| Episode Summary | transcribed by Mystic |
This episode took place during the time when Jack had the brilliant idea to move back into Jenn's house. After all, half was legally his. He's been talking to his lawyer, trying to get it all worked out. But he also has a t.v. show to tape in this episode. He is a little late to the television studio because he was talking to his lawyer. Jennifer isn't too happy about that.
[Jenn is sitting in the makeup chair, getting her makeup done. She's
complaining about the fact that
Jack is late]
Jenn - Well, I guess Jack doesn't get makeup! Because if he doesn't
care to show up on time, he
doesn't deserve to look good either.
Makeup assistant - The thing about Jack is -- he'll look good no matter
what.
[Jenn looks irritated by that remark, for some reason. But I'm sure she knows it's true : ) ]
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[Jack is finally at the studio now, but he's still talking on the phone to his lawyer Dave]
Jack - Dave, I know you're busy. You put me on hold for the past 4 times!
Dave - And I apologize for that Jack, but things are crazy down here!
Jack - I don't need apologies. What I need are those papers. They're
gonna give me accesss to
Jennifer's....... no, our house. Listen, I'm all set to move in Dave.
I'm just waiting for the go ahead.
Dave - I've run into some more red tape, Jack.
Jack - (annoyed) Oh, what red tape?!
Dave - Oh, look Jack. My secretary's at the courthouse. The phones are
lit up like a Christmas
Tree. I gotta get back to you on this.
Jack - When Dave?
Dave - The minute I hear, I promise.
Jack - Listen, I don't want anymore promises. I want results. (he hangs up, furious)
[Jenn and Peter, already at the studio, walk up to Jack. Jenn looks irritated]
Jenn - Excuse me, Jack. You know your changes are ridiculous?
Jack - What?
Jenn - Altering a script just for the sake of altering is totally unprofessional.
Jack - That's not what I was trying to do, Jennifer!
Jenn - No, I know exactly what you were trying to do and it's gonna stop.
Jack - I didn't know it was so important to you!
Jenn - Not important?!!
Jack - I honestly thought that those changes helped.
Jenn - (very annoyed) You know what, Jack? This is my show and we are
gonna do things my
way. Now I will not put up with any high-handed behavior from you.
Jack - (tries to make peace with Jenn) You won't have to. From now on,
it's hands off! This is your
turf, I can respect that.
Peter - You make sure you do.
[Peter pulls Jenn away and Jack stares after them, ticked off at Peter.
Arnie, their boss, walks up to
them]
Arnie - (sensing the tension) Don't tell me there's trouble between my two biggest stars!
Jack - No, no, it's my fault! I changed the script, Jennifer just called me on it.
Arnie - I hope so.
[Jack pulls Arnie aside]
Jack - Come here. Look, I don't think it's a very good idea to pull
that surprise you were telling me
about.
Arnie - Lose the surprise?!! Hey, it was my idea!
Jack - I know, but --
Arnie - (interrupts) And I am the boss. El supremo. Don't worry, it's going to be great!
30 SECONDS TO TAPE, JACK!
[Peter kisses Jenn on the cheek and steps off the stage. Jack and Jenn
sit in their chairs, facing each
other, and stare at one another. Jenn looks annoyed, and Jack looks
nervous]
---------------------------------
[Jack and Jenn are talking to a woman guest now who wrote a book for
women on finding your
perfect mate]
Jenn - Say I was a client and I was coming to you from matchmaking advice.
How would I find the
man of my dreams?
Guest - Sometimes it's best for people who really know you well to choose a mate for you.
[Jack quickly looks at Jenn because he knows that Jenn wasn't prepared
for that answer. Jenn
looks at Jack with a look that says, "What is she doing?"]
Jenn - (quietly) Uh, this isn't what we dicussed in the pre-interview.
Guest - (smiles) Sometimes romance calls for improvisation. (she stands
up and pulls Jennifer out of
her seat too) Is the fan club here?
[6 or 7 women come out. They're all part of Jennifer's fan club]
Jenn - (forces a smile, still clueless) A fan club? What's going on?
Guest - Well, we've arranged to poll your fans, Jennifer. We asked them
what kind of man you should be with: Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks......
but the fans
didn't want any of them. They cast one vote and it was unanimous. For
your co-star -- Jack!
[The guest takes Jack's hand and pull him out of his chair. He looks
genuinely surprised. He looks at
Jenn and nervously smiles. Jenn gives him the biggest, most fakest
smile]
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Jenn - So when did you arrange for this poll, Jack?
Jack - (quietly to Jenn) I knew the fan club was coming but I had no
idea that they were going to do
this.
Guest - So you were both surprised! I just think that's the cutest thing!
Jack - Yeah! I'm really flattered that you chose this way to express
your appreciation for the show,
but I don't think you should have put Jennifer on the spot like that.
[A member of the fan club walks up to Jack. She taps Jackon the arm and he turns around]
Lenore - Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi! (she's excited. LOL!) I'm Lenore.
Jack - (shakes her hand) Hi Lenore.
Lenore - I'm Jennifer's fan club president. And I'm so excited to be
here..... with my fan club! (she
points to the other women)
Jack - (smiles) That's great. I'm sure she's happy to see you.
Lenore - Well, I don't know. She looks a little sad.
Jenn - Oh, no no! Not at all! I just....
Lenore - And I just think you two are so cute together. You've got the
greatest chemistry. And I bet
even off the charts!
Jenn - (politely) Thank you, Lenore.
Jack - Thank you very much.
Arnie - (steps into the shot) I couldn't agree more! And our chief sponsor
feels the same way.
(looks at the camera) Henderson's Confections, makers of fine chocolates
and candies, they love
Jennifer and Jack's bantering and babbling. They think it's great fun.
But there's one thing they think
would be even more fun. And they're willing to donate 1,000 bags of
candy to a children's charity of
Jack and Jennifer's choice, if they'll do one thing -- kiss and make
up!
Jenn - What?!!
Peter - (who's been watching this entire time, grabs a production lady, furious) Tell them to stop tape now, or I'll stop it for them!
Jenn - (to Jack) Listen to me...
Jack - Listen, Jennifer. I know you feel awkward about this. I feel
the same way........... but
anything for charity! (he grabs Jennifer and kisses her. When they
finish, close-up on Jenn not
looking very happy. What's wrong with her?!!)
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[Peter has his hand over his face, disgusted. The production ends the show]
Arnie - Fantastic! Our best show ever! Ratings will go through the roof!
[Jack sees Peter and tries to hurry off the stage, but Peter doesn't let him get away]
Peter - YOU SET THIS UP, YOU --
[Peter tries to attack Jack. Jenn tries to hold Peter back. Jack holds
Arnie in front of him as a
shield]
Arnie - Look, this was my inspiration!!
Jack - (annoyed, says to Peter) What are you doing here?!!
Arnie - Come on, guys! The show needed jazzing! So I decided to inject something to --
Jenn - (interrupts him, furious) You know, the next time you want to INJECT SOMETHING --
Arnie - (interrupts her) Come on, Jenn. You're a trooper! Wait'll you
see the numbers next week!
(he runs off)
Peter - (points his finger at Jack) You're not gonna get away with this, Jack!
Jack - Look, you just heard him! It was his idea!
Peter - Yeah, but you took full advantage!!
Jack - (smiles) Well, I did my part for sweet charity.
Peter - (angrily pauses) I am warning you, Deveraux...
Jack - (not scared) I'm getting a little bit tired of your macho threats.
I had no part of this. What the
fans did was spontaneous. And it's pretty much obvious to everyone
that JENNIFER AND I
BELONG TOGETHER!
[Peter starts to attack Jack again. LOL! Jack kind of asked for it : ) ]
Jenn - (manages to hold Peter back) No, Peter! Peter! (to Jack) Listen
to me! This is my show, all
right? And the only reason you are here is because the fans like you
. And I have too much invested
in this show to hurt it by getting rid of you. But I am telling you
right now, if anything like this
happens again, fans or no fans.........
[The fans are still there, watching Jack and Jenn. They're really noisy.
The production lady is trying
to usher them out.]
Jenn - (notices the fans, and smiles at them) Bye!
Jack - (waves at the fans, then says to Jenn) You still don't believe me?
Peter - (the fans are still making lots of noise) BYE!!!
Jenn - (to Jack) You knew that Arnie was up to something and you didn't
even warn me. But you
know what? You did fool me. You really did. Because for a minute there,
I thought that you really
had changed. But you just can't keep the real Jack down, can you? Mr.
Manipulation, taking
advantage of every situation as long as it suits you! Well you know,
you can suit yourself by
yourself whenever you want! Because I will deal with you at work, but
as soon as we are done
taping, THAT'S IT! I am on my way home. Don't even bother to say goodbye
to me anymore. (she
storms off, leaving Jack and Peter behind)
Peter - (moves closer to Jack, and points his finger at him again) This
is no macho threat, Jack. This
is reality. If you bother her again, if you touch her again... I will
hurt you badly. Do we understand
each other? (he storms off after Jenn)
[Jack is left there alone looking equally angry. He snatches out his cellular phone and calls his lawyer]
Jack - Dave, listen, this is Jack. No excuses. I need those papers now.
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Dave - Jack, I'm being held up by the city clerk.
Jack - (furious) Listen, I don't want to hear it!! I want those papers
now. I'm not gonna be outdone
by Peter Blake. I'm gonna spend the night tonight in my house with
my wife. And the sooner I get
into that house, the sooner I get into her heart....... for good.
[he hangs up the phone and walks away]