I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in
class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher "Hot
Cakes"
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with
me
I will not yell "FIRE" in a crowded
classroom
I will not encourage others to
fly
I will not fake my way trough life
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
It's potato, not potatoe*
I will not trade pants with others
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not do that thing with my
tongue
I will not drive the principal's
car
I will not pledge allegiance to
Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this
attittude
I will not make flatuent noises
in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth
Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever
again
I will not show off
I will not sleep trough my education
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
High explosives and school don't
mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not squeak chalk
I will finish what I sta
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Underwear should be worn on the
inside
The Christmas Pageant does not
stink
I will not torment the emotionally
frail
I will not carve gods
I will not spank others
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance
of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's
lounge
I will not conduct my own fire
drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and
pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at
roll call
The principal's toupee is not a
Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud
head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to
the bathroom
I will never win an Emmy
The cafetaria deeo fryer is not
a toy
All work and no play makes Bart
a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just
to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute
teachers
My homework was not stolen by a
one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten
turtle
I am not delightfully saucy
Organ transplants are best left
to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not
end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless
milestones
There are plenty of businesses
like show business
I will not re-transmit without
the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait
for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical**
I will not use abbrev.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy
Davis Jr.
I will not send lard trough the
mail
I will not dissect things unless
instructed
I will not whittle hall passes
out of soap
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze
him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make
it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career
choise
Cursive writing does not mean what
I think it does
Next time it could be me on the
scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I
own the place
The Good Humor man can only be
pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney
over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover
burping
This is not a clue...or is it?
I will not complain about the solution
when I hear it
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural
heritage
Wedgies are unhealthy for children
and other living things
I will only do this once a year
I will stop talking about the twelve
inch pianist
I am not certified to move asbestos