Chapter 115 -- Ground Zero Author’s Note: Hi, if you're like me, you're endlessly annoyed when Luke and Laura say they've been married for 16 years, and you look at Nikolas and go… "Ok, guys? You do the math…" In other words, I'm changing that. The Spencer House Luke stares at his wife, not liking what he's seeing for a moment. She has that look on her face. In all the years that they have known each other, that look has never lead them anywhere he'd wanted to go. In fact, it had precipitated almost every single disaster they had ever weathered. Luke: (warily) Laura… Laura: I've… I've never… (She looks up at him) We don't work this way. We just don't. When have we ever really functioned without both of us knowing EXACTLY what is happening? As crazy as being on the run was… It was us. It was us working together, as a unit. Partners, remember? Luke: We still are… Laura: No, we're not! Not if you're not being straight with me, not if I have to find out from BOBBIE that this woman who worked for you was Emily's aunt… Luke: How was that important? Laura: It feels pretty important right now, doesn't it? Luke: It wasn't anything… It was (He stops, sighing, and running his hand over his hair). Lucky said it was "his" thing. I respected that. (Laura shakes her head, and turns away) Baby, that is the way the kid is! He wants his independence! And we've ALWAYS given it to him. (Laura turns back to him) Laura: All right… But what about her connection to the Cassadines? What about Lucky working for Jason? Why didn't I get to know about that? Luke: There was no REASON! Laura: (angrily) THERE IS A REASON! There is! I can't find out about Lucky from Lucky. He won't tell me what's going on with him. Nothing. If I don't hear it from you, then how am I supposed to know? Is he happy? Is he all right? I… (She stops, beginning to shake) When he came here the other night… Before the accident, he came here in the middle of the night, I thought there was a prowler! And after so much time of him being cold to me, distant, of barely saying anything to me, he sudden… (She shakes her head) How long have you known? I knew he was upset, I knew he was angry with me, but he was so removed from me, I didn't know how bad it was! I… Luke: How could you not KNOW? Laura: (defensive) He’s been mad at me from the moment he found out about Nikolas! I asked you then if he was ever going to look at me the same way… Well, I knew the answer then. If I had been really honest with myself I would have known right then that I'd lost a part of him forever. He never let me in the same way after that. Sometimes I thought… (She stops… She's way ahead of herself. She shakes her head) I’m just saying I didn't know everything I needed to know. If I had, I would have made very different choices, and God, right now I would do ANYTHING to have made different choices, to somehow take everything back and (She suddenly breaks down completely, the ache inside her cracking open. She fights it, and she chokes out the words) just have my son back… Just not have hurt him, have him love me like he did, let me be his mother… (Luke looks at Laura with a mixture of horror and confusion. He moves to her and slowly envelopes her in his arms. Laura leans against him. This is so familiar. This has always been home to her. Her refuge. Luke Spencer… her protector, her hero… The man she was about to devastate beyond all repair. She pulls back.) Luke… Luke: (tightly) What’s going on here, Laura? Laura: I… (She shakes her head) I have to tell you something. (She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand) And you're not going to like it. (She laughs slightly) You're REALLY not going to like it. (Luke stares at her, bracing himself. His mind flashes through theories, trying to find one that matches her tone, this topic, this situation. He feels sick. Laura looks at him, her eyes sad and scared, but the rest of her face implacable. There's a determination there that is almost more unsettling than anything she's said. He sinks onto the couch, his heart in his throat) Luke: I'm listening. Laura: I… (She stops. Oh, God. How do you start something like this? She can't even remember how she'd told him about Nikolas, not completely, but then, his suspicions had been raised, he'd asked questions, now he just stared at her, waiting. She shakes her head, and summons the image of Lucky for the other night, the way he'd crumbled. It can't go on. I can't. She's a mother first and foremost and this has to be done.) I have never told you everything about the island… (Luke's heart immediately plummets from his throat to his stomach) I didn't think that you would want to know. You knew enough, when I came back you knew as much as I was capable of telling you. I… I couldn't say more. Not just because of Helena, but because… I just couldn't say certain things out loud. And I knew the things you must have been thinking, the things that made you so angry, what I'd gone through… That was enough. Anything else would have eaten you alive! Luke: What is this about? Is this about Stavros? Laura: No. (Well, there goes that little denial life raft. Luke slumps back against the couch like he's been punched. Whatever this is, it’s about Stefan… His mind starts racing) No, it's not about Stavros. (She turns away, unable to look at him) I don't know how to describe what it was like for me there, I don't even know how to begin to explain to you… You, out of everyone, who knows me better than anyone else… (She turns back to him, and smiling sadly. Luke sees a light enter her eyes, just for a moment and his heartaches with love for her. Love and fear. Crippling fear of what she's going to tell him. She breathes in the memory that is flooding her, so that she can almost feel it, flowing in her) When we left Port Charles, the first time… The FIRST time we went on the run from Frank Smith… I had never felt that kind of freedom in my life! It was like, for the first time ever, I didn't have a safety net. All I had, really, was you. And myself! Not Laura-the-daughter, or Laura-the-wife… I was a whole new person, and I… I found myself with you. And I've always been with you since. Even when I wasn't. (Luke stares at her, tears in his eyes) Luke: (a whisper) Baby… (Laura wants, with everything in her, to move to him, to hold him, kiss him, feel him… But if she does, this will never be over. She turns from him, a strangled sob ripping out of her, tearing at Luke's insides. He can't make himself move to her. He can't move anywhere. No one on this earth has ever torn him down like Laura can with a single look. He closes his eyes and waits for her to continue) Laura: When they took me to that island, and they made me their prisoner… They took away everything I cherished. They took away the freedom that I'd found with you… They took you away from me in every way possible. I… When I found out that you were dead… (She lets out a scream of frustration and anger) GOD! I… I died with you. And a part of me was glad to be able to do it! To be there, to be alive and know that you were somewhere out there, alive, living and wondering what happened to me, how to find me… (She wraps her arms around herself) That was all I thought about before I saw those newspapers. And then once I did a part of me just went numb… And it stayed that way. The center of me was cold and dead, and I didn't care what happened to me anymore. I was a widow. And I was a wife. To another man, who I felt nothing but disgust towards. I couldn't figure out what I was living for… I think now, somehow, I must have known you were alive, or maybe I was just in denial, because I was waiting for you… I was still living for you. Just not the same way. (Luke is watching her, his mouth slightly open, but unable to find words to put into it. She puts a hand to her forehead.) I told you Stefan was kind to me on the island… (Luke stands up suddenly, and turns away from her, pacing the length of the room. A part of him knows where this is going, has always known. He feels sick, he can feel bile rising in his throat) Luke! You have to listen to me! Luke: (tense) I am. I'm listening! I'm just trying to figure out what you're trying to tell me. (He turns back to her, his eyes pained. Laura looks at him, looks into his eyes, his locked on hers, and for the first time they look almost directly into the center of each other. Something they've both been afraid to do for years, so afraid of what they'd find there. Laura feels tears sting her eyes again. He knows. He knows what she's going to say, just by looking at her.) Laura: (emotionally) I needed someone Luke. (Luke's eyes go dead, this being all the confirmation he needs. He turns away from her again, unable to look into the watery depths of her eyes anymore. Too much pain, too much desperation… He can't face it. He closes his eyes and is immediately assaulted by the image of Stefan, Stefan with that cold sanctimonious smirk, those dark knowing eyes… Of that man… That man having his hands on his wife. He feels his hand reach out and grab something, not aware of what it is, and he spins, hurling a glass vase at the opposite wall. Laura cringes. Luke stares hard at the spot where the vase hit, then turns back to Laura, his breath coming in heavy gasps) Luke: What are you telling me, Laura! WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME??? Laura: Luke, don't do this. Luke: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM? Laura: You know! You know, don't make me say it. Luke: (deadly quite) If you could do it, then why can't you say it? Laura: Why do you need me to? Luke: You're the one talking about honesty! About full disclosure! That's what you want, isn't it? Laura: I went to bed with him. I did. I went to bed with Stefan and… (Luke stares at her in horror) Luke: AND? Laura: I… I thought you were dead! Luke: (a roar) I DON'T CARE! (He turns from her again, pacing all corners of the room, barely able to contain his absolute rage) I don't care what you thought, that man… He was a CASSADINE! (He looks back at her) What did you get from him? What was it that time? What sort of freedoms, what perks? (Laura gapes at him) Laura: NOTHING! (That was not the answer Luke wanted. He sweeps his arm across the mantle, knocking the photographs everywhere. Laura clenches her hands into fists, agonized) STOP IT!!! Luke: (spinning to face her again) So you were (his anger crumbles into an agonized cry) You were in love with him? (Laura's heart breaks at the pain in his eyes) Laura: NO! No, never, I… It wasn't about love, not like it was with you! It was about comfort, it was… Luke: DON’T!!!! Please. Spare me the details. Laura: I just want you to understand… Luke: Understand what? Understand that you cheated on the Antichrist with his demonic little brother? One Son of Satan wasn't enough for you? Laura: (cracking, shaking with rage and burning shame) DON’T YOU DO THAT! Don't you for a MINUTE forget who I am! I am your wife! I have been your wife in mind, body and soul for over twenty years! I have loved you with my whole heart for all that time, I don't remember the last time I made a decision that wasn't based in my love for you! Don't you dismiss me like some cheap whore! You KNOW that's not what I am! Don't forget it now. (She covers her face with her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Luke closes his eyes, choking on bitterness, on the uncontrollable animosity raging inside him. Laura lifts her head, finally, tears streaming down her face) I love you with everything I have. With every part of me… And it's never been enough for you! I never realized how little you thought I had to give you until Nikolas came to town and you… (She stops, swallowing down the painful lump in her throat) You thought that I didn't have enough love in my heart for all of you. Luke: That is NOT what I thought! Laura: (instantly enraged) Isn’t it? Then what was it? WHAT was it that made a sixteen-year-old boy so threatening? Luke: I was looking out for my family! For Lucky, who… REMEMBER?… was falling apart, who was so deeply injured he couldn't even find words for it! And for you, to keep that SNAKE… (His jealousy returns with full force) I always wondered what it was about him that held such a hold over you! Was it just Nikolas? Was it just the fact that he worshipped you from afar? OR was there something else? Laura: There was. But not how you think. (She shakes her head) Stefan has never forgiven me for leaving the island… Never. Luke: For leaving HIM! Laura: (quietly) For leaving our son. (The earth gives way beneath Luke. He stares at her, his throat gone dry, his stomach having dropped to his feet) Luke: (barely audible) What? (Laura turns and looks at him) Laura: Nikolas. He's not Stavros' son. Luke: (horrified… his absolute worst nightmare) No. Laura: I'm sorry… Luke: No! You… Sorry? How can… (He grabs the edge of the mantle for support) Nikolas is STEFAN'S? (Laura nods) How… Laura: I didn't… I always knew there was a chance, but I didn't know for certain until… Luke: How long? HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN? Laura: Two years. Luke: (exploding) YEARS? You've kept this from me for two YEARS? (Laura presses her fist to her mouth. She has no idea what else to say. There isn't anything else to say. Luke turns away, and moves around the room again, but without the same energy, or focus, almost stumbling) So… (He stops and looks back at her, pointing a finger in her direction) So your son… Your first born son was with that man? You… (His throat closes up, choking him, the pain intolerable. The betrayal, the lie…And the blinding jealousy. What he's struggled with from day one, the fact that he was not the father of her first born… That the young innocent woman he had first cradled in his arms, his bride, his angel… That she had been in the arms of another man by her own choice, that she had conceived her son with him and then come back to him, never mentioning it, never letting on, and watched him hold Lucky for the first time, her eyes never giving away that he was not her first child… It cripples him.) Laura: (very quietly, trying to soothe) I didn't want to hurt you. (Luke looks up at her, finding his anger and grabbing onto it, pulling it to him like an old friend, safe and familiar) Luke: THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? Laura: When I first told you about Nikolas I didn't even know! Not for sure! And I didn't think that you would ever see him, remember? He was never supposed to come here, I didn't think you'd ever meet him, I didn't expect him to come back into my life, not then! Luke: What about when you found out? What… How… What did you do, have a hushed up paternity test? Laura: Stefan checked it against the HLA results… (Luke's face goes beat red) Luke: HLA? Lulu's test? He used LULU'S TEST to prove this? Laura: He didn't tell me! He didn't tell me for YEARS! Luke: BUT WHEN HE DID… you didn't say anything! You kept it to yourself! WHY didn't you tell me then? Laura: Because! I wanted my son! And you wouldn't let him… You would NEVER have let him around if you'd known! He was robbed from me and I wanted him back… I would have done anything to get him back, I was willing to do what it took, to lie, to keep secrets, to wait as long as it took… But when Nikolas decided he wanted me, I didn't want to turn my back on him again! I'd done it too many times! So, no, I didn't tell you… and can you BLAME me? He's my blood! He is my SON. Luke: He is a Cassadine! Laura: That isn't the answer and you know it! He is, but so what? Would you hate him any less if he weren’t? You… No man, no man on this earth could ever love his son more than you love Lucky! You are a wonderful father… But you won't let me love my son, not the way I want to… Luke: I didn't make these choices for you. (Laura feels years of resentment and anger rip out of her) Laura: (Screaming) NO YOU DIDN'T! They were mine, it's MY fault, they are MY mistakes! But I made them with the intention of saving you pain! Of saving Nikolas pain… And (her voice cracks as she dissolves into tears) Lucky… Oh, God, Lucky… (She can't catch her breath, her heart aching… How is she going to tell him this part? Lucky needs her to, that was clear. Luke stiffens across the room) I can't hurt him anymore! I never wanted to, I can't do it anymore! (She straightens up, and looks at him) I was trying to do the right thing. For everyone. I thought I was doing the right thing. And I was so wrong. Luke: The right thing? Lying to me is the right thing? No… No. Laura: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS HAS BEEN LIKE FOR ME! You never had to give up a child! You never had to walk away, and then when that child came back to you, you didn't have everyone telling you that it didn't matter, that you had to turn you back… Telling me I was hurting Lucky, hurting his… (She presses a hand to her mouth, unable to go on.) Luke: Did I say ONE thing that wasn't true? Are you trying to tell me that Lucky wasn't devastated? That he wasn't being pushed aside? That he wasn't feeling betrayed and hurt? (Laura shakes her head) You can't fault me for putting him first! He is my son, my only son, and God help me, I will move mountains for him as long as my heart still beats! Laura: Lucky… Lucky needs… He needs (Laura can't catch her breath, the words coming out in hiccups.) Luke: Lucky needs to know he's safe here! That's what he needs! He needs to know that he can trust us… How is he supposed to… What do you think this would do to him? He's never lied to us! Never about anything important. He's stayed straight and honest with us… And then he starts keeping company with Cassadine… And suddenly, he's keeping secrets, he's turning into someone I don't even recognize! We're loosing him, Laura, and this SURE AS HELL isn't going to bring him back! Laura: Luke, there's something… You HAVE to know. You have to know… Luke: I don't know if I can take much more truth from you tonight! Laura: You didn't have to take this for four years, Luke, its time. Its time for everything. Luke: YOU WANT TO CONVINCE ME THIS IS GOING TO HELP HIM? To have you tell him what you just said to me about that spawn? Laura: STOP IT! Luke: He's bad news, he has been from the day he showed up, that whole damn family! And… I let you… I LET HIM IN THIS HOUSE! I let him near my daughter! All because you wanted me to… And now you're telling me that I didn't understand? That I didn't try? Laura: You've never accepted him? Luke: And I'm not going to start now! He's a Cassadine… He's brought chaos into this house, he's got you all tied in knots, and now he's moving in on my son, and you're asking to clear the air so that… What? We can all be one happy family? You're dreaming Laura, WAKE UP! Laura: I WAS dreaming, for years! I was living in some sort of deluded state, but I am WIDE awake now… And don't you presume to tell me that you know what I'm thinking! You have NO IDEA… (She stops dead as the front door opens. Luke spins and they both stop, staring at Lucky. Lucky looks from each of them, then over to mantle, the shattered glass on the floor by the door. He looks up again, his mouth open, in absolute shock) Lucky: I… I was just… Luke: (gruffly) You don't want to be here for this, Cowboy. (Lucky looks at Luke, feeling like he's not quite there. He steps away from the door, moving slowly) Lucky: Be here for what? (He looks at Laura. He knows damn well what, and he is hit hard by a feeling of betrayal. He feels transported back years. He stares at Laura, looking into eyes that are so familiar they may as well be his own. She blinks, and tears fall, slowly rolling down her cheeks. Luke watches Lucky, then looks to Laura, feeling more than a little confused. Lucky speaks, his voice about a million miles away) You told him. Laura: (stepping towards him) Lucky… Luke: Told me… (He stares at lucky, incredulous. Lucky hears his voice and he feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He closes his eyes, then turns and looks at Luke. His father is looking at him with so much confusion… his is the last thing he would ever have expected of him, that's clear. Even with everything that's happened. Lucky meets his gaze, pushing down the panic, the fear, and letting his eyes go dead. He can't feel right now. He can't feel and get out of here alive. Luke's eyes bore into his, searching out an answer) Told me what? Lucky: (amazingly steady, almost cold) Nikolas is Stefan's son. (He hears his mother behind him) Right, Mom? (Luke nearly sways. He stares at the kid in front of him. He's never seen this look on Lucky's face before. He shakes his head slowly) Luke: You knew. Lucky: (slightly challenging) I’ve known as long as she has. Laura: Lucky… Lucky: You didn't tell him that part. (Luke feels himself go completely cold. He doesn't… This isn't his son. He doesn't know who this is… The implications start to wash over him. He tears his eyes from Lucky's and looks at Laura in amazed horror. Her eyes fill with tears and she looks away. His son. His son knew, his son kept this from him… And she let him. He looks back at Lucky who is waiting, waiting for the reaction he's been preparing for ever since he heard the words come out of Stefan's mouth. Luke looks at him with the same horrified confusion. He feels a dark deep feeling grab hold of him… It's familiar, something he's felt many times before, and he realizes if he stays here a second longer he will do something he'll regret. He can't face this kid, he can't even look at Laura… He'll do something to hurt them, he's sure of it. In a fluid motion, Luke picks up his jacket off the back of a chair and turns and walks to the door. Lucky feels his grip on his emotions loosen as he watches his father walk away from him. Luke opens the door, Laura forcing herself to move after him) Laura: Luke! Luke, don't! Luke… (The door slams violently behind him just seconds before Laura reaches it. Lucky feels the room tip violently, and he grabs the banister with one hand. Laura leans against the closed door and shuts her eyes. She stops herself from breaking down completely and turns around to face Lucky. Lucky is staring hard at the ground. She comes towards him.) Lucky… (Lucky looks up at her, his eyes wide, and filled with unshed tears.) Lucky: (small, shaking) You said you'd talk to me before… Laura: I didn't know where you were! Lucky: You said… (He stops. It doesn't matter. None of it does. Lucky closes his eyes, the tears escaping his eyes. Laura steps towards him, and he jerks away from her) DON’T! Laura: Lucky, don't think that was about you! It wasn't… Lucky: He left, Mom. Laura: He had to. I know him, Lucky… that wasn't because of you. (Lucky looks at her, straight in the eye) Lucky: He didn't leave until I got here. Laura: That doesn't mean… Lucky: (from the gut) HE COULDN'T LOOK AT ME, MOM! Laura: Lucky! Lucky: Don't lie to me… Laura: Lucky, that isn't what happened. (Lucky shakes his head firmly) Lucky: Why should I listen to anything you say to me? Laura: Because I'm your mother! Lucky: Yeah. Your Nikolas' mother too… Laura: Yes, I am. (He shuts his eyes. Bad, bad, bad idea, Spencer. Desperate times, he hadn't been able to think of anything else to do but get Laura… What the hell else was there? No one. He opens his eyes and takes her in. Her face is tear stained, eyes red from crying, tears still threatening to spill. She's shivering slightly, and looking at him with a mixture of fear and desperation. He looks around the room, and the mess Luke left behind.) Lucky: I… (He lets his voice trail off. How exactly is he supposed to rely on her for help now? Like this? Is this what Nikolas needs? He looks at her, trying to make up his mind, until he is distracted by a noise on the stairs. He looks up and is met with the terrified stare of his sister. She's sitting on the top step, her knees drawn up to her chin, holding a stuffed animal tight in his arms. Lulu. Oh, God… Lulu had heard everything. He can't even imagine what happened before he walked in.) Lu… (Lulu needs no further encouragement. She stands up and flies down the stairs. He crouches down, opening his arms to her, and she throws herself into them, bursting into tears. Lucky holds her tightly against him, standing up effortlessly. He looks back at his mother accusingly. She stares at him, horrified. Lucky cups the back on Lulu's head, holding her against his shoulder. His parents have never been good at emotional censorship… He'd overheard enough fights when they'd split up, and the sickening feeling of hearing them yell at each other is still with him, coming up on him again with full force as he holds his weeping sister. Laura's guilt is crippling, as she steps back. Lulu… Oh, God…) Shhhh… Lu. It's ok. (Lulu shakes her head against his shoulder. Laura steps towards them) Laura: Lulu… (At the sound of her mother's voice, Lulu looks up, trying to catch her breath) Lulu: Did… Did Daddy leave? Laura: He's… He's coming back, Lulu. (She nods, still gulping for air) Lulu: You're crying. (Laura's tears overflow the second the words are out of her mouth, and she turns her head away, nodding. Lucky looks away. He can't do this. Any of this. He just needs to get Lulu out of here. Now.) Lucky: Mom… (Laura looks back at him) Why don't you… Just… (He looks at her, pained). Clean up. (Laura looks at him, knitting her brow. He forces himself to swallow down the anger quickly getting a grip on him) I just… I'll take care of Lulu. (The words out of his mouth, Lucky knows he has to. Absolutely, *but* he has no idea how. Laura nods slowly, admitting to herself that the best thing for her daughter right now is to be out of this turmoil. She doesn't want her to have to deal with this for another minute.) Laura: Where? Lucky: Uh… Carly's waiting for me. Or… I'll take care of it. (Laura bites her lip, tears welling up again) Laura: Thank you. (Lucky stares at her a long moment, unable to come up with anything else to say. Comes down the few steps into the living room, and walks toward her. He shifts Lulu and she turns to Laura. She reaches out and kisses Laura's cheek. Laura closes her eyes, unable to stop more tears from streaming down her face. Lucky turns Lulu's head away from his mother. He closes his eyes a moment… He can't even figure out what he's feeling. He's angry, he feels like she has betrayed him all over again…But he can't help but be hit hard by how devastated she is. He always has been. He gives up the struggle and lays a quick kiss against her temple, then pulls back. Laura looks at him in shock, then pulls him into a tight and desperate embrace, pulling both him and Lulu close to her. Lucky is surprised, but doesn't pull back. On the other hand, he doesn't return the embrace. Just closes his eyes and tries to find a way to tolerate it. He hears Lu's snuffling against his shoulder and pulls out of it, shaking.) Lucky: I have to go. (Laura nods, letting go. She strokes Lulu's hair and kisses her fingertips, then lies them against his cheek. Lucky can feel himself cracking, and he turns from her fast. He can't deal with it. He doesn't look back, just walks to the door, hurrying out of the house and back to his car. Lulu, familiar with the Carolla's quirks, slides out of his arms and crawls across the gear shift and huddles herself into the passenger seat as Lucky get in beside her. He closes the door and takes a ragged breath. No time to think about this now. He fishes his keys out of his pocket, forcing his mind onto menial tasks. He glances at Lulu) Seat belt, kiddo. (Lulu dutifully reaches up and pulls the seat belt around her. Lucky puts the key into the ignition). Lulu: Where are we going? Lucky: (starting the car) To see a friend of yours.