[MP Courtyard]
Megan, no one ever telling her that *real* residents would never be
caught swimming in that pool, is doing laps when Dr. Brett Cooper enters
the courtyard. He introduces himself, informing her he's moving into
Matt's old apt. Just then, Jennifer returns from her jog, and one
thing's for sure, two things really "developed" since the days when Tony
Danza was her boss! Do they even make a Wonder Jogging Bra? Anyway,
Craig crosses the courtyard next, ignoring both Jennifer's attempt to be
noticed and Megan's attempts to introduce him to the new "resident."
Craig's attention is focused on Billy instead. Craig, taking over
Amanda's role as Billy's boss, barks, "Let's go, Campbell!" Even if
Craig's acting is hideous, it was a pretty good impression of Amanda.
Billy follows like a lost puppy. Before Megan can introduce Coop to Sam,
she retreats back into her shell of an apt. Then Taylor pops out, on her
way to see Amanda. Megan decides the best thing to do is simply give
Coop the "Melrose Minute" summary of the tenants there. Boy, I could
really use her on my writing staff! Anyway, it turns out Amanda served
Taylor an eviction notice the night before by sliding under Taylor's
door, and Taylor wanted to serve it back by tossing the crumpled piece
of paper back into Amanda's apt. Amanda, wearing an outfit obviously
designed by Jane Mancini -- oh wait, she's just wrapped in her leopard
skin bed sheet! -- starts a verbal war with Taylor, forcing Kyle to come
out from the bathroom to break it up. Unfortunately for the female
viewers (and those "like Matt"), there were no more bed sheets around,
so Kyle comes out wearing clothes.  :-(  To help calm Amanda down, Kyle
says, "It doesn't matter. It doesn't make a difference." While Amanda
goes to put on a different outfit before confronting Taylor again,
Taylor returns to her pad and gets a visit from Peter. He hands her a
box of crap she left at his condo during her brief stay there. He warns
Taylor that if she ever comes hanging around his front steps in the
future, that he'll have to call the pest control man. Amanda approaches,
but stops when she hears Peter's voice. Taylor protests Peter yelling at
her, so he remarks, "Oh yeah, I forgot about your pregnancy!" Then he
says good-bye to Mommy Dearest and leaves. Amanda, overhearing that
Taylor is pregnant, jumps to the side to avoid being detected by Peter.

[Burns-Mancini Medical Office]
Megan shows up, only to find Peter busy on Michael's laptop. Peter can't
believe Megan thinks she still has a job, considering what her husband
has done to him. Megan gives her best dumb blonde delivery saying, "No
told me to stop, so I just kept coming." Michael is planning on pressing
charges against Peter for throwing him through the glass window, so
Peter is trying to break into Michael's prescription records in order to
prove that Michael had been drugging him. Megan, concerned that she's
close to losing the first job wear the phrase, "Keep your panties on!"
is a good thing, tries to convince Peter that he and Michael will end up
destroying the business, but when she declines to be on Peter's side, he
banishes her to her desk. Jennifer comes to the medical office to tell
Megan that Michael is being operated on this morning and is really
depressed, and that it would be great for him if Megan went to the
hospital with her. Couldn't Jennifer have just told Megan this earlier,
while the two of them were still in Jennifer's apt together? No, that's
not Melrose logic. Before they go, Megan admits, "Someone should examine
my head first." Too bad Peter didn't hear this remark because he's in
desperate need of a patient, and has enough psycho-babble under his belt
to qualify as an expert in the field.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Dr. Cooper explains to Megan and Jennifer that he'll be assisting Dr.
Wilson on Michael's surgery, but that it's not a life-threatening
operation. Then Michael enters the Pre-Op Area on a gurney. Far from
depressed, he starts questioning Megan about what Peter's doing at the
office, and when Megan tells him, Michael demands Megan erase all the
prescription records on the computer. Megan refuses him. Poor Michael.
When it comes to altering computer files, everyone knows that Matt's the
best, but Michael is one episode too late since Matt is now history.
When Megan starts to leave, Michael literally starts pawing her. An
Asian doctor runs to her rescue, yelling some sort of doctor-talk as he
helps to restrain Michael. All I can say is, this guy doesn't look like
a Wilson to me. Before Megan leaves, she turns to Jennifer and says,
"Don't ever lie to me again."

[Upstairs Jazz Club]
Amanda informs Kyle about Taylor's pregnancy. Kyle says, "It doesn't
matter. It doesn't make a difference." Amanda then gives him the key to
her -- no, not her heart -- her apartment!

[MP Courtyard]
Craig is hanging out at the mailboxes, drinking a beer while going
through some mail, when Jennifer returns home from her shift at
Upstairs, wearing not much more than a smock. She asks if it's mail
addressed to Syd and offers to help go through it with him. He tells her
to "Beat it!" which is exactly what she wants to do! Craig returns to
his apt to get another beer and Jennifer follows. She bangs on the door,
and when Craig answers, she lets him have a piece of her mind. It's
okay, she has enough and Craig needs a little anyway. She tells him that
if he wants her to leave him alone, to just tell her that rather than
tell her to go to hell. So then the soft music starts, and we learn the
real reason Craig is so sad. It turns out, Syd didn't give him any the
night before the wedding because she wanted their honeymoon night to be
special. So Craig ended up spending the night sleeping on the couch,
"...dreaming about that first night." And as it turns out, wet dreams
was all she left him with. And you were just beginning to think Craig
was the sensitive type. Shame on you!

[Kyle's the Restaurant]
Kyle catches Taylor sitting at the bar drinking a glass of wine. He
grabs it from her and pulls her into the kitchen, where he scolds her
for drinking while being pregnant. Taylor, surprised that Kyle heard
about her "pregnancy," and equally shocked at his concern. She
recognizes an opportunity when she sees one, and tells Kyle that Peter's
actions were completely justified because the baby isn't his, it's
Kyle's!

[Craig's Apt]
Craig awakes to find a cheap Syd-replacement, namely Jennifer, lying
next to him. He goes back to his old ways and starts yelling at her
again, telling her this isn't the beginning, it's the end. Billy catches
Jennifer leaving to go back to her place, and asks what all the
commotion is about. Jennifer smiles, and tells him it's step one in a
long and involved plan, and that it went beautifully.

[Peter's Condo]
Taylor pays Peter a visit. He slams the door in her face, so she runs
around, first to the kitchen window where she plasters herself to the
glass like a mosquito, and then to the sliding glass door in the living
room. Peter was right when he threatened to call the Orkin man. Taylor
yells out that she has a plan that can help him get Amanda back. So
Peter opens the screen door and lets the little pest in. She tells Peter
that she's pregnant AGAIN, only because Kyle heard the rumor and that
she told him the child was his, and that Peter was sterile so he
couldn't possibly be the father. Peter is appalled, but when Taylor says
she wants Kyle back, and that it's the most golden opportunity for him
to get Amanda back, and that if he doesn't cooperate that she'll
blackmail him regarding his spat with Michael and attempt at murdering
her, Peter finally agrees to go along with her plan. Peter reminds
Taylor of one important problem with her plan, namely, that she isn't
pregnant. Taylor tells him, one scheme at a time. If worse came to
worse, I guess Taylor could always go back to the set of Days of Our
Lives and borrow that pillow that Kristen used to fake her pregnancy
with John Black!

[Wilshire Memorial]
Coop tells Jennifer that Peter's hand job went well. That's more like
something Megan would understand, but Jennifer tells Coop that she
probably wouldn't visit until hell froze over. Jennifer explains that
Megan is probably the first woman to stand up to Michael. With that,
Coop mumbles under his breath, "...and survived." Then Jennifer adds,
"My job is to sniff out ulterior motives. What's yours, doctor?" Coop
answers that he's just there to kiss Michael's butt since he's the
boss." They arrive at Michael's room, only to find his bed empty and
Nurse Amy on the phone, probably taking advantage of Michael's absence
by making long distance phone calls from his room. When Coop asks her
what's going on she covers her ass by saying, "It's the strangest thing.
He just disappeared into thin air!"

[Burns-Mancini Medical Office]
Luckily, for Michael, the new bandages he received after surgery left an
opening for the tip of his delete-key-finger, allowing him to delete all
the prescription files on his computer. Peter enters the office but it's
too late. But Peter flashes a floppy disk in front of Michael, telling
him it wasn't hard to figure out the password, "c.o.s." - chief of
staff. Somehow, Michael wrestles the disk away from Peter, runs into the
kitchen and microwaves the disk, destroying the evidence. Up until this
point, I had wondered how Michael was able to dress, leave the hospital,
take a taxi or drive to the office, reach into his pocket and pay the
cabbie, then press the elevator button to get to his floor, but after
seeing him out-man Peter, I believe he could do anything.

[Amanda's Apt]
Kyle and Amanda are lying in bed. Amanda comments that Kyle hasn't said
two words to her all evening. So Kyle opens his mouth, but it's not
exactly what Amanda was hoping to hear. First he tells her that Taylor
is pregnant with his child, and that Peter is sterile. Amanda can't
believe Kyle is falling for this, so Kyle says to her, "It doesn't
matter. It doesn't make a difference." Amanda, sporting her bed sheet
again, storms over and bangs on Taylor's door. Amanda spouts to Taylor,
"One, I don't believe you're pregnant. Two, I know it's not Kyle's. And
three, I'm going to expose you." Well, excuse me, but if Amanda doesn't
believe Taylor's pregnant, then there wouldn't be anything in the first
place to be Kyle's, now would there? Anyway, I doubt the writers cared
much about the dialogue here, figuring the audience would be glued to
the clothes, or lack thereof, by our three tenants in this scene. Kyle
admits to Heather that he won't desert the child. When Amanda hears
this, she suggests he sleep in his own apt tonight.

[Beach House]
Megan brings Michael home from the hospital. Suddenly, Michael's become
a total invalid again, and can't even open a door as he asks for Megan's
help. Apparently, Megan has inherited Sydney's barrette collection,
sporting a nice purple one to match her flowery skirt. Oh yeah, Michael
also informs her that he plans on destroying Peter's career, something
she is against.

[Burns-Mancini Medical Office]
Amanda shows up wearing her leopard bed sheets again... no wait, this
time she's actually wearing an outfit. Maybe Megan got the barrettes and
Amanda got Syd's outfits. Anyway, Amanda tells Peter she knows Taylor's
pregnant and that it's the reason for the breakup with Peter. But what
Amanda really wants to know is if Peter is really, using medical
terminology, "shooting blanks?" Peter confirms what she had heard,
telling her you got to be sterile if you want to be a doctor.

[Kyle's the Restaurant]
Peter calls Taylor to tell her he went through with her plan, telling
Amanda he's sterile. And despite being sterile, Peter tells her he feels
dirty.

[Sky High Advertising]
There's a knock on Craig's office door. He barks out, "Go away!" which,
admittedly, is one step better than "Go to hell!" I expected yet another
visit from the hornier of the Mancini siblings, so I was surprised to
see Samantha open the door. She tells Craig that she's hurting too, that
she keeps seeing the accident replaying in her head. Craig stands up and
tells her that it's not about the accident, it's about the sex after the
wedding that he never had. Then he tells her to go to hell. I knew it
couldn't last. Actually, he tells her to get out of there and go back to
Billy, so you understand my interpreting it the way I did. As Sam
leaves, she tells Billy his idea to talk to Craig was one of his lamest
yet. Billy treats us, finally, with one of those "Duh! I'm Biwwy" faces.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Peter and Michael spot each other on opposite ends of a hospital
corridor. Like two gunslingers in a duel, they approach each other,
their weapons, a couple of manila folders. They reach the conference
room door together, and Peter says, "You first." Of course, Michael can
barely carry his stack of paperwork, let alone open a door, so he
replies, "Oh no. After you. I insist." Inside, they find the room empty
except for Megan. It turns out that Megan canceled the board meeting,
but neglected to tell either Michael or Peter. Instead, she has the two
of them sit down and work out a peace treaty, where Peter agrees to pay
Michael until he can use his hands again, and Michael agrees to give
Peter his job back. No sooner do the two of them sit down, however, that
Megan has them stand up again and shake paws like men. Michael's fingers
appear to be sprouting nicely, sticking out of the bandages like little
twigs. Considering that Megan trusts that their word as being their
bond, I see she hasn't gotten any smarter since last season.

[Upstairs Jazz Club]
Billy shows up at the bar to ask Amanda to launch an unfriendly takeover
of Sky High agency. Billy and the rest of the mutineers finally realized
that they were wrong, and that when Amanda called Craig a boy, she
really meant buoy, considering about all Craig does behind his desk is
go "ding-ding." Amanda says that to even consider such an idea, she'd
need to see Sky High's current financial data. Billy promises it on her
doorstep by morning. Although she hasn't said "Yes," Billy tells her
"Maybe" is just as good. Melrose tip: Remember that, all you would-be
Campbell daters! After Billy leaves, Amanda tells Kyle about Billy's
proposition, and how it's always been a dream to hers to actually own an
ad agency. Kyle says to go for it, then tells her he's gushy stuff about
really loving her rather than, "It doesn't matter. It doesn't make a
difference." Will surprises never cease?

[Beach House]
Coop pays Michael a house visit, or as Brett would say, a "coop visit."
He tells Michael some cockamamie story about needing to hide his assets
from his ex, who is trying to leave him high and dry for infidelity.
Michael suggests hiding it in Burns-Mancini, and tells Coop he'll
consider the idea. Then Taylor shows up. She tells Michael all about the
pregnancy story and how it's gotten out of hand, then asks for his help.
She figured that if he could make Peter have a disease, he could make
her pregnant. She wants him to find her a sperm bank, help with the
withdrawal and deposit, all secret of course. For good measure, she
blackmails Michael by threatening to divulge how he became
chief-of-staff. So, Michael agrees.

[Kyle's the Restaurant]
Peter is hanging out at the bar drinking $6 a bottle mineral water.
That's when you know you're making too much money! Amanda wanders by and
mentions to him that she's considering opening another ad agency. Only,
she feels like she can only open a small one due to her financial
situation. Peter compliments her by saying that he felt she was always
destined to build an empire.

[Upstairs Jazz Club]
One thing's for sure, getting rid of Shooters and having Upstairs
upstairs sure makes it easier for the film crew, who don't even have to
leave the building from scene to scene. Upstairs, Craig shoots a drink.
He orders another, but Jennifer the bartender cuts him off after one.
She acts like she cares. I guess that's step two in her long and
involved plan?

[Street Outside Apt Complex]
Craig waits in front of the apartment, sitting in his red BMW Roadster.
Sooner than later, Sam arrives and parks across the street. She gets out
of her car and begins crossing the road. Craig, clasping the pocket
watch Syd gave him, sees Sam and announces, "Now you're gonna die the
same way Sydney did." He starts his engine, and races towards Sam, who
freezes in front of the oncoming headlights like a deer. But Craig comes
to his senses at the last moment and slams on his brakes. He jumps out
of the car and runs over to Sam, apologizing. They each start blaming
themselves for Syd's death. Then Craig goes into his Billy-cry and he
and Sam hug, and all is well at Melrose Place...