Buffy: "The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo assignment?"
Giles: "Our new Fuehrer, Mr. Snyder."
Willow: "I think they call them principals now."

Giles: "He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact but he would have none of it."

Buffy: "Giles, to every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny."
Giles: "If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated. Or at least helped."
Buffy: "Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role, and watch."
Xander: "And mock."
Willow: "And laugh."

Snyder: "All three of you left campus yesterday."
Buffy: "Yeah, but we were fighting a demon...."
Snyder: "Fighting?"
Buffy: "Not fighting."
Xander: "No, we, left to avoid fighting."

Snyder: "I think I just found three eager new participants for the talent show."
Buffy: "What?"
Xander: "No!"
Willow: "Please?"

Snyder: "You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time."

Xander: "Can I just mention that detention is a time-honored form of punishment."

Willow: "I think dummies are cute. You don't?"
Buffy: "Uhh, they give me the wig. Ever since I was little."
Willow: "What happened?"
Buffy: "I saw a dummy. It gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there."

Xander: "I can't do this."
Buffy: "Xander, come on."
Xander: "No, I, I can't. I have my pride. Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this."

Buffy: "What am I gonna do? Slay vampires on stage?"
Willow: "Maybe in a funny way!"

Buffy: "Okay, Morgan. We get the joke. Horny dummy, ha, ha. It's very funny, but you might wanna consider getting some new schtick unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame log."

Snyder: "Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days: discipline. I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten."

Snyder: "This place has quite a reputation. Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader combustion."

Snyder: "Kids. I don't like them."

Xander: "Did I mention that I hate this school?"

Willow: "The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me!"
Buffy, Giles, and Xander: "..."
Willow: "It's not, though."

Cordelia: "It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was like my best friend!"
Xander: "Emily."

Cordelia: "All I can think is, 'It could have been me!'"
Xander: "We can dream."

Buffy: "Cute couple."

Xander: "Okay, next time we split up, someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we would have had another organ donor."

Xander: "Can I still wear a wire?"

Snyder: "There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking."

Buffy: "Look, Mom, if you really love me and wanna show your support, you'll stay away. Far away."

Cordelia: "My song is about dignity and human feelings and personal...hygiene or something. Anyway, it's sappy, and no one is gonna be feeling sappy after all that Rock and Roll."

Buffy: "I'm not just some crazy person. I'm the Slayer."
Xander: "The Dummy Slayer?"

Xander: "Bye, bye now. I'm completely inanimate."

Xander: "Redrum! Redrum!"

Willow: "Once again I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog."

Giles: "You concentrate on re-animation theory. I'll peck about in organ harvesting. Unless, of course, you prefer...."
Willow: "That's okay, you can have the organs."

Buffy: "Whoever's out there, I'm gonna hurt you! Badly! If you'll just give me a minute."

Sid: "Can you blame me? Look at you. You're strong, athletic, limber, nubile....I'm back."

Giles: "I must say, it's a welcome change to have someone else explain all these things."

Cordelia: "I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of...Buffy!"

Buffy: "I'm never gonna stop washing my hands." Xander: "So the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter, and we're like, 'Fine. La la la la.' He takes off, and now there's a brain. Does anybody else feel like they've been Keyser Söze'd?"

Buffy: "This means that whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain."
Xander: "In other words, I'm safe."

Willow: "What could a demon possibly want from me?"
Xander: "What's the square root of eight hundred and forty-one?"
Willow: "Twenty-nine. Oh yeah."

Giles: "Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?"
Marc: "No. No, this way your scalp gets sliced off, and your brains just...come pouring out."
Giles: "What exactly is the trick?"
Marc: "Trick?"

Giles: "I must say, all of you, your timing is impeccable."

Snyder: "I don't get it. What is it? Avant-garde?"