CHAPTER 10

Amanda pulled back "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" she took in a big breath

Cameron smiled "I'm not"

"We shouldn't have done that. That was wrong, and it won't happen again" Amanda shot back

"Why not? It was the most right thing I felt in such a long time. After that I'm more convinced then ever that we are ment to be together!" he said grinning from ear to ear.

Amanda turned her back to Cameron and looked up at the stars "I can't give you my heart to stomp on again. I won't"

Cameron's smiled faded. "I never meant..."

"I know" Amanda cut in "I know." She continued to stare at the stars. "No one goes into a relationship thinking they are going to hurt the other. Somehow it happens. Maybe it's fate, maybe it's God telling them something."

Cameron touched Amanda's shoulder and turned her around "Is forgiveness even possible?"

Amanda smiled "I already forgave you." She paused "I forgave you enough to not hate you, or to regret what we shared in our relationship"

"So we can never be more then friends?" Cameron asked cautiosly

"Who knows. Stranger things have happened, for heaven's sake I married Grant Harrison!"

Cameron nodded "Well, I'm not going to give up on you or us. We are ment to be together and I know you know that!"

Amanda shook her head "Please don't throw your life. Go out and try and find someone else. Someone out there will make you happy and will love you forever. But I don't think I can."

"NO!" Cameron shouted "I can't, and I won't. If I have to, I'll fight till the die I die. I'll fight for us, for what's right." And with that he turned and walked away.

Amanda wiped a tear from her face as she watched Cameron walk away. "I'll be right here waiting." she wispered "You just have to find me and my heart again. I just hope and pray you can."

(Weeks later. Cameron and Amanda had agreed to date one another again, to try and find each other again. Cameron cooked up a meal and invited Amanda over to his place.)

Cameron was pacing around his apartment in a tux. "Candles" he said outloud "Check. Dinner on table, check, Music" He paused to listen and then he quickly ran over to his stero and flipped on a romantic jazz piece of music "And the most important thing" and he pulled out a ring from his pocket. Just then there was a knock on his door. He quickly ran over to the door. He opened the door to reveal Amanda in a tight blue velvet dress. Her hair was done up in curls and she wore a pair of strappy sandles.

"You take my breath away once again, Miss Cory."

"Well there Mr. Sinclar" Amanda began with a huge grin "Your not so bad yourself." She stepped inside and gasped "You did all this for me?"

"Please this doesn't even come close to what I really owe you" but he cut himself short "Well, I just thought you'd enjoy a little homecooked meal."

"You thought right!" And she slipped off her coat and put her purse on the bed.

"Care to dance?" he asked and she happily agreed. The 2 swayed to the music. Cameron took in every inch of Amanda. He rubbed his hands over her every curve. The song ended and the 2 sat down to eat. After some small talk, Cameron walked over to Amanda and got down on one knee. "Ok, this may be really sudden, and maybe your not ready for this step, but I am. I love you more than anything. So will you please do me the honor of being my wife?"

Amanda gasped and tears fell down her face.

To be continued...

CHAPTER 11

Amanda started crying and got up from her chair. Cameron stood up as well and asked her again "Will you marry me Amanda? I was hoping for this big old unique set up, but I figured I'm just an ordinary guy, so I'm doing this the ordinary way. Ok, before I run out of oxygen, please answer my question!"

Amanda covered her face and shook her head no "I, I, can't" and her voice shook as she stuttered the words out.

Cameron's smile faded and his face fell "No?" he repeated

"This is too fast, too soon, Cameron." Amanda cried

Cameron turned around and stared at the celing "Oh boy, well now don't I look dumb. How stupid could I be? Of course your not ready. Why would you be? You shouldn't be. It's not like you even love me, well you might, but it's not like the whole lifetime love. Is idiot like written across my face? Or maybe loser? Cuz that's really what I feel like right now." He began rambling on and on

"Cameron, please stop!" She 1/2 begged, 1/2 yelled "I do love you." She paused "I really do, but things are moving way to fast in this relationship."

"But we love each other, and we can have a long engagment and just sorta see what develops."

"I can't do that Cameron."

"Well why not? Millions of people do it everyday." And he turned back to face her

"That's why so many people get divorced" She let out a huge breath "I've been married twice Cameron, and I can't just marry someone because I love them and my body says yes. My heart, and my head have to agree as well. I have to imagine growing old with you and raising children with you, and I can't picture that with you." She stopped but then finished "At least not yet." Her voice grew soft

"Why? You love me, right?" He waited for her to nod "Then we can just work on the rest. Just say you'll marry me. Love is enough for me, and we can sorta iron out the wrinkles later."

Amanda 1/2 smiled "It's not that easy. I want to be so 100% sure about a guy, before I even get engaged! This is a life commitment, forever. Do you know what that means?"

"Of course I do!" Cameron yelled "I want to be with YOU, forever. That's why I propsed to you. I love you!"

"But do you understand me? Respect me? Cherish me? Love me enough to take care of me when I'm deathly sick, or to sit next to me in rocking chairs in 50 years looking back and not regretting one day of our life together? To still hold my hand when were 80, or to say I love you each and every day? To never go to bed mad, or to hold our grandchildren and tell them about the good old days. Can you honestly say that your ready for all that?" She stopped and waited for an answer, but Cameron didn't speak, she she contintued "Cameron, I really don't think you understand the consept of marriage."

"Amanda, all I know or care about is that I love you, and would never hurt you or leave you. If you want to hold hands or kiss everyday, then I'll do that, whatever makes you happy!"

"But don't you see? It's not that easy! You say you'll make me happy now, but wait till you can't go out to watch the big game cause I'm sick and the kids need to be changed and fed, and bathed, or you can't go on a run, because I'll be home late." Cameron's eyes pierced with pain and his features started to show pain and sadness. Amanda continued "Cameron, you've hurt me in the past and I know you didn't do it on purpose, but you still did. You can't just forget the betrayal or the lies. It's just to hard!"

"Amanda," Cameron spoke softly "You know I never wanted to hurt you."

The room fell silent. Amanda looked around the room, her eyes filling with tears "Cameron, no one ever jumps into marriage or a relationship wanting to get a divorce, or wanting to hurt the other person. So many people go in to a relationship with blinders on, and don't understand the real concept of commitment. And that's why so many couples don't make it. When I get married again, I want to walk down that asile with no doubts, no reservations. Just pure happiness and my heart is just filled with so much love and joy."

"And you can't do that with me?" Cameron asked

Amanda didn't say anything, but she shook her head "No"

"What about love?" Cameron pleaded "We have that!"

"Sometimes Cameron, love just isn't enough. Sometimes it can't get you past the rough times, or make your heart stop hurting. Sometimes love is what causes the worst pain in our lives."

"That's not fair" Cameron shouted "This is just not fair!"

"Love is never fair Cameron. I'm sorry, I should have never come here tonight. Mabye one day you'll find the right women to marry, I'm just sorry it wasn't me. I hope you know that I don't regret our relationship or regret giving myself to you, because I don't. I just can't go any futher with you. I'm sorry Cameron." and with that she brushed past Cameron and walked out the door.

Cameron silently said "Me too." And tears fell from his eyes

Cameron sat down on his bed and placed the ring on his pinky finger, dreaming Amanda came running back in, to say she had made a mistake. When he realized she wasn't going to come back, he got up and walked on to his terrace and tears slipped down his face. He gripped the ring in his palms, and he crumpled to his knees. "WHY?" He yelled "Why Amanda?" He sat for awhile crying, and then stood up. He kissed the ring, and said "That was for you Amanda!" and then threw it as far as he could. "Goodbye Amanda, Goodbye" he quitely wispered into the night.

Amanda ran out to the hill where she and Cameron met. A few tears slipped down her cheeck. She looked up staring at the stars and remembering their relationship. Without saying anything, she turned to start running back down the hill. She suddenly felt a strange feeling wash over her, and stopped suddenly. Then silently called out "Goodbye Cameron." as soon as he had finished saying good-bye to her. She finished running down the hill, and turned around to smile once more, and then turned and ran into the night.

THE END

By Sumer