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This original list was taken from Rik's Information Station. He stated that Casey Keller sent him the intros, but he pulled the text directly from the scripts, so they might not be exactly the same. I was able to do some updates from old posts from the alt.tv.beakmans-world newsgroup by Chris Fernandes and David Tharp. Thanks guys for recording this information. And then there has been me with my little pen and paper. But if you, yes you reading this right now, happen to be keeping a running list of the intros as you are sitting there watching your taped episodes, PLEASE EMAIL ME!!!!
- Casey Keller writes:
- The Beak-mania introductions were all written by Phil Walsh and Barry Friedman who came to Beakman's World from the Arsenio Hall show. We didn't have one in the first show, but we've had them in all the shows since.
Season One
Show 101 - No introShow 102 - You wheel, I'll deal! Now, let's peel!
Show 103 - You scoop, I'll give the poop! Let's go!
Show 104 - Go ahead, ask! I'm up to the task!
Show 105 - You hike 'em, I'll spike 'em! Now, let's roll 'em!
Show 106 - You buy 'em, I'll fry 'em! Now, let's have 'em!
Show 107 - You jab, I'll gab! Now, let's boogie!
Show 108 - You toss 'em, I'll floss 'em! Let's play two!
Show 109 - You ask 'em, I'll blast 'em! Now, let's polka!
Show 110 - You hurl, I'll twirl! Let's pony!
Show 111 - You flip 'em, I'll rip 'em! Now, let's whip 'em!
Show 112 - You dice 'em, I'll slice 'em! Now, let's mambo!
Show 113 - You sling 'em, I'll fling 'em! Let's boogie!
Show 114 - You lob 'em, I'll mob 'em! Let's boogaloo!
Show 115 - You beam 'em, I'll steam 'em! Let's foxtrot!
Show 116 - You gun 'em, I'll stun 'em! Let's cha cha!
Show 117 - You shag 'em, I'll frag 'em! Let's shing-a-ling!
Show 118 - You flock 'em, I'll clock 'em! Let's hucklebuck!
Show 119 - You display 'em, I'll fillet 'em! Let's funky chicken!
Show 120 - You pry 'em, I'll fry 'em! Let's koko-bop!
Show 121 - You haul 'em, I'll maul 'em! Let's fandango!
Show 122 - You ship 'em, I'll grip 'em! Let's tarantella!
Show 123 - You snap 'em, I'll trap 'em! Let's minuet!
Show 124 - You clip 'em, I'll whip 'em! Let's cook jerk!
Show 125 - You pump 'em, I'll jump 'em! Let's stroll!
Show 126 - You speak 'em, I'll schmear 'em! Let's hora!
Season Two
Show 201 - You flick 'em, I'll stick 'em! Let's rhumba!Show 202 - You snare 'em, I'll tear 'em! Let's monkey!
Show 203 - You say 'em, I'll sautee 'em! Let's mashed potato!
Show 204 - You yank 'em, I'll crank 'em! Let's samba!
Show 205 - You defrost 'em, I'll exhaust 'em! Let's bristol stomp!
Show 206 - You broach 'em, I'll poach 'em! Let's peppermint twist!
Show 207 - You dish 'em, I'll squish 'em! Let's watusi!
Show 208 - You spelunk 'em, I'll dunk 'em! Let's locomotion!
Show 209 - You supply 'em, I'll untie 'em! Let's frug!
Show 210 - You shag 'em, I'll bag 'em! Let's Virginia reel!
Show 211 - You wing 'em, I'll ding 'em! Let's mosh!
Show 212 - You hook 'em, I'll cook 'em! Let's shake a tail feather!
Show 213 - You throw 'em, I'll tow 'em! Let's hully gully!
Show 214 - You pack 'em, I'll smack 'em! Let's line dance! -- On second thought, let's not!
Show 215 - You sick 'em, I'll flick 'em! Let's do the Freddy!
Show 216 - You hold 'em, I'll mold 'em! Let's walk the dog!
Show 217 - You dip 'em, I'll strip 'em! Let's do the alligator!
Show 218 - You bring 'em, I'll wring 'em! Let's lambada!
Show 219 - You drag 'em, I'll flag 'em! Let's Virginia reel!
Show 220 - You saute 'em, I'll flambe 'em! Let's fandango!
Show 221 - You crunch 'em, I'll munch 'em! Let's Lindy!
Show 222 - You smash 'em, I'll cash 'em! Let's promenade!
Show 223 - You wield 'em, I'll field 'em! Let's Curly shuffle!
Show 224 - You call 'em, I'll stall 'em! Let's humpty!
Show 225 - You tail 'em, I'll jail 'em! Let's safety dance!
Show 226 - You land 'em, I'll brand 'em! Let's neutron dance!
THIRD SEASON
Show 301 ELIZA Stop the insanity! It's time to callibrate your coconut! Here he is, the druid of drollery... the zoroasteran of zip... the Kenneth Mars of the har-dee-har-hars... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You hair 'em, I'll scare 'em, let's Tennessee Waltz!
**Hey! Try that buffet! We'll be here all week! (bam!)
Show 302
ELIZA Get on your marks! It's time to sequence your sensibilities! Here he is, the cruiserweight of credibility... the heavyweight of higher learning... the Sebastian Cabot of the upper cut and jab it... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You meet 'em, I'll greet 'em, let's Latin Hustle!
**Did you know that Thomas Edison invented wax paper? (bam!)
Show 303
ELIZA Ahoy there! It's time to elevate your educatedness! Here he is, the orthopedist of order, the podiatrist of pedagogy, the Frank Langella who's a really swell fella... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You shell 'em, I'll tell 'em, let's Vogue!
**Beakman rules...Beakman rules man...Beakman rules! (bam!)
Show 304
BONUS INTRO!!!
DON Off your ice flows! It's time to pump up your plankton! Here he is, the penguin of plentitude, the fowl of freezer, the Admiral Byrd of the have you heard... The one... the only... the Herb!
You announce 'em, I'll trounce 'em, let's tune on to Beakman!
ELIZA Take a ticket! It's time to pump up your perspicacity! Here he is, the tenor of teaching, the basso profundo of braininess, the Brenda Vacarro of happiness, not sorrow... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You shrink 'em, I'll sink 'em, let's funky bus stop!
**Well you should have thought about that before you stuck your hand in here. (bam!)
Show 305
ELIZA Order in the court! It's time to recharge your rationality! Here he is, the line judge of lucidity, the back judge of brevity, the Lauren Tewes who's here to please... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You tell 'em, I'll shell 'em, let's running man!
**Ooh, get that hand out of here! (bam!)
Show 306
ELIZA It's morphin' time! That's right! It's time to needle your noodle! Here he is, the matador of matter! The picador of peculiarities! The Cliff Arquette of the tete-a-tete... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You boil 'em, I'll foil 'em, let's hula!
**Birds are the only animals with feathers. (bam!)
Show 307
ELIZA Post time! It's time to hammer your hatrack! Here he is, the greenskeeper of giddiness, the club pro of quid pro quo, the George Kirby of the scientific derby... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You hack 'em, I'll whack 'em, let's Harlem shuffle!
**The average person blinks 25 times a minute (bam!)
Show 308
ELIZA Up and at 'em! It's time to oscillate your occipital! Here he is, the bowler of brains, the kegler of kinesiology, the Nelson "Bo" Burton who'll never go hurtin'... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You snare 'em, I'll spare 'em, let's balded Jack!
** (drumroll) The envelope please... (bam!)
Show 309
ELIZA Get psyched! It's time to lube your lobes! Here he is, the tightrope artist of trivia, the juggler of jargon, the Miss Altovise Davis who's here to save us! The one... the only... the Beakman!
You snap 'em, I'll cap 'em, let's sabre dance!
**Over 60% of your body weight is oxygen. (bam!)
Show 310
ELIZA Whoa! Saddle up! It's time to recharge your resources! Here he is, the cobbler of capriciousness, the bootblack of brevity, the Fred "Gopher" Grandy of the fine and dandy... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You hair 'em, I'll scare 'em, let's Tennessee Waltz!
**You breathe about 10 million times a year (bam!)
Show 311
ELIZA Belly up! It's time to open your mind! Here he is, the angler of accuracty, the fishmonger of factuality, the David Ogden Stiers of vulcanized tires... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You honk 'em, I'll bonk 'em, let's do the mouse!
**Did you know that gorillas can't swim? (bam!)
Show 312
ELIZA Tally Ho! It's time to caress your cortex! Here he is, the sprinter of specifics, the hurdler of highjinx, the James Coco of the plum loco... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You phone 'em, I'll de-bone 'em, let's Shag!
**The moon weighs 81 billion tons. (bam!)
Show 313
ELIZA Take your marks! It's time to furrow your forehead! Here he is, the biathlete of brains, the heptathlete of hipness, the Flow and Eddie of the slow and steady... The one... the only... the Beakman!
You seize 'em, I'll squeeze 'em, let's jitterbug!
**Flies always take off backwards. (bam!)
In no particular order (because we sort of lost track of what order they are supposed to go in. Teehee)
October 18, 1997 Phoebe:" Get down with your bad self. It's time to excercise your ego. Here he is the the lumberjack of licidity, the prospector of prosperity, the Ronald Glass of (Phoebe pauses, not wanting to make a naughty rhyme) you bet you bass. The one (Phoebe holds a bow over her head), the only (She now holds the bow by her lip making it look like a mustache) the Beakman." She holds the bow by her collar making it look like a bow tie.)
Beakman: "You foil them, I'll boil them. Let's bunny hop."
November 15, 1997
Phoebe: "Lights,camera action. It's time for a sonnata on your medula oblongata. here he is the pioneer of piety, the sodbuster of sedation, the Joe E. Ross of the pete we call moss, the one the only, the Beakman. Woooo!"
Beakman: "You clock them,I'll flock them. Let's do the Gator Flop."
November 29, 1997
Phoebe:"Get your mojo working! It's time to hijack your head. Here he is, the bandito of bravado, the pistolero of the picturesque, the Marvin Hamlish of the scientific sandwich, the one, the only, the Beakman."
Beakman:" You bunt them,I'll punt them. Let's pigeon wing."
August 29, 1998
Phoebe:"On your mark, get set, go!. it's time to hotwire your head. Here he is the conductor of connundrums, the breakman of the baroque, the Max Gail of the tiger by the tail. The one, the only the Beakman!"
Beakman:" You hold them, I'll mold them. Let's circle dance."
Phoebe:"We're off and running. It's time to unleash your logic. Here he is the green grocer of graciousness, the fish monger of finality, the Donny Pasquel of the here and now, the one, the only, the Beakman!"
Beakman:"You stop them. I'll bop them. Let's toga!" Nurse Phoebe, School Nurse segment about head lice.
Phoebe:"Can anyone here play this game? It's time to airbrush your ego! Her he is, the woodworker of the wonderous, the metalurgist of the melancoly, the Nia peebles of the scientific steeples, the one the only, the Beakman!"
Beakman:"You fling them. I'll sing them. Let's Caribean Cowboy."
Phoebe:"Kiss me, I'm Irish. He, he. It's time to nudge your neurons. Here he is, the bronco buster of the brazen, the bull rider of the bilious, the Fred (Rerun) Berry of the thrust and parry, the one , the only, the Beakman."
Beakman:"You took them, I'll book them. Let's hand jive!"
Phoebe:"Up and Atom! (Phoebe crows) It time to sear your cerebellum, (Phobe is holding a model brain and she drops it as it catches fire) Whoa! he, he, he. Here he is the tinkerer of tinderness, the tailor of taboo, the Jackson Rowe of how do you do, the one, the only, the beakman!"
Beakman:" You pitch them, I'll ditch them. Let's freeze dance!"
Phoebe: "Let's get ready to rock! Oh! Its time to sprain-ium your cranium! Oooo! Here he is, the surfer of the sure fire. The Boogie Boarder of the borderline. The Arlene Mandrell of the Taste and smell. The one. The only. The Beakman!"
Beakman: "You womp 'em. I'll stomp 'em. Let's Harlem Shuffle."
Pheobe: "Come all ye faithfull, its time to turn on your neurons. Here he is like the editor of edification and the um like the correspondant of codiality. The Victor French, who's always a Mench. The one. The only. The Beakman!"
Beakman: "You twist 'em. I'll turn 'em. Let's grind."
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