Christmas Bells
Homeless people:
Christmas bells are ringing...
Christmas bells are ringing...
Christmas bells are ringing-
somewhere else!
Not here!
Squeegieman:
Honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living,
honest living, honest living, honest living, honest...
Homeless people:
Christmas bells are singing...
Christmas bells are singing...
Christmas bells are singing-
on TV!
At Saks!
Can't you spare a dime or two?
Here but for the grace of god go you...
You'll be merry, I'll be merry-
well merry ain't in my vocabulary!
No sleigh bells, no Santa Claus, no yule log.
No tinsel, no holly, no hearth, no-
Homeless man:
Rudolph the red- nosed reindeer!
Homeless people:
Rudolph the red- nosed reindeer!
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no!
And it's beginning to snow...
Vendor 1:
Hats!
Vendor 2:
Bats!
Vendor 3:
Shoes!
Vendor 4:
Boots!
Vendor 5:
Mountain bikes!
Vendor 6:
Potpourri!
Vendor 7:
Leather bags!
Vendor 8:
Girlie mags!
Vendor 9:
Tommy guns!
All:
AZT!
Homeless man:
No one's buying- feel like cryin'?
Homeless people:
No Visa, no Mastercard, no AmEx, no traveler's checks, no dollars, no
cents, no-
Homeless man:
Frosty the Snowman!
Homeless people:
Frosty the Snowman!
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no!
And it's beginning to snow!
Coat vendor:
How about a fur in perfect shape-
owned by an MBA from uptown?
I got a tweed broken in by a greedy broker who went broke-and then
broke down.
Random person:
Happy Chanukah, baby.
Coat vendor:
I got twenty yellow french- cut trench coats- worn by Warren
Beatty in a movie, for real!! I got cashmere, or if you're thinking cas,
dear- if you've got the cash we're here to deal.
Collins:
You don't have to do this.
Angel:
Hush your mouth it's Christmas!
Collins:
I do not deserve you Angel! Give, give...
Angel:
Wait.
Collins:
All you do-
Angel:
What's on the floor?
Collins:
Is give...
Give me some way-
Angel:
Let's see some more!
Collins:
To show-
Angel:
No, no, no, no...
Collins:
How you've touched me so!
Angel:
Kiss me it's beginning to snow!
...elsewhere...
Mark:
She said "Would you light my candle?" and she on a pout, and she
wanted you to take her out tonight?
Roger:
Right.
Mark:
That's great!
Roger:
She was more than okay but I pushed her away. It was bad- I got
mad, and I had to get her out of my sight...
Mark:
Wait, wait, wait. You said she was sweet?
Roger:
Let's go eat. I'll just get fat, it's the one vice left when you're dead
meat...
No kisses...
Mark:
I saw Maureen...
Roger:
No alcohol.
Mark:
She's in the lot.
Roger:
No sex.
Mark:
She still might care!
Roger:
Look, that's her there!
Mark:
Where?
Roger:
There, that's her!
Mark:
Maureen?
Roger:
Mimi!
Mark:
Whoa!
Roger:
I should go.
Both:
Hey, it's beginning to snow!
Police officers:
I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas!
Mimi and junkies:
Follow the man, follow the man, with his pockets full of the jam.
Follow the man, follow the man. Help me out daddy if you can... Got
any D man?
The Man:
I'm cool.
Mimi and junkies:
Got any C man?
The Man:
I'm cool.
Mimi and junkies:
Got any X? Any smack? Any horse? Any joogie- boogie boy, any
blow? I'm willin', I'm illin', I gotta get my sickness off. Gotta run,
gotta ride, got a gun, gotta hide, gotta go!
Roger:
Hey!
Mimi:
Hey.
Roger:
I just wanna say-
Mimi:
What?
Roger:
I just wanna say-
The Man:
Hey how's it goin', you're in my space. I shoulda known a familiar
face. Where you been buying some other place? Is this your lovely
lady? Lookin' good, Ace.
Roger:
I just wanna say, I'm sorry for the way-
Mimi:
Forget it.
Roger:
I blew up... Can I make it up to you?
Mimi:
How?
Roger:
Dinner party?
Mimi:
That'll do.
The Man:
Hey Lover Boy, cutie pie- you steal my client, you die!
Roger:
You didn't miss me, you won't miss her. You'll never lack for a
customer!
Junkies:
I'm willin', I'm illin', I gotta get my sickness off. Gotta run, gotta ride,
got a gun, gotta hide, gotta go!
The Man:
And it's beginning to snow!
...elsewhere...
Maureen:
Joanne!
Joanne:
All right, Maureen.
...
...simultaneously...
Junkies:
Got any C man? Got any D man? Got any B man? Got any crack? Got
any X? Got any C man? Got any D man? Got any B man? Got any
crack? Got any X?
Vendor:
L.L. Bean, Geoffrey Beene, Burberry- zip- out lining.
Roger:
Mark, this is Mimi. She'll be dining with us.
Vendor:
Here's a new arrival.
The Man:
That IS an ounce.
Vendor:
Hats, dats, bats!
Collins:
That's my coat!
Vendor:
We give discounts!
Mark:
I think we've met.
Angel:
Let's get a better one.
Collins:
It's a sham!
Mimi:
That's what he said!
The Man:
I said it's a gram!
Collins:
But she's a thief!
Angel:
But she brought us together!
Vendor:
Shoes, boots, screws, noose!
Collins:
I'll take the leather.
Homeless people & Vendors:
Christmas bells are swinging.
Christmas bells are ringing.
Christmas bells are singing.
In my dreams- next year.
Once you donate you can go celebrate in Tuckahoe.
You'll feel cheery, I'll feel cheery- though I don't really know that
theory.
No bathrobes, no steuben glass, no cappuccino makers.
No pearls, no diamonds, no chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!
No room at the Holiday Inn- oh no!
Police officers:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know.
Jingle bells, prison cells.
Fa la la la la- fa la la la la
You have the right to remain
Silent night- O holy night!
Fall on your knees, oh night divine.
You'll do some time!
Fa la la la la- fa la la la la.
Angel (& Vendor):
25 (15) 25 (15) 25 (15) No way! (24) 15 (24) 15 (Not today- 23) 15
(23)
15- It's old! (22) 15 (21) 15 (17) 15 (15) SOLD!
Mark & Roger:
Let's go to the lot. Maureen's performing.
Mimi:
Who's Maureen?
Roger:
His ex.
Mark:
But I am over her.
Roger:
Let's not hold hands yet.
Mimi:
Is that a warning?
Mark, Roger & Mimi:
He/you/I just need(s) to take it slow.
I should tell you, I should tell you, I should tell you, I should tell
you, I should tell you...
Everyone:
And it's beginning to...
And it's beginning to...
And it's beginning to...
Maureen:
Last night I had this dream.
Everyone:
Snow!!
Over the Moon
Maureen:
Last night, I had this dream. I dreamt I was in a desert. It was hot.
My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty. I happened upon a
herd of cattle. They too were lost. Even worse, they were blind. I
asked a cow, Elsie, what blind cattle were doing in the desert. She
said she wasn't blind- she was visually challenged. She gouged her
eyes out! She gouged her eyes out! Did you sleep with your mother
and murder your father?, I asked. "Worse," she said. "I got cable."
She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Only thing to do is
jump over the moon." Wait a minute. I have cable too, I said. But I
haven't blinded myself and wandered into the desert. My lips were
chapped and dry. I needed a diet Coke. "This desert was once an
orchard," she said. "and the fruit that grew here was rare- fertilized
with milk and honey. They laid the cable, and the fruit died. Only one
way to restore..."
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith.
Leap of faith, leap of faith.
Maureen:
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Only thing to do is jump
over the moon. Children, artists, lovers jump over the moon every
day! I can't get off the ground! Children, artists, lovers possess the
tools to awe, compassion, imagination! Cows do not! It's like I've got
this big hook stuck in my back, fastened to a long black cable! I
blinded myself because I wanted to see! To jump over the moon..."
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith.
Leap of faith, leap of faith.
Maureen:
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon... Then another cow
approached- Ferdinand." "That's bull," he said. "Their eyes out 'cuz
they read too many books and newspapers. They thought they say
degradation- it was depravity. The thought they saw greed- it was
merely survival. They thought they saw disease- it was justice. This
is just a dry spell. Before we know it, the fruit will reappear." "Not
without a leap of faith," Elsie said. She asked if I was still thirsty.
Parched. "Have some milk." I lowered myself beneath her, held my
mouth up to her swollen udder, and sucked the sweetest milk I had
ever tasted. And I as wiped my mouth off with my pajama sleeve, a
harvest moon rose out of the dream horizon. Elsie reared back and
sprang into a gallop! Leaping, finally she was airborne! Soaring over
the desert, beyond the cable, until she was zooming out of orbit! And
I awoke singing...
Backups:
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Leap of faith, leap of faith.....
Maureen:
Only thing to do... Only thing to do is jump... Only thing to do is jump
over the moon! Only thing to do is jump over the moon! The moon!
The moooon! Mooooooooooon! Mooooooooooo! Moooooooooooooo!
Thank you.
La Vie Boheme
Waiter:
No please no, not tonight, please no, mister can't you go, not
tonight, can't have a scene!
Roger:
What?
Waiter:
Go please, go- you, hello sir, I said no, important customer!
Mark:
What am I? Just a blur?
Waiter:
You sit all night, you never buy!
Roger:
That's a lie! That's a lie! I had a tea the other day.
Waiter:
You couldn't pay!
Roger:
Oh yeah.
Collins:
Benjamin Coffin III - here?
Waiter:
Oh no!
All:
Wine and beer!!
Maureen:
The enemy of Avenue A - will stay
Waiter:
Oy Vey!
Collins:
What brings our distinguished slum lord to the Life Cafe?
Benny:
Hold on boys, gotta do a little business. So you're off the hook for
now.
Collins:
The video franchise?
Benny:
Who said you're not smart?
Roger:
Blockbuster.
Girls:
Blockbuster?
Person:
Blockbuster!
Maureen:
Wow!
Benny:
Mimi! I'm surprised. A bright and charming girl like you hangs out with
these slackers. They make fun yet I'm the one attempting to do
some good. Or do you really want a neighborhood where people piss
on your stoop every night? Bohemia, Bohemia's a fallacy in your head.
This is Calcutta. Bohemia is dead.
Mark:
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our good-byes.
Collins & Roger:
Dires irae, dires illa....
Mark:
Here she lies. No one knew her worth. The late, great daughter of
mother Earth. On this night when we celebrate the birth, in that
little town of Bethlehem, we raise our glass, you bet your ass to - la
vie boheme!
All:
La Vie Boheme, La Vie Boheme, La Vie Boheme, La Vie Boheme....
Mark:
To days of inspiration playin' hooky, making something out of nothing,
the need to express, to communicate. To going against the grain,
going insane, going mad! To loving tension, no pension, to more than
one dimension, to starving for attention, hating convention, hating
pretension, not to mention of course hating dear old mom and dad!
To riding your bike midday past the three piece suits, to fruits, to no
absolutes, to Absolut, to choice, to the Village Voice, to any passing
fad! To being an us for once, instead of a them!
All:
La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme.
Maureen:
Is the equipment in a pyramid?
Joanne:
It is, Maureen.
Maureen:
The mixer doesn't have a case. Don't give me that face!
...Maureen slaps her behind...
Lady:
Ahem!
Maureen:
Hey sister, she's my sister
Waiter:
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad, three soy burger
dinner, two tofu dog platter, and one pasta with meatless balls?
Girl:
Ew!
Collins:
It tastes the same.
Mimi:
If you close your eyes.
Waiter:
And seven orders of fries. Is that it here?
All:
Wine and beer!
Mimi & Angel
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoga, to yogurt,
to rice and beans and cheese. To leather, to dildos, to curry
vindaloo, to huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou!
Collins & Maureen:
Emotion devotion, to causing a commotion, creation, vacation.
Mark:
Mucho masturbation!
Collins & Maureen:
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new!
Collins:
To Sontag!
Angel:
To Sondheim!
Collins & Maureen:
To anything taboo!
Collins & Roger:
Ginsburg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage!
Collins:
Lenny Bruce!
Roger:
Langston Hughes!
Maureen:
To the stage!
Person:
To Uta!
Person:
To Buddha!
Person:
Pablo Neruda, too!
Mark & Mimi:
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow - to blow off Auntie
Em!
All:
La Vie Boheme!
Maureen:
And wipe the speakers off before you pack.
Joanne:
Yes, Maureen.
Maureen:
Well, hurry back!
...Maureen kisses her...
Lady:
Sisters?!?
Maureen:
We're close!
Angel, Collins, Mark, & Maureen:
Brothers!
Mark, Collins, Mimi, & half ensemble
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homosapiens, carcinogens, hallucinogens, men-
Pee Wee Herman. German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein,
Antonioni, Burtolucci, Kurosawa, Carmina Burana!
Roger, Maureen, Angel, and other half of ensemble: CBGBs, De Lasso,
tabouli, body fluids, KS lesions, funny looks, transfusions, silence
equals death. ?dairy? Bertol Brecht, foods including Cannabis santiva,
Camel lights, Carmen Miranda, Nirvana!
All:
To apathy- to entropy- to empathy, ecstasy! Vaclav Havel, the Sex
Pistols, 8BC- to no shame, never playin' the fame game!
Collins:
To marijuana!!!
All:
To sodomy- it's between God and me! To S&M!
Benny:
Waiter, waiter, waiter!
All:
La Vie Boheme!
Collins:
In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence
immediately following dinner. Mimi Marquez, clad in bubble wrap, will
perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance to the sounds of ice
tea being stirred!
Roger:
Mark Cohen will preview the documentary he'll never finish, "The
Parting of the Red Sea" about his inability to hold an erection on high
holy days, starring his former lover's current female lover as himself!
Mark:
And Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night
engagement at the 11th street lot, will sing Native American tribal
chants backward through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on
the electric cello - which she has never studied!
...aside to Maureen...
Meet you in the bathroom.
Maureen:
You're not serious?!
Mark:
I am.
Maureen:
How was the show?
Mark:
You know you're good. I'll bring the dental dam!
Maureen:
Don't take it the wrong way, but Mark, honey, take a hike!
Mark:
Some auld lang syne between friends!?
Maureen:
Hello!! I'm a dyke!
Lady:
Another brother?
Maureen:
Ex-lover.
Person:
Roger will attempt to commit to an ending for his bittersweet
evocative guitar solo symbolizing the death of Kenickie!
...Roger plays a few notes..
Mark:
Not now, Roger.
Collins:
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris
while accompanying herself on the ten-gallon plastic pickle tub.
Angel:
And Collins will recount to us his exploits as anarchist, including the
tale of his successful reprogramming of the MIT virtual reality
equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words:
All:
Actual reality! Act up! Fight AIDS!
Benny:
Check!
Mimi:
Excuse me, did I do something wrong? I get invited, then ignored, all
night long!
Roger:
I've been tryin', I'm not lying. No one's perfect, I've got baggage!
Mimi:
Life's too short, babe, time is flyin'. I'm looking for baggage that goes
with mine!
Roger:
I should tell you.
Mimi:
I've got baggage, too, should tell you!
Both:
Baggage, wine!
All:
And beer!
Women:
Rest in peace...
Men:
Bon Voyage, goodbye!
Women:
Bohemia!
Men:
You're much to young to die!
All:
Here's one last toast, for you our heart still throbs. Send back your
ghost, or else we'll have to get real jobs!
To Dance!
Mimi & person:
No way to make a living. Masochism, pain, perfection, muscle
spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders! Film!
Mark:
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations, darkrooms, perfect
faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!
Collins, Maureen, and Mimi:
Music!
Angel & Roger:
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm, power,
feeling, harmony and heavy competition!
All:
Anarchy!
Maureen:
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions, forcing changes, risk and
danger, making noise, and making pleas!
All:
To faggots, lezzies, dykes- cross dressers, too...
Maureen:
To me!
Mark & person:
To me!
Person:
To me!
All:
To you, and you and you, you and you! To people living with, living
with, living with - not dying from disease! Let he among us without
sin be the first to condemn! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme! La Vie
Boheme!...
Mark:
Anyone out of the mainstream? Is anyone in the mainstream? Anyone
alive with a sex drive? Tear down the wall, aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace-
it's creation!
All:
Viva La Vie Boheme!
AZT Break
...several beepers sound...
Collins:
AZT break!
Angel:
DDI!
Maureen:
The ever-popular DDC-Zovarax-Prozac cocktail!
...Joanne witnesses Maureen taking the pills...
This is not what you think.
Joanne:
Then what? Why use it?
Maureen:
Joanne, it's just Mark.
Roger:
You?
Mimi:
Me - you?
Roger:
Mimi.
Joanne:
By the way, I almost forgot! They're rioting back at the lot! Benny
says evict, cops don't know what they're doing. No one's leaving,
they're sitting there mooing! Thank you, Joanne for everything you've
done - oh don't mention it! I love being a wreck.
Waiter:
I'll bring the check.
I SHOULD TELL YOU
Roger:
I should tell you, I should tell you....
Mimi:
I should tell you, I should tell you....
Roger:
I should tell you I'm disaster.... I forget how to begin it.
Mimi:
Let's just make this part go faster... I have yet to be in it.
I should tell you....
Roger:
I should tell you....
Mimi:
I should tell you....
Roger:
I should tell you....
Mimi:
I should tell that I can't sleep at night- I'm scared to close my eyes.
Roger:
Lately I'm so filled with fright- I rarely share, I criticize.
Mimi:
I should tell you....
Roger:
I should tell you....
Mimi:
I should tell you....
Roger:
I should tell you....
Mimi:
I should tell my style of fighting - I don't move for days, or speak.
Roger:
I get flustered with my writing- catatonic for a week.
Mimi:
I should tell you....
Roger:
I should tell you....
Mimi:
I should tell you....
Both:
I should tell.... well, here we go. Now we....-
Mimi:
Oh no!
Roger:
I know this something is.... here goes....
Mimi:
Here goes.
Roger:
Guess so.... it's starting to.... who knows....
Mimi:
Who knows?
Roger:
Do what it does....
Mimi:
We'll go where....
Roger:
I know.... there because....
Mimi:
Because we're starting to....
Roger:
Something.... guess so....
Mimi:
Who knows?
Both:
Who knows where? Who goes there?
Who knows? Here goes!
Trusting desire- starting to learn.
Walking through fire without a burn.
Clinging- a shoulder, a leap begins....
Stinging and older, asleep on pins....
So here we go....
Now we....
Roger:
Oh no!
Mimi:
I know.
Roger:
Oh no.
Both:
Who knows where? Who goes there?
Roger:
Who knows?
Mimi:
Who knows?
Roger:
Who goes?
Mimi:
Who goes?
Both:
Here goes.... here goes.... here goes....
here goes.... here goes.... here goes....
