Take That Chance

November 10, 2000

Never knowing what she would find, Julia did not let that deter her, and she pushed the doors open. The room, dark and unused, was not completely empty.

"Barnabas! You're back, you're safe!"

"No, I can't be!"

"Barnabas, what's wrong?"

"I'm back in my own time, and in another time, Maggie is in terrible danger. I must find some way to help her, I must."

Julia's eyes grew wide with disbelief and she did not even try to hide the distress Barnabas' words caused her. Had she imagined his assurance, through their link, that he would always need her? She was beginning to think so, for he had no words of greeting for her, showed no relief at being back in his own time where he was safe and with those who loved him, where he was with her. Instead his concern was for another woman in another band of time. Always for another woman. Julia closed her eyes briefly and swallowed hard. Why had she ever thought anything between herself and Barnabas would be different? There was no fighting it, all she could do was try to help Barnabas, just as she always did.

Swallowing her anger and her disappointment, her overwhelming feeling of loss, Julia crossed the floor and joined Barnabas by the ornate windows, asking him what kind of trouble Maggie was in, telling him of what she had seen and heard between Angelique and that other Julia Hoffman earlier. She expressed confusion, not understanding how her counterpart could be so cruel and cold, so different from herself. Had she not seen that other Julia Hoffman, Julia would not have believed Barnabas when he told her that world was different from what she knew - not what they knew, but what she knew. Barnabas was already distancing himself from her and he had been back only a few moments. Well, she was not going to let him forget about this world. Gently Julia reached out to touch Barnabas' arm, her expression one of soft welcoming.

"Barnabas, we have been very worried about you."

Barnabas was touched by the concern in Julia's voice, in her eyes, and he did not know how he would tell her of his plans. He knew she would object, would not understand. He asked Julia what she had learned from Angelique and Hoffman, not at all surprised they were determined to destroy him and learn his secret, the source of his powers.

"It doesn't matter now, Barnabas, you're away from all that, away from them."

"But I do not intend to stay away, Julia. I must go back to help Maggie. I am determined to find her and reunite her with Quentin."

"Go back? You can't, Barnabas."

"I mean to try."

"How?"

"The same way I returned here, now."

"You mean by staying in this room until it changes."

"Yes, we know it is possible now."

"No, Barnabas, I will not let you."

"You cannot stop me, Julia."

His voice was firm, his eyes determined to have his way. Julia watched him carefully, knowing she could not argue, for he would not be swayed. She knew that look too well from past experience.

"Very well, then I will go with you."

"No, Julia, that is out of the question."

"Why?"

"Because, Julia, you forget, I have no counterpart in that other time band. You do. Julia Hoffman already exists there. Suppose there is a rule that says only one person may exist in each band of time. If there are two of the same person in the same band of time, it means one must die."

Julia had not considered that in her haste and need to be with Barnabas, but it really changed nothing. She met his gaze, trying to touch his mind with hers, through their link.

"I will take that chance, Barnabas, knowing I may never see you again."

Barnabas felt panic rush over him. He'd been standing close to Julia, his hands behind his back, but now he moved closer, meeting her gaze, his hand

coming forward to touch her arm, caress her elbow.

"I cannot let you take that chance, Julia."

Barnabas shook his head even as he met Julia's gaze. His own eyes were filled with care and concern, his voice softer, gentler, more caring than usual. His voice could almost be called intimate and Julia knew she would, as usual, lose this struggle of wills and desires with Barnabas.

Julia studied Barnabas a long moment, knowing she would never understand him. His manner now was one of protection, of desire to see her safe and unharmed, yet he'd not even said hello to her and he was more concerned about a Maggie he barely knew than about the people in his own time. Barnabas would not risk her safety by allowing her to go back into parallel time with him, he would not take the chance that she, Doctor Julia Hoffman, being an interloper in parallel time, would be the one to die, but he would not stay in his own time with her either. Never mind he had been desperate to get back here such a very short time before.

Barnabas gave Julia's arm a gentle squeeze, unable to really voice his concern for her, but hoping his eyes told her what he could not say.

"There is no chance you will change your mind?"

"No, Julia, there isn't. There is one thing you can do me. Go downstairs and get the key to that door. Bring it back up here and lock me in."

"Why?"

"I do not want anyone in the house to follow me, to be trapped here with me."

'Including me', Julia thought. She watched Barnabas' face, raised her hand to touch his arm, her fingers to gently caress the neck V where the lapels of his suit coat met. She wished she could feel more of Barnabas through their link, could feel and sense what he was really thinking instead of what he told her, but he seemed to be blocking their connection. For whatever reason, Barnabas did not want Julia to sense his needs or thoughts. Slowly she turned and walked to the door. Barnabas followed behind her, meeting her gaze when she turned toward him. Julia was about to say something, but did not. Instead Julia gave Barnabas a parting look of sad resignation and regret. She left him alone in the parallel time room.

Barnabas watched her go and turned away, studying his hands briefly. He sighed heavily then turned back to face the in the direction Julia had gone.

"Forgive me, Julia. I cannot risk your safety in parallel time. I dare not let Angelique learn of you, for she will not hesitate to use you against me. I want you with me, Julia, more than you can know, but I... dare not, for I am uncertain I will be able to control my need when you are near; for I know you would not deny me anything and I will not risk you in any way."

Barnabas shook his head and glanced away. He truly wanted to help Maggie, for she had no one, not even her own husband, to aid her. Concentrating on Maggie kept Barnabas from thinking of Julia. He knew Julia did not understand, he was not certain he understood himself, but... it had to be this way. For now, it had to be.

Barnabas smiled sadly. He knew Julia would tell him he could not be the champion of everyone who needed help, and the time would come when he would no longer be able to run from what troubled him. He would have to stay and face the complications of his own life and needs, he would have to be honest with Julia. But that time was not yet. He was still able to protect Julia and keep her from harm's way. He wanted her with him in parallel time, knowing he could rely on her and trust her more completely than anyone there, but he would not allow her to take that chance.

"Julia,... forgive me."

Barnabas closed his eyes and felt an odd sensation. When he looked again, the room had once more changed and he was back in parallel time.

"No. Julia, I wanted to tell you..."

Barnabas allowed his voice to trail off and he shook his head. It would have to wait. He turned back to the room, intent on learning all he could about Angelique.

Julia hurried back to the room with the door key, but she was too late. The room had changed, sweeping Barnabas back into parallel time. She pushed against the barrier, her despair rushing to the surface. She hadn't even been able to... to what, say goodbye, wish him well? She had wanted to do none of those things and they both knew it.

"No! Barnabas... Why can't I get through? I must help you, I must find you. Barnabas..."

Julia stepped back a pace, her eyes filling with tears of frustration, and she shook her head. Deep inside Julia knew Barnabas cared for her, yet he would rather be in parallel time with another woman than here with her. A steely determination washed over Julia and her gaze narrowed as she clenched her fists at her sides.

"I don't care about the risks. I will take that chance and find a way to join you in parallel time, Barnabas, because you need me more than you know. Somehow I will make you see that."

Taking a deep breath, Doctor Hoffman stood in the hallway to wait for the room to change again. She was not going to let Barnabas go easily.