Now, this one isn't a photo, exactly-- it's a drawing that I did in kindergarten, which received a lot of attention. It must have been awful good, because after I did it, people from school kept showing up at my house, wearing bright jackets that read "Child Services". I think they were dropping off awards or something.

Now, for some reason I seem to be repressing the actual meaning of this doodle, but I think it has something to do with the enigmatic caption I scrawled on the bottom of the page:

I still can't make heads or tails of it, though.

Okay, this one is much more recent. Here's Grandpa Fred posing with his new minivan, which he contends is the "greatest whorin' ve-hicle this side a' the Mississippi". We'll take your word for it, Grandpa Fred.

Ahh . . . memories. This is cousin Pete, circa 1991, moments before the infamous "chicken incident". It took a long time to get everything straightened out, but now he knows that certain things are only to be done in "private", and we know not to include Petting Zoos on any more family outings.

This is from 1984. There's just something so special about Christmas Eve Mass, you know what I mean?

Take up thy serpent, Uncle Bob!

The Fourth of July, 1986! What a holiday! As you can imagine, it didn't take long for daddy's Vietnam flashbacks to kick in after the fireworks began. It was really kind of sweet, the way he kept affectionately referring to everyone as "Charlie", and telling us that he would make a necklace out of our "bloody, God-forsaken earlobes".

Fortunately, the local SWAT team arrived before he could do too much damage. And, in his defense, most people present agreed that that flock of geese "needed killin'".

Y'all best be movin' on to the second page.