Buffy: "Does 'Rest In Peace' have no sanctity to you people? Oh, I forgot, you’re not a people."

Buffy: "I just get messed sometimes."

Buffy: "I wish we could be regular kids."
Angel: "I’ll never be a kid."
Buffy: "Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle robbing creature of the night boyfriend."

Xander: "'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?' Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?"
Buffy: "So, mark 'none of the above.'"
Xander: "Well, there are no boxes for 'none of the above.' That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number-crunching little world."

Willow: "I'm kind of curious to find out what sort of career I could have."
Xander: "What, and suck all the spontanaity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
Willow: "You're not going to be young forever."
Xander: "Yes, but I'll always be stupid. [pause - looks around] Okay, let's not all rush to disagree."

Xander: "Is murder always a crime?"

Buffy: "Do I like shrubs?"
Xander: "That's between you and your god."

Xander: "You know, with that kind of attitude, you could have had a bright future as an employee at the D.M.V."

Cordelia: "Oh, here I am. "Personal shopper or motivational speaker." Neat-o."
Xander: "Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?"

Xander: "Laugh now, missy. They assigned you to the booth for law enforcement professionals."
Buffy: "As in police?"
Xander: "As in polyester, doughnuts and brutality."

Xander: "Willow, what are you doing here? Fly, be free, little bird, you defy category."

Xander: "Principal Snyder, great career day, sir, really. In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership, I'm thinking Principal school. I want to walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course. Okay, I'm done now."

Snyder: "Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event."
Xander: "Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you."

Giles: "Here's an article which describes an invention of his, which he called the Du Lac cross."
Xander: "So why go to all the trouble of inventing something, and then giving it a weak name like that? I mean, I'd nave gone with the cross-o-matic, or the Amazing Mr. Cross."

Buffy: "Well, you have to admit I kinda lack in the book area. I mean, you guys are the brains. I'd only be here for moral support anyway."
Xander: "That's untrue, Buff, you truly contribute. You go for snacks!"

Xander: "But Ho-Ho's are a vital part of my cognitive process!"

Giles: "I'm afraid he was not overreacting. This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Tanaka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon."
Xander: "And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale adult bowling league championships?"
Giles: "Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary."
Xander: "Bowling is a vicious game."

Xander: "Well, she didn't go home. I let the phone ring a few hundred times before I remembered her mom is out of town."
Giles: "Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone."
Xander: "No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone."

Xander: "Come on, Cordelia, you want to be a member of the Scooby gang, you got to be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then."