Goodbye

December 20, 2000

Barnabas Collins stood outside the locked front door of Collinwood and stared at it. He gently touched the door knob, then lowered his gaze and his head, closing his eyes against the grief and anguish he felt. He opened his eyes again, needing to take a deep breath to calm his anxiety.

'How can I do this, Julia? How can I walk away from this house, believing you are dead and that I will never see you again? I do not feel that you are dead, I do not believe what Roxanne said, in my heart, but in my mind,... I know there is no hope. Angelique would never have let you live. Can you forgive me, Julia? Can you believe that I did everything I could think of to find you, can you forgive me for... not allowing us to be closer in a way that would have spared you this? Can you forgive me for... loving you in such a way that it has brought you nothing but anguish, sadness, and death? I told Roxanne that it was wrong for me to love. I could not explain it to her, but I hope - I know - you understood. No, I wanted you to understand. As close as we were, as much as we shared, as much as you knew about me and loved me anyway, I do not believe you understood this. It did not matter to you, but... it did matter to me. How can I profess to love Roxanne, or any of the others and not you? I do not know, I do not understand, but... forgive me, Julia. I never wanted anything like this to happen to you. I never wanted you to be... Angelique's victim in either band of time. She has again been victorious, Julia. Angelique's curse, although we are in a different band of time, has claimed another victim, has taken the life of another who loved me. Was I wrong not to love you in return, the way you wanted and needed me to love you? I do not know. No matter where you are now, Julia, no matter... where your soul has been taken, I must believe that you will forgive me. You have forgiven me so much in life, I implore you to forgive me in death as well... But will I ever be able to forgive myself? I am sorry, Julia. Please, forgive me... Goodbye, my dearest friend. Goodbye, Julia.'

Barnabas touched the door knob of Collinwood one last time, then turned and walked away from what was most likely Julia's final resting place. He hated himself for not trying harder, for not finding Julia, but... there was nothing more he could do.

Far beneath Collinwood, as far below the house as anyone could get, Julia Hoffman felt an almost imperceptible brush of loss touch her mind. She swallowed hard and looked around with hopeful, pleading eyes, but no one was there. She desperately grabbed for the touch of what had to be Barnabas' mind with hers, but it was gone.

"Barnabas..."