Buffy: "Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the idiot part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood."
Xander: "It actually kind of turns me on."
Buffy: "I fear you."

Xander: "Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her."

Buffy: "You know what this means?"
Xander: "That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body-count competition this year?"

Xander: "Say, nine-ish? BYO shovel."

Xander: "All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?"

Cordelia: "Why are these terrible things always happening to me?"
Xander: (coughing) "Karma."

Xander: "So, Will, come clean, promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night. He joked!"

Xander: "How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire."

Buffy: "Why would anybody want to make a girl?"
Xander: "You mean when there are so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love."

Xander: "People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream - what they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive."

Xander: "And speaking of love..."
Willow: "We were talking about the reanimation of dead tissues."
Xander: "Do I deconstruct your segues?"

Xander: "I found them attractive enough. Well, obviously I'm not as sick as Chris and Eric."

Xander: "Nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious it even scared me."

Xander: "Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me."

Xander: "You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped, and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?"
Willow: "All the time."
Cordelia: "Xander, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there's anything I could ever do to..."
Xander: "Do you mind? We're talking here. So, where were we?"
Willow: "Wondering why we never get dates."
Xander: "Yeah. So why do you think that is?"