Xander: "Man, Buffy. My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta get me a life."

Xander: "Buffy, this is not the time to challenge Angel for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. He's at full strength. You're only half a Slayer."
Xander: "Take a walk, overbite."

Doctor: "What happened?"
Xander: "She fell."
Cordelia: "She fainted."
Willow: "The flu."
Xander: "The flu. Fainted… and fell. She's sick, make it better."

Xander: "Visiting hours are over."
Angel: "Well, I'm pretty much family."
Xander: "Yeah, why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't."
Angel: "If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?"
Xander: "Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops. Or the orderlies. But I'm kind of curious to find out. You game?"
Angel: "Buffy's white knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first."
Xander: "You're gonna die... and I'm gonna be there."
Angel: "Tell her I stopped by."

Xander: "Flowers for milady."
Buffy: "I think they call them balloons."
Xander: "Yeah, stick them in water. Maybe they'll grow."

Xander: "The flu doesn't exactly sound monster-rific."

Cordelia: "But you do know that you saw Death?"
Willow: "Did it have an hourglass?"
Xander: "Ooh, if he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. Guy's, like, a whiz."

Xander: "Could you make just a little more with the touchy-gropey?"
Cordelia: "Jealous?"
Xander: "Of Rogaine-boy? I don't think so."

Buffy: "It wasn't Backer. He was clean"
Cordelia: "What do you mean, clean?"
Xander: "What do you mean, was?"

Buffy: "'Cause I'm not well. I feel all oogy."
Xander: "Increased oogy-ness - that's a danger signal."

Willow: "I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time."
Xander: "No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong."
Xander: "Maybe I'll get lucky with this Death guy."
Cordelia: "He's invisible."
Xander: "Yeah, but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket, he's dropped."

Xander: "You don't know how to kill this thing."
Buffy: "I thought I might try violence."
Xander: "Solid call."

Xander: "Are you okay?"
Buffy: "Actually, I think I'm starting to feel better. Oh!"
Xander: "He's dead, right? I mean, I heard something snap."
Buffy: "That would be his neck."
Xander: "You're not going to yak on me, are you?"