MM: This is a very special episode Goddess, it's called Sins of the Past. It's the very first Destroyer of Nations episode ever. (puts the tape in the VCR)
(((Xena rides Argo through a destroyed village)))
GC: Where's Gabrielle?
MM: She wasn't with Xena yet.
GC: oh. Why not?
MM: because she hasn't gotten to Poteidaia yet.
GC: why not?
MM: because....
GC: why?
MM: stop that.
GC: (smile) why?
MM: (inward scream)
(((Xena has a flash back to her warlord days, lighting fires, burning villages, her army chanting her name)))
GC: (muttering) wind shift, my ass.
(((small boy says Xena killed his folks. Xena gives him a bag of food)))
GC: oh yes that makes all the difference, now they can be the best of friends. Here's what I think of your gesture warrior princess.
MM: (please don't spit)
GC: (spits)
MM: (heavy sigh) (wiping Goddess spittle from her glasses)
(((Xena strips off her armor)))
GC: What the! Close your eyes bard.
MM: Goddess she's just going to...
GC: (glare)
MM: (closes her eyes)
(((Xena buries her armor along with her weapons)))
GC: oh.
(((Gabrielle and friends are being chased by Draco's men)))
GC: What in the Tartarus is she wearing?
MM: I don't know, can't see.
GC: Well open your eyes pissant. (mumbling) I'm surrounded by idiots.
MM: some sort of long peasant skirt and a sweater. (LOL) She looks like a Laura Ingalls... (suddenly finds herself wearing replica of Gabby's peasant garb)...reject. (oh the humanity)
(((Xena saved Gabby and the villagers)))
GC: Well that was a mistake that will come back to stalk her. (pause) Get it?
MM: Yes, I get it. It seems the destroyer of nations made that kind of mistake often.
GC: No Jo.....HEY!
(((Gabby: "That thing you did with the hoop, that was amazing! Where did you get that? Did you make it your self? And that kick you do, you have got to teach me...")))
MM: Talk about hero worship.
GC: Yeah reminds me of someone I know.
MM: Really? Who?
GC: (blank stare)
MM: oh.
(((Gabby tells a young man that just because they are betrothed doesn't mean he can boss her around)))
GC: Who's that?
MM: (smiles) Gabrielle.
GC: Don't make me smack you bard.
MM: Perdicus.
GC: (SMACK) Stop playing around, who is it?
MM: I told you Goddess, it's Perdicus.
GC: (clenching her teeth) Losing patience over here. I think *I* of all people would know what Perdicus looks like. And that ain't it!
MM: I don't know Goddess maybe it was some sort of mid-life crisis that made him change his physical appearance, but I swear to you on Matt's head that *is* Perdicus.
GC: Throw in Jeff and Trancer and you got a deal.
MM: (obligatory moment of hesitation) ok.
(((Gabby pleads with Xena: "I've got to take me with you.")))
GC: Gods, that brings back memories.
MM: What do you mean?
GC: (blank stare)
MM: oh.....HEY!
(((Gabby tells Xena regarding Perdicus: "It's not the gentle part I have a problem with, it's the dull stupid part.)))
MM: Apparently she gets over it.
GC: Don't worry, I took care of it.
(((Xena to Gabby: "You don't want to make me mad, now do you?)))
GC: How passive-aggressive can you be Xena?! When I don't want my bard to make me mad I just (THUMP) her in the head like....(looks around)...hey? Where did she go?
MM: (from a crumpled heap in the corner) (whimper)
(((Draco catches several arrows but gets nicked by one)))
GC: wimp
(((Gabby attempts to sneak out of her room but wakes up her sister. "I'm going to be a warrior - like her")))
GC: (DR Pepper shoots out her nose)(LOL, LOL)
MM: (drenched in Goddess nose spray) (blank stare)
(((Xena bowls over a cyclops with her Chakram)))
GC: oh how sporting...a blind Cyclops....isn't she tough. Go - Xena. (eye roll)
(((Draco orders Amphipolis burnt and tells his army to make it known that Xena ordered it)))
MM: (destruction by another warlord to be pinned on the warrior princess?) That plan sounds familiar.
GC: no it doesn't.
(((Gabby gets captured by the Cyclops)))
GC: Say, she looks kind of cute in that cage.
MM: No she doesn't. (suddenly finds herself in a bamboo cage) (sigh) (this is not my life)
(((Cyclops: "How's a young thing like you ever going to kill Xena? G: "That's the point. She'd never let a man get close enough to do her...at least not that kind of do her."))) GC &
MM: ::blush:: (come on you all blushed too, admit it, don't lie)
(((Gabby is sprawled out across the road to stop a passing wagon)))
MM: Gods she's dramatic! (with a bit too much awe for our comfort)
GC: And quite the little liar too.
MM: She's a bard Goddess.
GC: That's what I said.
(((Xena arrives in Amphipolis and goes straight to a tavern)))
GC: figures.
(((Xena's mom takes Xena's sword from her and points it at Xena's chest)))
GC: GO MOM!
(((Cyrene: "weapons aren't welcome in my tavern. Neither are you.")))
GC: (inward smile) (-------- who are we kidding Goddess has a great big old grin on her face!
(((X: "I wanted to come home.")))
GC: (very somber) So did I.
MM: (concerned look) (eyes brim with tears) Oh Goddess... (starts to give Callisto a hug)
(Insert Awkward pause)
GC: Get off of me bard.
(((The people of Amphipolis turn against Xena, threatening to stone her. Xena goads them: "Take your revenge, it's true what they say, it's sweet.")))
GC: Blast! I just knew it.
((( *TWACK* Xena is hit with a stone)))
GC: (mouth drops open) Whoa! I didn't think those Amphipolians had it in them.
(((Gabrielle jumps between Xena and the attacking villagers)))
GC: Leave it to a bard to ruin a perfectly good story.
MM: (blank stare)
GC: oh. Offense intended.
MM: taken.
GC: good.
(((Xena and Draco fight, Draco chooses a staff as a weapon)))
GC: (with disgust) A bard's weapon? Oh, and uh more offense to you my bard.
MM: (mumbling) thanks.
GC: don't mention it.
(((The scaffolding that Draco and Xena were fighting on breaks. Draco stands on the heads and shoulders of the people below to keep from touching the ground. The Villagers shout out in support of Xena")))
MM: Fickle bunch aren't they?
GC: Do you think the Cirran's would allow me to stand on them in a battle to the death with Xena?
MM: Is this some sort of trick question? What do you mean allow? Anyway, I don't see why not, I mean it's not like we'd notice or anything? You weigh what? One dinar, two on a heavy day?
GC: (blank stare)
(((Xena beats Draco but spares his life)))
GC: oh sure, him she saves, but me she allows to drown in the quicksand.
MM: (sniffle)
GC: stay away from me bard.
(((X: "You know where I'm going there will be trouble. Why would you want to go with me." G: "That's what friends do they stand by each other when there's trouble." X: "alright friend.")))
The Goddess and her bard mouth the lines along with Xena and Gabrielle.
GC: If any one hears of this, you die.
MM: of course.
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