Xander: "Who was the real power: The Captain or Tennille?"
Buffy: "Um, who are these people?"
Xander: "The Captain & Tennille? Boy, somebody was raised in a culture- free environment."

Xander: "With Spike and Drusilla out of the way, we've really been riding the mellow....and I am really jinxing the hell out of us by saying that."

Xander: "How is Angel? Pretend I care."

Xander: "I'm here to tell you, those mini-pizzas have changed my life!"

Buffy: "So far, all I see is someone who apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, and my mother really likes him."
Xander: "What kind of a monster is he?!"

Xander: "Buffy, you're lacking evidence. I think maybe we're in Sigmund Freud territory."

Xander: "Having issues much?"
Buffy: "I am not!"
Xander: {Sing-song} "You're having parental issues, you're having parental issues!"
Willow: "Xander..."
Xander: "What? Freud would have said the exact same thing... except he might not have done that little dance."

Xander: "Hi, Ted. Ted, who's here."

Buffy: "You know what? We would love to, honestly, but unfortunately, we have that thing on Saturday."
Willow: "Oh, that thing. That thing."
Xander: "Hey, we can do that thing any time. I'm tired of doing that thing. We're on!"

Xander: "Ah! The dreaded 5-par cuckoo clock. Hah! So many have come, so few have conquered."

Xander: "Can you say 'overreaction?'"
Buffy: Can you say 'sucking chest wound?'"

Xander: "So he's a little uptight. Last I heard, that's not a slaying offense. Don't give me the look!"

Xander: "Hey, Cordy, nice outfit."
Cordelia: "Oh, very funny."
Xander: "Not really."
Cordelia: "What are you saying?"
Xander: "Nice outfit?"

Xander: "Look, I'm not gonna tell, they're not gonna know. Not your friends, not my friends. You want to go to the utility closet and make out?"
Cordelia: "God, is that all you ever think about?...Okay."

Xander: "Man, this is killing me! That bastard was up to something, I know it. If I could just get my hands on him... earlier this week."
Cordelia: "I thought you liked him."
Xander: "I sometimes like things that are not good for me."

Cordelia: "I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer. Shouldn't she have..."
Xander: "What, a license to kill?"

Xander: "Don't sweat it. It'll be fine."
Willow: "Don't sweat it??"
Xander: "Yeah, cute buddy!"

Xander: "What do we know?"
Willow: "Well, apparently, the secret ingredient is not love."

Xander: "Buffy's cleared. Willow, you are the best human ever. I adore you. Well, that's the cookies talking, but you rock!"

Cordelia: "I'll take the back."
Xander: "Check for cookies. For evidence!"

Willow: "So far, I've counted four marriage certificates."
Xander: "Any divorce papers?"
Willow: "Not a one."
Xander: "So, either our boy was a Mormon, or..."
Willow: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1957?? Ted must have married young. Like preschool young."

Xander: "Whatcha got in the closet, Ted? {Looks in Closet} Let's go!"
Cordelia: "But we need evidence."
Xander: "We got it."
Willow: "What's in there?"
Xander: "His first four wives."