Well folks, "It's the end of the world as we know it." Ok, ok, it's not that bad - it's worse. Yes, that's right THREE new twins have been discovered. SWEET MOTHER OF HESTIA! Sorry, just had to get that out of our systems. Try it, it won't help, but it will sure make your office mates and/or house guests think twice before approaching you with all their inane problems. Anyway, where were we....oh yes, new twins. *sigh*
The fist new addition to the family, Gene, will definitely have his work cut out for him, for he is a psychiatrist by trade. Can you say - family rate, group therapy, midnight trips to the Oedipal complex? (But enough about the mayor's private life.) Of course, one wonders just how much actual progress can be made in a therapy session being conducted by an oddity twin. Indeed, were it not for the fact that he studied under Sigmond Freud himself...er...::blush::...we mean studied WITH Freud...no wait that's not it....were it not for his vigilant and persistent claims that he got his degree at a *real* university...no wait that's not it either...oh yeah! Were it not for the fact that he is the only psychiatrist in town we would recommend you take your business elsewhere. Degree or no degree, Freud or no Freud, going to an Oddity Twin for mental help is after-all like...well, like going to an Oddity Twin for mental help.
Much to the horror of Cirrans everywhere the second addition to the family, Galloway, was a bard. (Not that there's any thing wrong with that....oh who are we kidding - he's a bard for Zeus-sake!) Now in truth, all the twins have bardic tendencies, but what sets Galloway apart is his willingness to openly admit the ugly truth, and with zeal yet. What's more, he puts his bard talents to use in creating stories where the Goddess...we can't even say it...oh go on, you can do it... (sigh) alright (deep breath)...where Goddess is redeemed and working WITH Xena and Gabrielle for the Greater Good. And? Must we? (nods) and... (shudder)...Calling Hercules - Father. Oh the Humanity. Anyway, we think the whole mess is beyond odd, it's freakish. (but we're not one's to gossip so you didn't hear it from us) Suffice it to say, he should get along perfectly with Matt.
And finally we have Pandora, the most unlikely of the trio to be named an oddity twin. But not because she's normal mind you, ‘cuz well, that she ain't. But mostly because of her ill advised and completely inexplicable association with the Gode..with Velasca. The only logical explanation really is her youth - Pandora's not Velasca's. That or perhaps a Goddess or TWO, dropped her on her head one to many times. Or maybe it was the henbane Trancer use to slip into her Koolaid when nobody was looking, just because she looked so darn cute humming the theme song to The Facts of Life. Or Melissa playing "kick the baby." Or Matt tying her to the flag pole and shoving monopoly people up her nose. Or the frequent 'accidents' while playing Jarts with big brother "no aim" Jeff. Or Gene forcing her to play - Psychoanalyze THIS! The home game. Or Galloway's insistence that she sniff the new scrolls, just because she looked so darn cute humming the theme song to The Facts of Life. Who knows? There's no excuse really.
And now without further ado....no point in procrastinating the inevitable, we present to you the newest additions to the family.....in no particular order. Ok ok there will be a particular order but it won't be for lack of trying on our part...but apparently these web page things don't work well with Chaos. But then, she doesn't work well with others either so we're not taking the blame for this one.....
Occupation: The premiere Cirran Psychotherapist Turn Ons: Too numerous to mention, but one of them is women
in those big wool socks. Anticipating the destruction of their planet Gene's parents placed him
in a spacecraft and sent it toward a distant star. Upon arriving,
young Gene noticed that the yellow sun of this planet gave him incredible
powers, and from then on he would be known as Superm
::SMACK:: Tell it right, pissant!!!
Okay. Okay. Sheesh! Try to embellish a little and
see what you get. Gene grew up in a small town in northeastern Pennsylvania
during that turbulent period in American history known as the 80's.
The scars that were left were deep and wide. He always had a fascination
with why people do what they do, and are who they are, so he studied
psychology at the University of Pittsburgh. Most of that time is
kind of hazy and probably better off forgotten, but he had fun!!!
After several years I felt the calling to move on, and picking a direction
(West) he packed up and moved to Seattle, Washington. There he lived
and worked and loved until he discovered this show Xena: Warrio...errr
Destroyer of Nations. He felt terrible about the portrayal of The
Warrior Queen, Callisto as written by the Irritating Blond Bard, Gabrielle,
and found a refuge, a safe haven in the world of electrons known as Cirra.
There he met others who felt as he did and they decided to rebuild and
raise Callisto to glory. There were also people there, very strange
people mind you, who shared his shall we say "odd" views. Okay face
it, they are all whacked in the head!!! A year went by until the
tragic secret was revealed to him that he was in fact one of the long lost
Oddity Twins. Gender (because we're not going to go through that whole "sex"
thing again... wait, that didn't come out the way I meant it to... and
neither did that... oh, Tartarus)
SEX: Male
Occupation: Chair-individual - Citizens of Cirra Caucus (well,
okay, it's an action group, but "caucus" is a really cool word, like "nougat",or "sphagnum"), bard
Turn Ons: incredibly aggressive, vengeance-seeking, leather clad
Go-- (GC: Watch yourself, Mr. Galloway) --phers. (Though we've heard rumors
that he secretly has a picture of a certain irritating bard that he moons
over -- no, not THAT bard, that's just... illegal in most states. Well,
we don't think so, anyway... I mean, about the bard, we're pretty sure
it IS illegal in most states. Wait, what were we talking about?)
Okay, so just who is Galloway? (And yes, despite what the Goddess says,
it IS Galloway, not Mr. Galloway -- though we wouldn't go about correcting
the Goddess too much or too often about the whole thing). The answer to
that question is... we have no idea, we were just ordered to write this
silly bio and are trying our best to come up with a bunch of stuff that
will make a smallish percentage of you laugh and hopefully not make the
rest close their Internet browsers right now.
MM: Mr. Galloway (okay, sometimes we let her say that too, after
all she is the Mayor), you better know who you are, or else what did I
tell you about not missing your appointments with Gene?
Oh, right, forgot about that. Well then, uhm, Galloway-- er, uhm, I,
that is, am a bard, which I'm sure explains most of this whole bio to you
right off. I'm not Hudson's bard, or the Goddess' bard, in fact I'm kind
of a free-lancing bard, really, and of course, a bard without a patron
is, well... suffice it to say that should explain the rest of the bio.
I am, in various alternate realities an engineer, a systems analyst, a
high-powered executive, and an independent cheese saleman. All right, only
three of those four, really... you get to pick which three to believe.
It's your mind after all. Oh, and he likes words such as "caucus", "nougat",
and "sphagnum". And "skillet", really likes "skillet".
Now, what is that whole "Citizens of Cirra" thingy? Mostly it's an official-sounding
front for Galloway to suggest things to the Twin-In-Charge without seeming
like just some Joe from the street saying, "Hey, Mayor, you know what would
be cool? Money with the Goddess' picture on it! That would RULE!" We also
hear rumors that they aren't even his suggestions at all, but things that
the Goddess wanted to suggest to the Twin-In-Ch-- who are we kidding! the
Twin-most-likely-to-pop-a-vein" without sounding like some Goddess off
the street saying, "Hey Bard, print money with my picture on it, because
I RULE!" Okay, maybe she'd say that anyway, but she really likes
saying it via the nice letterhead that the Caucus uses.
Is that enough?
MM: They stopped reading about two paragraphs ago.
Oh.
Occupation: Proprietor, Pandora's Box of Chocolates, sole
supplier of waxed lips in New Cirra. Also claims to be a Priestess of Velasca,
but, being a twin and all, we can't make a definite statement on that for
fear of what the Goddess will do to the rest of us. (Yep, just like other
families, the youngest gets preferential treatment... in this case being
spared various maimings and tortures that, frankly, she'd probably enjoy
anyway.)
Once thought to be a quiet and unassuming part of the little family,
in reality Pandora was merely being covert about her true Velascan leanings,
and this whole pain, whips and devices thing she has. HA! You're found
out twin!
P: Shut up, Galloway.
DoH!
Anyway, after the Twin Scattering (shuddering at that painful
memory) Pandora ended up in the fine, cheese-laden state of Wisconsin,
probably because she thought it was the "wine and cheese haven state of
Wisconsin" and, well, she has this thing for a bit of the grape, don't
tell the Goddess. Something deep inside drew her to New Cirra upon our
fine city's reformation. We suspect it was her liver, due to the Goddess'
no-intoxicants policy, crying out for a hero -- I mean, a break. (Please,
no one tell the Goddess anything about chocolate and endorphins!)
And now she is the proud proprietor of New Cirra's best (okay,
only) candy shop, Pandora's Box of Chocolates, Coffee Bar, and super-secret-highly-
hidden-Velascan-meeting-site. By the way, we DON'T recommend referring
to Pandora by the name "Candy Girl", or whistling, humming, playing on
your soundtrack pants, or otherwise producing the tune of the same name.
So you've been warned.
Disclaimers, acknowledgments, and blame.....
First and foremost, as always, we would like to thank the Goddess Callisto to whom we owe our very existence. Excuse me, our very "pathetic" existence. (Goddess Callisto - editor extraordinaire) (no Goddess, that's nothing like a bard) (Dictionary? Uhm...what's that?)
We would also like to thank Nick (a.k.a. Judge Terror) for the creation of the really cool Goddess Callisto graphic that appears on this page as well as the Oddity Twins graphic and the banner that we are currently using on the Hercules & Xena Banner Exchange. He did an excellent job and we are most appreciative. In fact, we were going to try to pass them off as our own genius but who the Tartarus are we fooling, if we had computer graphic artistic talent do you really think our web page would be so bland?
Any resemblance by the new oddity twins to their cartoon representations on this web page is...well, it's just sad really. Oddity Twins Productions means no copyright infringement or disrespect to the cartoon figures themselves. Nor are we profiting from their use. We never get anything good, why would this be an exception?
Turn Ons: To quote, "I like pain. I like what it does to people,
I like what it makes people do." Sure, you thought that was the God of
Chaos, but where do you think she heard it from first? Also, chasing Melissa
around the Temple shouting "You can't HIDE from me, BARD!"
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