1.02

TOW The April Fools 'Joke'

Well, my second script and I think that you probably do need to be a Chandler and Monica fan to enjoy most of this one. I apologise to those of you who aren't and I'm afraid the next one is pretty Chan and Mon based too. But after that, things do go back to normal. (I think, I haven't written that far ahead.) Let me know what you think and if you ask very nicely, I may consider an R'n'R script soon, even though I'm not the biggest Ross and Rachel fan. (Oh come on, won't they just get together? It's so obvious they're ment to be!) Comments and suggestions to the address at the bottom pleaseJ . And yeah, the characters aren't mine (Boo hooL ), but belong to Kauffman, Crane and Bright zzzzzz.

Teaser

Scene: Central Perk-mid-morning. The gang, minus Chandler, are hanging out.

Pheobe: Oh no. (You know, in the way only she can do it? I love that!)

Joey: What's up Pheebs?

Pheobe: Well, I just realised it's only a week until April Fools Day.

Monica: Ugh, please don't talk about that. It's like all I've heard about for the past month.

Rachel: I bet Chandler's upstairs right now, planning another little something to make the day hell for us, even as we speak. Am I right Mon?

Monica: Yep. That and watching the 'Tweenies'.

Pheobe: Oh my god, I'm missing that?

Ross: Don't worry Pheebs, it repeats at two. (She looks relieved) Now, all joking aside, I think we should do something this year to get Chandler back for every lousy April Fools Day he's put us through. Do you agree?

Everyone: Yeah!

Pheobe: Oh, oh I know! Monica, what is Chandler's biggest fear? We can work from that. (Monica looks as if she's visualising something, and suddenly bursts into hysterical giggles.)

Monica: Not this fear, you can't!

Opening Credits

Scene: Central Perk, a few minutes later. Monica has just about calmed down.

Rachel. (to Monica) I don't know what you had in mind, and to be quite honest with you, I don't particuarly want to. But I have an idea!

Monica: Mmm, go on.

Rachel: You can pretend you're pregnant! It's perfect! (Ross,

Joey and Pheobe nod enthusiasticly. Monica doesn't look quite so enthused)

Monica: You want me to fake a pregnancy?

Rachel: Not….exactly. Okay, well yes. (Monica starts to protest, Rachel cuts her off.) Just let me explain. You don't actualy have to say that you're pregnant. Just drop some hints.

Monica: I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.

Rachel: Oh you know, pretend to throw up in the mornings, fake some mood swings, eat disgusting food, that sort of thing.

Monica: (Sarcastic) Oh yay. I'm really looking forward to this.

Rachel: So you'll do it?

Monica: (Sighs) I guess.

Pheobe: Yay! Can I be god-mother?

Cut to- Monica and Chandler's apt. three days later. Chandler is sat watching 'Tweenies' , Monica can be heard retching in the bathroom. She comes out and he flicks the T.V. off and turns to her.

Chandler: (concerned) Hey, are you okay? That's like the third time in three days that this has happened. Maybe you have the flu or something. (She walks over and sits on his lap, resting her head on his sholder.)

Monica: Maybe it's an alergic reaction to people who're obsessed with April Fools Day.

Chandler: Oh come on, it's the one day a year that I can really be myself without the danger of being arrested. (She smiles faintly and closes her eyes, her head still resting on his sholder.) Are you sure you're okay?

Monica: (Sitting up and snapping) I think I know how I feel. Are you challenging my competance?

Chandler: (Wounded) I was just asking. Am I not allowed to worry about you know?

Monica: (Softening) You worry about me?

Chandler: Well, yeah, I mean, you are my girlfriend.

Monica: (Nearly crying) That is so sweet!

Chandler: (Scared by her sudden changes of mood) Maybe you should see a doctor. (She slaps him playfully, then, thoughtful:)

Monica: Do we have any squirty cream?

Chandler: (Mistaking her intentions) There's probably some in

the fridge, but isn't it a little early in the morning for that?

Monica: It's never too early for squirty cream.

Chandler: If you say so, but wouldn't you rather- (He stops as she gets up and walks to the fridge.) I'll take that as a no then. What, what're you doing? Ew! (He looks away in disgust as she starts to eat squirty cream straight from the can.) You should definatly see a doctor.

Commercial Break

Scene: Monica and Chandlers apt. later that afternoon. The entire gang are present and trying to wind Chandler up.

Rachel: (To Chandler) Do you have any squirty cream?

Chandler: Oh god, not you too.

Rachel: What! I was just thinking about having a bowl of ice cream, but I wont bother if you don't have and squirty cream. It doesn't taste as good without.

Chandler: (Dubious) You're welcome to look, but I doubt there's a lot left.

Pheobe: You know, when I was pregnant with the triplets, I used to love eating squirty cream straight out of the can. Although, I think most of it was brought back up the next morning.

Ross: Pheebs, I don't think it was as much the squirty cream you brought back up, as the guerkin sandwiches with double cheese and bacon, topped with coleslaw and mayonaise.

Monica: Yum! I could really go for one of those right now.

Chandler: (Nervous) You're kidding right?

Monica: No. Infact, do you think you could make one for me? I would do it myself, but all the food I bought on Monday's still in bags under the sink. I was just so tired after carrying it upstairs that I couldn' t lift it to put it away.

Chandler: (Very scared) O…kay. Was that double cheese?

Monica: Oh, it's okay honey. I don't want that anymore. But do we have any peanut butter?

Cut to- four days later (April Fools Day) Monica and Chandler's apt. -Their room. It's early morning. Monica is still asleep-she awakens to find Chandler staring at her and they kiss gently.

Monica: Hey.

Chandler: (runs a finger down the side of her face.) Hey.

Monica: I'm going to savour that moment because I've got a

feeling that by the end of today, I'm not gonna like you very much.

Chandler: Why?

Monica: It's April Fools Day, remember? The day you've been waiting for for the past 364 days?

Chandler: Oh. I kinda stopped planning three or four days ago. I've had other things on my mind.

Monica: Like what?

Chandler: (Not quite sure how to phrase it.) You?

Monica: (Looks guilty for ruining the day for him) Chandler, there's something I-

Chandler: (One finger on her lips) Shhh, I know. You're

pregnant right?

Monica: That's kinda what I needed to tell you. It was a joke. It was Rachel's idea and it was just a stupid April Fools joke.

Chandler: (Disbelieving) Yeah, right. I'm sorry, but no one can pull off an April Fools joke on me. You're pregnant.

Monica: No, Chandler, it was really a joke. I'm not pregnant!

Chandler: Uh-huh, we'll see.

Monica: Chandler will you just admit- (He's already left the room and she's pretty much talking to herself.)

Cut to: One hour later. Chandler is standing outside the bathroom door, Monica's voice can be heard from inside.

Monica: I can't believe I'm even doing this!

Chandler: You're so sure you're right?

Monica: Yes!

Chandler: Fine, I tell you what. If I'm wrong, I owe you twenty bucks okay?

Monica: Okay, but I hope you realise you just lost twenty dollars!

Chandler: Whatever you say.

Monica: Hmph! (pause) Okay, that's done. How long do we wait?

Chandler: (Reading the packet of a pregnancy testing kit) It's one of these 60 second one. Basically, if it turns blue, then I'm right, you're pregnant. If nothing happens, then I'm $20 out of pocket.

Monica: Great. 49 seconds and you have to admit that I pulled off an April Fools joke.

Chandler: Or rather, 45 seconds and you have to start choosing baby names.

Monica: (A little hurt.) You mean you wouldn't help me?

Chandler: No, I mean, I will help. I'm just guessing you're gonna want to do your own thing on that.

Monica: You're right. Even though I'm not pregnant.

Chandler: You won't know that for another 25 seconds!

Monica: Why is this taking so long? I already mentally spent that $20 and I want to go and do it properly!

Chandler: Well now you only have to wait 13 seconds and then you can go and buy a book on how to improve your April Fools technique. Or alternatively, baby booties. (He looks at his watch and is silent for about four seconds.) You can look now.

Monica: You may want to have that $20 re-oh god.

Chandler: What! What happened? (She opens the bathroom door, looking pale and shaken.)

Monica: It turned blue.

Chandler: C'mere. (He pulls her into a hug.) By the way, you suck at April Fools jokes.

Ending Credits

Tag

Scene: Same place, a half-hour later. Monica and Chandler are sat on the couch in what looks to be a heated argument.

Chandler: Helena!

Monica: Chloe!

Chandler: Ew! Georgie!

Monica: Yuck! You know it might be a boy.

Chandler: Bill?

Monica: Ben?

Chandler: Bob?

Monica: (Laughing hard.) Paul? (They pause for a second.)

Chandler: Okay.

Monica: Now tell me, what the hell is wrong with Chloe?