Okay, so I'm obsessed; sue me. (Only Robin Scorpio would bother to punctuate that with a semi-colon.) There, see! Right there is the problem:
I'm sure Michael Cates, if he ever met a semi-colon, would put it in it's proper place, which is no where in his life. ( So how can I imagine that a person who thinks this much about punctuation could possibly have a place in his life either?)
Probably this obsession has to do with my current boyfriendless state. The only boyfriend I've had so far was Roger Hollander, and I don't think we really liked each other. Then I had this huge crush on Jason Quartermaine, who was very kind about it. Maybe that's all this is about Mike Cates(okay, I'll give him Mike, but not Stone)--a raving crush. It feels like more, but how would I know? I may be some kind of sexual retard.
Tiffany keeps warning me about "raging hormones." I have reason to believe my hormones are awake, but they're no where near raging. Felicia keep assuring me I am probably a late bloomer. Then there's Brenda, who I guess bloomed early and could probably give me some advice, but I don't even know what to ask. Anyway, it's not any of their business.
Lucky for me, virginity has made a comeback.(Brenda's not, but that doesn't matter, I'm talking about me.) Given today's public health problems, abstinence is becoming cool. Still, I'd prefer it to be by choice.
Actually, I suspect the reason I don't have a boyfriend may have less to do with sexuality than with the conventions of conversation, which I haven't exactly mastered. My never learning what you say and what you don't, or how to cover up what I really feel until it's safe. And maybe I'm attracted to Mike Cates because he mostly can't be bothered. I guess living on the street doesn't equip you with much in the way of niceties.
It's not that I don't know how to be polite. It's the space between manners and genuine connection that gives me trouble. Maybe I'm missing a gene.
And maybe Michael Cates is too. Which is why he wouldn't give up his seat for me the night I met him. September, the match between A.J. and his Mike's brother Jagger. (I loath boxing as an institution, but this fight was almost a class struggle.)
Mike was sitting in the aisle, next to Brenda. I came in late and she introduced us. I knew who he was, of course----Jagger's lost-and-found brother-----but I'd never seen him. We said hello, I asked him to scoot down so I could take a seat, and he directed me to the empty seat on the other side of Brenda! I said I liked the aisle, he said so did he--and he got there first. "What a gentleman," I said, meaning what a creep.
He's been on my mind ever since.
