Melissa sits comfortably in her living room, the place all to herself. Television's on, pop corn's popped, DR Pepper at the wait...ah Peace.
GC: (materializing) There's not enough butter on the pop corn, the ice is melting, and what in the Tartarus are you watching? (sits down next to Melissa) Move over.
MM: (without missing a beat) You haven't even tasted the pop corn, the ice is fine, and Conan: The Barbarian, if you must know. And *you* move, I was here first.
GC: (crinkles up her brow) (LOL) I don't have to taste the pop corn to know you didn't put enough butter on it, you never do. (jams her elbow into Melissa's ribs)
MM: (from a crumpled heap on the other side of the sofa) Is it so much to ask that I can actually see that the kernels were once white?
GC: Yes.
MM: (mumbling)
GC: what was that?
MM: nothing.
GC: uh-huh. Now change the channel. I don't know how you watch this garbage. I mean really, just look at him, a half naked man running around pretended he's a warlord. All the other warriors are fully clothed. Why can't he wear something a little more sensible?
MM: (you should talk)
GC: It's ridiculous really, blatant objecification. Now turn on Xena.
MM: (how ironic)
GC: I said Xena not Alanis Morissette. What's the matter with you?
MM: (puts the tape into the VCR) This one is Called The Deliverer.
GC: The Deliverer of what?
MM: I don't know what.
GC: What kind of bard are you? How could you not know what?
(((Ares Twirls a sword around)))
GC: Hello. Bard. I'm talking to you.
MM: uh-huh. You're right Goddess.
GC: Well of course I am.
MM: yes, always.
GC: You're not even listening to me, are you?
(((Ares makes a sexually suggestive move on Discord)))
GC: He's such a tramp.
MM: yeah.
GC: (arching an eybrow) stop that.
(((Gabrielle: "But what is a Mountain but just a bunch of boulders. And what is a rock but a large grain of sand...and what is a large grain of sand...you see my theory here...)))
MM: (Gods she's brilliant)
GC: Excuse me?
MM: er...I mean, what the Tartarus is she talking about?
(((Gabrielle asks Khrafstar "This one God of yours, does he have name? K: "Yes, but we aren't permitted to speak it.")))
MM: That sounds familiar.
(((Khrafstar: "But I understand, I mean the idea of one God, it's a little far fetched.")))
MM: I'll say.
GC: I heard that.
(((Xena uses her sword to reflect a message to shore)))
MM: Hey! It's Morris Code.
GC: No bard. She's using her sword to reflect the sunlight and send a message to the people on shore.
MM: (blank stare) That's what I...oh never mind.
(((Boadicea rushes at Caesar's men with a chariot)))
GC: Mmmmm Chariots.
MM: (scoots over)
(((Romans capture Gabby and Khrafstar)))
GC: Xena should keep a better eye on her bard.
(((It's night time and Boadicea and Xena are chatting)))
GC: Missing something Xena? Hmmm? She's blonde, irritating, has no fashion sense.
(((Xena discovers Gabby is missing, knocks Boadicea on her hinder and kicks solider in the neck)))
MM: She's pissed.
GC: watch your mouth pissant.
(((Khrafstar: "My God has taught me that direct confrontation is not always the right path")))
GC: Who the Tartarus is this Peace-nick anyway?
MM: Been in my Time-Life series again Goddess?
(((Caesar: "Divide a woman's emotions from her sensibilities and you have her.)))
GC: Huh?
MM: He means if you divide a...
GC: I know what he means Melissa. I was going for sarcasm.
MM: oh. .....and it's not exactly called sarcasm more like...
GC: (cold stare)
MM: ....uhm, good one Goddess.
(((Caesar: "It has no bearing on your fate that was decided the moment you entered my world.")))
GC: Arrogant little man, isn't he?
(((Gabby is bound to a cross. Solder raises a mallet to break her legs)))
GC: (with more urgency than she intended) Where's Xena?
MM: (inward smile)
GC: shut up.
(((Xena reaches up from under the ground and grabs the solider)))
GC: oh figures, she was obviously hanging out in Tartarus. (lol) Get it?
MM: Yes, very funny.
(((Xena throws daggers toward Gabby)))
GC: WHAT THE -
(((the daggers cut the ropes which bound Gabby's arms, freeing her)))
GC: oh.
(((Xena catches Gabby)))
GC: (peaks at Melissa out of the corner of her eye) Say Melissa, want to try something?
MM: no.
GC: but...
MM: I said no.
(((Xena splits Caesar's arrow with her Chakram and then tears down his banner)))
GC: So why doesn't she just kill him right now?
MM: Maybe she wants to kill his soul first.
GC: oh.....hey!
(((Gabby goes to the Joining Ceremony)))
GC & MM: (blank stare)
(((They need the pure blood of an innocent so they take Khrafstar to the altar)))
MM: Goddess, why are they taking him?
GC: (whispers something in Melissa's ear)))
MM: ::blush::
(((Tie Khrafstar to the altar)))
GC: That looks like fun.
MM: No it doesn't.
(((Gabby runs to Khrafstar's assistance. She stabs the Priestess)))
GC & MM: (mouth agape in amazement)
(((Khrafstar reveals that he wanted Gabby to kill)))
MM: (whispering) he tricked her.
(((Gabrielle screams)))
GC: That first time...is....(tearing up)...
MM: It's alright Goddess.
GC: I know, pissant. (looks around) Thanks.
(((Xena sees cloud of darkness over the Temple)))
GC: If she wasn't so single minded in her revenge, maybe she would have noticed her bard needs her.
MM: (opens her mouth to speak, thinks better of it)
(((The Deliverer reveals himself and Dahak's plan)))
GC: oh this guy has got to go.
MM: (I will not mention that is a Velasca line, I will not mention that is a Velasca line....)
(((Xena defeats the Deliverer and the Temple walls come crashing down. Xena holds Gabrielle in the midst of the rubble. G: "It hurts inside everything's changed, everything.")))
The Goddess and her bard sat in a moment of respectful silence.
MM: Tissue?
GC: Shut up. (takes the Kleenex)
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