Buffy.

Funny... I still can't get that name out of my mind.

I'm all alone again tonight, watching the stars. I still think of her: her face, her lips, her smile. She's the most amazing girl I've ever met. I've always cared for her more than anything. And now, I think she may be feeling something for me.

I truly have the most horrible timing in the world.

And then there's Cordelia.

I've always hated her. She's always hated me. She's always driven me insane. The two of us are total opposites. We've spent so much time hating each other that, somehow, some way, we wound up falling for each other.

We both were embarrassed about it, hiding it from our friends for as long as we could. We made out in the janitor's closet more times than I can remember. Talk about an experience...

Anyway, I had been in love with Buffy forever. I asked her out once, but she turned me down. Still, I couldn't seem to let her go. But not too long ago I gave up on her. As much as it pained me, it seemed that there was no way I would ever get between her and Angel. But then the unthinkable happened. Angel lost his soul and was back in bad guy mode. He crushed Buffy's heart and then tried to kill her using the Judge. Fortunately, my previous "military experience" allowed me to get an M-16 so Buffy could blow the Judge to bits. That had to be the best birthday present she ever received.

Now Angel is out to torment her even more. He killed Theresa, a fellow student, and turned her into a vampire. Theresa came after Buffy and almost killed her, but I was able to slay it with a wooden chair leg.

I remember the torture in Buffy's eyes during that moment. The two of us embraced. It was not a lovers' embrace, just that of two friends struggling for some sense of order. But then suddenly it changed. Our eyes met and, in that moment, anything could have happened. But Buffy pulled away from me and walked off. Still, there was no question what had occurred between us.

So the question is: What do I do now?

I had given up on Buffy, but I'm not sure that I ever stopped loving her. I'm not sure that I ever can. And what about Cordelia? Could I be in love with her, too? Is it possible to be in love with two women at the same time?

Now I'm really confused.

Well, here we all are. Buffy's out being the Slayer, Willow's at home doing homework, Giles is at the library (where else?), Cordelia is... probably at the mall, and once again I'm standing around underneath the stars like a dweeb trying to figure out this crazy life I'm living.

Buffy... Cordelia... Buffy... Cordelia... Buffy... Cordelia...

This all brings me back to the one thing I have always believed and probably always will.

Love really DOES suck.

* * *

Xander.

He was the one I always cared for, the one I always wanted. I waited for him forever, wanting no one else but him. We've been through quite a bit since we found about the Hellmouth almost a year ago. It's been one incredible ride.

But the waiting was painful. It slowly drove me crazy. No matter how hard I tried to get him to notice me, he never saw me as anything other than a friend, which tore me apart more than I can ever say. But eventually I met someone else.

Oz.

>From the moment I met him, we got along great. He even saved my life from an evil bounty hunter. He's even a senior. When he finally asked me out, it felt incredible. However, I wasn't quite over Xander yet, no matter what I might have told myself. I'll never forget that night we were researching the Judge in the library.

That was the night when my whole world came crashing down.

I was looking to see how Xander was doing, and it turned out he was doing just fine. He and Cordelia were kissing, as if they were in love. The shock hit me like a rock. I did the only thing I could. I ran.

Xander came after me, and I exploded in his face. It had hurt to bad enough that he never noticed me the way I wanted him to. It had hurt bad enough that I had waited for him for so long. But what hurt more than anything else was that he would choose someone who had mostly been so rotten to him, to us. That he could possible choose Cordelia over me was more than I could bear. I finally let him know my true feelings, and then left.

I didn't feel any better. When Xander and Cordelia went into the army depot together to get an M-16, I couldn't help but feel resentment. I tried to get Oz to kiss me, but he saw what my true motivations were and said he could wait. In that moment, I started to feel for him even more. I was soon able to forget about Xander and Cordelia.

But the fun didn't stop there. We soon discovered that Oz was a werewolf, but he had no control over it. I was horrified. Oz almost killed me in that beastly state. As I was running for my life, I wondered how I could have been so cursed. Fortunately, Buffy, Giles, and I were able to save him from a werewolf hunter, and Oz finally opened up to me. I remember kissing him for the first time. It was pure magic. So now everything seems to be all right. Well, as all right as anything can be in Sunnydale.

And best of all, I think I've finally put my feelings for Xander behind me.

It's all so amazing. Buffy fell in love with a vampire. Xander fell in love with a witch. And me... I fell in love with a werewolf.

Life on the Hellmouth is sure never boring.

* * *

Xander.

I wish I could understand how I feel right now.

I hate him. I've always hated him. I want to hate him. I need to hate him. And yet, after all we've been through, I think I may be falling in love with him.

This is SO pathetic.

Well, I'm standing here on a cliff overlooking Sunnydale. Xander and I have been up here before... in my father's car. I wish he was here with me now. And yet, I also wish I wasn't wishing he was here with me now. I think I'm losing my mind.

Of all the people in the world (Brad Pitt, Christian Slater, Mel Gibson), I had to fall for Xander! Ugh! Sometimes I just want to die. And yet, sometimes I find myself wondering if I could ever live without him.

Xander has saved my life. Not too long ago he saved my life from a crazy Frankenstein football player and some dorky student surgeon. As hard as I tried to stay away from him and the rest of his geek squad, the two of us kept being pulled together for one adventure after another. Then we were confronted by some buggy bounty hunter disguised as an Avon salesman. We locked ourselves in Buffy's basement, and it wasn't long before we were ready to kill each other. After screaming in each other's faces, our lips suddenly came together. I think that was when I fell in love.

Damn.

In love. It's crazy. It doesn't make sense. He is SO beneath me, it's revolting. So why do I feel so happy with him? What is it about him that brings out the good side of me, especially when I try so hard and take so much pride in being rotten?

But all Xander ever talks about is "Buffy this", "Willow that." It drives me crazy. I had rejected the idea of us going out, but maybe I'm kidding myself. I think I'm afraid to fall in love with him. But I don't know if I can stop it now. The problem here is that I'm not so sure that he's in love with me.

And we can't forget Buffy now, can we?.

He's always cared for Buffy. He's always loved Buffy. It's so obvious. I have doubts that he could ever love anyone else besides her. It bothers me. It also bothers me because it's bothering me because it shouldn't be bothering me at all because he IS a loser, right?

(Sigh)

Xander. I wonder where he is right now. I love him. I hate him. I love him. I hate him. I love him. I hate him.

I'll figure it out for sure sooner or later. Until then...

I love him.

* * *

Buffy.

I can feel her out there... roaming the night. My senses pick her up. She is so close... yet so far away.

She is the Slayer. I picture her now. Her soft blonde hair, her lovely blue eyes, the sweet curves of her face... I fell in love with this 16-year-old girl. A vampire in love with a Slayer. It was, as Giles put it, rather poetic. For we were in love like no one has ever been in love before. She was the one who enabled me to feel human again.

And that is why I now hate her like I hate no other. That is why I will destroy her.

When I murder this child, it will be slowly, painfully. I have already ripped out her heart. Next, I will tear apart her soul.

For so long I was nothing but a pathetic, pandering, whimpering fool, helping mortals and banging my head against the wall with constant guilt over all the wonderful things I had accomplished with my life. But the Gypsy curse is gone now. My soul is gone. And now I truly feel the power. Now I truly feel the lust for blood that I had been denied for too long. And it feels so good...

Theresa was only the beginning. One by one I will kill everyone she loves. Perhaps I will drive her insane, just like I did to Drusilla. That would be revenge so sweet. Buffy may have defeated the Judge, but this is far from over. In a way, I'm glad. The slower the end comes, the more she will suffer. And the more I will enjoy the taste of her.

The moon is full tonight. Stars litter the sky. And Buffy is out there...

Somewhere.

* * *

The night air is warm. The moonlight is beautiful. And the Slayer, namely me, is on the hunt.

My name is Buffy Summers. A select few know me as Buffy the Vampire Slayer... yadda, yadda, yadda... Basically, I slay vampires. And tonight, I'm on patrol.

It is so warm, yet inside I feel so cold. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel warm again.

As I walk through every street, every valley, every graveyard, I am ever alert for danger. I have to be. One mistake, one moment of distraction is all it can take for a vampire to sneak up behind me and bring my life to a horrible, painful end. As you can tell, I'm quite the optimist.

I feel so afraid tonight. I don't think I've been this afraid since I heard the prophecy that I was going to die. Nowadays, I keep finding myself praying. Praying, more than anything in the world, that I don't encounter the vampire that was once my angel. Praying I don't find the man that I once loved.

It feels like it's getting harder and harder to live these days. But I once had an anchor. I once had someone who I loved more than anything in the world, someone who would always be there to protect me, to watch over me, who would never let me go...

I guess nothing lasts forever.

Angel. He was the one I wanted to be with forever, but now he's nothing more than a vampire, an inhuman, uncaring monster whose only goal is to destroy me and everyone I love. I feel the pain of our lost love every day, every minute, every second.

There's no hope now. There's no way to curse him again, and there's no way to stop him without killing him. But more and more, any love I have left for him is quickly turning to hate.

Pure hate.

He killed Theresa. I had a chance to kill him when I destroyed the Judge, but I didn't, and now Theresa is dead. I will have to live with that. I will have to look at myself in the mirror every morning and see myself for the fool I've been. If Angel kills anyone else, then I will only have more guilt to bear.

As my guilt grows, so does my hatred for him.

Xander.

Somehow, it all comes back to him. From the very beginning when I first moved to Sunnydale, I could always count on Xander. He has always been there for me, and I know he always will. He's saved my life on more than one occasion, most recently from the vampire that Angel sent after me.

I remember holding him at that moment, so tight. I remember our eyes meeting and... and I walked away. Xander is with Cordelia now, isn't he? I'm not sure. Most of the time, they don't act like a couple. But I don't know what to do now. Lately, I can't seem to get him off my mind.

Xander had a crush on me once. Perhaps he still does. I had rejected him, still having my sights set on Angel. I had to go for the dark and mysterious type. I feel like such a fool. It may be too late for us, and if it is, it will be all my fault.

Am I falling for Xander? Do I want to? And even if I don't, is there any way I can stop myself now? I don't know. But I don't think it will be very long before I find out the answer.

Might as well head home now. No vampires anywhere. I'm glad. For if I see an Angel, I'm afraid I will have to slay it. And if I do, I might also be slaying myself.

The stars are out tonight. The moonlight is beautiful. And one word echoes through my mind...

Xander.

Do The Walls Come Down? - The Second Interlude By John Dorsey Based on characters and situations created by Joss Whedon. Copyright 1998 by John Dorsey.