HOW COME they don't make a perfume that smells like dough frying?

HOW COME they call it a "winter wonderland" when there's just a bunch of freezing snow and ice all over the place?

HOW COME you can't drive golf carts on the freeway?

HOW COME someone with as little hair as me has so much head lice?

HOW COME corndogs are so magically delicious?

HOW COME you have to buy a whole entire snow-cone when all you really want is the sweet, sweet syrup flavoring?

HOW COME I sweat when I eat?

HOW COME women don't realize that baldness is sexy?

HOW COME the guy that invented the hammock isn't considered the greatest genius who ever lived?

HOW COME two wrongs don't make a right, no matter how hard I try?

HOW COME cats think they're so smart with their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to eat all my smelts?

HOW COME they don't have super comfy soft vibrating couches at bowling alleys, so you can lie down when you're waiting for your next turn?

HOW COME people say that TV is a dull and stupefying waste of time with no real benefit to humanity when there's so much fine entertainment on 24 hours a day?

HOW COME they don't serve the second greatest beverage-I'm referring, of course, to eggnog-all year long?

HOW COME stamp glue tastes so magically delicious?

HOW COME Marge leaves that baking soda box open in the back of the refrigerator, and when I try to eat it, it tastes really funny?

HOW COME I'm cursed with a son who is always plotting against me no matter how often I let him polish my bowling trophies?

HOW COME there is only really only one thing in the universe that/s interesting and that's food?