Naturally, on the way to the Gymnastics center, traffic was, in fact, a bear. Or rather four bears: a big Grizzly, two Polar Bears, and a Kola. Very funny, Goddess. The hold up was not helping my stomach, in the least. I have always been prone to car sickness (Goddess tells me this is a side effect of being a Bard, much like when her eyes turned all milky-glowy when she first ate that ambrosia. Perhaps, Wesser can work his magic and come up with some kind of super strength Dramamine or something). And whatever was in that orange juice was threatening to resurface at any moment. Oh did I mention, the Goddess insisted I take the scenic route, you know the one with all the gratuitous twists and turns. I swear if I didn't have the feeling that the Goddess was sitting right next to me...not using her seat belt again, "By the way", I would just pull over and be done with this torture in one final blow...or spew as the case may be.
GC: ((materializing in the passenger seat)) Was that last little bit necessary?
MM: ((Blank stare))
GC: I mean, "spewing"? Really Melissa you are a better bard than that.
MM: ((arch one eyebrow))
GC: ((sigh, rolls her eyes)) Alright, alright. ((puts her seat belt on)) Happy?
MM: Mmm-hmm. ((nodding my head)) Anyway, I was just describing how I am feeling at the moment. And spewing seemed to sum it up quite nicely.
GC: Now that you mention it, you are kinda sickly looking. Here, give me your wrist.
MM: ((dear Gods, this must be one of those lesser of two evils situations I heard so much about in philosophy 101!)) ((Give the Goddess my wrist))
GC: Good choice. Now let me see...where was that little bump? ((jabs me in the wrist with her index finger, ok jab would be a bit of an understatement, it was more like she jammed, no not jammed, slammed? no, bashed? well, lets just say, she pressed REALLY hard))
MM: AUUGGH! ((pull my hand away)) What the...((Elysian fields calm and green, song birds singing, so serene))...ouch. ((scowl))
GC: Huh? It always works when Xena does it. Oh! wait! She always uses two fingers! Give me your wrist again.
MM: ((blank stare))
GC: ((arching an eyebrow))
MM: ((..Elysian fields...)) ((give her my wrist))
GC: ((Attempts pressure point thing))
MM: OUCH! ((pull my hand back))
GC: Hmmm? I used two fingers, I don't understand.
MM: Why are you trying to cut off the flow of blood to my brain?
GC: Huh? If I wanted to cut of the flow of blood to your brain, I would just snap my fingers. ((snap)) This particular pressure point is suppose to cure motion sickness. But judging from your reaction, I'd say it's just painful. Hmmm? Do you think Xena may have been a bit of a sadist? Melissa? Hello, I am talking to you...
MM: ((gasping for life, clawing at my throat))
GC: Ooops. ((snaps her fingers))
MM: ((blood returning to my brain)) Thank you Goddess.
GC: ((shrugs)) don't mention it.
MM: hey, you know, I do feel better.
GC: ((big smile)) You see Melissa, I am one of those...those, uhm what did you call it, benevolent? Yes, I am a benevolent Goddess.
MM: Yes the most. ((amazingly able to keep any hint of sarcasm out of my response))
GC: Well, I've got better things to do with my day, so I will catch you later. ((vanishes))
MM: ((oh good, something to look forward to))
As I enter the Gymnastics academy I realize that I forgot my workout clothes. Hades, now I will have to wear one of the standard issue outfits. Last time all they had left was one of those awful Bilious Green Sports Bra things. Sigh. I suppose it could be worse I could have been stuck with...
Erin: Sorry Melissa, but this is all we have left today. ((hands me replica of Joxer's warrior garb))
MM: What?! Someone actually took the BGSB?
Erin: Yes, well I thought it a bit odd too, but when Matt asked...
MM: Matt?
Erin: Yeah I know, strange huh?
MM: For Matt? No. Where is he anyway?
Erin: I don't know, ran off mumbling something about matching shoes.
MM: Mmmm. Footlocker. Anyway, what are you doing here today? Don't you normally leave the everyday overseeing of this place to the little people?
Erin: Yeah, but the Goddess called and said she was bringing Hudson over. She wants to get her started on a training program.
MM: Let me guess, she didn't want to deal with the little people.
Erin: You got it.
MM: Well good luck. ((for all the good it will do you))
Erin: Thanks ((for all the good it will do me))
I headed to the locker rooms to change into the Joxer outfit. How humiliating, I think re-entering the main gymnasium. I certainly hope nobody sees me in this thing.
Erin: ((shouting from across the gym)) NICE PANTS!!
Who am I kidding, by this time tomorrow I'll be broadcast all over the Internet. I can just see the captions now, "Melissa the Mighty." Blast! Now I got that song in my head.
To spare Melissa this particular indignity, we have mercifully opted to jump ahead in the story. Ok, ok, truth be told we can't stand it when the little bard regresses like this, so we are sparing ourselves as much as her. No thanks necessary, it is our pleasure, really.
Joining my group, I began to stretch out, well you know, after the laughter died down. Vaguely I wondered how my stomach would hold up under the activity. I had two things going for me. 1) I was only in the Joxer level so I wouldn't be doing any real strenuous stuff. And 2) the Goddess's pressure points still seemed to be doing the trick, tho I do seem to have an inexplicable craving for raw squid. Perhaps I should swing by the zoo later. OTOH, after Erin's mocking I can't say that I would be too disappointed if I left her a little "Surprise" before I went.
GC: ((materializes before me with wicked grin))
MM: NO! Goddess! ((Realizing her plan, but knowing I won't be able to turn my head in time to avoid including her in her little practical joke in a rather...uhm, yucky way.))
Time stopped...quite literally I'm afraid.
Luckily, the Goddess can take a joke. We had a real good laugh.
GC: Oh Melissa, you got me. ((giggling))
MM: Well I can't say I didn't warn you.
GC: You're right, always are, I really should try to listen to you more often.
((Fuzzy voices from above,)) "I think she is delirious"
"Where the heck is Trancer when you need her?"
"Texas I think."
"What the heck's a Texas?"
"Beats me."
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