Chapter 14

Nikolas rang the Quartermaine's doorbell again and waited for it to be answered. 
Emily came out quickly and shut the door after her. 

“Let's go to the movies today.” She said breathlessly. 

“Well, hello. What's the hurry.” Nikolas asked as Emily tried hustling him to 
his car. 

“Everybody's still arguing about Dad. Jason even dropped by this morning and put 
his two cents in and everyone's been raging ever since.” Emily sighed. “If I 
knew that the only thing that went on during those `family meetings' was a lot 
of yelling and insults, I would have never been so anxious to be in one. So 
let's get out of this house, huh?” 

Nik said. “Okay, but how are you dealing with your father coming home?” 

Emily shrugged. “I'm not focusing on it at the moment. I don't want to deal with 
it. I can wait until Friday. Monica said Dad'll come home late Friday night so I 
can talk about my `feelings' with Gail before I see him.” Emily let out a quick 
breath of air. “So is a movie okay with you? I told you we'd do something 
relaxing.” 

“Movie's fine.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Friday Afternoon 

Gail Baldwin laid down her notepad and took off her glasses. “I think that's all 
for today, Emily. I believe we're making progress, don't you?” 

Emily snorted. “Oh yeah. I spent the past hour listing my thoughts and feelings 
about Alan and we didn't speak once about my suicide attempts. Yeah, that's 
progress.” 

“I got the feeling that that was something you didn't want to dwell on. You do 
know that the only way we'll make progress is if you are willing. And you were 
the one who brought up your father, not me.” 

“Okay, okay.” Emily sighed and stood up. 

Gail got up and walked her over to the door. “I'll see you next Friday. And when 
you're ready, we'll talk about the suicide attempts.” 

Emily nodded and headed for the waiting area where Monica said she'd be. She was 
pleasantly surprised to see Nik was there, instead. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” She asked even though she was glad to see him. 

“I told Monica that I'd bring you home. I figured maybe you wouldn't want to go 
home right away.” 

“I didn't. I was afraid I was just going to sit in my room worrying if this time 
would be different. Thanks.” 

Nik shrugged. “That's what friends are for.” 

“I feel like taking a walk. Are you up to it?” 

“Sure.” 

Just then Gail came rushing up to them. “Your mother just called. Alan isn't 
coming home after all. He was caught again. I'm sorry.” 

Emily sighed. “Now I need that walk more than ever.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~` 

The Docks 

Nikolas and Emily came to a stop in front of a bench and sat down. Nikolas was 
grateful for the rest. Emily had practically walked him through all of Port 
Charles. Due to an unspoken agreement they hadn't talked at all. They were 
content to just walk along quietly, each immersed in his/her thoughts. 

“You know in a way I'm more upset that he didn't come home.” Emily began softly. 
“I wanted to see if things had changed, to see if he was strong enough to not 
need the pills. But I wasn't even allowed to see that. He couldn't even get out 
of rehab before using again. I wonder how he even got the drugs again. That 
place was supposed to have a very tight security.” 

Nik just stayed silent. He figured that Emily just needed to get a few things 
out and all he could do was listen. 

Emily looked down at her hands. “But maybe I'm glad he's not coming home. How 
would he handle knowing that his precious Emily had tried to kill herself? 
Twice? He would probably think it had to do with him. But it wasn't his fault or 
Monica's or my missing my real mom. It was all me. I let these feelings and 
these thoughts build up inside of me for too long and I never said a word. They 
were a part of the reason I turned to drugs. Now everyone probably has had a 
thought like, “I'm not good enough” or “don't deserve certain things” or 
something worse at least once. But I kept having them and the harder I tried to 
push them away, more came faster and more often.” Emily looked up at Nikolas 
with tears in her eyes. “They just kept coming especially after the model 
fiasco.” 

“Emily,” Nik began. He didn’t want Emily talking about this if it would make her 
unhappy. “You don't have to tell me.” 

Emily wiped at the tears in her eyes. “I have to, I want to. You're the first 
person I've told this. I never told anyone else. I was on my fourth or fifth 
shoot and the photographer was a real skuzzball. He was very well known but a 
lowlife. AJ and Ned weren't there. AJ thought Ned was with me and vice versa. Of 
course I didn't correct them because I wanted to prove that I was mature enough 
to handle a shoot on my own.” 

“Anyway the skuzzball photographer had cornered me and demanded that I, that I, 
do something… sexual for him and he started groping me. He told me that if I was 
*nice* to him, he'd be nice to me and help my career out. I'm so ashamed to 
admit that I thought about it. I thought I would do anything to be a model. 
Being a model was better than being me. But I didn't and when I slapped him and 
pushed him off of me, he just laughed. He said that this was the only way I'd be 
famous. I didn't have what it took to do it on my own. He said that if I was 
*very nice* to him then he would spread the word and help me out. He said lots 
of models got started that way and I should be happy that I got this chance. 
Then he told me I'd be sorry if I didn't. But I just pushed past him and got out 
of there. The next thing I know I'm being told that they didn't need me and I 
was being sent home.” 

“I didn't connect the two things in my head right away. I called the agency and 
they never called back. Shoots that I was supposed to do were suddenly canceled 
and I never got anymore. I never thought it had anything to do with the 
photographer until recently. I thought it was all my fault. I thought I wasn't 
pretty enough or they just didn't like me. Pretty stupid huh?” Emily smiled 
sadly at Nik. 

“No, it's not stupid at all. It's perfectly natural.” He said. 

“Huh. Well I realized this all too late because I let those doubts and thoughts 
take me over again. I locked myself away from the world. I use to stare at 
myself for hours trying to figure out what was wrong with me, what I didn't 
have, until I almost drove myself crazy. And then it just came to me one night. 
I'm wasting space. I should die. So I wrote the letter and I went to the bridge 
where you found me.” Tears started to slip down her face. “I can't believe I let 
it go that far. I should have talked to someone but I thought I couldn't I 
almost died because of something so stupid.” The tears came down faster. 

Nikolas reached over and pulled Emily into his arms. Emily wrapped her arms 
around him and cried on his shoulder. 

“It's going to be okay.” Nik whispered and continued to hold her while she 
cried. The two sat there in each other arms for a long time.