Episode Summary

[Coop's Place]
Coop, rattling an aspirin bottle and gulping OJ from the carton, wakes
Peter, who had crashed on the couch from their drinking binge at Kyle's
the restaurant last night. Peter realizes he's in Matt's apt, and he
comments that he never thought he'd be waking up here again. Excuse me,
but Matt wouldn't have been caught dead with such an ugly sofa. Or is it
Coop's, who just happened to move out to CA with a suitcase and a love
seat? I vote it goes into the Melrose Mistakes bin, for those who keep
track of this sort of thing (which must keep you awfully busy, I might
add!) Peter acts as though he's in hell, noting that this is where his
ex-wife lives. Coop begs Peter not to bring up the sore subject of
ex-wives, especially since that's what started their heavy drinking last
night in the first place and how they killed off a whole body (or was
that bottle? -- hey, they work at Wilshire Memorial, so it could be
both!), as well as some brain cells. Peter bolts.

[The Courtyard]
Peter, attempting to escape the Hades of Hollywood, flees for the gate,
but runs into Amanda who belts out, "What the hell do you think you're
doing?" She's accuses Peter of tipping off Craig. Peter denies the
accusation, but wishes he did do it, thinking it might take Amanda down
a peg or two. Amanda tells Peter she has an ally with *real* assets, so
there's nothing to stop her now.  This cheerful morning chit-chat is
interrupted when Flower Boy arrives with a dozen red roses for Amanda.
However, due to time constraints, Flower Boy leaves without having
Amanda sign his clipboard (oops!). Kyle pops up just in time to see
flowers, twinging another jealous bone in his body. Peter leaves, adding
"Well, how does it feel to dance with the devil?"

[Burns-Mancini-Cooper Medical Office]
Coop shows Michael a brochure about a weekend medical education
conference up in Santa Barbara, but Michael informs Coop that he knows
everything he needs to know about medicine already. Then Megan grabs
Michael, telling him that their Italian kooky, Dr. Biscotti, wants them
back for a cappuccino and a second therapy session. Michael resists the
idea, suggesting they share feelings through "pillow talk." But Megan
says that's against therapist's orders. The phone starts ringing in
Michael's office, and he runs over, saying it's his private line. Funny
how Michael gets a "private line" installed now that Syd and Kimmy, the
only two who would ever dare eavesdrop, are both dead and buried! It's
Taylor calling, and she asks, "Now when can you do me," reminding
Michael that if he thought her face had big lips, he should see how wide
her lips of fertility are spread. As soon as Michael hangs up, Megan
begins pestering him again about couple's therapy. So Michael decides to
use the Santa Barbara conference as an excuse to delay having another
session as well as avoid Lips, and promises Megan they'll go see the
therapist as soon as he returns.

[Billy & Sam's Apt]
Amanda stops by to get Billy. The two of them are going to go check out
the new office space that she's getting for her company. Sam is
surprised how quickly things are moving. She still hasn't realized that
this is the show where storylines only last several weeks and where
babies are born in several months. Amanda and Billy talk about who could
be leaking information to Craig, but Amanda isn't worried, knowing Craig
has less smarts for business than he does for advertising. Billy gives
his a goofy look as he wonders who the traitor is, while all the time is
Sam standing in the background.

[Burns-Mancini-Cooper Medical Office]
Coop gets a call from Lexi, his ex-wife. She wants to take him to the
cleaners, and tells him she's coming to L.A. to do it. He informs her
that he's going to be in Santa Barbara for the weekend, attending a
medical conference, and that he'll be staying at the Regency Hotel. Lexi
tells him she'll be there, and before Coop can say, "Everybody was kung
fu fighting...," Lexi hangs up fast as lightning. Just then, Peter walks
into the office. Coop, noticing how similarly their hairstyles are, as
well as their clothes, asks Peter if he could cover for him up at the
conference this weekend. Peter thinks about it for a second, then says
"What the hell."

[New Office Area]
Amanda and Billy are inspecting the new offices, the walls painted in
that patent "D&D pink." Amanda says they can probably finalize the lease
by Monday morning, and Billy assures her that it should be a breeze to
furnish the *entire* place over the weekend. Boy, he'll say anything to
please the boss. Then Craig shows up, saying that he's already leased
this office space for 10% above market value, and has also made offers
to his existing clients that they surely won't refuse. He tells Amanda
she doesn't know who she's dealing with, then turns to Billy to offer
him one last chance to stay with Sky High. Next, Craig and Billy do
their best to see who can give the worse acting performance, while
Amanda calls Eric Baines for reinforcements. She asks for mo' money, but
Eric, being much more experienced in the advertising game, tells Amanda
it's not a money problem, and he'll make some calls and bring some
pressure to bear. Meanwhile, Billy tells Craig the "man" in Amanda is
man enough for him. Craig replies, "That's why you'll always be a second
banana."

[Sky High Advertising]
Jennifer stops by Sky High in the middle of the night, finding Craig
sitting on the visitor couch in the dark, going over some spreadsheets.
Craig has a hard enough time saying spreadsheets, let alone knowing what
they are. Obviously feeling the pressure as a result of Eric Baine's
phone calls, Craig tells Jennifer he's got some unexpected setbacks, he
doesn't know where they're coming from, and he doesn't know whom he can
trust. She says he can trust her. She offers to help by getting Craig a
cup of coffee. As she's doing this, she babbles on and on about perfume
or something, and by the time she returns to the couch with the coffee,
Craig is fast asleep. Poor Craig. He was doing so well until that
meddling Mancini stepped in, putting him to sleep. But no one ever said
those lips of hers were made for talkin'.

[Billy & Sam's Apt]
Billy arrives home late at night. Considering he no longer works at Sky
High, and Amanda Woodward Advertising isn't around yet, just what does
he do until this late? Sam doesn't seem to wonder. That's because she's
so busy cleaning her closet. She takes the phrase, "Start clean"
literally. After this, she's going to take another shower. She tells
Billy she wants to start her life over and make a new beginning, then
adds that she's the one responsible for leaking the info to Craig. Billy
has a cow, but lucky for him, his doesn't take it literally like Sam
would. He can't believe she's playing with his life like this, and to
add emphasis, he puts his hand to his forehead, and drops his jaw. When
Billy tells her he could end up with nothing because of this, she smiles
and says, "You'd still have me." Billy replies, "Oh, great. We could go
get jobs at the grocery store together," which is how I picture him
anyway. "Paper or plastic?" After about the thousandth time, I think
he'd be able to deliver this line without stuttering!

[Santa Barbara]
Award for Wordiest Sign this week goes the conference in S.B., which
reads, "West Coast Physicians Medical Education Conference And Seminar
Series." Michael and Peter arrive for the weekend. Peter tells Michael
he sees enough of him at the office, so to leave him alone. A Courtney
Thorne-Smith look alike is working behind the registration table, and
informs a young redhead, Lexi, that Dr. Cooper is registered, but hasn't
shown up yet. A bit perturbed, Lexi turns around to leave and she bumps
into Peter. No grinding yet, but the episode's still young... Peter asks
if there's anything he can help her with. She replies coldly, "I doubt
it!" and storms off. Peter watches her leave and smiles. Looks like the
doctor's smitten.

[Kyle's the Restaurant]
For some reason, while Michael is away, Megan finds herself having lunch
with Cooper, who rambles on about his failed marriage, his ugly ex-wife,
and how not even counseling could help. Fortunately, this all goes over
Megan's pretty little head. Coop segues to Michael, then to Kimberly.
Megan explains that Kimberly had an aneurysm that went "Pop!" and how
Michael didn't operate because Kimberly didn't want him to. Coop
mumbles, "That's one way to back out of a relationship." Megan tells
Coop that Michael loved Kimberly, and that Kimberly was the one that
introduced Megan to Michael. Coop suggests Megan go to Santa Barbara to
surprise Michael. Now for a serious Melrose Moment: "Life is short,
unless you're the one left behind. Then days could just drag on."
(Golly, I could hear Macdonald Carey saying this...)

[Upstairs Jazz Club]
Jennifer, sporting a new collar around her neck, barks to Kyle about how
Amanda's out to crush Craig, "No mercy, no prisoners," as well as reveal
a little about the secret partner that Amanda has been talking with.
Amanda strolls over and Kyle says to her, "I understand you've taken off
the gloves in this thing with Craig." Amanda, mixing metaphors as well
as sports, answers, "Well, business is business, and from where I'm
standing, if Craig wants to play hardball, he's gotta learn how to take
fast pitches." Amanda, not baseball gloves, boxing gloves! Craig
stumbles over, intoxicated, and concedes defeat, saying he took the
pitches right between the eyes and adding, "That big New York boyfriend
of yours, went the whole 9 yards for you, forcing my banks to pull
out..." That makes three sports in four sentences. Whoa, the "boyfriend"
thing sure perked Kyle's ears up, and he asks what really happened in
New York. Amanda discounts everything Craig said, explaining that Craig
is taking wild shots, something expected of a loser like him. Kyle's
reply: "He's a human being Amanda. Have a little compassion."

[Eclipse Restaurant]
Billy takes Sam out for dinner to celebrate the successful takeover.
Supposedly, he's so excited that he can barely utter his lines. (And
some call this acting!) "I'm going to be the new #2 man at the new #1
agency." My question is, who's the #1 man, while Sam's question is,
where does this leave Craig? Billy rolls his eyes, and answers,
"Unemployed, I guess." Sam begs him to never leave her. He promises,
saying "I love you... I'm here, because I want to be, because I want to
be with you. Because I want (gulp), I want you to be my (gulp), I want
you to be my (gulp)..." Sam interrupts him --mouth smiling, face glowing
-- asking, "What? What were you going to say? You want me to be your
whaaat?" There are many words that begin with "w," and several describe
Billy at this moment -- weenie, wimp, wascally wabbit -- but the "w"
word Sam was hoping to hear never sounds. Instead, Billy says, "I want
you to be there for me. I want us to be there for each other." Boo.
Hiss.

[Santa Barbara]
The CTS-double finds Michael at the bar, and tells him his wife is
waiting for him in his room. Michael, excited that Megan is here, runs
out. Lexi is also at the bar, enjoying a martini. Peter strolls up,
bumping into her for a second time, and asks, "Is there anything I can
do now?" Lexi replies, "If you're a doctor, I don't even want to know
you." That's why she's still hanging around a doctors' convention I
guess. Boys, get your pencils out and write this line down, cuz it
really works: "(Sniff sniff) Oh, Chanel No. 5." Your conquest will
reply, "No, Obsession." Then all you have to say is, "I mean Obsession.
I've been there." All that's left is to find your hotel keys so you can
do some more "bumping into" up in your room. Peter tries to introduce
himself, but she stops him, saying she doesn't even want to exchange
first names.

[Michael's Hotel Suite]
Michael runs to his room and hears the shower running. Like a scene from
"Psycho," he rips open the shower curtain, then jumps back in horror.
Instead of it being his wife, Megan, it's Lips, eyes bugging out at him!
She pulls him into the wet confines of the shower and points her fingers
at him, telling him to keep his hands up and no one will get hurt. As
the water rains down on them, Michael uses his squeegee one more time on
Taylor's fertile window.

[Peter's Hotel Suite]
Peter and Lexi are back upstairs, lips a'locking. Suddenly, Lexi comes
to her senses and brushes Peter back. She explains she can't do this,
that she's only been with one man her entire life. Peter figures her
out, describing her as a rich girl, summers on the Cape, a Smith
education, who would never be caught in such a lustful situation. She
says she's figured him out too, saying he's the preppy type, the
over-achiever, who never does anything he's not good at... golf,
surgery..." (Peter adds, "Sex.") She also knows his heart's been ripped
to shreds by some woman, just like hers was ripped apart by a man. She
says she gave everything to the one man in her life, but he just
discarded her like she was some cheap Savannah trash. They have a tender
moment, then she leaves, promising to call him tomorrow morning. In all
the passion of the moment, Peter forgot they never exchanged names. Duh!

[Santa Barbara]
The next day, Michael is sitting poolside when Peter runs up, asking if
Michael saw him with a woman last night. It seems Peter never got the
call from the woman whose name he doesn't know. These medical
conferences are pretty tough... nights at the bar, days by the pool... A
cabana boy comes over with a message for Michael, saying Michael's wife
is waiting for him in his room. Michael sighs, "Again?" He never knew
he'd have to use his chief-of-staff so often.  This time, however, when
he rips the shower curtain open, he finds Megan all hot and wet for him.
Suddenly, Michael hears Taylor enter downstairs, so he tells Megan he'll
meet her in the bedroom, then quickly runs downstairs to kick Taylor
out.

[Sky High Advertising]
Craig should've listened to Chicken Little. Sky High has fallen, and
Craig is in the office sweeping up the pieces. Jennifer is there too,
and can't figure why Craig let everyone off the hook so easily. Craig
tells her it's important not to burn bridges (We're learning so much
about life this episode!) Then Amanda pays a visit to Sky High,
apologizing to Craig and offering him a job, a high-level executive
position. Craig laughs in her face, then adds the piece de resistance
when he says, "I'll crush you flatter than spit."

[Michael's Suite]
Michael and Megan are enjoying a glass of champagne, when they're
interrupted by a phone call from Lips McBride, who threatens to tell
Megan everything unless comes over and does her now. Michael leaves
under the pretense of getting more ice for the champagne bucket. He runs
over to Taylor's suite, and they do it again in the shower. Thirty
seconds later, Michael arrives back at his place. Lucky for him he
doesn't have to perform again because Megan says she's not in the mood.

[Upstairs Jazz Club]
Jennifer tells Kyle that Amanda actually apologized to Craig and offered
him a job. Kyle is surprised to hear this, then tells Jennifer she has
the give the devil her due. Jennifer figures Amanda must've been on
drugs. Kyle asks Jennifer if she knows where Amanda is, and Jennifer
recalls Amanda saying she'd be working late at the new offices. Kyle
asks Jennifer to cover so he could slip out, with intentions to "slip
in" somewhere else real soon.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Taylor stops by to see Michael. He jumps away, telling her he can't have
sex with her again this soon. But Taylor's there to tell Michael there's
no need because she's "with child." Michael looks at her cross-eyed,
telling her it's impossible to know this early, but she says she could
feel the moment of conception. Then she thanks him for all his "hard"
work. She thought it was great not having any emotions or attachments,
allowing them to concentrate on the mechanics without any distracting
feelings. She gives Michael the thumbs up, adding, "Bravo, Mr.
Mechanics!"

[Billy & Sam's Apt]
Sam brings Billy breakfast "in bed." Of course, we're talking about Sam
here, who takes everything literally. So naturally, she drops the tray,
causing the food to spill all over the bed, the chill of the orange
juice causing Billy to shrivel up. Hopefully, for Billy's sake, this
isn't indicative of her domestic skills. Sam is so excited, because she
finally figured out what Billy was trying to say to her at the
restaurant the night before. So she says, "Yes, I will marry you!" Billy
treats us to facial expression #9, then stammers, "I love you, but..."

[Kyle's the Restaurant]
Taylor runs over to have Kyle feel her tummy, just before Amanda walks
in. Now Amanda knows Kyle's a chef, but when she catches him touching
this oven, she chokes briefly on her own spit. Taylor asks, "Oh, do you
want to feel Kyle's baby, too?"

[Burns-Mancini-Cooper]
Peter arrives at the office to a screaming session between Cooper and
some redhead. Coop introduces Lexi to Peter. They pretend this is their
first meeting and exchange pleasantries, although you know by his smile
that Peter hopes he can one day make her scream as loud as she had been
when he entered.

[Amanda Woodward Advertising]
The office is open for business. The Realtor hands Amanda the keys, and
Kyle's there to applaud. Billy's there too, and the first thing he does
as a new employee at Amanda Woodward Advertising is ask if he could
knock off early! He wants to go see Sam, whom he describes as being a
little on edge. The queen says it's okay with her, just as soon as he
finalizes the paperwork, calls *all* the employees about work tomorrow,
organizes the ribbon-cutting event, and touches base with all the
clients. Isn't he glad he's the #2 man? Just as Kyle and Amanda begin to
hug, they're interrupted by a surprise visit by Eric Baines, who informs
Amanda that he likes it so much in L.A. that he's decided to relocate.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Coop, sitting in the dark in Michael's Chief-of-Staff office at the
hospital, returns Kimberly's mother's call. She had been leaving message
after message for him with his Cleveland answering service. Why? Not
much else to do in Ohio, I guess. Anyway, he tells her he's moved to Los
Angeles, and has partnered up with Michael Mancini. This causes Mrs.
Shaw to gasp and warn him to leave immediately, but Coop assures her
he's got everything under control.

[Billy & Sam's Apt]
Yet another stellar scene from the Biwwy-monster. He returns to the apt,
calling for Sam. He finds a note on the bed that reads, "Dear Billy, I
hope this makes your life more stable. Good-bye. Love, Sam." Billy walks
to the closet and opens it up, but she's not there either! He grits his
teeth and roars like a lion... cub, that is.

[Royal Beach Hotel, Room 254]
Peter bangs on the door, then bangs Lexi on the floor.


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