Joyce: "And, honey? Try not to get kicked out."

Xander: "I kind of had a problem with the math."
Willow: "Which part?"
Xander: "The math."

Willow: "Do you have 'Theories in Trade?' You should check it out."
Xander: "Check it out?"
Willow: "From the library. Where the books live."
Xander: "Right! See I wanna change..."

Xander: "Well, you're certainly a font of nothing!"

Mr. Flutie: "All the kids here are free to call me Bob."
Buffy: "Bob."
Mr. Flutie: "But they don't."

Buffy: "I know my transcripts are a little... colorful."
Mr. Flutie: "Heeey... We're not caring about that. Do you think, uh, 'colorful' is the word? Not, uh, 'dismal'?"

Principal Flutie: "You burned down the gym."
Buffy: "I did, I really did But you're not seeing the big picture here. I mean, that gym was full of vampi... asbestos."

Xander: "Can I have you?"
Buffy: "..."
Xander: "Uh...can I help you?"

Xander: "We both go to school. Very suave, very not pathetic."

Xander: "Oh, hey! You forgot your...stake?"

Cordelia: "Willow, nice dress. Glad to know you've seen the softer side of Sears."

Cordelia: "The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. They let anybody in, but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town."
Buffy: "Where's that?"
Cordelia: "About a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here."

Buffy: "That's not what I'm looking for."
Giles: "Are you sure?"
Buffy: "I'm way sure."

Buffy: "It doesn't involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while."
Willow: "But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?"
Buffy: "I can't do both?"
Willow: "Not legally."

Willow: "He was a curator at some British museum, or, or The British Museum, I'm not sure. But he knows everything, and he brought all these historical volumes and biographies and am I the single dullest person alive?"

Xander: "Oh, me and Buffy go way back, old friends, very close. Then there was that period of estrangement when I think we were both growing as people, but now here we are like old times. I'm quite moved."
Jesse: "Is it me, or are you turning into a bumbling idiot."
Xander: "No, it's, uh, it's not just you."

Xander: (holding a stake) "The only thing I can think is that you're building a really little fence."
Buffy: "Hah, no, um, a-a-actually it was for self-defense. Everyone has them in L.A.. Pepper spray is just so passe."

Buffy: "Gee, everyone wants to know about me. How keen."

Cordelia: "Are these guys bothering you?"
Buffy: "Uh, no."
Willow: "She's not hanging out with us."

Cordelia: "I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was canceled due to the *extreme* dead guy in the locker."

Buffy: "Dead."
Cordelia: "Totally dead. Way dead."
Xander: "It's not just a little dead then?"
Cordelia: "Don't you have an elsewhere to be?"

Buffy: "How did he die?"
Cordelia: "I don't know."
Buffy: "Well, were there any marks?"
Cordelia: "Morbid much! I didn't ask!"
Buffy: (looks at everyone) "Um, I gotta book. I'll, I'll see you guys later."
Cordelia: "What's her deal?"

Buffy: "Cause, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, ooo?"

Buffy: "I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus, and I don't care!"
Giles: "Then why are you here?"
Buffy: "To...tell you...that...I don't care...which...I don't...and...have now told you...so...bye!"

Buffy: "To make you a vampire, they have to suck your blood, and then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?"

Buffy: "Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on."

Buffy: "[F]irst of all, I'm a vampire slayer. And secondly, I'm retired. Hey, I know! Why don't you kill 'em?"
Giles: "I-I'm a Watcher. I-I haven't the skill."
Buffy: "Oh come on! Stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log."
Giles: "A Slayer slays, a Watcher..."
Buffy: "Watches?"
Giles: "Yes...no!"

Giles: "He, he trains her, he, he, he prepares her...."
Buffy: "Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me."

Giles: "Something's coming. Something is going to happen here...soon!"
Buffy: "Gee, can you vague that up for me?"

Buffy: (holds up short black dress) "Hi! I'm an enourmous slut." (holds up long flower dress) "Hello, would you like a copy of the Watchtower? I used to be so good at this."

Buffy: "I'm going to a club."
Joyce: "Oh. Will there be boys there?"
Buffy: "No, mom. It's a nun club."

Buffy: "From now on I'm only going to hang out with the living. I mean, lively...people."

Angel: "I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite."

Buffy: "Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a years supply of turtle wax."

Buffy: "Who are you?"
Angel: "Let's just say...I'm a friend."
Buffy: "Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend!"
Angel: "I didn't say I was yours."

Willow: "I thought Xander was gonna show up."
Buffy: "Oh, are you guys going out?"
Willow: "No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up."
Buffy: "How come?"
Willow: "He stole my Barbie."
Buffy: "..."
Willow: "Oh, we were five."

Willow: "I don't actually date a lot...lately."
Buffy: "Why not?"
Willow: "Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool or witty or at all. I...I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away."
Buffy: "It's not that bad!"
Willow: "No, it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk."
Buffy: "You really haven't been dating lately."

Buffy: "Life is short."
Willow: "Life is short?"
Buffy: "Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true, you know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy, and if he's gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment, cause tomorrow you might be dead."
Willow: "Oh, that's nice!"

Buffy: "Um, I'll be back in a minute."
Willow: "Oh, tha-that's okay, you don't have to come back."
Buffy: "I'll be back in a minute."

Buffy: "You need a personality, stat!"

Buffy: "Dark, gorgeous, in an annoying sort of way."

Cordelia: "Oh yay, it's my stalker."

Jesse: "Listen, uh, you know, you wanna dance, you know?"
Cordelia: "With you?"
Jesse: "Well, uh, yeah."
Cordelia: "Well, uh, no!"

Buffy: "I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them. I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it."

Buffy: "You're like textbook with arms. I know this."

Buffy: "There's one."
Giles: "W-where?"
Buffy: "Right there, talking to that girl."
Giles: "You don't know...."
Buffy: "Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt! Deal with that outfit for a moment."
Giles: "It's dated?"
Buffy: "It's carbon dated. Trust me, only someone living underground for ten years would think that was still the look."

Cordelia: "What is your childhood trauma?!"

Cordelia: "Excuse me, I have to call everyone I have ever met right now."

Giles: "The vampire is not dead?"
Buffy: "No, but my social life is on the critical list."

Willow: "Sure is dark."
Thomas: "It's night."
Willow: "Well, that's a dark time, night...traditionally."

Buffy: "Was there a... a school bulletin? Was it i-in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?"

Willow: "Oh, okay, th-this is nice... and scary."

Buffy: "Well, this is nice. I-it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows... call it home!"

Darla: "Who the hell are you?"
Buffy: "You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief, I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work."

Buffy: "Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!"

Buffy: "Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way."
Darla: "That's fine with me."
Buffy: "Are you sure? Now, this in not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...."

Darla: "Who are you?"
Buffy: "Don't you know?"
Luke: "I don't care!"

Luke: "You're wasting my time."
Buffy: "Hey, I had other plans, too, okay?"

Willow: "Oh, I--I need to sit down."
Buffy: "You are sitting down."
Willow: "Oh, good for me."

Willow: "Does anybody mind if I pass out?"

Buffy: "God, I'm so mentally challenged!"

Xander: "Yesterday, my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz!' Today it's, 'rain of toads.'"

Giles: "So, all the city plans are just, uh, open to the public?"
Willow: "Um, well, i-in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system."
Xander: "Someone's been naughty."

Giles: "Maybe you could wrestle some information from that dread machine. That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?"

Angel: "They really don't like me dropping in."
Buffy: "Why not?"
Angel: "They really don't like me."

Buffy: "There was this time I was pinned down by this guy that played left tackle for varsity... Well, at least he used to before he was a vampire... Anyway, he had this really, really thick neck, and all I had was a little, little Exact-O knife....You're not loving this story."

Cordelia: "Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?"

Cordelia: "Okay so, how do we save it?"
Willow: "Deliver."
Cordelia: "Deliver. Where's that?" (hits del)

Xander: "It's cool, Buffy's a superhero."

Jesse: "I can hear the worms in the earth!"
Xander: "That's a plus."

Master: "Tonight, I shall walk the Earth, and the stars themselves will hide!"

Xander: "I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good."

Buffy: "So Giles, got anything that can make this day any worse?"
Giles: "How about the end of the world?"
Buffy: "Knew I could count on you."

Cordelia: "Hello, Miss Motormouth, can I get a sentence finished?"

Buffy: "It's locked!"
Giles: "We're too late!"
Buffy: "I didn't know I was gonna get grounded!"

Buffy: "Don't go wild bunch on me."

Buffy: "How'd it taste?"

Buffy: "There's something you forgot about, too: sunrise!"
Buffy throws a metal stand through the window behind Luke revealing a street lamp. Luke screams and shields himself expecting to get burned, but stops when he realizes it's only a bright lamp. Buffy stakes him.
"It's in about nine hours, moron."

Willow: "Did we win?"
Buffy: "Well, we averted the apocalypse. I'll give us points for that."

Xander: "I mean, the dead rose! We should have at least had an assembly."

Giles: "We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction."
Buffy: "Well, I gotta' look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school."
Xander: "Oh yeah, that's a plan, cause a lot of schools aren't on Hellmouths."
Willow: "Maybe you can blow something up. They're really strict about that."
Buffy: "I was thinking of a more subtle approach, you know, like excessive not studying."
Giles: "The Earth is doomed."