Chapter  113

Sonny buried his head in his hands after telling Lois everything. Lois
frowned. 
"Sonny, I love you like a brother and all but sometimes you can be real
dense."
Sonny looked up at her, not very happy.
"Gee thanks Lois. Remind me why I ever ask you for advice again."
"Sonny, I know you've had it rough. Most of us have. I know you love Brenda
and she loves you. Very much but you broke her heart not once, not twice but
time and time again. The fact that you two always end up back togethr proves
that you love each other."
"But we're not TOGETHER. It doesn't feel like it. Not-"
"Brenda's scared and she has good reason to be."
"I know. I know its my fault too."
"It's not about fault and blame. It's about your child and your love. If you
can make it. You always love each other like me and Ned. I walked away from
Ned and it was a terrible mistake. It took awhile but we fixed it and we're
happy now."
"We're not you."
"No. I know that. Sonny, you aren't the easiest person to live with or love.
You are stubborn, pigheaded and -"
"Is there a point to this ?"
Lois throws up her hands in exasperation.
"I'm gettin' there. Did I ever tell you that you are very impatient ? Anyways,
no one could stand to be with up and put up with your life except Brenda but
you haven't made it easy for her. Bren's my best girlfriend and she's been
crazy in love with you from day one. I know her. She wants you the life you
could have together but she's afraid."
"Of me ?"
"NO ! Sonny, you aren't listening. All Brenda has ever wanted was that castle
in the air, love and a family. Things she's never had before. With you but
she's afraid of reaching out and taking it because it might disappear again.
It nearly killed her the first time. She never would have made it of it
weren't for this precious little guy."
Lois said softly, holding Stone close.
"You think about whaht I said and you give Brenda whatever she needs. If she
asks you for space, give it to her. If she says to get lost ten wait. If she
says yes then for god sake's run off to Vegas, het hitched and live happily
ever after. If you guys don't make itt this time I will personally hunt you
down and strangle you myself. Capish ?"
"Thanks Cerullo."
"Anytime. I feed Stone and everything. Play with him then take some time off
and think about what I said. Brenda should be back soon after she clears her
head."
Lois hands Stone to Sonny, grabs her purse then leaves.
Sonny kisses his son on the head and lets his mind wander to better times.

Say you've seen to many things
That turned out to be too good to be true
Against your better judgement
Opened up your heart
'Til you found the joke was on you
Looking out on the rest of our lives
About the only way that I know how to come
Is right straight from my heart

I want you now, I'll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I've been around but now I've found 
That you're the only one for me

Say you'll never fall again
You won't subject yourself to such pain
If you give me half the chance I'll win
I'll never leave you standing out in the rain
But if you think that I can look you in the face
And lie right through my teeth
Then turn around and walk away
But cross my heart girl I care for you
When I look into your eyes and I say

I want you now, I'll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I've been around, but now I've found
That you're the only one for me
I need you so, I can't let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still, I always will
'Cause you're the only one for me

I want you now, I'll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I've been around, but now I've found
That you're the only one for me
I need you so, I can't let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still, I always will
'Cause you're the only one for me

Across town,
Kevin's lighthouse
Lucy opened the door to find a shaky Brenda.
"Brenda ! Hi, what's wrong ?"  Lucy asked, noticing her pale friend.
"Is Kevin here ?"
"Yes, I'll go get him. Have a seat."
Lucy said, looking at her with concern.
"Don't worry Luce. I'm not going to have a breakdown in your home. I'm fine."
"Of course, I didn't...I'lll get Kevin."

A short while later,
Kevin comes downstairs.
"Brenda, I hear you wanted to see me. What can I do for you ?"
Brenda nervously brushes her hair off of the face.
"I know we didn't have a session until later today but I really needed to talk
to someone." 
"It's all right. Did something happen ?"
"Is Lucy still here ? I think I kind of scared her."
Kevin smiled.
"Lucy's fine. She's just worried about you. She went out the back to go to
work."
"Oh, well. Sonny and I are back together. Sort of."
"Sort of ?"
"Yeah, we live together at the penthouse."
"Separate rooms ?"
"Until recently. I love him."
"Then what's the problem ?"
"He asked me if I believed that he'd never leave me again and if I trust him."
"What did you say ?"
"I told him I did."
"Did you mean it ? " Kevin asked
"I wanted to so much. I thought I did but a part of me is scared. I want so
much to trust him and in our love but I can't. Not fully, I want us to get
married and be together forever. I just don't think it's possible."
"Why not ?"
 "Because, it's not in the cards for us. You know the saying ? If is hasn't
happened by now then it won't ? They probably meant us. Its been years and we
haven't been able to stay together."
"Do you really believe that ?"
Brenda looked down at her hands where she used to wear her rings.
"No. Things are different now. Sonny isn't into the mob anymore. He doesn't
have to lie
to me anymore about that."
"That's no excuse for lying."
"I know."
She remains silent for a few minutes. Kevin finally breaks the silence.
"What are you thining about ?"
"The kidnapping, when Sonny was shot and before that, when I had Stone and the
entire pregnancy."
"Any specific reason?"
She shrugged.
"They were hard times that I went through alone. I mean I had my friends but I
still felt alone. It was rough."
"I'm sure they were. I was there. I watched you. You were strong through all
of it when you had to be."
"I didn't feel strong. That's the whole point. I don't want to have to BE
strong. I just want to be me and have a normal life."
"What's normal to you ?"
"Anything that doesn't involve being shot at, kidnapped, left at the altar or
the mob."
"What about Sonny ?"
"What about him ?"
"You have to make a decision about him and your furute, whether it includes
him or not."
"He's the father of my son. He'll always be a factor."
"That's true but it's not what I meant."
"I'll always love Sonny. No matter what. I just don't know if it's enough."
"It can be. You just have to want it. Do you ?"
Brenda thought for a few minutes.
"A life with Sonny. It's what I've wanted for as long as I can remember. I'm
just not sure anymore. All I know is that I want the pivket fence with all the
kids and someone to share it with."
"Is that person Sonny ?"
"I want it to be. He proposed again last night. Just like that."
Kevin crossed his arms in front of him and studied her.
"What did you say ?"
"What could I say ?...nothing. I left early this morning to avoid answering. I
didn't even speak to him."
"Then I guess you have your answer."
"No, I don't. Neither does Sonny. I want to be with him. I want US. I want
everything he gives me. The passion, the love but not the pain or the danger.
I can't handle it . I used to think I could but I can't. Not when you cut
right into it."
"Then there's just one more question. You want Sonny but can you forgive him
and believe in him ? "
 
Chapter  114

Brenda buried her face in her hands and thought. All she could do was
remember, all the good times with Sonny. The love. All the moments they had
shared the past few weeks with their son. She wanted it so bad. They finally
had what thney had always wanted. To be together as a family. She just had to
get the courage to reach out and take it.
"Brenda ?" Kevin brok into her thoughts. He looked worried.
"I have to go. Thank you for everything."
Brenda got up and grabbed her purse.
"Anytime, is there something else I can do for you ?"
"No, I'm okay. Better than okay. Bye."
"Bye, drive safely."
His words fell on deaf ears since Brenda was halfway down the street.

Sonny's penthouse

He had put down Stone since he was tired.He called Mike and he was coming over
per his request. He wanted to talk to him, well, not really. Mike just had
something of his that he wanted back. He had scrwed up too much and he wasn't
going to do it anymore. He was going to make it better for Brenda. He had a
romantic dinner planned. He'd get a bunch of candles and roses everywhere. He'
planned to get down on his knee and propose to her again. Right this time. 
He was in the kitchen starting dinner when Mike arrived.

"Michael."
"Hey Pop."  Sonny looked up from the food he was preparing.
"What's going on ?"
Sonny sighed. He was in no mood for Mike's speeches now. He was expecting
Brenda soon. At least hoping she'd come back.
"What does it look like ? ..Did you bring it ?"

Brenda jumped into her car and sped off. She had to get to Sonny. She needed
to feel his arms around her. She had to tell him she loved him and dforgave
him for everything. She didn't know what happened earlier. She just froze up.
She didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to keep to memories from flooding
back. That horrible day when he left her and sent Jason to tell her it was "a
great ride." She knew it wouldn't happen again.

"Yes. You asked me to and I did." 
Mike reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box.
He handed it to Sonny. He took it under Mike's gaze.
"May I ask what you're going to do with it ?"
"Ask Brenda to marry me and never let go if she says yes."
"Is that what this dinner is for ?"
Sonny shrugged.
"I just want things to be perfect. I want to make it up to her." 
"Sometimes you can't."
"But I have to."
Mike grabbed a stool and sat down.
"Michael, I know how you feel. I think that you have some honorable intentions
but sometimes you can't always get what you want."
"Are you saying Brenda doesn't want me anymore ?"
"I'm not saying that at all. Anyone with half a brain can see that you two
love each 
other-"
"It just might not be enough ?"
"When I left your mother I tried hard to make things right when I came back
all those times but all I could think was that I wasn't good enough or I
wasn't doing enough so I tried harder and failed. I thought she could do
better. I was wrong and now its too late to make it up to her. You have the
chance. Do the right thing. Not just for you but for Brenda and your son."
Mike stood up and patted Sonny on the shoulder.
"I have to go. Take care."
Sonny stared at the wall, thinking about what Mike said.

Brenda was driving down the road when the car started making noises. 
"No, come on. Not now." Brenda groaned as she hit the dash board. "Great..."
She muttered to herself. She opened the car door and got out. She opened the
hood and looked at hte engine. She knew nothing about cars so she didn't know
what was wrong. 
She ran back to driver's seat of the car and grabbed her purse. She got her
cell phone and listened for a dial tone. There wasn't one.

An hour later,

Sonny blew out the candles he had laid out and sat in the dark, lost in his
own thoughts. He had finally done it. Lost the love of his life. He had
screwed up too bad anfd couldn't be forgiven. The tears started streaming down
his face when the realization that Brenda wasn't coming hit him.
His thoughts were penetrated by a familar sound. He got up and ran upstairs to
Stone' nursery. He picked up his son.
"Hey buddy. What's wrong ?"
He quieted down when Sonny picked him up.
"It's okay. Daddy's here. I'm going to always be there for you. No matter
what." Sonny held him close as he sat down.
"I'm going to tell you something. You might be too young to understand but
it's okay. These last few weeks have been wonderful. You, me and your mom have
been togethr just like we should have been all this time. I'm sorry I meesed
it up for you. You deserve the best. I'm going to make sure you get it from
now on. These last few weeks have been fantastic and I'm going to treasure
them forever. It's going to be fine because you'll have your mom and I'm going
to see you all the time..."
His voice started cracking and he put Stone back in his crib. He couldn't take
it. He had to get out of there.
He went out in the hall when he heard Jason and Robin come home.
"Sonny, what's wrong ?" Robin asked when she saw him.
He ignored her question.
"I have to get out of here. Can you watch Stone ? Brenda should be back soon."
"Sure-"
Sonny didn't wait to hear the rest of her sentence. He got in the elevator and
lhit the button for the lobby.
Robin walked into Sonny's penthouse and went to check on Stone with Jason
right behind her.
"Jason, what was thart about ?"
"I don't know. I think he and Brenda are having problems."
"I thought they were finally getting it together..You now, its always been
like this. They are this close to making a lifw together and something
happens. One of them does something stupid and it tears them apart."

Brenda finally arrived at hte Penthouse, just having missed Sonny.
A car passing by stopped and gave her a lift.
She ran to the elevator and right to the penthouse.
She used her car to get in and was surprised to see the burned out candles and
Robin with Jason.
"Brenda, what happened to you ?"
"I tried to make it here to talk to Sonny but I had car trouble. Where's Sonny
?"
"He left a few minutes ago. He looked awful. Are you two okay ?"
"No, not yet. Is Stone-"
"He's upstairs sleeping. He woke up a while ago but he went back to sleep."
"Can you stay and watch him ?"
"Of course. Are you going to find Sonny ?"
"I'm going to try. Can I borrow you car ?"
"Sure."
Robin got her car keys out of her pocket and handed them to Brenda.
"Good luck."

Sonny slowly walked on the docks. He felt completely lost. The only thing he
could think about was Brenda. The pull was still strong. He sat down on the
bench. Their bench. The one they had made up on all those years ago. He knew
it would only hurt to come her but he couldn't help it. Hre had to feel close
to her. It was the next best thing to actually being with her. Scratch that.
It was 100 times worse. He couldn't tke it. A part of him was screaming to
just leave. He couldn't stand around and live his life without Brenda. He had
tried that countless times and everytime had been torture. Besides, he had to
stay. He had a son to think about and he couldn't do that to Mike or Robin
again. Jason too. They were his friends and family but his real family was
Brenda and their son. He needed them so badly. He wanted them.

(Aqui Esta mi corazon)
Until Eternity, unconditionally
Here, alone up in my room
Wishin' I could be alone with you
You were my lover and my friend
Why did it have to end?
Is it really over? Noooooo
Cuz I can't sleep without you here (can't sleep without)
I'm afraid I'll drown in my own tears (drown in my own tears)
You were the shadow by my side
Now all I do is cry
I don't wanna live with out you
I was a fool, and I broke your heart (I broke you heart)
I'm going crazy
Please listen to me lady now......
You're all that I need
I'm begging you please
Don't take your love away from me
And I'll give you my heart (I'll give you my heart)
Until Eternity, Unconditionally
Reminicing of how it used to be (here......)
I can feel your body close to me (close to me, close to me)
I know that that was yesterday, I threw it all away
Leaving you broken hearted
I'll give you my heart 'til the end of time (the end of time)
And if you'll take it, I'll know that we can make it, I'll know that we 
can
make it now...
You're all that I need
Begging you please (Begging you please)
Don't take your love away from me
I'll give you my heart
Until Eternity, Unconditionally
Darling now.....
I'm down on my knees
Begging you please (Begging you please)
Don't take your love away from me (Don't take your love away)
I'll give you my heart (I'll give you my heart)
I'm down on my knees (Unconditionally)
Begging you please (Don't go baby, I'll do it for you baby oh)
You're all that I need (all that I need)
Begging you please (begging you please)

A breatheless Brenda stepped onto the docks. Her eyes fell on a figure sitting
on the bench. Relief flooded thorugh her.  
"Sonny.." She whispered.
Sonny heard her and turned around. She looked like a mess since she had tried
to fix the car and had to find a way to get back to the penthouse. Sonny still
thought she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He rushed over to
herand took her hand. 
"What happened ? Are you okay ? What are you doing here"
Her mouth formed a slight smile at his concern. She put her hand on his face.
"I was looking for you. By the time I got to the pethouse, you were gone."
"Come here."
Sonny walked her over to the bench and sat her down on the bench.
"Sit down."
He took her hand in his.
"Sonny ?"
"Hhmm.."
"I really need to talk to you about before."
Sonny looked down for a few seconds before lookng at her again. Into her
beautiful brown eyes.
"Brenda, it's...you don't have to explain. I understand."
"No, you don't !"
"I do. I understand why you can't be with me. I won't push. I never deserved
you anywant you to know that I'll always love you an be there for you if you
or Stone need me."
"I know that. I love you too." Brenda said in a rush. She tried to get in a
word before but Sonny wouldn't let her.
He looked at her in surprise.
"What ?"
"The question you asked me before ? The answers yes."
Sonny looked up at her and blinkled. He couldn't believe what she said.

Chapter  115

The Gatehouse

Lois walked in and smiled when she saw Ned on the floor, playing with their
daughter.

Ned looked up when he saw her come in.

"Hi."

"HI. You look beat. Everything okay ?"

"Not really."

Brenda had called early that morning. Ned answered the phone and noticed she
didn't 

sound well.

"You want to talk about it ?"

Lois sighed and sat next to him snd Brooke. She was glad they were together
again. 

She had missed him like crazy when they were separated.

"Sonny and Brenda reeally love each other and they have a beautiful baby boy
to show 

it. They just can't seem to pull it together. I'm really worried about them."

"So am I"

Lois glanced at him.

"You are ?"

"Whay are you surprised ? Brenda is like a sister to me and I love that little
boy like he 

were my own."

"I'm sorry. I just can't seem to help it. I have this feeling that this is
going to be it for 

them. Sonny and Brenda have to make it really work this time or..."

"Or ?"

"They won't be together. They've had so many chances. They've been through so
much."

Lois got up and started pacing. "They're still alive and full of love for each
other but 

sometimes love isn't enough."

"It is. It has to be. You know I used to believe that love didn't matter. It
didn't matter 

enough in the end."

"What changed ? " Lois asked.

"You came back to me."

The penthouse

Robin walks downstairs after checking on Stone. She sees Jason on the phone
and 

watches him. He hangs up, turns around and sees her there.

"Is Stone okay ?"

"Yeah. He went back to sleep. The poor little kid is tuckered out."

"Was that Sonny on the phone ?"

"No. He hadn't called. Brenda hasn't either."

"I'm worried about them."

"I know. I can tell."

Robin silently went over to thecouch and sat down. Jason followed her and
stood over 

her.

"I keep thinking about Brenda. She really loves Sonny but she's scared.
They're so 

lucky you know. To have each other and their son. It takes away all the bad
stuff that 

happened and makes up for it."

Jason crossed his arms in front of him.

"I think they know. Sonny loves Brenda and the'r son. They're a family. He's
not going to 

walk away from that. He isn't going to leave his son behind."

"Maybe not by choice but something could happen to make him leave again."

"It's not going to happen." Jason said evenly.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. Rivera is dead and his organization is gone. No one is after Sonny
or trying to 

kill him. The danger is over. Brenda just has to know that for sure."

The Docks

"Say that again." Sonny asked.

He had to make sure he headn't heard her wrong. She was so beautiful, loving
and 

caring. Sometimes he couldn't believe she was real and there. He wanted her so
much  

that his mind could have been playing tricks n him. He could be imagining the
whole 

thing.

She looked up into his eyes. Those beautiful, soulful eyes. 

"I love you. I want to be with you. I want us together. Forever." She
repeated.

Tears sprang in his eyes and he felt his heart skip.Without a word, he brought
his hands 

to her face and cradled it. He looked right into her 

brown eyes. It was like he could see right into her souls and read her
innermost 

thoughts. She felt the shivers travel down her spine at his touch.

"Oh baby..."

Sonny leaned down and brought his lips to hers in an explosive kiss. He needed
to feel 

her in his arms, to be near her, to hold her. Finally, he pulled away. There
were things 

he needed to say to her. To tell her...
 

TBC













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