All stories are rated PG - 13

He thought of Cordelia and wondered where did they stand now? He had broken up with her, but that was during the spell and as far as Cordelia was concerned the break up was invalid. What he didn't understand with Cordelia was what made her go through such extremes for him to care about her, when he already did. Honestly, Xander could admit that he didn't love Cordelia, but he truly cared for her. Maybe she wanted more from him than he could even give to her. Maybe she wanted his heart, but to give her that he couldn't do, and wasn't sure if he could ever do such a thing. His heart wasn't his to call his own, and it hadn't been for awhile. Ever since she had come into his life, she had been a permanent mark in all of his thoughts and was almost unified with his soul. Xander knew that for his heart and soul to be found, they had to be found by her because to him, his heart was hers. His heart was Buffy's.

He picked up his telephone receiver and was about to dial, but he quickly hung up the phone. He couldn't do it. He couldn't call Buffy. Xander still felt the sting that lingered on-and-off from that still healing wound of the day when Buffy had broken his heart by rejecting him. He wasn't sure if he could take another such blow, and he wasn't sure if his lost heart could either. Besides, despite the fire that he had felt when his lips met hers, he had very little doubt that Buffy still loved Angel and still yearned for his return.

Angel, Angel, Angel, it was always Angel! Never was there a barrier so great, than he was, and never was there such a foe. Xander often found himself wondering, if there hadn't been an Angel, would he have stood a better chance to have Buffy to call his own? There were so many supposes and maybes and what-ifs in his life that he always threw that thought in the middle of it all, so that he could think of it later and probe and search for an answer that couldn't be found.

Xander scoffed softly thinking that Angel's presence was always going to be the key. When he was there, it was 'Xander who?' And now, since Angel was there, it wasn't any longer, that, but rather like 'Xander, Angel's gone.' Xander minded his shoulder being the one she cried upon, he didn't in the least. He was glad that lately they had a very close friendship, whether it be because of Angel or not, Xander didn't care. He was just glad that they were such good and close friends. His philosophy was that if he couldn't love Buffy, as he wanted to, he could love her, as she wanted him to, as a friend.

As he began to think about friendship, Xander couldn't help but think that the girl he was dating had never, ever been his friend in the first place. For long as he could remember, he had hated Cordelia, and in some aspects still did, but what was he doing but having make-out scenes with her? He didn't know how he succeeded in hating and liking Cordelia at the same time, except for the reason that he had some psychological disorder, but didn't anyone that dated Cordelia have one of those?

Xander knew that Cordelia wasn't the one, and he knew that she knew it, too, but for now, they had each other. He supposed that had to have some significance, but he did feel like he was lying not only to her, but also to himself while being with her. Sure, they had their moments of passion, but there was nothing between them but that, a passion that would sooner or later burn out. One day, he knew that one of them, if not both of them, were going to decide to blow their flame of desire out...for good.

What they had together wasn't even really a relationship, but rather it was only tangible enough to be called one. If they had one to speak of, they would like each other more than they despise each other, and he would have some inclination to want to fall in love with her instead of being in love with a vampire slayer that was in love with a vampire. Yeah, their relationship was awkward, and at times very peculiar, but it was all they had, and having that was better than having nothing at all.

Xander reached for the phone and began to dial Cordelia's phone number, but just when he was about to press the last digit, he slammed the receiver down in indecision. No, he couldn't call her either. He would be lying to her if he did, after all, he wasn't in love with her, and he barely liked her enough to say that he liked her. Xander was in a confused state of mind as he fought indecision trying to find logic in love and in passion, but there is no logic in either world, and he was beginning to see that. After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, Xander picked up the phone, and began to dial. He knew what he had to do.

Buffy sat up straight and shook her head in confusion. It was still dark out and Buffy peered at the clock beside her and noticed that it was not even five o'clock. She exhaled deeply and thought that it was another perfectly ruined dream of the White Knight, and as she saw it now, Xander. Never did she think she'd be dreaming of Xander, never. No one, not even Willow was aware that she still dreamt of the White Knight a.k.a. Xander.

She had never liked walking in the halls seeing Xander with Cordelia, but now that she was beginning to truly care for him, she had begun to hate it. Everything was seemingly getting back to a state of normality, well, as normal as Sunnydale, California could get. And in a Sunnydale norm, Xander and Cordelia were together and they were constantly doing what Xander had described as touchy-feely stuff, and although Buffy wouldn't admit it, she was actually jealous of Cordelia.

Buffy could still remember the intensity that she had felt when he had kissed her, and the real thing was a million times better than a dream kiss, but that's all she was seemingly having and that's all it seemed she would ever get from Xander again. She touched her cheek with her hand, recalling how he had so silently, yet romantically said good-bye.

Her eyes fell to a cross that glinted on her rack as the moonlight shone upon its metal, it was one of Angel's gifts. She shuddered recalling all the recent wrongs done by Angelus, and although he was and had never been the Angel she knew, she couldn't help but see the good in the bad. Her feelings for Angel had altered somewhat after the revealing of his demonic side, and although she still loved the Angel of the past, she was beginning to come to grips that the past was the past and the present and future nothing like it. She had lost her heart to Angel, but in time she had found it again, and although the scars were still open wounds in need of healing, she knew she had to move on. Yet, to what? To Xander...who was with Cordelia?

Buffy shook her head and lay back down on her bed again, as she thought of random thoughts of her heart. They drifted to Angel...to Xander...to Angel...to Xander, etc., and she began to be lulled in a dream with these thoughts. There was Angel, her vampire with a soul of whom she had loved with all her heart and then there was Xander, her white knight who she was beginning to love. Sighing, she mumbled these aimless thoughts to herself, and the last thought that lingered stayed and befell her lips before she went into a rather deep sleep was, "Xander..."

"Yes, how may I help you?" he asked, his smile becoming even more refine by each passing second.

"Um, I was looking for Mr. Barb, but I guess he isn't here," said Cordelia with a hesitant smile.

"No, but he'll be back shortly. He just stepped out to run an errand, so please come in," he said with a welcoming motion.

"Oh, okay," said Cordelia as she walked in and sat down on a desk near him.

'The name's Colin, Colin Williams, how do you do?" he asked extending his hand to shake hers.

"Fine, thank you," she said, as she too, extended his hand, "My name's Cordelia."

"Cordelia, hmm. A very pretty name for an even more beautiful young woman," complimented Colin with a smile. "I'm going to be Mr. Barb's teacher's aide for this semester. It's part of my pre-teacher experience."

"Oh, really? You want to be a teacher?" asked Cordelia thinking that that had to be the most hardest and least paying jobs in the world. "That's gotta be pretty tough work, and well, Armani suits aren't that easy to come by on that type of salary."

"You noticed the Armani, huh? One of the many advantages of being pampered and stuffed for all my 19 years," said Colin. "And I guess it's because of all of that indulgence that I wanted to give back to society and do something for the good of mankind, and not just for myself. You are right though, it is a pretty tough job."

The door to the classroom opened up quickly and shut just as promptly. Cordelia and Colin turned to see Xander walking into the room and Mr. Barb had walked in before him. Xander noticed how closely Colin and Cordelia were standing next to each other, but he was silent. Cordelia eyed her boyfriend and felt uneasy that his usually blatant attitude was noticeably absent.

"Cordelia, I see you've met Colin," said Mr. Barb with a smile as he sat down at his desk. "Now, I hear you and Xander wanted to ask me more about the project I just assigned you..."

After Xander and Cordelia had left Mr. Barb's room, they had begun to walk home. The sun was on its way to setting and both walked in silence, which anyone could vouch was very odd. Ever since that spell, their relationship hadn't quite returned to normal. Cordelia didn't suspect that Xander remembered anything, and Xander wasn't about to tell her he knew everything. That lack of trust or information had caused things to be a little rocky between them, but Xander hoped that everything would turn out for the better, soon.

"Well, Xander, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," said Cordelia, giving him a kiss on the cheek once they were at her house.

"Yeah, Cordelia, tomorrow,' Xander said with a trying smile, and as he noticed that it was getting dark, and thought that the creatures of the night were probably stirring in their coffins.

Xander walked to his house, which was only a few blocks away, considering the small size of Sunnydale, the rich and the average were in one section. He heard the crickets stop chirping once he walked up the porch steps to his house, and he had uneasy feeling. As he nervously reached for his keys, he dropped them, but before he could pick them up, someone already had.

"Hello, Xander," said a voice in the dark, "Nice night, isn't it?"

"Yeah," said Xander glancing into the shadows as he recognized the voice instantly, "A very nice night, considering that I have a vampire on my front porch. What do you want, Angel?"

"It's not Angel, Xander, it's Angelus,' he said as he stepped out from the shadows. "Angel's gone, remember? Now, you've only got Angelus to fight."

"What are you talking about?" Xander asked looking at Angel with cold eyes. "I've never fought Angel, and I've hit you, but as it seems, that's not considered fighting, especially if it didn't hurt."

"On the contrary, Xander, I seem to recall that you weren't very happy when our precious Slayer chose Angel over you," said Angelus with an evil grin. "I mean, Angel knew what you were thinking, and so do I."

"And what's that, Angelus?" asked Xander stiffly.

"That the slayer would rather be with someone she was born to kill than to be you," said Angelus as he continuously threw and caught Xander's keys.

"Well, Angelus, you're wrong," replied Xander eyeing the keys that fell and rose, "I didn't think like that. Buffy made her choice, and it was Angel. It was her choice to make and hers alone. It didn't make me love her any less and my opinion of Angel didn't change. Sure, I admit, I never liked Angel, but there's one thing I've realized now that you've arrived."

"What's that?" asked Angelus with a smirk, who couldn't' believe how sappy Xander sounded.

"That I hate you," said Xander calmly.

"Ditto," said a familiar voice, which caused Xander and Angelus to turn to see Buffy.

"Buffy, it's nice of you to join the party," said Angelus, "But you weren't invited."

"I didn't know I had to RSVP, but since I'm here, do you mind?" asked Buffy glancing at the keys in Angelus' hand.

"I don't know, Buffy, I'm kind of partial to these keys," said Angelus glancing at the glinting metal in his hand.

Buffy smiled at his joke before she kicked him in the stomach, causing him to fall and drop the keys. Angelus groaned as he tried to stand up, but Buffy kicked him again and tossed the keys to Xander. Xander fiddled with the keys and was able to open the door.

"Buffy, come on," said Xander hurriedly, and Buffy turned to look at Xander, giving him the expression that she wasn't going to runaway from a good fight, but when she turned to look at Angelus, he was gone.

"Wimp," muttered Buffy under her breath as she reluctantly walked into the Harris' house.

"Buffy, better to be a wimp than to be dead," said Xander jokingly as he closed the door behind her. "I speak from experience."

"That Angelus makes me so mad, I can't believe that he was ever Angel," said Buffy with a sigh.

"But Buffy, he was never Angel. I mean granted they look alike and have that whole vampire soul and no soul bond thing going on, but even Angelus makes out that they're two different people," pointed out Xander as he and Buffy sat down on the couch and he turned on the television set.

"I'm sick and tired of Angelus, let's not talk about him, anymore, okay?" asked Buffy glancing at Xander.

"Sure, Buffy," said Xander and he turned back to channel surfing, and then disgustingly turned it off. "There is nothing to watch, tonight! What are we going to do?"

"Well, we have two options," said Buffy, "One we could stay home and be responsible, young adults by beginning our science project for Mr. Barb or two, we could slack off and hang at the Bronze."

"The Bronze it is," said Xander standing up abruptly.

Buffy and Xander walked into the Bronze, which was its usually crowded self. They found Oz and Willow sitting in their usual table and decided to interrupt the cute lovebirds.

"Hi," said Buffy smiling at Oz and Willow, "What's up?"

"I thought you had patrol tonight, Buffy," said Willow, her eyes widened with urgency as she looked at Buffy and darted to the dance floor.

"Oh, really?" said Buffy, who looked at the dance floor in the corner of her eye, and once she saw what Willow had showed her, she was in a mad rush to get Xander out of there. "I guess I forgot. Xander, come on, we don't want to interrupt Willow and Oz's date."

"Willow, I am shocked at you for forgetting our patrol schedules. Tonight, Giles is taking over shift with Cordelia," said Xander, and then his mouth opened a little once he saw noticed the couple in the center of the dance floor, who were none other than, Colin and Cordelia. They were dancing rather close and tight and Xander held his composure as he continued, "Or not."

He stood watching them intently as they danced. They were dancing so closely that they were almost one whole, instead of two. It bothered Xander that they were dancing like that because he had never danced like that with Cordy before and there she was dancing like that with a practical stranger. But that didn't even compare to what happen to next that made Xander officially stunned and steamed. Colin, who was a five inches taller than Cordelia when she was in heels, bent his head down and kissed a very surprised dance partner. Of course, this very surprised dance partner didn't seem as if she wanted the kiss to end, and it lingered even when the music stopped

Xander made sure that he was going to meet with Cordelia when she came from the dance floor. Colin separated with Cordelia and went to get them drinks and Xander walked towards a surprised Cordelia. She was taken back by his appearance there.

"Xander, what are you doing here?" asked Cordelia with wide eyes.

"I'd like to ask you the same question," said Xander.

"Let's sit down, we have to talk," she said as she and Xander sat down at a table a few feet away from where their friends sat.

"Who was that guy, anyway? That Colin guy?" asked Xander glancing at Colin who had kept his distance once he saw Xander.

"He's Mr. Barb's teacher's aide," said Cordelia with a smile, "He's really nice and sweet and smart."

"Everything, I'm not, right?" said Xander with a sigh.

"No, Xander, you're all that and more, but this thing between us isn't working out, and you know the reason why," said Cordelia as she quickly glanced at the staring eyes of Oz, Willow, and who else, Buffy.

"No, Cordy, I don't know what you're talking about," said Xander, "Enlighten me."

"How do you expect us to be a couple if you are in love with Buffy? I mean, don't get me wrong Xander, I like you, but you don't like me, at least not that strongly," said Cordelia thinking of all the conflicts Buffy had caused in their relationship.

"Cordelia, you're coming off as if Buffy is the main factor of our problems," said Xander. "I'm with you, so I'm not about to go and try to woo her, or whatever you want to call it. I'm not like that, I know what commitment is, but apparently you don't."

"What?" asked Cordelia in amazement.

"You heard me, Cordelia, whatever that was, whatever we had, it was good for awhile," said Xander bitterly. "But I would never have pulled that kind of a stunt even if Buffy were my soulmate okay? Not like you have. It was good, Cordelia. Up until now, it was good, but now, it's gone." Xander stood up and walked away, and although he had done this countless of times to so many other things, he meant it this time. He wasn't going to turn back, especially since there wasn't anything important there to go back to.