I am tragically tragically sorry, but I have a very good explanation. While I was composing a
letter to you last eve, I was interrupted by a knock on my door. "Who could that be?", I thought
to myself, "No one knows the location of this secret bat-type cave". I was sorrily mistaken. I
opened the door, using my laser key/voice command system, and who should be standing there
but Jesus and 10 of the 12 disciples. " Good evening", Jesus said, "would it be at all possible
for you to let us in? We are on the run from Satan, and have no where else to go. We figured
this secret bat-type cave would be the perfect place to hide"
"Well, Jesus", I replied, "I am quite busy composing mail to send to someone I truly admire, but
I guess since you are Jesus and you sacrificed yourself for my sins, I should at least let you
hide like a scared sissy in my bat-type cave."
"Thank you for your kindness, this will not go unnoticed when you step up to the Pearly Gates",
Jesus told me. He walked in followed by Andrew, Bartholomew, James the Greater, John, Matthew,
Peter, Phillip, Simon and Thomas. James the Less stayed outside to finish his cigarette, as
there is no smoking allowed in the secret bat-type cave.
When they were situated comfortably on my sectional sofa, I offered them their choice of
refreshing beverages. Oddly enough, everyone but Paul chose Hawaiin Punch, luckily I always have
it on tap, as it is thirst quenching and delicious. I had to go down to the 7-11 to get Paul's
Jolt Cola though, some people always have to be difficult.
After everyone had finished their drinks, I felt compelled to offer entertainment. I
couldn't just let Jesus and the apostles sit around watching MTV, although they seemed perfectly
content doing so. I brought out my tickle trunk, which is chock full of fun and games, and
suggested dress up, but they weren't too keen on that idea. Apparently, they had played dress up
earlier that day and there had been a bad incident with Jude and a feather boa, resulting in the
untimely strangulation of a perfectly good disciple. Next, I suggested Twister, but that was
vetoed as well, they didn't say why, but I got the impression that Jesus and the disciples are
severly homophobic. We finally agreed on Hungry Hungry Hippos, each winner playing the next
contender, tournament style. Jesus ended up the big winner, I was slighty suspicious of his
tactics, because he always ended up with more marbles in his tray then we started out with. I
didn't protest too much, because I guess it is politically incorrect to accuse the Son of God of
cheating at a Milton Bradley game.
It was getting late by this point in time and I was really tired. "Look Jesus," I said,
"If you guys are going to spend the night, I need to know, because I will have to put some
sheets on the pull out sofa." .
"Actually", Jesus said, " I think we should get going. Satan will be drunk and incoherent
by this point in time. So it should be pretty safe to leave. I'll page Judas and have him swing
by and pick us up"
"Sounds good", I said. "I am going to go to sleep now. Nice meeting you and good luck with
the Devil and shit."
"Thanks", he replied. "You are a king among men for doing this for us, how would you like
Eternal life?"
"Whatever, just don't forget to lock up when you leave. Goodnight." I went upstairs and
fell immediately to sleep.
The next morning(today), I woke up and smelled cooking. I went downstairs to find Jesus
and the disciples sitting at my kitchen table eating bacon and eggs.
"What the hell are you still doing here?" I asked.
"Well Judas never showed up last night, some people just can't be trusted, I guess", he
replied.
"Oh well, I am going to work now, please clean up before you leave," I said, "And Jesus,
by the way, that is not Kosher" And with that I left the secret type bat cave and went to work.
When I got home just now, Jesus was gone, but he left lots of soiled dishes that I had to wash.
© 1997 hbauld@netcom.ca
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