This story is dedicated to Manderbug, for always liking my stories. Mander, you’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.
Darkwing grinned from the Ratcatcher as he and Launchpad followed the trail of bills the bank robber had left in his wake.
"This is too easy!" Darkwing laughed.
Launchpad peered around uneasily. "That’s what I’m afraid of. Does the word ‘trap’ remind you of anything DW?"
"Nah, the thief’s just panicking cause he knows Darkwing Duck is on the trail! Well, never fear, citizens of St Canard! Because the fearless felon-fighter is on the job! For I will not rest until..."
Unfortunately, Darkwing was cut off at this point, mainly because he just realised he’d driven right into a garage, and door had just been slammed shut by one Negaduck.
"This is too easy!" Negaduck laughed.
Launchpad scratched his head. "Ever get that creepy feeling when something has already happened before, and then it happens again?"
"Deja vu." Darkwing supplied, not really worried about Negaduck.
"DW, you know I don’t speak Chinese." Launchpad admonished. Darkwing was about to explain, when he was once again rudely interrupted.
"Shut up!" Negaduck yelled. "I’m calling you to one on one, Darkwing Dope! Bare fisted fighting! Unless you’re chicken of course." Negaduck said slyly.
"The mighty masked mallard fears no duck!" proclaimed Darkwing with a finger in the air. "Unless, of course, it’s Gosalyn after being forced to tidy up." he said as an after thought.
"Ooo, would you hurry up! Always gotta pad the scenes with meaningless rubbish, don’t you! Get over here and fight like a drake!"
"No problem Ninnyduck! Fight this!" Darkwing flipped over the angry villain and kicked him in the rear. Negaduck sprawled on the ground, but swung his legs and brought Darkwing down. They were about to get into it good and proper, when a whirling blue portal opened in the air. The shilloute of a shortish duck was outlined.
The duck spoke in a quiet voice from the shadows as the Dimensional Portal closed. "I am the kindness that hides in all hearts. I am the lullaby that rocks you to sleep. I," he stepped out of the shadow "Am Posiduck."
Darkwing and Negaduck lay staring at the new version of themselves. This duck was wearing some kind of light green uniform, with no mask. It reminded both ducks of a police uniform. "What?!" they both said at the same time. Negaduck suddenly jumped up and ran out shouting "We’ll meet again, Darkthing!" Darkwing jumped up to give chase, but was stopped by Posiduck grabbing his arm.
"I’m afraid I can’t let you go," Posiduck said apologetically. "I need to take you to the Posiverse."
Darkwing pulled his arm free. "Sorry, no deal. I have to catch Negaduck!" He started to go again, but Posiduck produced a pair of handcuffs, and slapped them on to his wrists.
"I’m afraid I must insist. Darkwing Duck, I arrest you in the name of common decency. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and probably will be used against you in a court of law."
"WHAT?" Darkwing yelled, amazed. "On what charge?!"
"You’ll be told when we arrive." Posiduck brought a small Dimensional Changer out of his pocket and pressed a button. The portal appeared once again. He started to pull Darkwing towards it.
Launchpad, who had been standing at the side, rushed over. "You can’t arrest DW!"
Posiduck turned back. "Why not? This is all legal."
Launchpad stopped and scratched his head. "Well ... you just can’t, that’s all!"
Darkwing growled at Posiduck. "You can’t! It might be in your universes law, but not mine! So bug off!"
Posiduck started dragging Darkwing into the portal. "Look, either you come quietly, or I am I forced to take action. Make your choice."
"If you think I’m gonna go willing, you’ve got another thing coming!" Darkwing smirked. Posiduck sighed.
"I didn’t want to do this, but ..." he suddenly turned the DC around, and a small light flashed into Darkwing’s eyes. Darkwing slumped, and Posiduck hoisted him over one shoulder. "Do I have to do it to you too?" he asked Launchpad. Launchpad shook his head, temporally demoralised.
"Heh heh, I’ll be fine." Launchpad held his hands in the air and backed off.
"Good. Goodbye Launchpad." Posiduck saluted him, walked into the portal with Darkwing, and disappeared when the portal did.
The gravity of the situation finally hit Launchpad. "Oppps. I let Darkwing get captured by his otherself, and be taken to another universe. I wonder if he’ll put that on my resume?"
Darkwing sat up suddenly. He was in a kind of bedroom. He was lying on a bed, in a place with a desk, chair, paint on the walls, and curtains on the windows. He could see a bathroom through a door to his right. But there were bars on the windows, and the door looked like it was shut tight.
He fell back on his back to consider his position. "OK Darkwing," he started up his habit of dramatic monologue. "You’re in the Posiverse. You’ve been arrested by your Posi-version, to face some unknown charges. You’re locked in some kind of luxury cell. You have no way of getting out of this room, let alone this universe. The people here aren’t all that positive after all." He sighed. "OK, this could be a toughy."
The door suddenly swung open, and someone who could only be Posi-Herb stepped in. This Herb had different fashion sense to Darkwing’s, he appeared to like normal clothes.
"OK mate. You’re wanted in court." Herb escorted Darkwing out of the room, and walked him down the hallway. Darkwing cleared his throat conversationally.
"So, Herb, what is this place?"
"This here is jail."
Darkwing chuckled. "Maybe this place wont be so bad after all."
"You gots to face yer charges now."
"Would you happen to know why I’m here?"
"Sorry partner, you gots to wait till the case is presented."
"Aww, no hints Herb?"
Herb suddenly stopped. "Now just you wait for the trial. That’d be breaking rules, that’d be," Herb frowned at Darkwing. "And you don’t wanna see me when someone breaks the rules."
Darkwing hurriedly back-pedaled. "Oh, of course not." Touchy, he thought to himself.
Herb started walking again. Darkwing kept quiet. They came to a big wooden door, and Herb opened it. They walked inside.
It was some kind of court, though Darkwing had never seen one like it. The walls were covered with brightly coloured paintings. The witness boxes had fans. All the seats had cushions even!
"Darkwing Duck?" the judge asked. Darkwing looked up. J. Gander Hooter was sitting in the judge’s chair, smiling slightly.
"That’s me." Darkwing replied.
"Over there please." Hooter gestured to the defendant’s place. Darkwing went and sat down. He looked around. He could see Posiduck standing in the prosecutors position. The back door opened, and Morgana and Gosalyn walked in. Morgana was wearing a pink flowered dress, and her hair was out, missing it’s normal streak. Gosalyn was wearing a black leather jacket. Morgana motioned for Gosalyn to sit down.
"Come on Gosalyn dear, it’s your fathers big case. Behave."
"Aw, mum!" Gosalyn complained, but sat still.
Darkwing turned back around. "Do I get a lawyer?" he asked.
Hooter looked at his watch. "You should have one right now."
The back door opened again, and Steelbeak, wearing a navy suit, walked in. He stood beside Darkwing. "Sorry I’m late, your honour, but you know traffic."
Hooter waved him away. "Never mind, Mr Beak. Shall we begin?"
Darkwing stood up. "Could I just know why I’m here already?"
"Certainly. Posiduck?"
Posiduck stood up. "Darkwing Duck, you are charged with the following offences. Showing no mercy, rudeness, deception, violence, interfering with the course of justice, leaving a nine year old home alone, attempted murder, a huge ego, trespassing, disturbing the peace, cheating, break and enter and 291 traffic offences."
Hooter turned to Darkwing. "So, how do you plead?"
Darkwing looked from face to face, amazed. "They aren’t real charges! I plead not guilty, on the grounds that this is utterly ridiculous!"
Hooter pressed a little button and a pleasant tune whifted out. "Silence please Darkwing! Add contempt of court to the charges prosecutor."
Darkwing, who had been trying to contain his laughter at the ‘gavel’, was about to protest again, but had his mouth covered by Steelbeak.
"Look, baby," Steelbeak hissed. "Don’t worry, I’m here for ya. Just keep da noise down a bit, hey now?"
Steelbeak removed his hand rapidly as Darkwing made a move to bit him.
"Hey now. Watch it. No wonder you’re in this mess," Steelbeak admonished. "Please try to be polite, unless you really wanna go down for this."
Darkwing grumbled. "Hey, J Gander, I’d like some evidence for these charges." He called.
Hooter adjusted his glasses. "I’m sure that Posiduck has some. Would you like to start your case, Mr Duck?"
"Certainly." Posiduck started shuffling papers. "I have been heading an inquiry into Darkwing’s activities for a long time. We at Universal Police think that this could be the case of the millennium. Let’s start with rudeness, shall we? Darkwing has just supplied the evidence for that. As for the others, we have 80 tapes of him at work, I submitted those to the court two hours ago. I employed the whole 80 duck jury to each watch a tape," he gestured to the huge jury to Darkwing’s right. "The procedure is simple. Each member simply gives Darkwing the thumbs up, or the thumbs down. May I proceed?"
Hooter waved a hand. "Yes yes, carry on."
"Number 1."
Juror Number 1 gave Darkwing the thumbs down.
"Number 2."
Thumbs down.
"Number 3."
Down.
"Number 4."
Down.
"Number 5."
Down.
20 minutes later, the verdict was clear. Every single member of the jury was against Darkwing. Steelbeak was pale, and Darkwing was red with anger.
Hooter fiddled with his glasses. "Well, Mr Darkwing. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"
Darkwing stood up. "I sure do! I don’t know what Bugs-Bunny laws you have around here, but they aren’t my laws! Can’t you see that the world isn’t black and white? Some rules are stretchable in my case. As the saying goes, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs."
Hooter sighed. "Then I suggest you become a total vegetarian Darkwing."
"Oh, come on! You guys have no right to arrest me anyway! You’re from a different universe for crying out loud! Don’t you have your own criminals?"
"No," Posiduck stared at Darkwing steadily. "We don’t. Now we help out the other universes who aren’t so fortunate. You’re government is only too happy to let us take their problems from them."
"WHAT?!" Darkwing, seeing he obviously wasn’t going to win, started to yell at the court in general. Hooter, looking almost angry, pressed the button. The tune rang out over and over, and Darkwing finally quieted down.
"Fat lot of good you are." Darkwing hissed to Steelbeak.
"What? I’m just meant to sit here and be supportive!" Steelbeak told him. "Now, I’d suggest that you wait for the sentence to be given before you start any riots, huh?"
Hooter frowned down from his higher seat. "Darkwing Duck, I sentence you to 2 years intensive counselling. This case is adjourned." Hooter stood up and walked out.
Darkwing stared as the court emptied. He watched as Posiduck was hugged and kissed by Morgana. Gosalyn seemed unimpressed. He turned to talk to Steelbeak, but he was gone too. Suddenly, Darkwing was alone.
"Huh?" he asked the air.
A door in the side opened and Gryzlikoff hurried in. "Sorry I late. Come."
Darkwing numbly followed, having nothing else to do.
Darkwing stared around the newest place he’d been taken too. It was sort of like a psychiatrists room, but instead of being all wood and fine carpet, it was more bright and light streamed in through the huge windows.
Gryzlikoff sat down behind the large desk that was in front of the windows. The light cast a shadow over his face. He turned the desk lamp on, apparently aware of what the light had done.
"So, Mr Darkwing. Me is thinking you might be a little confused with what has happened, and what is going to happen to you now." Gryzlikoff said in a friendly voice.
"Oh, just a tad." Darkwing said dryly.
"Me explain. You is here because your behaviour has not been very nice in your universe. Posiduck, our version of you, is a policeduck in the very elite Universal Police. He and his division have been looking at your crimes for many years now, hoping you would change your ways. But you didn’t, so they came and took you so you could serve time here. You are to do two years counselling under me. When that time is finished, if you have changed for the better, than we will send you back to your own universe. If not, you will be kept here until you do so."
Darkwing raised an eyebrow at his ‘counsellor’. He stared intently into the bears face. Gryzlikoff smiled encouragingly. Darkwing burst into uncontrollable laughter.
"Let me .. let me get this straight. You’re a doctor for crazy people?" Darkwing almost fell off his chair.
Gryzlikoff frowned. "Something like that. Why is this funny?"
Darkwing wiped a tear from his eye, put his hand on chest, and waved the other hand in the air. "Oh no, my good bear, do go on." He couldn’t suppress a snigger.
"Very well. We shall start with what you do wrong. For example, laughing at someone is not nice. You should try to be nice to everyone."
Darkwing decided to be argumentative. "It’s not very nice to take someone away from their own universe."
Gryzlikoff sighed. "We had permission to do that."
"Well, what if I got permission from someone to be unkind to them?"
Gryzlikoff sighed again. He wished he’d gone into something more exciting than counselling. "Why would you want to do that?"
"To prove you wrong." Darkwing answered glibly.
"It isn’t very friendly to try and prove others wrong."
"Do I care?" Darkwing mumbled.
"Ah ha! You see?"
Darkwing whammed his fist on the table. "Look, just get me home! It’s not very nice to dads away from their daughters either. What about Gosalyn?"
"The red-headed duckling? She’ll be fine. Your friend will look after her."
"Launchpad? Launchpad taking care of Gosalyn? Who’s taking care of Launchpad?"
"Look Mr Darkwing. You’re here, and that’s it." Gryzlikoff had had enough. "I can see you’re in no mode to reason. Mr Muddlefoot will return you to your room."
"Fine!" spat Darkwing. His mind was jumping from escape plan to escape plan as he was taken back to his ‘room’. Escape from this place wouldn’t be hard, it was getting back to his own universe that would be hard. He’d need an ‘insider’. The door clicked shut behind him, and he sat on the bed. There was no way he’d let himself be ‘rehabilitated’!
Launchpad sighed as Dr Bellum started one of her confusing explanation. It appeared Gosalyn had had enough too.
"Look, can you get Darkwing back or not?!" Gosalyn said, exasperated.
"Well, taking into account…" Dr Bellum broke off when she saw Gosalyns face. "Yes." she said hurriedly.
"So, can we go get him now?" asked Launchpad.
"Well, sure, I guess." Dr Bellum handed Launchpad a DC. "It’s all set. Just press the red button."
"Like this?" Launchpad pressed the button. A swirling whirlwind appeared. "All right!" He headed for the portal.
"Wait for me!" Gosalyn cried. She ran to catch up.
Launchpad took a deep breath and tried to walk through. He was abruptly thrown out, and flung against the far wall. He slid into a sitting position, and held his head. "Huh?"
"Amazing," Dr Bellum said, sounding slightly in awe, as Gosalyn ran to help Launchpad. "They’ve managed to put up a wall all around their universe! Their technology is way in advance of ours."
Gosalyn helped Launchpad up. "Can you break through?" she asked.
Dr Bellum shrugged. "Sorry, but I can’t. They’ve got the control panel, and I’m not even sure how they managed it."
"You mean Darkwing’s stuck?" Gosalyn asked. "We can’t rescue him?"
"Well, the thing IS," Dr Bellum fiddled with her glasses. "They CAN actually take him. I mean, we’re the ones who’re going against the law here. Why else would I sneak you in so Hooter didn’t see you?"
Gosalyn slammed her hand into her other palm. "I don’t care! If we can’t rescue him this way, we’ll do it another way! Come on LP!" Gosalyn dragged the pilot out of SHUSH.
"What’s the plan?" he asked, automatically playing sidekick.
"I don’t have one," Gosalyn shrugged. "But we’ll think of something. Or Dad’ll get him self back. Whatever comes first."
"Hey!"
Darkwing turned towards the door.
"I’m opening the door." It was the Posi-Gosalyn.
"What are you doing?" Darkwing asked her as she slunk into the room, closing the door behind her.
"I’m rescuing you, dumbo. You don’t want to stay here, do you?" Gosalyn wore black leather, her hair pulled into a ponytail. She put her hands on her hips. "What are you staring at?"
Darkwing shook himself. "Sorry. But why are you rescuing me?"
"Look, my dad’s shown me videotape of us in all three universes. If you ask me, I should be in the Negaverse compared to the other Gosalyns. Your Launchpad should be here too. Anyway, that explains why I think my dad’s a real dweeb. I’m letting you go to bug him, cause it will." she grinned.
"Uh, OK." Darkwing was slightly confused, but decided that anymore questions would probably just confuse him further.
"Come on!" Gosalyn started towards the door. "Oh yeah, don’t call me Gosalyn. My name’s Pretty Poison."
"Uh, OK." Darkwing said again.
"Shesh, get a hold of your English man! Maybe I should just leave you here, you’re about as much good as my father." Gosalyn-Pretty Poison looked annoyed.
"Hey, I will not be compared to Posiduck! He’s crazy!" Darkwing drew himself to his full height.
"Better." the girl poked her head around the door. "Clear." She headed off down the hallway, hiding in the shadows. Darkwing copied.
"Just follow me," she hissed. "I know where they keep the DCs." Darkwing nodded, and they crept down the corridor.
They didn’t meet anyone on the way, but Darkwing was relieved when he was finally led into what looked like a small lab. He was handed a DC, and he checked it over.
"You know how to use it?"
"Sure do," Darkwing fiddled with a few buttons. "There. Well, uh, thanks for letting me out Gos…I mean Pretty Poison."
"Don’t you dare hug me."
"I wont. Bye." He opened the portal and stepped through, only to be shoved back out again.
"Oh, they put up the wall!" Pretty Poison groaned. "This makes it harder. The control panel is easy to get to, but there’s a password."
Darkwing lay at her feet, and he looked up. "And you don’t know it." he finished.
"You’re a genius."
"You could help me up." he grumbled as he stood up.
"Don’t be pathetic," she said disdainfully. "You should be thinking about how to get that password, not moaning about your little boo-boos."
Darkwing glared at her. "Fine. What if I dress up like Posiduck? Then I could just go ask for it."
"But he already knows the password."
"So he forgot. Everyone forgets things." Darkwing winked.
Pretty Poison pondered the predicament. "This could work. Wait her, and I’ll go get one of dad’s uniforms." She hurried out of the room. Darkwing looked at the labs contents. They had a few gadgets that he’d never seen before, and he stuffed a few in his pockets to take back to SHUSH.
He spun around as Pretty Poison entered, trying to hide the things he was taking.
"Don’t bother. Take what you want, I don’t care," she said with a bored tone. "Here." She handed Darkwing the uniform, and he made her turn around as he put it on. When she turned back around someone exactly like her father looked back at her, except with a glint of mischief in his eyes that her Drake had never had.
"Think I’ll fool them?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Only if you get that dopey look of your face." But despite her words, she couldn’t help but smile.
"Done."
Darkwing walked quite casually into the room. There was a lone female duck there. She turned as he entered, and Darkwing bit back a gasp of surprise.
"Oh, Mr Posiduck, I didn’t know you were coming in tonight!" Binkie patted her hair into place.
If I’m trying to outsmart Binkie this should be a piece of cake. "I’ve got a bit of a problem Binkie. I’ve forgotten the password for the….wall thing that surrounds our universe." He suddenly realised he had no idea what the thing was called.
"The wall? That’s not like you Posiduck." Binkie seemed rather doubtful.
"I, er, got a bit of bump on the head." he quickly lied.
"Oh." Binkie squinted at him. "Are you sure you aren’t that nasty Darkwing Duck?"
Like I’d admit it… "Binkie, I swear I am not that nasty Darkwing Duck." I’m the dashing Darkwing Duck, so that wasn’t even a lie.
"Oh good," Binkie rummaged in her desk drawer, and handed him a slip of paper. "There you are."
Darkwing snatched it from her. "Thanks Binkie." He headed to the piece of equipment Pretty Poison had described to him, and entered in the code. The machine bleeped, and the screen picture showed the walls going down. "Yes." he hissed.
"I thought all missions were finished for the day." Binkie was looking confused.
"Don’t worry yourself about it Binkie. Thanks, you’ve been more help than you know." Darkwing ran out of the room.
He immediately set the DC for his universe. He jumped through the portal.
"Binkie, why are the walls down?" Posiduck came into the control room.
"You told me to put them down." Binkie blinked.
"I what? Oh dear…" Posiduck quickly put the walls back up, but on the screen he could see that someone had just passed through.
Darkwing punched the air as he leapt out of the portal. "Yes yes yes yes, I am GOOD!" He couldn’t contain his glee as he stuck the DC in his pocket. "I think I’ll keep this," he grinned. "Could come in handy. Better get home before Launchpad and Gosalyn destroy the place too much."
Drake walked in the door to find paper all over the house. He went into the lounge and found Launchpad and Gosalyn scribbling all over bits of paper.
"What are you doing?" he stared.
Gosalyn didn’t look up. "We’re designing some kind of machine so we can rescue you." She suddenly realised. "Oh." She threw her pen behind her, and stood up.
"How’d you escape from Posiduck?" Launchpad asked.
"I used my cunning, intuition and thief-like qualities." Drake bragged. "Oh, and the Posi-Gosalyn helped. A little bit. But it was mostly me."
"Sure Dad." Gosalyn rolled her eyes.
"You should be in bed." Drake scolded, and hustled her up to bed.
In bed later, Drake couldn’t suppress a smile at what his Posi-twin was probably doing. "Probably kicking himself." Drake muttered. "He ought to know that no one’s as good as me." he grinned.
"Don’t worry. I’m sure he learnt his lesson." Posi-Morgana patted her husbands shoulder.
"I guess. Well, I’m after Negaduck next week! Maybe he’ll be easier…"
Morgana hugged him. "I’m sure you’ll get him." She rolled over and went to sleep.
"Yeah." He lay awake. After all, he was just as good as his twins, probably better.
"I don’t believe it." Negaduck grumbled. "Two dorky do-gooders! Oh well, I’ll kill ‘em both. Cause no one’s as bad as me."
Story Copyright Rachel Baker '98. All characters Copyright Disney, or based on those by Disney. Used without permission.
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