At the 12th Annual 'Close Encounters of a Comic Book Kind'
Convention.
CBG:  Tell you what. I'll show you something very special,
      if you promise to put your grubby little hands behind
      your back and keep them there.
(CBG unlocks briefcase and opens it)
CBG:  Behold.
Bart: Wow! Radioactive Man number one.
CBG:  None other.
Bart: I bet it's worth a million bucks.
CBG:  It is my lad, but I will let you have it for a hundred
      because you remind me of me.
Bart: Aw, all I got is thirty.
CBG:  Then you cannot have.
Bart: But I must. Until this moment I never knew why God put
      me on this earth, but now I know, to buy that comicbook.
CBG:  Your motion is out of place here, son.

At the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
Martin:   Can you let me have it for forty dollars?
CBG:      Forty bucks?! Forget it! You made me get off my stool
          for that?
Martin:   It's all I've got! I sold seeds, I visited my aunt in
          the nursery home, I fished a dime out of the sewer
          for God's sake.
CBG:      No way. (Turns to Bart) What do you want?
Bart:     Can I have it for thirty-five.
CBG:      No! No, freakin' kids. I do not need this, I've got a
          masters degree in folklore mythology.
Milhouse: Excuse me. Do you have the Carl Yazstremski baseball
          card from 1973, when he had big sideburns?  {hp}
CBG:      Show me the thirty bucks, 'cos if you a'int got it,
          I a'int getting off the stool.
(Milhouse waves thirty bucks in the air)
CBG:      Okay.
(CBG goes to retrieve the baseball card)
Bart:     Wait a minute. Martin, if you, Milhouse, and I went
          in together, we could buy a copy of Radioactive Man
          number one right now.
Martin and Milhouse: Wow!
CBG:      Here you go, mutton-chop Yaz.
Milhouse: I don't want it.
CBG:      Freakin' kids.
Bart:     Look pal, we've got a hundred bucks and we'd like to
          buy Radioactive Man number one, so why don't you just
          waddle over there and get it.
CBG:      Yes sir.

Outside the shop
Bart:     Wow! Breathe it in boys.
Martin:   Ah, this is the stuff dreams are made of.
Milhouse: It smells like my Grampa.
Bart:     Oh-oh, looks like rain. We'd better get this baby home.
(All three boys take different directions with one hand on the
comic)
Bart:     Oh-oh.
CBG:      Looks like you bought more than you bargained for boys.

At the Springfield Swap Meet
Bart: What the hell's this?
CBG:  Melvin and the Squirrels, part of the rodent invasion of the
      early sixties.

At the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
CBG:      So you kids fancy youselves experts eh?
Bart:     Well, between us we've read all eight hundred and 
          fourteen issues of Radioactive Man.
Milhouse: Yeah, and we both have a special limited edition issue
          where he and Fallout Boy get killed on every page.
CBG:      Well I suppose you know then that Hollywood is planning
          a feature-film about Radioactive Man.
Bart and Milhouse: (hats fly upward) Gasp!
CBG:      I have got to do something about that air conditioner
          suction.
Bart:     Who's gonna play Radioactive Man?
CBG:      I will tell you in exactly seven minutes.
(He moves to his computer)
CBG:      Okay, here we are, alt dot nerd dot obsessive. Need
          know star RM pic.

CBG and Otto are racing slot-cars
Bart: Have you seen Milhouse?
CBG:  No. Now go away, we are racing for the title of Champion
      of the Universe.

Bart waits for the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
to open
CBG:  If you are waiting for the 'Hi and Lois' signing, you are
      too late. It has been moved to the Springfield Colosseum.
Bart: Please, you have something of mine on a little piece of
      paper.
CBG:  Oh, so you're Bart Simpson, eh. Well since my breakfast
      burrito is congealing rapidly I will be blunt. I sold your
      soul last night. I found a buyer right away for that item.
Bart: Who?
CBG:  I am not at liberty to divulge the party, but they were
      most interested in having possession of little boy's
      soul.
(Bart bangs his head repeatedly on the counter)
CBG:  Er, excuse me. No banging your head on the display case
      please, it contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she
      has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you.

Bart sees a sign in the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card
Shop window
Bart: (Gasps) 99 cents.
(Bart enters shop)
Bart: I want to buy a copy of Bonestorm, here's 99 cents.
CBG:  Huh. Allow me to summarise the proposed transaction. You
      wish to purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents, net profit to
      me, negative 59 dollars.
(CBG opens the till)
CBG:  Oh, oh, please take my 59 dollars, I don't want it, it's
      yours.
(Bart reaches for the money)
CBG:  Er, er, er. Seeing as we are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I
      shall close the register at this point, and state that
      99 cents is the rental price.
Bart: Oh, then may I please rent it, please?
CBG:  No you may not, I am all out, though I do have a surprising
      amount of Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge.
Bart: Aww.

Leaves restaurant with a wheelbarrow full of tacos
CBG:  Yes, this should provide adequate sustainance for the
      Dr. Who marathon.

At 'The Copy Jalopy'
CBG:   Question: Is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron?
Homer: No, it's Homer.
CBG:   Well then, I would thank you to stop peering at my
       screenplay, Homer. And if I see a movie where computers
       threaten our personal liberties, I will know that you
       stole my idea.
Homer: I'm just waiting for my kid.
Homer's Brain: Mental note: steal his idea.

At the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
(After a screening of Itchy and Scratchy meet Fritz the Cat)
Bart: How come I've never seen that Itchy and Scratchy
      before?
CBG:  Perhaps because you are a pre-pubescent ignoramus.
      This is a bootleg copy of Itchy and Scratchy meet
      Fritz the Cat. Because of it's frank depiction of
      sex and narcotic consumption, it is not for infantile
      intellect, such as yours, now toodle-oo.
Bart: Aww.
(Bart and Lisa turn to leave. Bart sees a framed drawing
of Itchy)
Bart: Cool! I'll give you ten bucks for that.
CBG:  Are you the creator of Hi and Lois because you are
      making me laugh. That drawing is worth exactly 750
      dollars American.
Bart: It's valuable, huh?!
CBG:  Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I
      can't allow you to waste them here when there are
      so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment.
      Go, go, for the good of the city.
Bart: Loser.

Bart runs into Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
(Kerching of the cash register)
CBG:  Thank you.

CBG is talking on the telephone
CBG:      Yes, and one with extra cheese, thank you.
(CBG puts down the telephone as a distressed Milhouse enters
the shop) 
Milhouse: Can I use your bathroom?
CBG:      No, you may not. The bathroom is for paying
          customers only, if you purchase an item you
          may use the bathroom.
Milhouse: Aw, ok, how about that?
(Milhouse points to a framed photo)
CBG:      That is a rare photo of Sean Connery signed by
          Roger Moore, it is worth one hundred and fifty
          dollars.
Milhouse: Aw, what can I get for 75 cents?
CBG:      (sigh) You may purchase this charming Hamburglar
          adventure. A child has already solved the jumble
          using crayons. The answer is 'fries'.
(Milhouse pays for the comic as his father enters the shop)
Kirk:     Er, Milhouse, what's going on? You said you just
          needed to use the bathroom, now I find you buying
          comics.
CBG:      Oh, our transaction is completed, you may take
          the boy.
Milhouse: Wait!

CBG waves goodbye to the Simpsons
CBG:      Toodle-oo

At 'Miscellaneous Etc.' gadget store
CBG:         Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote
             unquote, Ultimate Belt.
Storekeeper: I see, do you have a receipt, quote unquote,
             sir?
CBG:         I do not have a receipt, I won it as a door
             prize at the Star Trek convention, although
             I find their choice of prize highly illogical
             as the average Trekker has no use for a
             medium-sized belt.
Storekeeper: Whoa, whoa. A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan. You
             must be a devil with the ladies.
CBG:         Hey, I... Huh... Tha... Oh...
Storekeeper: Gee, I hate to let you down Casanova, but uh, no
             receipt, no return.
Bart:        I'll give you four bucks for it.
CBG:         Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book
             store, where I dispense the insults rather than
             absorb them.

At the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
CBG:     Ahem, your attention please.
I&S fan: Er, in the episode...
CBG:     Er, your attention please. Mr. Simpson will now be
         autographing 8 by 10 glossies of Poochie. Please
         form a line, there will be no cutting. I'm talking
         to you Mr. Cutter.
(CBG cuts to the front of the line)
CBG:     Pardon me. Look out. Pardon me. Excuse me. Hot soup.
         Hi, can you make one out to me and three out to my
         friend of the same name.

After the first episode of Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie
CBG:  Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the
      worst episode ever. Rest assured I was on the internet
      within minutes registering my disgust throughout the
      world.
Bart: Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you
      have to complain?
CBG:  As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of
      entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe
      you? I mean, if anything, you owe them.
CBG:  Worst episode ever.

In the wheelbarrow line at Dr. Nick's clinic
CBG: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

CBG is accosted by Rex Banner
Rex Banner: Are you the Beer Baron?
CBG:        Yes, but only by night. By day, I am a mild-
            mannered reporter for a major metropolitan
            newspaper.
Rex Banner: Don't crack wise with me tubby.
CBG:        Tubby? Oh yes, tubby.