Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Another World. I am borrowing them in this story for a nonprofit appreciation of the show. Don't sue.

Cameron ran for what seemed like forever. He wasn't angry; he could never be angry with Amanda because he loved her too much. He was hurt, no, he was devastated. "I really believed her when she said all that trust stuff. I believed that shit about being part of the family, too." He laughed at his own stupidity. "Don't you know that you will never belong? No one will ever trust you Cameron? Why should they? You've never done anything to earn anyone's trust. You're a loser, Sinclair. That's all you'll ever be."

He ran on, faster, faster, faster, trying to calm himself down. Words ran through his head, words from the past. His father yelling, "You're a loser; you know that. You'll never be anything," followed by a few blows to his face. When he pushed that voice out, he heard Gary's, "I'm so disappointed in you. You aren't my brother anymore. I'll never trust you again. No one will ever trust you, because you screwed everything up. I wanted so much more for you, but you ruined it all. You've ruined everything." He ran faster.

Finally, he was so out of breath that he had to stop. He bent over and his lungs heaved. "Don't make such a big deal out of this, Cameron. All she wants you to do is sign a form. Don't lose everything you have over this. Even if . . . even if she doesn't really trust me she does still love me . . . SHE DOES. Just sign the damn form for her. Maybe she'll trust you then."

He made up his mind and ran back to the house.

Amanda was sitting at her desk reading something when Cameron went back to their bedroom to change.

"Hey, honey! I wondered where you went."

"Just went for a jog, is that okay with you or do I need to check in and out?"

"No," Amanda said in a hurt tone. "I just missed you that's all." She stood up and tried to hug him, but he pulled away. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'm . . . I'm fine." "You don't sound fine. Do you want to talk to me about something?" "I should ask you. Don't you have something you want to tell me?"

"I don't think so."

"No? You don't want me to sign anything for you?"

"Honey, what are you talking about? What's up with you?" Amanda couldn't understand why he was so upset, or why he wouldn't let her even touch him.

"A prenuptial agreement, that's what you want right?"

"Wherever did you get an idea like that?"

"Are you saying you've never even thought about it" The words flew from Cameron's mouth like sharp swords, sharpened to hurt . . . bad. He tried to make himself be nicer because he had decided to agree with anything she said just to keep her. So why was he being so mean?

Amanda stopped. Damn Matt for doing this to her! Well, she couldn't lie to him now. They had a trusting relationship and she wasn't about to ruin it. She had to tell him the truth, even though it hurt. "Matt did ask me to get one."

"Oh, . . . well . . . where are the forms then? Let's just get this over with." The loving Cameron that needed Amanda so much peeked back through, "I'll sign anything you want me to, just as long as we're still together and you still love me."

"Cam, I told him 'no', honey." Amanda said in a soft, confused tone. Did Cameron really think she'd make him sign one of those things? She shook her head; his insecurities were sneaking back in.

"What?"

"Matt asked me to get one, and I told him absolutely not because I trust you."

Guilt flowed through Cameron's body. How stupid was he? He knew he'd find a way to screw this up, he just didn't know it would be that easy. He was so dumb not to trust Amanda. He stared at the floor. "I'm . . . I'm sorry. I just . . . I overhead you and Matt talking and I just assumed . . . I'm sorry."

Amanda could have taken offense at this. Actually, she was very tempted to blow her top, but Cameron looked so hurt and ashamed of himself. "It's okay, Matt had no right to bring that up. How much did you hear?"

"Enough,"

"I'm sorry you had to hear that, honey."

Cameron shook his head. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions and didn't trust you." He grimaced and turned his head away. "I'm just so stupid, Amanda. I can't do anything right."

"Hey," Amanda said sympathetically pulling his face to hers, "it's okay. Matt said a lot of crap he shouldn't have. I don't blame you for getting angry." Cameron shook his head. "You at least brought it right to my attention. That's pretty good, right? I mean we worked it out pretty fast here. Why? Because we talked about it. That's a major improvement right there." Cameron nodded. Before Amanda, he would never talk to anyone about anything.

Amanda leaned in and hugged him; she held him. She started to kiss him gently. "You're sweaty," she whispered.

"Am I?"

"Uh, huh,"

"Maybe we should do something about that."

"Like a shower for two?"

"I like that idea."

(One month later)

"We had better put some of this stuff upstairs now," Amanda said to Paulina and Josie after her wedding/baby shower had nearly cleared out.

"Oh stay still, I'll get it."

"I'm not helpless yet Paulina. However, if this wedding were any later I'd never fit into my dress and a whale would be walking down the aisle."

"Don't be ridiculous, you're hardly even showing yet. I swelled up like a balloon when I had Dante."

"Really, Amanda. You're the tiniest four-month-pregnant woman I've ever seen! I'd never guess you're pregnant if I didn't kno,." Josie added.

"Well, I did rush the wedding so I could at least still buy a dress. I really wish I had a year long engagement like most people do." Amanda said.

Amanda, Paulina, and Josie began picking up presents and putting them in boxes together.

"Have you thought of a name for the baby yet?" Josie asked.

"You know we haven't even started talking about that. Of course, we still have a few more months until we have to decide for sure, but we should start picking."

Paulina hopped up and started digging in her purse. "Paulina to the rescue. I brought a book I bought when I was pregnant with Dante."

She handed it to Amanda who immediately flipped to the boys names.

Cameron and Gary knocked on the door and peeked into the room. "Is it safe to come in yet?"

"Yes," Josie smiled. "No more female stuff."

"Shew," Gary said.

Cameron looked around at all the presents. "Wow, looks like we made out pretty well."

"That's what you get for having it be a wedding and a baby shower, double the presents." She greeted her future husband with a hug and kiss. "Paulina just gave me a book of baby names. We really have to start thinking about this."

"They lied, they're still doing female stuff," Gary teased. Josie hit him lightly.

"The name you give your child is important. How a child turns out can depend greatly on what you name him," Josie said.

"Uh huh and what does it say my name means?" Gary asked.

Paulina read the description in the book, "Ha! Fits you to a tee, Gary."

"Okay," Gary conceded. "Just as long as you name my nephew something cool."

"Listen to him, 'something cool', " Josie mocked her husband.

"Maybe you should name him after someone in the family. I've always thought it would be great to be named after a relative; someone you really admire. Then he'd have a role model for life." Paulina eflected.

Amanda kinda crinkled her nose at the idea. She didn't really like any of the male names in her family. "Well, whatever we decide on, it has to go well with Sinclair."

"Oh, there's a section for that, in the front of the book it talks about how many syllables and what it should start with," Paulina suggested.

"Hmm, one or three syllables, and we don't want it to start with an 'S', "Amanda read. She began flipping through the boys names again. "Do you have any idea's, honey?" she asked Cameron while pulling him down onto the couch next to her.

"No," Cameron was quiet, withdrawn. "Whatever you decide is fine."

"Well, aren't you enthusiastic?" Paulina taunted.

"I think that three syllables would be good," Josie said. "You and Cameron both have 3."

Amanda nodded. She read a few names allowed, laughing at how horrible a few were. "Here's one," she said putting her finger on a name. "Anthony, I like that. It could be Anthony or Tony Sinclair."

"No," Cameron, Gary, and Josie all said in unison.

"Not that name, okay?" Cameron asked quietly.

Amanda looked around the room. "Okay, what did I say? I didn't think it was that bad?"

"No," Paulina said, "I thought it was nice."

There was a long pause. Gary was giving his brother a chance to answer this one himself. When he could tell that he wasn't going to any time soon, Gary nudged Josie so that she would tell Amanda. Neither Gary nor Cameron ever wanted to mention that name ever, ever again.

"Anthony Sinclair was your son's grandfather," Josie said trying to put it tactfully.

"Oh my God! Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to . . ." Amanda stuttered.

"It's okay," Cameron shook his head. "You didn't know."

Amanda kissed him, "I'm really sorry. Are you okay?"

Cameron nodded, but Amanda knew that he wasn't.

Josie took the book out of Amanda's hands, trying to distract. "We've always liked Jeremy. What do you think of that?"

Amanda lay fast asleep on Cameron's chest. They were snuggled in their bed; however, Cameron was anything but comfortable. Nightmares raged through his mind. Nightmares were common for him, real bad nightmares. He hadn't been getting as many of them lately, but tonight's was worse than any nightmare he had ever had before.

In his dream, Amanda had delivered their son, Anthony, and he was 5 years old. But, when Cameron saw his son, he saw a child covered in bruises who hated his father. Cameron had nightmares of hitting his own child, or of his son becoming an alcoholic just like him. The images raged through his head intermingled with scenes of his own abusive childhood. KABOOM, KABOOM, his heart raced beneath Amanda's head.

"Nooooooo," he screamed at the top of his lungs while sitting straight up in bed.

Amanda was startled into consciousness. "Cameron, honey?" she whispered sweetly. He was dripping in sweat. "Was it another nightmare?"

Cameron nodded and started crying. She pulled his head up against her chest and leaned up against the back of the bed. "Okay, baby. Just close your eyes and relax. You're safe, baby."

Cameron started sobbing. Amanda ran her fingers delicately over his head. She was well use to the routine by now. Her mind wandered back to the first time this had happened.

(Four and a half months earlier)

Amanda couldn't sleep; her mind just kept replaying the day's events. She had forgiven Cameron for Boca Lynda; it was time. But now her body ached for him. She had waited to be with him for so long.

She slipped out of her bed and scampered to Cameron's room. Allowing him to move back in was definitely a good idea! Her heart was pounding with anticipation. Forcing herself to calm down, she knocked gently and stuck her head inside the door.

Cameron was surprised to see her, but it was a very happy surprise. He looked her up and down, glaring at the way her night gown revealed her thighs and upper breasts.

"Can I come in?" she asked as if she were a child requesting permission to sleep with mommy and daddy. All Cameron could do was nod.

That was how it had all started. Actually, now that she thought about it that very probably could have been the night her child was conceived. He had been amazing, but the best part came afterword when she snuggled in his strong arms. That was the most wonderful position in the world. She had drifted to sleep in the arms of the man she loved.

Unfortunately, the evening wasn't over for Cameron. He had the nightmares all the time, up to three times a night, but it never occurred to him that he would have one while Amanda was asleep on his chest.

He woke himself, and Amanda, with his screams. She had tried to question him about it, but he blew it off.

It wasn't but a couple days later that he permanently moved into her room. Still, the nightmares didn't stop. Amanda started getting concerned when he had them every single night, but if she even mentioned it he got all defensive.

Finally, Amanda had the nerve to ask him if it were a nightmare about Boca Lynda. That made Cameron finally decide to tell her just a little about them. "Look, I'll tell you what they're about, but I never want to talk about it again. Okay? NEVER. . . "Cameron had to close his eyes and turn away from her before proceeding. "You know my old man was an alcoholic . . . well he was an abusive alcoholic. My childhood was spent in Hell I and get to visit there every time I close my eyes."

"Honey, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"I don't wan't to talk about it . . ever."

Amanda laid off after that night. She tried to be considerate and comforting.

After Christmas, when he had finally broken down, Cameron cautiously began telling her about some of the nightmares; others were still too horrific for him to put into words. Recently, the nightmares had become less and less frequent. Amanda had really hoped he was getting over them.

But, none of that really mattered; he was having a bad one right now. "Do you want to tell me about it honey?"

Cameron shook his head and wept some more. Amanda hadn't seen him this bad in a long, long time.

After a while, Cameron pulled away from her and wiped away the tears. "Pull yourself together, Cameron," he yelled at himself. He had to tell Amanda what he was feeling, but he dreaded it.

Not daring to glance at her, he whispered, "I have to talk to you."

"Okay," Amanda gently answered. "What do you want to tell me?" She rubbed her hand up and down his back.

"I don't . . . I don't want the baby to have my last name."

"What? Honey, why?"

"You heard what Paulina and Josie were saying today about a name affecting how a child turns out."

"Oh, Cam, that's just superstition. No one really believes that."

"I don't care . . . I don't want our little boy to be a Sinclair! Nothing good has ever happened to a Sinclair. We're all monsters."

"Hey, I happen to be marrying a Sinclair and I'm pretty happy with the way he turned out."

Cameron shook his head and leaped off the bed like it was a scorching iron. He stood over by the window and stared. "I don't want our baby boy to have the life that I've had, Amanda. He doesn't deserve that. I want him to have happy childhood memories."

"He will. He's going to have the best two parents in the world."

Cameron sobbed. "What if I turn out to be just like Pop? What if I hurt our baby? What if I hurt you?"

Amanda's heart ached for the pain Cameron was going through. "Where's this coming from, honey? Hmm? You would never hurt our baby. You are going to be a great daddy." Amanda tried to hug him, but he pushed her away.

"How do you know that? I told you from the beginning to stay away from me that I'd hurt you. I hurt everyone I come into contact with! I can't be a good husband to you. I'm an asshole, Amanda, and I'll never be good to you or the baby. It's in my genes."

That did it! Amanda had tried her hardest to be patient and understanding with Cameron, but this was just too much. "So what, you don't want to marry me anymore? Is that what you're saying?"

"No, that's not what I'm . . ."

" You don't want to have our baby? It's a week away from our wedding, and I'm four and a half months pregnant, Cameron. Don't you think it's a little f . . . ing late to decide you're tired of playing house with me?"

"Amanda, I didn't mean . . ." he abruptly stopped when she grabbed her robe and stormed towards the door.

"Where are you going, now?" he asked.

"I'm sleeping in one of the guest rooms!"

"Amanda!" He screamed after her, but she ignored him. "Amanda," his tone changed, "please don't go."

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't!"

He pushed his humiliation aside and cried, "because I need you. I need you, Amanda."

Amanda's determination and fury melted. She turned around and stared at him as a tear trickled down her cheek. He approached her and brushed it away. "That's not what I meant, honey."

"What did you mean?" she cried.

"I just . . . I'm scared, Amanda. I'm scared I can't be the kind of husband you deserve, or the kind of father I want our baby to have. I'm inadequate, and I know it." Finally, he had admitted what was bothering him so much.

"That's it? Honey, I'm scared, too. Getting married, having a baby, those are scary things. But, I know we're going to make it."

"How do you know? How can you be so sure?"

"There's only one thing a family needs, and that thing is love. Not infatuation, not sexual desire, not mutual concerns, I'm talking true, deep down, I'd give my life for you love. I think we have that kind of love. I mean . . . I love this baby more than life itself," she said putting her hands on her stomach. "And I love you."

He hugged her, "I love you too. I love our baby. I just want what's best for him."

"Love is what's best for him, and we're both already giving it to him. I truly believe that he can already feel the love in this family; he can feel the love from inside of me."

"Our little . . . Jeremy? Jeremy Sinclair."

Amanda nodded, "Jeremy knows you love him. We're already a wonderful family."