Reservations

Terry S. Bowers

December 10, 2000

Julia walked slowly along the path between Collinwood and Loomis House. Her thoughts were not on her current activity, but on everything that had happened in recent days. More and more she was able to admit her plan to impersonate Hoffman had been a mistake. She'd not been careful enough, had not been guarded enough, and knew she would soon not be able to bluff her way out of difficult situations. First she'd diagnosed the cause of Will Loomis' death - something Hoffman would not have even been able to guess at, then she'd made too many mistakes while being questioned by Inspector Hamilton and had asked things Hoffman never would have asked. Now she was on her way to tell Barnabas of Carolyn's murder and try to bring Roxanne to life enough so that Angelique would be incapacitated and severely weakened.

Julia paused and took a deep breath to calm herself as a wave of panic rushed through her. All this was because of Barnabas; because she loved him enough to do all sorts of things she would never consider otherwise. If she were stronger, if she understood Barnabas better, she would have found some way to convince him to leave this time stream, return to their own and resume their lives. But she wasn't able to do that; she wasn't able to break through Barnabas' stubborn ideas of what he had to do and find the way to make him see sense.

This was all wrong and Julia knew it. Why couldn't she help Barnabas to see it? Shaking her head, Julia began walking again. Her reservations were growing with each passing minute, just as Angelique's suspicions of her were mounting. The danger was increasing, and Barnabas seemed not to care, so long as his goals were achieved. He claimed he cared, told her he was worried about her, but if that were true he would leave the people of this time stream to sort out their own problems, and go back to their own time with her. Those priorities of his again. They were going to cause more problems for both herself and Barnabas than either could imagine.

Equally distressing to Julia was the fact her link with Barnabas seemed to be weakening. She could barely feel their link, and didn't know if Barnabas was blocking it, because he knew she did not fully agree with his plans for Roxanne, or if it was a natural fading, because Barnabas had not re-enforced it by tasting her blood again. Julia shook her head and refused to pursue that thought further. It would never happen. Barnabas would never voluntarily accept her blood and she must resign herself to the fact that - sooner or later - Barnabas' mind would no longer be in contact with her. Julia didn't like that prospect, but knew she could not change it, just as she could change nothing about Barnabas...

Despite her reservations, despite her doubts and fears, Julia knew she had to do everything she could to help Barnabas. Then they could go home. Once Quentin was cleared and Angelique destroyed, they would go home. She'd drag him back to the parallel time room under protest if she had to, but they would be going home.

Julia glanced at the sky and knew Barnabas would be rising soon. She hurried toward Loomis House, pushing her reservations aside for the moment.