways for him to take that control away from his captor.

Barnabas made an appeal to Loomis, then to his wife, promising not to harm anyone; asking to be allowed to go back to that room to return to his own time. Loomis chided him, seeming to delight in telling Barnabas he did not know how to make the change. That was true, but Barnabas had not known how to make the room change when he came here, and it had happened anyway. Perhaps it would work that way again. He had to try, he had to get away from this place where his uncertain safety was now even more precarious.

"I'm safe in my own time. I'm safe with friends who protect me, now let me go."

"There is no chance of that happening, Mr. Collins."

Barnabas wanted to add more, wanted to tell Loomis he was safe not only with friends who protected him, but with a woman who loved him. Julia... Yes, he knew she loved him, knew she would protect him with her life. He had known this for some time but had really come to understand it and believe it during his confinement in parallel time.

Julia... He could feel her through their link, he could feel her worry, could feel her need to be with him and help him - protect him. At times he wondered why he'd panicked and run from her that last night in his own time. He wondered why he hadn't stayed and allowed her to help him, in whatever way she could. But he knew the answer. Barnabas knew that if he had stayed, he would not have been able to resist or control the blood lust and he would have wanted more than just the taste of Julia's blood he'd gotten during one moment of weakness; the one moment that had established the link they now shared, the taste that had allowed him to more fully understand and accept what Julia had felt for him all these months. Yes, he would have wanted more and Julia would have given it to him.

Barnabas had been over and over it, again and again, trying to find some rhyme or reason in his constant refusal to recognize Julia's love for him. His only answer - or perhaps it was an excuse - was the curse. He could do nothing to encourage her or to reciprocate so long as he was a vampire. He hoped, somehow, Julia knew and understood.

A warmth and a feeling of security - of safety - rushed through Barnabas when he felt Julia's message in his head, through their link. They were separated by seemingly unbreakable barriers, but they were still connected. He steeled himself for whatever was to come, promising himself - and Julia - he would find some way to escape not only parallel time, but Will Loomis. He wanted to be with his friends, those who would protect him, he wanted the safety of his own time. He wanted to be with Julia, even if he could never tell her or give her everything he wanted to.

Julia... so much has happened this night. I am free of Loomis and his sadistic control. I have eliminated all trace of his wretched book and assured that the memory of the Barnabas Collins native to this time will not be sullied. I have met Quentin, and Alexis and Hoffman. Hoffman - she looks so much like you, Julia - her expressions, her mannerisms, the glint in her eye that told me she is already suspicious of me; the same glint you used to have in your eye when you had reason to mistrust me, a glint I have not seen in a very long time. I have see the parallel time room, and Julia... I have seen you! Your back was to me, you were desperately wishing that I would soon hear you and see you. I so wanted to let you know I was there, I wanted to call out to you, assure you I was all right and I will be home as soon as I can find the way to bridge the barriers. I could do none of those things. I could only stand there, my amazement and surprise genuine, hoping Quentin took my reaction to be that of seeing such an unusual phenomenon for the first time and not one of recognition and... longing. I long to return to the safety of my own time, Julia, I long to return to the safety of those who will protect me and guard my secret. I long to return to you, Julia. I will find a way.

Were you aware of my presence while you were in the room, Julia, while I watched you in the room? I tried so hard to let you know I was there, I tried to reach you through our tenuous, tenacious link, but I do not know if I was successful. For a moment, when you turned around toward the door, your gaze met mine, even though you could not see me. The loneliness, the emptiness, and the need in your eyes frightened me. I understand so much more now, Julia. I promise you, I will find a way back to the safety of my own time, back to the safety I know only you can give me. I will find a way back to you, Julia.