Xander: "Halloween quiet? Wow, I figured it would be a big old vamp scare-a-palooza."
Buffy: "Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is like dead for the undead. They stay in."
Xander: "Those wacky vampires, that's why I love 'em. They just keep ya' guessing!"

Xander: "Hey, Lar, you're lookin' cro-mag as usual. What can I do you for?"
Larry: "You and Buffy. Just friends, right?"
Xander: "I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss."
Larry: "So, she's not your girlfriend?"
Xander: "Alas, no."

Larry: "I heard some guys say she was fast."
Xander: "I hope you mean like the wind."

Larry: "What are you gonna' do about it?"
Xander: "I'm gonna' do what any man would do about it. Something damn manly."

Xander: "A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life."

Buffy: "Hey look, Xander, I'm...really sorry about this morning."
Xander: "Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress."

Xander: "Okay, actually, you know, I think I could've... [Buffy walks away] Hello? That was our touching reconciliation moment there."

Xander: "Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex."

Xander: "Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex."

Xander: "Okay, on sleazing extra candy, here's our key. Tears will normally get you the double bagger. You can also try the old 'You missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood? Okay, troops, let's move out."

Xander: "Big noise scare monster, remember?"

Xander: "Ma'am, in the Army, we have a saying: 'Sit down and shut the -- whoa!"

Cordelia: "Hello? It felt like I was talking, my lips were moving, and --"
Xander: "Give it up, Cordy, you're never gonna' get between those two. Believe me, I know."